Disconnected

[tonycastle]

I was in my local supermarket yesterday picking up a few things that I did not really need. I stood in the main aisle for some time watching others going about there business. After a while I realised that I was not a part of what was going on, it was more akin to watching TV. I am not connected to anything going on in the world, sure I can talk to the check out person but, it's an empty experience. It's almost as if I am in a giant computer simulation but running in a seperate program. If everyone around me died today, I'm sure I'd feel nothing.

God this life sucks, that's if I am actually alive.

[Dani]

really sorry to hear your feeling this way.

i know from experience that depression can cause a feeling of emptiness.

are you getting any help or support right now?

[tonycastle]

really sorry to hear your feeling this way.

i know from experience that depression can cause a feeling of emptiness.

are you getting any help or support right now?

Not really, I am just abusing alcohol. I was on anti-depressants about a year ago but they did nothing, well, apart from give me Bruxism.

[Lily-Bee]

Wow that must have been a weird experience.

Its true depressed people often feel empty,it also sounds a bit like dissociation though,thats when you feel disconnected from the rest of the world.You might want to google it.

I think understanding is a good step in learning how to deal with it.

Lilly

[pepsimeg]

Sorry to hear u are going thru this right now..... i get it too, tho for me its not too bad atm.

why not go back to your dr and explain these feelings and that the antids didnt help you ?? there are others you could take

best wishes

emo xxx

[tonycastle]

Since my marriage broke down I have had little time for myself what with moving house and the likes.

As a point of interest I was depressed long before my marriage failed, I just didn't realise it til it was too late.

I am planning to see my new GP today for the first time.

To be honest I am at the point of dispair and reading how other people feel on these forums I am far from unique.

Even on the rare occasions I get to see my youngest I am only going through the motions, I don't really want to spend any time with them.

[pepsimeg]

sorry to hear of your marriage breakdown.

depression can be on us for yrs b4 we realise, its not until we look back that we realise, i too have been a sufferer for yrs since my childhood, but just never realised.

Good luck at the drs, well done for going and talking about it.

best wishes

emo xxx

[tonycastle]

Well I'm on the happy pills now (valium) they just make me feel a bit tired. It was worth a try I suppose.

[kjg66]

Since my marriage broke down I have had little time for myself what with moving house and the likes.

As a point of interest I was depressed long before my marriage failed, I just didn't realise it til it was too late.

I am planning to see my new GP today for the first time.

To be honest I am at the point of dispair and reading how other people feel on these forums I am far from unique.

Even on the rare occasions I get to see my youngest I am only going through the motions, I don't really want to spend any time with them.

I can relate to the "going through the motions" I feel the same way. Good luck the GP today.

[tonycastle]

Thanks all.

[Roses]

Hello Tony, I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences with mental health and that your marriage has broken down. I'm also sorry to hear that you feel so distant and detatched all the time. I feel like this a lot and it has been suggested in the past I have BPD but current thinking is I have avoidant personality disorder as I am not as volatile as a bpd patient and I just detatch ALL the time. So I wanted to say that I totally understand 100% the feelings of not being there. You may find my latest poem "Requiem" particularly relevant, I don't know. But I have like upwards of 25 poems in creative corner I think. Dig em up and read if you are into that, if not, don't worry I understand.

The thing that therapy is teaching me is to learn what behvaiours are unhealthy and explore why I do those things to look at making positive changes in my life. I severely dissociate to the point of having full blown agoraphobia and shutting myself in a room not talking for days on end so if I can manage to start pulling that round I'm definately sure you can with the right support. What support are you getting?

I hope this helps. Rose x

[tonycastle]

I have only just registered with my local doctor so all he would give me is valium.

I am assured I will be referred to the proper authorities I just don't know when.

I probably won't read your poems as I am intolerant of sad films, music and anything else that reminds me of what I am going through (these things will cause me to collapse in tears).

Thanks for the offer though.

[Roses]

No worries hun, I'm sorry you find it hard to feel, I totally understand where you are coming from. I'm glad you are getting referred in. Tbh I would question the valium. It is out dated and a stupidly dopey drug. I am very surprised they didn't start you on a low dose prozac or sertraline or something like that.

Perhaps you should go back and ask why they have prescribed you such an addictive drug when modern anti-depressants are not.

[tonycastle]

Prozac did not help in any way, in fact, I think I made things worse. I told my new GP this so that is why he did not prescribe them.

I have tried other things most of which I can't remember the names of. The only one that worked for my mental problems was Zispin but that caused an itchy rash that drove me to distraction.

Ho Hum.

[Roses]

Hmmm.... well there are literally loads of different anti-depressents and they are separated into 3/4 distinct groups. If you can remember the names I have a book here lists it all and all the side effects and doses. Some meds don't work for some people so it is good you can cross some off the list. I've had a bad reaction to quite a few of the mh drugs. But to go straight to valium is something I wouldn't think they would do lightly but that is just me. Anyway if you want to talk about it I'm here and so is my medical book.

[tonycastle]

I think the valium was prescribed as I was on the edge when I visited the GP. I guess he just wanted to calm me down long enough to get to see a shrink. I don't think many GPs' are qualified to make analysis of people in need of mental health care.

Thanks for the reply BTW.

[Roses]

well this is what I was trying to get at but i dont know your situation/age so i wasn't wanting to go too far. Like I said if you want to talk im here x

[tonycastle]

I have nothing to hide.

From the age of about 16 I would have been suffering with Dystimia (mild depression).

As the years rolled by I would slip into double depression for months at a time.

In recent years, work stresses, money worries and general family woes finally placed too great a strain on my marriage.

Although I could almost see the separation/divorce coming, I was not prepared for how devestating the lonliness would be.

I have now been in double depression for over 2 1/2 years now with very little respite.

As I have just moved house and filling out forms is an absolute nightmare, I have only just registered with a doctor. So I have been without support or treatment for 8 months now.

Thanks for listening.

[suzieq]

Hi Tony,

So sorry you're going through this. God Valium is so wrong for depression, it just puts you in "lala land". It's ok for no more than 10 days as it's just so addictive. hope your GP hasn't given you more than that.

Roses is so right, there are so many anti-depressents now, they all work in different ways and what suits one may not suit the next person. It's really a case of "trial and error" (I've been trialling and erroring for over 30 years. Maybe one day I'll find one that does the trick - lol).

I know you are in the Portsmouth area from your reply to one of my posts a couple of days ago. Sioux is also from that area and says that there is tons of help available and you can self refer. I'm sure she would only be to happy to give you lots more info and advice if you PM her. I don't think she bites!!!

(apologies to Sioux for my assumption but I'm sure you would be only to happy to help)

Feel free to PM me for a chat any time you like.

Sue xx