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[Wynter Grace]

This is my first post, apart from introducing myself.

I've had a really crap week, I have been struggling with depression most of my life, and I had tried getting help before, I've been under the mental health services, been on anti-depressants 4 times and had some counselling, but all of that stopped about a year ago.

This week I went to see my doc, because I've not been coping very well lately and can feel myself goind down hill again, so I wanted to get some help before it got worse, I told him that I had been on a counselling waiting list for about a year, and wanted to know if there was anything he could do to help me.

He was very honest with me, and said that the place where I am on the list, is really my only way, because he had reffered me to the mental health services last year and I didnt go to my appointments.

I explained to him that I did want those appointments it just took over six months to get them, that by the time I got them I was feeling a bit better and felt I didnt need them.

I explained that sometimes my head just cant focus on anything and that when I do really need help I think I don't because on one particular day I can all of a sudden feel better, but then next day wish i'd kept my appointment,

and he said that he would refer me back but not to keep my hopes up because they will say I have some type of personality disorder and that they may not want to deal with that because of my inconsistenties.

I went back on anti-depressants and I hope they kind of calm my erratic changes down and help me focus.

x

[snowman]

Hope the anti d help you.

[hummm_mabbe]

Hi Wynter

Welcome to the site.

If you cannot get access to NHS therapy, then perhaps consider a private therapist? You can go to www.babcp.com and search for a CBT therapist in your area, or try typing 'find a therapist' into google and see what coems up for you. There are many types of therapy out there, good ones are client centred counselling, schema therapy, psychodynamic therapy, inner child therapy, Cognitive Analaytic Therapy, Acceptamce amd Commitment Therapy ... the list goes on. Maybe try emailing a couple with your concerns and just see what they say.

Personally I have found that private therapists have been better than NHS ones. Ive had 2 NHS therapists and 4 private, and have always made mroe progress and got on better with the private ones.

Finances may be a difficulty for you though. That said I got to a point where I realised it was my only choice and had to find a way to afford it, so I go once every three weeks.

If you recognise that you have this pattern of feel bad / feel better, then perhaps say to yourself that the aim is to break your pattern. That way, you wont be tempted to give up on it if you randomly feel better? Only stop once therapy has made you feel better in the long term?

Ross