Villan Posted May 27, 2010 Report Share Posted May 27, 2010 So... i consider my mh stuff to kinda be in remission atm... i am relatively stable and apart from the odd anger burst i appear to be doing ok... But i now wanna start to look at the annoying little things - iron out them rough spots so to speak... I will give you an example of what i will be talking about with my T tonight and then if you have any insights that'd be cool... I am uber competitive... as such I avoid playing games especially family board games... I do enter my brothers football predictions thing but i used to take it so dam serious that the only way i can manage to carry on doing it is if i swing it around completely the other way and not care at all... obviously that is kinda pointless, but that's not what really bothers me... What kinda got me thinking that this is a problem was when i was on holiday on the last night in the hotel we did a quiz set by the tour manager on what we have seen / learned during the trip - it was an individual quiz and not a team thing and as it was during the farewell drinkie evening i wasnt able to run away fom the event... During the whole quiz i was increasingly getting wound up by people being flippant and not taking the thing seriously, especially when there was some blatent cheating going on... i know it was only really a bit of fun and i know that they were just enjoying themselves and i know that my reaction was proly over the top, and that the feelings are mine to deal with and that is what i am trying to do here... Now... the whole thing is NOT about winning... i actually did rather well and got a few of the tricky ones right and some of the easy ones wrong... but i didnt win and that didnt bother me - not even being beaten by my brother bothered me at all... So... can any of you lovely people help me work out what is going on there for me in this thing... any suggestions would be appreciated... Thanks for reading.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 27, 2010 Report Share Posted May 27, 2010 Hmmmzzz Lol are you sure you wanna just let me have a crack at it? I dont wanna say anything to make you feel iffie ... But I guess first off top of me head is the 'a' word - no not asparagus, acceptance ... I dunno if mabbe I am just putting my stuff on you, but for me lately I keep having these "oh ok so thats what Im like" sort of moments. Like I realise sometimes certain people or types of people piss me off, but usually I would sort of lie to myself about it because thats "not the sort of person" I believe I am. Not wanting to be 'bad', its like I try to pretend, but actually YEAH at that moment I am feeling pissed off at them or whatever - whats the point in lying about to myself? So that as a starting point I guess - the deeper levels of emotional honesty and acceptance, accepting the bits we are kind of going 'ugh' at. I guess when we first start in therapy, theres the sort of "oh Im so dull and boring, im uselss and pathetic" type stuff we dont like about ourselves, and then as we go deeper theres the blacker, less self-pitying (bad choice of words but Im trying to define a difference in attitude to the self) and more stuff thats makes us go "woah!". It sounds a bit like you are flitting between coping styles (your schema bookie will tell you about them) where you are jumping between avoidance and overcompensation - either not wanting to take part cuz u fear the effect your competitiveness will have on others (they might not like you?) or, in the case of being made to do it, becoming super-competitive. Its a little like the idea of being counter-phobic - forcing yourself to hit head on things that scare you, but not necessarily in a way that lets you heal from them. I guess if there is a more core issue than simply competo-phobia, then counterphobic behaviours wont help you get over it. Are you quite an achievement junky? I think you said you used to be, but let a lot of that go and felt happier as a result... just wondered if mabbe that stuff could have been to compensate for something? Maybe those deeper issues are feeling defective, the sensation of losing might make you feel kind of inferior, or perhaps issues of being controlled or feeling powerless? Competitiveness is a common compensation for feeling defective, but if its a compensation for feeling controlled, then it may be more of a sense of impising your will on something - the sort of rebel reaction. Or maybe its more to do with the fear of being criticised or rejected - the fear that if you lose, others will belittle you or criticise you? Sort of still linked with defectiveness or rejection ... Your schema bookie might give you some ideas, but mabbe you are just a slightly competetive person who happens to feel ashamed of that? Maybe dealing with the shamey part is more important than dealing with the competitive part? What thoughts come up about being competitive? Is it wrong, or bad? Unladylike? Unsportsmanly? I guess there are so many stuffz it could from ... only chippies has the answer Ooo now I want some smarties Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted May 27, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 27, 2010 **orders HGV load of smarties for rossy** **watches as they unload huge bag from lorry with crane** **goes off to re-read writings cos needs to be read again when boss isnt banging on about re-registering vehicles** ty... xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted May 27, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 27, 2010 OK... i have pondered all your points a lil and here is where i am at initially... i THINK the underlying emotion is jealousy of these people cos they can be lacksidasical (however u spell it) about the quiz and i think that is what wound me up in this scenario... i dont care about what they think of me cos people on these holidays never see you again, i dont care about losing, i dont care about looking silly... these things i knwo for sure... it is not competitive to win it is about being serious and giving my all, and expecting the same from everyone else... although i am way better these days at letting loose and having more fun - i think this is something i need to go back to addressing... i think i am still taking myself a little too seriously sometimes... i will ponder on this some more - cos i dont feel like i have the whole picture just yet - will bring it up in t and also have a read of new bookie and also a couple others i have dabbled in that i think can help me... thanks so much for helping ross... it really does help having someone to bounce ideas of off, especially when they only require payment in chocolit !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarabpd Posted May 27, 2010 Report Share Posted May 27, 2010 (((chips))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted May 27, 2010 Report Share Posted May 27, 2010 Not sure if iw ould be any help. Its all about personality prob, which ever u have? or maybe u dont? its good, u dont hold ur bro and have anger in him winning. To me i wouldnt get involved in a quiz as i think im stupid and i always lose. Some peeps even with probs love the comnpeting, me i dont. I do get upset if peeps dont take what is organised properly. same as u saying they being flippent. alot of people wouldnt put themselves invovled if they didnt have conferdence and was able to not give a shit. not explaining well i am competitive, but not in this way. I find general knowledge or way things are with exams, hard. Other ways i will be competitive with. sry not explaing well. sure ross explains better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted May 27, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 27, 2010 ty for the huggles sassy... always welcome *hugs* back attcha xxxxx and gone, i understand what you are saying and yes you are v helpful cos it makes me feel less wierd knowing that i am not the only one who gets this way with other people's flippancy... i dont mind quizes, i used to do pub quizzes but the ones i went to i never had a prollem with, but then they were ran well and taken seriously... thanks for sharing your stuff with me *hugs* to you too... it doest eat away at me - this problem, its just that it is a thing i avoid doing like the plague usually, and it would be nice to be able to understand why and maybe it would also point to some other areas where i may need a lil tweaking - and i feel stable enough to tackle this kinda stuff now... i dont have a pd as such - well not dx anyways, but i recognise patterns of stuff that kinda fit various definitions... is why i am now drawn to the schema stuff i think... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 27, 2010 Report Share Posted May 27, 2010 Hi chips **talks thru mouthful of smarties** **gets choc-headache So is it sort of like, you feel there is an expectation on you that you should give things your all, take things seriously, and that seeing others living this kind of care-free existence makes you feel angry or jealous? Is it sort of like for you, there is this huge espectation to be and act in a very defined, high standards way? If not, just more bouncy ideas ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted May 27, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 27, 2010 hhhmmmmmm dunno... tbh... i know i envy ppls who can kick back and have fun with these things... where the feeling taht i have to be serious comes from - dunno that either... but it is kinda like i FEEL i need to act all sensible but i WANT to act all fun... which i guess induces conflict... bouncy bouncy weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 27, 2010 Report Share Posted May 27, 2010 Hmmm OK tis interestin .... What does being sensible make you feel about yourselfie? Is it safe, is it satisfied? Or is it something that feels imposed? Or maybe both at once? Or something else? If you try to be spontaneous and act fun, how does it make you feel? Sorry am goin into therpistey mode lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 27, 2010 Report Share Posted May 27, 2010 Oo heres another idea, based on MEEEEEEEE lol I get a kcik out of knowing stuff (have you noticed?). In a quiz, if I knew stuff, that would feel good, and so the quiz would be pretty important to me. If others were fucking around, id be pretty annoyed about that, cuz its like taking my buzz away, and making me feel pretty dumb for wanting that kick from being clever - you know, like feeling like the class swot? Just another idea Rossie Mc Nerdicles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted May 27, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 27, 2010 hmmmm dunno lol i think i have to play around with this one for a bit and *suck it and see* ... my memory isnt realy helping me - new data required for complete calculation lol... *employs rossy as new therapist* <--- no presure there then !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 27, 2010 Report Share Posted May 27, 2010 Sometimes I have to just 'live it through'. Has your T tried imagery with you? You put yourself back in the situ - eyes closed, see the sights, feel the body sensations, hear the noises, see the facial expressions (especially of key people and maybe even yourself) - sometimes it shakes something loose and you feel a key emotion, then its a case of asking "what does this emotion mean / whats it telling me"? Another good thing to do is to ask yourself "what would I feel if I could do / be the thing I most WANT to be in this image?". So you ask yourself what you would feel if you could just behave in the way that you feel inhibited from doing, and run THAT image - you doing / being that. Gives you new emotional info It'll prolly come to you when u on the loo or summat You prolly know all that though lol Rossie tinkles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted May 27, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 27, 2010 lmao @ on the loo.... knowing me will be at 2.00am i will suddenly wake up and have to write it all down i think i will stop the active thinkin for now and go for subconscious mulling over until T, when i will ask her to help me "revisit a moment", yes we do that kinda stuff... thank you so much for alls your help ross as always... i would up yer rep some more but i have been over generous today and have run out i will keep you posted if i have any more thinkies... if you wanna... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 27, 2010 Report Share Posted May 27, 2010 Let that subconscious cogitate away :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted May 27, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 27, 2010 ooooooooo we were right going down the path of thinkin bout where i felt like this before - just needed t's help to work it out... and here it is... SCHOOL EXAMS the need to be sensible and stuff stems from school - and then we expanded it to school in general and rules and conforming and uniform and etc etc which also relates to the thing i posted in positive thread about removing my watch - as she thinks i did that subconsciously to rebel about clock watching and being ruled by the school bell and timings and stuff... one of my earliest school rebellion stories i remember happened when i just joined my junior school in portsmouth, it was the year after they made school ties optional rather than compulsary and, at the RIPE OLD AGE OF SEVEN i decided that i wanted to wear a tie - because i didnt have to but i could if i wanted to... so i made my mum buy me one... i have a fair few things to ponder on this one... including control and conforming and rebellion and uniform and identity... prolly a big one for me this... but not happening in an uncontrolled emotional way like the stuff i have tackled before... i seem to be getting better at handling this stuff calmly and rationally... progress - love it :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillv Posted May 27, 2010 Report Share Posted May 27, 2010 (((((chips))))) :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted May 27, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 27, 2010 ty kalico hunni *hugs* xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverwolf Posted May 27, 2010 Report Share Posted May 27, 2010 Wow, cool I love these kind of discussions! Chips, glad this led well into your T tonight. From my side I know when I've had similar situations where the emotion/frustration is building in me it's the unfairness, that I think peeps should behave the way I was told to, and that they aren't. If I behave that way then it feels like peeps are watching me, judging (Which is I guess what I'm doing to them anyway) and so I feel angry that there is no 'bad?' (if that's the right word) consequence to their action when I would suffer so many consequences. Seems unfair I guess and that unfairness riles me. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted May 28, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 28, 2010 hey silver... yeah i do my best t prep work here lol... and yeah - i think there's some resentful feelings in there for me... no fair that i had to be serious in my childhood at school and others could jus muck about and breeze through... i got a bit of work to do on this one... but i am excited to have made the connection - even if i didnt manage it on my own - but then, that's what i pay my t for... tc hunni xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.