x_snm Posted May 31, 2010 Report Share Posted May 31, 2010 It is really cruel. And as some people mentioned above maybe schizophrenia is more paralyzing, but it really isn't. I've had a swig of both, and i have psychosis and extreme paranoia (most bpd's do have a high level of paranoia) and i'm really delusional and have intense hallucinations, but i find the BPD side of things is a lot worse most times than the psychosis .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chell22 Posted May 31, 2010 Report Share Posted May 31, 2010 Being single doesn't help me to not be affected. It affects everything. I thought I was doing better for a few years and it all came crashing back again. I feel like it will never go completely away and I'll never be safe from it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skp67 Posted May 31, 2010 Report Share Posted May 31, 2010 I just feel horrible, not knowing from one minute to the next how i am going to react right now here, i dont feel at all well right now and to think i was only discharged last Wednesday in to the care of home treatment. I am scared for my relationship my hubby is in the navy, which really i think is the only thing that has kept us together. Shite i cant stop crying now. Scally xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadianbumble Posted May 31, 2010 Report Share Posted May 31, 2010 I don't know if it's the BPD that's the cruelest thing, I've met many people worse of than me in other ways eg cancer, alzheimers, aids. I think the cruel thing about Bpd is that alot of people I have met with it have very low self esteem and therefore never really get to live a fulfilling life. Usually they are bright and vibrant people but stumble over themselves and become suicidal, depressed unable to see their own worth. But as a plus point of BPD is that I am very aware of peoples emotions and have learnt to be gentle with fragile things, Compassion I guess. Also I wonder without the BPD and Bipolar would I be as creative e able to see things through different vistas. Basically though I hate this disease because I have convinced myself so many times that I should be dead, I have narrowly avoided me leavig my family more devestated. Also my voices and hallucinations usually suck big time, things can be very magical and estatic one minue then sheer hell the next. Anyway I'm waffling ,just wanted to add my five cents worth. Bumblexx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted May 31, 2010 Report Share Posted May 31, 2010 Do we have the most unfair and cruel disease or what ? I mean, we sabotage relationships with others and our lives... We feel happy, sad, angry, laughter, tears, and despair all at once . Never know if we are coming or going .. need to cut just to feel alive or something.. Need to yell at people we love just to get rid of our own intolerable pain... We need validation from others, attention ..and more.. It is unfair .. just when you think you are outgrowing the monster that is BPD it comes right back to knock us down again.... It disables us so we cannot go after our dreams and do what we want in our hearts... Just so cruel ! Everything you said above is real life to me all the time, so yes, with all of that, it is cruel.... I really do think the sabotaging relationship bit is the cruelest and worst part.. I have had this disorder for 15 yrs and it seems to be worse in the past 6 months than ever before... I worry that because my relationships are fundamentally fragile, that even after a period of stability with someone, that there is always the risk that I will eventually reject them before I apparently believe they are going to reject me. Fucked up ness. I hate it. Well, In my personal opinion having lived with BPD for all 17 years of my adult life is that it is the cruelest disorder to have ... you never know who you are and don't have any control over your emotions or reactions .. you see something you want or want to do and BPD stops you and keeps you down .. that to me is cruel .. and some of us do suffer in a corner unfortunately. Foreverborderline.... I don't know what to say other than great for posting and I know how it feels and the way you put it is understandable in no other way than if you've walked in those shoes... Something about the way you describe your feelings on bpd's self sabotage things resonates with me so strongly that I even feel a bit less alone and less afraid as I realise I am not alone in these complicated emotional feelings. Who knows if we have this forever or whether there is a way.... afterall we can see what we want and need... we can see that we are capable of sacrificing everything for a cause, but that cause has to be realising we are worth so much more than the sum of our parts. I hope that we can see the beauty of balance in everything and are able to think reasonably before making hasty decisions and sabotaging the relationships that mean the most to us, in that BPD ironic kind of way. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toocrazy Posted June 1, 2010 Report Share Posted June 1, 2010 I know of worse, my son has niemann-pick c .. I have the choice to heal myself of bpd . And given time and effort I know I can. My son never had a choice and will never get better. omg ((((brokenbutterfly))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foreverborderline Posted June 2, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2010 Sanctuary - Thanks for responding .. You are truly not alone. It helps to know someone out there goes through what we do.. Hugs to You Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momokani Posted June 3, 2010 Report Share Posted June 3, 2010 I think that what we get out of these posts is that there are many forms of cruelty. Giving them rank would seem futile. Giving someone understanding is so VERY IMPORTANT though. Perspective changes with each individual and so tolerance and coping ability changes also I would imagine. BPD does suck. I agree when you say 'BPD gets in the way of our dreams. I've wanted to learn to fly since a kid. Now I'm training for my pilot license, even though I'm passionate about flying I still get times when I feel VERY VULNERABLE and nervous. It just interferes with the joy of learning to fly. I hate it. I sometimes even want to quit flying. Crazy...lol...and FRUSTRATING. Hope you are ok Foreverborderline. Momokani Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkyeMaria Posted June 3, 2010 Report Share Posted June 3, 2010 I think that what we get out of these posts is that there are many forms of cruelty. Giving them rank would seem futile. Giving someone understanding is so VERY IMPORTANT though. Perspective changes with each individual and so tolerance and coping ability changes also I would imagine. Well said, I completely agree. *hugs to all of you* xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crow Posted June 12, 2010 Report Share Posted June 12, 2010 I think the cruel thing about Bpd is that alot of people I have met with it have very low self esteem and therefore never really get to live a fulfilling life. Usually they are bright and vibrant people but stumble over themselves and become suicidal, depressed unable to see their own worth. But as a plus point of BPD is that I am very aware of peoples emotions and have learnt to be gentle with fragile things, Compassion I guess. I can agree with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenbutterfly Posted June 12, 2010 Report Share Posted June 12, 2010 I am extremly emotionly intelegent , this is because of having to judge corectly in an instant for survival from very young. I also am asd so have to judge people body language as I can't comprehend speech alone ... I often misread emails or phone calls ( infact have a real fear of phone calls) and often can't say things how I want them to sound.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadianbumble Posted June 12, 2010 Report Share Posted June 12, 2010 Oh broken butterfly, I'm glad I'm not the only one with phone phobia. I'd rather email. For work I have to use the phone but so hard . I have to inform customers when their stuff is ready I alays pray for the answer machine. Infact I deliberatly make calls when I think the other person isn't going to be in. Sometimes I just can't bring myself to call incase they are disgruntled and want to have a pop at me. had a phone call from a customer recently that said he'd been waiting too long and even though the whole call was really relevant to my H I felt so bad I ended up sobbing later on just couldn't stand it that he probably thought I was shit. I can't stand making other people cross I think the whole world's going to collapse. Bumble Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenbutterfly Posted June 12, 2010 Report Share Posted June 12, 2010 That's it I can't stand to upset or be misunderstood by another major trigger for me. If I feel misjudged knowing I didn't mean to do wrong or in most cases havnt done wrong it upsets me greatly and sadly in most cases I have noone who will say actualy " this girl is ok" she did her best lay off her" (((( bumble))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dizgirl2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Report Share Posted June 12, 2010 It's so cruel in many ways. I think it can make us hate ourselves if we don't realise that it's not our fault. BPD manifests in such a way that it actually just makes us feel like we are messed up, that it's us not a disease, it doesn't present in a way that many professionals even see as believable or anything other than attention seeking. It hurts us in ways that people who don't have the condition never understand. It's not only what pain it inflicts on us internally but how it is viewed by others than can really hurt and having words like manipulation added to it really give the condition stigma which I completely hate. I agree with others who say there is really no point in ranking conditions...no illness is fair. I am new and glad to join boards! Diz xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadianbumble Posted June 12, 2010 Report Share Posted June 12, 2010 Hi Diz I concure in a "Spock" like fashion, also hate the word manipulation though I think this is human nature and that everybody does it as a survival mechanism and that the word manipulation carries with it heavy negative connotations. Bumble x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeypgb Posted June 14, 2010 Report Share Posted June 14, 2010 I can't say if it is the cruelest as I have not had the others nor walked in the shoes of someone else to be able to make such a strong comment like that. But I will say that it is very hard and I feel that I am slowly going insane depending on the day.Some days I am good and other days I am bad. You think if you touch the fire and it burns you learn from it but BPD doesnt seem to care about that. Your brain knows the way you are acting is wrong but you cant do anything about it. I have described it like someone else has taken the drivers seat and I have no control. That is the worst feeling for me. Every persons journey is different and every disease is different it all depends on your personality and genetic make up I think and surrounding influences. Just remember we are all going through some kind of personal hell or we would not be on this site to begin with. Abbey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeypgb Posted June 14, 2010 Report Share Posted June 14, 2010 i hear u there i have been diagnosed with bpd i have been single for the last two years and just got into a new relationship with a guy i totally adore ...... just so scared am gnna fuck it up! hugz to everyone rere xxxx I so hear you about totally scared you are going to fuck it up. I live with that every day. It's even harder as I play the whole push pull act that makes me convinced I am either going to push him away when I dont really want to or he is going to go away cause he is sick of being pushed away.. It's fucked isnt it Abbey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted June 14, 2010 Report Share Posted June 14, 2010 That's it I can't stand to upset or be misunderstood by another major trigger for me. If I feel misjudged knowing I didn't mean to do wrong or in most cases havnt done wrong it upsets me greatly and sadly in most cases I have noone who will say actualy " this girl is ok" she did her best lay off her" (((( bumble))) TOTALLY relate to this Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notawallflower Posted June 14, 2010 Report Share Posted June 14, 2010 It's got to be up there on the list, certainly. Full of pain and suffering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crow Posted June 14, 2010 Report Share Posted June 14, 2010 Your brain knows the way you are acting is wrong but you cant do anything about it. I have described it like someone else has taken the drivers seat and I have no control. That is exactly how I described it to my psychologist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narcissa Posted June 14, 2010 Report Share Posted June 14, 2010 Thats how i have described bpd to the hospital psych. Thats how it feels for me most the time. Though regardless i can't blame what i do on my illness. Which is what i do. I can't seem to stop that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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