Gonna Make Appt To See Gp

[manja]

Hi.

Tonight is sunday night, and I'm gonna make an appt go go see my gp on tuesday.

Really not looking forward to it, but know I should.

Apart from once years ago when I lived somewhere else I haven't been to a gp about mental health issues.

I had a bit of an episode on friday night, where I genuinely scared myself cos I felt like I was acting so crazy.

Was out with friends on friday night. For a few days beforehand, on and off, I had been feeling really crap and wanted to cut myself. (don't have a major self-harm problem, just do it very rarely, maybe about once a year or so).

Friday evening at dinner I knew I was feeling particularly vulnerable and likely to get in a state if I was drinking, so I didn't drink.

I could feel myself getting very panicky at dinner, edgy and jittery, a little spaced out, was thinking about going home and cutting at end of night. Later in the pub there was just me and two friends left. At one stage for no reason I got really panicked, started crying, and ran outside the pub crying, and with difficulty breathing.

Calmed myself down but did get back into pub but still crying a little, and explained to my friend a little (but not about the wanting to cut).

We left the pub and went to take-away on way home, and again i ran outside with difficulty breathing, and this time really started roaring crying for real on the ground.

I thought I would be fine after that, but knew I was feeling so drastic that if I went home alone I would probably try to cut really badly, so asked my friends if I could stay with them.

On the way there, at several points I just kept crying hysterically again. I went into their place and sat crying hysterically, and coulnd't stop. couldn't breathe. calmed down a bit but kept getting like this. i kept rambling about how i was going crazy and about how i was losing it. i told my friend to go to bed and her boyfriend stayed up with me. i kept rambling on and on, asking what was wrong with me, was i going mad. i told him i wanted to cut. he comforted me and was really great. i kept trying to hit myself on several occasions, and would go from crying to hitting myself to not being able to breathe, round and round in circles. he held me for a while, and calmed me eventually, and put me to bed. but even in bed i was freaking myself out by how crazy i was acting. i think i kept rambling on to myself but cant quite remember what about, was crying on and off, and still dont' know what the crying was about. i think i was sat rocking back and forth a bit and then eventually slept.

yesterday (saturday) i went home and i told him i was going to get rid of anything that would hurt myself and would therefore be fine. but i didnt, and i did cut a little last night. just little nicks and nothing serious. and it helped.

my friend's bf told me i should go to the doc (and i know he's right), and that he would go with me. i know i should because i genuinely scared myself on friday night, and honestly felt like i was going crazy. i never felt or acted quite like i did. bear in mind, there was no drink involved at all, i was completely sober. i would do anything to avoid a repeat of friday night. if my friend's bf hadn't been there for me, and if he hadnt been so caring towards me, i don't know how i'd have gotten through the night, but i cant depend on him. i don't know what they must think of me either.

i'm not asking what i should say to the doctor, as the answer will probably be to just tell him or her what i've said above. i just wanted to share what i am feeling, and what happened that's all.

hope that's ok. thanks for listening x

[Lily-Bee]

Wow that sounds horrible.Do you think anything happened or is going on with you that made you so upset?

I do not think its crazy,sounds more like someone in lots of emotional pain!

Think youre so very brave for going to see GP!!!

Lilly

[Villan]

so sorry you are going through this... *hugs*

but you seem to be v switched on about what happened, and well done on deciding to see yer doc about it... you may also wanna ask for referral to some talking t cos to me the post sounds like summat triggered you and you may need help working out what and stuff (if yuo are anything like me that is!!!)

hope it all goes well, and let us know how you go (if that's ok)...

take care

Kath xx

[manja]

thank you both for responding.

yes, there has been quite a bit going on lately, but then again there always has been. nothing more so than usual.

i know something at the start of last week that did trigger me feeling so shit, but it honestly doesn't take much.

i just feel so crap and alone and just really really fed up of anything, and feel like i couldn't be bothered with any of it anymore..

[Silverwolf]

Hi Manja, (((((((Hugs)))))))

you're not alone, well done that you managed to find the trigger from earlier on in the week. (I normally can't remember back that far ... DOH!)

You're def not alone in having times like this.

When I started a new contract with new peeps at work, I ended up bawling my eyes out in front of everyone after someone saying something in a certain tone of voice. - Felt a right wolly afterwards I can tell you- And the poor girl was worried others would think she had bullied me when she hadn't.

So I guess wot I'm saying is that at times I'm more likely to find things more difficult to cope with than at other times.

Is that similar for you?

It's a struggle at times, keep talking and posting if it helps.

x

[canadianbumble]

Hi Manja ,Oh i've been there crying and smaking my head against walls, shouting at my H to kill me. I think you did really well not to drink and be aware that that may make things worse. I don't have that self control. I hope it all goes ok for you a t the docs. Sometimes I don't realise how much I have store up inside me and it comes out in strange ways. Just wondering but when I used to smoke pot I got into some situations where I felt I was absolutely losing my mind and I would cry and scream about how they were going to put me back in hospital. But even without substances i've had meltdowns. I remember takng my kids to a cafe afer school and my kids told me something that made me upset suddenly the whole world was wrong I ended up sobbing in the cafe and it was awful because I was so afraid of everything I was paralyzed. I texed my H to come and get me. It was so embaressing and awful for the kids to see me just having a meltdown.

Hope you feel better soon Bumble x