Dani Posted June 1, 2010 Report Share Posted June 1, 2010 I just don't trust myself with my feelings.i don't deal with emotions very well-i either go all out and spill my heart,or i close up. When i look back at certain times/situations i was in i cringe or can't believe i ever said things ect.Like im a different person right now.improved but its scary just how different. How do i trust myself ?my decisions or feelings? sorry-rambling.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted June 1, 2010 Report Share Posted June 1, 2010 i relate to the all or nothing last year you couldnt get a peep outta me, these days you cant shut me up and sometimes i cringe about stuff i did too... like the pendulum has swung back the other way too much... i guess, well with me, it is all trial and error at first... lets just hope the errors arent too cringy... until the pendulum finds its balance point again... *holds dani's hand and sets off in a quest to find the middle ground* dunno what else to say apart from i understand (((((dani))))) xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted June 1, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2010 thanks chips-knowing someone understand helps...cos i don't! i now feel cool and collected...where a couple of months ago i was all over the place. its like i have little boxes in my head where i store things away and choose when i can or cannot deal with them. Right now therapy is helping which is good...so hopefully a balance will come soon.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted June 1, 2010 Report Share Posted June 1, 2010 *adds weights onto pendulum to slow the swing down* ps i also do the storing away thing - except for me they are in them jars with the funky lids (forget the grown up name) that my mum used to make pickled onions in when i was lil... you kno the ones with the orange rubber seal and metal closing thing... o where's roses - she'd know what is called... lol... and they are all on a shelf in the cellar of the house i grew up in... xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted June 1, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2010 :D wow....mine are boring office boxes! isnt it funny how we have an image of it in our heads! thanks chips. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just.me Posted June 1, 2010 Report Share Posted June 1, 2010 YOu have to go with how you feel at the time Dani, over thinking things causes you more problems, it is better though to try not to rush in and make sure the feelings are static for a while before trying to go all out with things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted June 1, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2010 i do over think a lot!thats also something im working on xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dice Posted June 2, 2010 Report Share Posted June 2, 2010 i do over think a lot! Me too, All the fucking time... Argh it is a nightmare eh... It is hard to trust ourselves but if we don't trust ourselves thn, We would never be able to trust other people I guess :\... I hope it all works out right/straight for you soon m'dear :] ... Sorry, I'm just talking a load of crap here O_o... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenbutterfly Posted June 2, 2010 Report Share Posted June 2, 2010 As I begin this journey I am starting to see the " bpd" reaction emtions and can some of the time now think before I act. It's intensly hard to keep it inside somtimes. But I keep telling myself that I am a mere baby in the knowledge of all this. I am not perfect I strive to be the best I can. This week has been a very hard week emotionaly for me I have kept it all bottled up and it does me know good.. But if I share I fear belittlement or ridicule, this I know isn't true me. That's bpd fear !! I find it helps to write a daily log of emotions and then re-read them at diffrent times I have realised alot of the diffrenced between bpd and true . Sorry rubbish at explianing .. I hope it makes sense .. Bb x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted June 2, 2010 Report Share Posted June 2, 2010 Hi dani I think a big part of trusting your emotions is getting to know them, but when you are scared of them it can feel like trying to befriend a big monster that tends to follow you around, smashing plates and getting you ejected from posh restaurants. Getting to know them can happen if you can be free to explore feelings in some way (rather than just simply being the recipient or even victim of them in the moment) - either through a trusting relationship, a therapy relationship, or (what has worked for me) through a daily meditation and mindfulness practice. I cant do it so much with emotions triggered by people, but I am practicing with 'self generated' emotions. Stuff like memories, intrusive thoughts and so on, oh and on here if someone triggers something ... you sort of use the mindfulness to explore it. It takes a long time as its like exploring uncharted territory with no map or compass, but the more you make room for it in that safe space, the more they tell you. When they come up around others, slowly something starts to leak in and you can go "oh hang on, we've met before havent we, emotion". Start with the safe place and let those feelings in. It may be that scary stuff from the past comes up, so be gentle with it and feel your way around it. Hopefully your new T will be open to this kind of thing. Have they mentioned learning and practicing mindfulness? it really is a practice - like a muscle you have to build with time, rather than a technique that either does or doesnt work, and its one of those things you can dedicate a lifetime to and still learn new things... Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted June 2, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2010 i do over think a lot! Me too, All the fucking time... Argh it is a nightmare eh... It is hard to trust ourselves but if we don't trust ourselves thn, We would never be able to trust other people I guess :\... I hope it all works out right/straight for you soon m'dear :] ... Sorry, I'm just talking a load of crap here O_o... thanks dicey-u make sense:-) xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted June 2, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2010 As I begin this journey I am starting to see the " bpd" reaction emtions and can some of the time now think before I act. It's intensly hard to keep it inside somtimes. But I keep telling myself that I am a mere baby in the knowledge of all this. I am not perfect I strive to be the best I can. This week has been a very hard week emotionaly for me I have kept it all bottled up and it does me know good.. But if I share I fear belittlement or ridicule, this I know isn't true me. That's bpd fear !! I find it helps to write a daily log of emotions and then re-read them at diffrent times I have realised alot of the diffrenced between bpd and true . Sorry rubbish at explianing .. I hope it makes sense .. Bb x it does thanks.i think keeping a little note is a good idea for me to do.sometimes my emotions are all over the place so to write it down might help it make sense.thanks xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted June 2, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2010 ross- something i would love to do is to get to know my emotions and feel able to deal with them without falling apart.i do avoid some...like i dont think about my dad incase i cry(cos i wouldnt stop).that type of thing. my therapist hasnt mentioned mindfulness yet but i i will bring it up tomorrow with her. thanks xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted June 2, 2010 Report Share Posted June 2, 2010 Hi Dani Feelings that crying will never stop is perfectly understandable, and is a feeling that many people experiecne in therapy with regard to painful pasts. The crying does stop though, it has a beginning and an end. It may be powerful, and you may have to do it many many times - but each time, it works itself through, it heals a little bit. If you can talk about it too, and see that it is valued, you are valued, and you are safe, those are the best conditions for really moving through this grief. It feels frightening, and I can totally understand wanting to avoid it cuz I always have too ... but letting it in, letting it happen, can be one of the most liberating things you ever do. Maybe start small, within yourself, and slowly slowly edge up to it, make friends with it ((dani tinkles)) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted June 2, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2010 my therapist says i may have learned this behaviour(holding in emotion). i hate appearing to be weak but i know crying doesnt make me weak. thanks ross-you have given me lots to think about.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted June 2, 2010 Report Share Posted June 2, 2010 Hi Dani Its tough, because when you think about appearing to be weak, it may not even BE a thought - it might just be an instant sense inside of you, a sensation. The difficulty there is that this sensation itself gets in the way of being able to cry. In this case you have to work with that sensation itself. Being with that feeling, understanding what it is, why its there. It may be shame, fear, anger or any manner of things. Fear of crying (as you say you feel it may go on forever. I know I always feel like my T will be disgusted or embarrassed and that makes it tough too) can relate to many things. It can take many repetitions of 'going up to' the emotions, maybe watching your body wall off again. Little by little, each time you repeat, the barriers can come down. Its always this process of erosion, like waves on a cliff, rather than the quick click. That makes it very frutsating, especially if you arent sure if a certain emotion is there or not. With sadness, for me its so ephemeral - it flashes into being briefly, and then all these others feelings come along and push it away. With time it has started to stay for longer, and actually when it does its a relief. Sadness validates your pain - when you feel sad, you know its real. But when those other emotions come along and push it away, the blankness that they can throw you into leave you doubting whether you ever really felt it, or whether it was real or "allowed". Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted June 2, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2010 wow...yes!that really does make a lot of sense to me ross. i do doubt whether any of what i feel is real.expecially love or anger. gonna have a think and post later.ty xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
floyd Posted June 2, 2010 Report Share Posted June 2, 2010 I just don't trust myself with my feelings.i don't deal with emotions very well-i either go all out and spill my heart,or i close up. When i look back at certain times/situations i was in i cringe or can't believe i ever said things ect.Like im a different person right now.improved but its scary just how different. How do i trust myself ?my decisions or feelings? sorry-rambling.xxx i do this sometime on a dailey basis... say something to someone go home feel like a twat! whether i,ve been nasty or just stupid childlike.gave myself away..kept it all in .... i,ve walked out of the house told myself not to say something to someone then said it!! ahhhhhhhhh but then isnt everything black ad white... all or nothing.. good bad.. etc........ WE NEED MIDDLE GROUND... but only now and then.. theres still something that i,m attrated to within the ups and downs! i think maybe you do trust your feelings and decisions.your just not good at controlling them... peer pressure..love.. hate..society... its hard work x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted June 2, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2010 lol i know...its like the middle ground doesnt exist! ive done that saying smething i shoulnt thing...usually when im hyper and think im in love or summat!lol. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
floyd Posted June 2, 2010 Report Share Posted June 2, 2010 :o lol i know...its like the middle ground doesnt exist! ive done that saying smething i shoulnt thing...usually when im hyper and think im in love or summat!lol. xx well let me tell i do exactly the same... and is usually when i,m hyper and think i,m in **** dont do that word! lets be stupid together.......!! dont be so hard on ya self... makes it worse :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted June 2, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2010 lol!being stupid together sounds good i've done some really cringey things cos i cant keep a lid on some emotions....yet other emotions you cant bloody prise them out of me!lol. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
floyd Posted June 2, 2010 Report Share Posted June 2, 2010 lol!being stupid together sounds good i've done some really cringey things cos i cant keep a lid on some emotions....yet other emotions you cant bloody prise them out of me!lol. xx and some emtions are beautiful (sorry i,m in positive mode been awhile hope i sleep before crashing) easier in your mind, easier sometimes to write it down.. got it sorted.. put me in front of someone else and.......fall to pieces x my friends all say the couldnt stand up and sing in front of anyone and envy me, but its easy i,m safe i can say what i want noone abuses me... off stage RUN AWAY... :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted June 2, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2010 i can relate a lot. i sing too and feel completley in control of all the emotions i express when singing.off stage -i run too! im good with words...writing songs and poetry but these things i cant express through talking. do you sing a lot?xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
floyd Posted June 2, 2010 Report Share Posted June 2, 2010 i can relate a lot. i sing too and feel completley in control of all the emotions i express when singing.off stage -i run too! im good with words...writing songs and poetry but these things i cant express through talking. do you sing a lot?xx yes sing alot always have i,m always writng lyrics constant.. i have several musical ventures goin on.. not done nothing live for 6months (my head went"! ) i,m writing some happy music at the min first time in 20years.. still got issues with lyrics tho :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted June 2, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2010 wow happy music?thats somethin i can get stuck on im always writing..what type of music?xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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