Scared

[complicated]

ive bin having treatment for everything really for the past few months and its bin helping me enormously, its called cognative anylitical therapy, but the last week has bin a mess, my anxiatys through the roof im constantly dissacocated anyway i think, but sometimes my anxiaty is worse than other times an i feel out of control, i start panicing really bad then i panic because im panicing, an well this diagram that ive bin working from in treatment wasnt helping me one bit.

now im compleatly freaked coz i feel back at square one like its not really helped me an when the going gets tough the therapy falls apart an since this is about me standing on my own two feet i need to feel supported enough to rely on the info given to me not going to therapy, if you know what i mean. anyway i feel really shaken up, coz first i was manic then i felt completly lost. i feel so so vunerable right now an i suppose its only normal to not want to go through that again, that helplessness feeling that feeling where you dont know what to do coz you`ve exsasted everything you know.

im scared of going to sleep coz i dont know whats coming tommorow, i cant stand feeling helpless even the word repels me, anyway i dont think ive been using some tools to help myself that i already know help me along like writting, phoning samaritons, anything to calm the anxiaty so im not dealing with aload of unrational fears instead of the problem. the thing im hooked on at the mo is although i could identify why i was feeling bad this week there was no exsit out of it i didnt know what to do an now ive got to wait a week until i see my therapist. anyway im gona stop going on.