Bigmouth_strikes_again Posted June 13, 2010 Report Share Posted June 13, 2010 I've always had issues with my weight and been bullied because of it. Although up until recently i've been a healthy weight (accordng to my bmi). When i get depressed i binge eat so much, i eat from the moment i wake up until the minute i go to bed. I've eaten so much recently that i'm at my heaviest weight and my bmi says i'm overweight... I've always felt fat anyway but actually seeing something say i'm fat is heartbreaking. Now i can't eat, in 8 days i've had 1 tin of soup, 1 salad and a sandwich.. And everytime i eat i feel so guilty and so fat. I feel like i'm ruining my whole life by eating. I'm doing all i can to make it through the day without food cos the very thought of it depresses me. I know people may say to lose weight you need to eat regularly and exercise but i can't eat normally, it's either constantly eating anything and everything or not eating at all. I really hate food right now, i hate that i can't control how much i eat. I feel so fat and pathetic and alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyP Posted June 13, 2010 Report Share Posted June 13, 2010 Recently ive been eating loads because i feel so down and horrible, but now i feel worse so im not eating either. Ive always either eaten loads or eaten nothing at all. I'm the heaviest ive been in a long time, even if its only a couple of pounds. Feel like a fat idiot that all she does is eat. So i know how you feel xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigmouth_strikes_again Posted June 13, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2010 Aww i'm sorry you're in the same situation but it's also good to know i'm not alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pete06123009 Posted June 18, 2010 Report Share Posted June 18, 2010 i was exactly the same, 15 days now and ive hardly eaten, the odd bag of crips or slice of bread. before that i was eatin way to much, and put on so much weight. now my weight has dropped by nearly a stone. i dont feel any different when ive had something,no hunger pangs or rumbling stomach and i think why bother.i know where ur coming frm, as unhealthy as it may be. hope things improve for u. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlevic Posted June 18, 2010 Report Share Posted June 18, 2010 hey guys and girls, you all know that the starve/binge thing is no good for you. When you starve yourself your body shuts down and your metabolism slows right down, your mood is lowered and you become depressey/negative although your body image may improve because you are starving ergo you 'feel' slim/thin. Then you binge, you want nice things, you want things to block out the pain and it's a form of medication so you have as much of it as you can, this makes you feel nice but then your body image takes a massive punch in the head. Plus your body will then hang onto every single last calorie, deposit lots of fatness on your bottoms just in case you starve yourselves again. It's understandable why we have this totally unhealthy attitude to food, me personally I think it's a form of all or nothing/ black & white thinking. What I tried to do to help myself to kick start some normality and regularity with my eating habits was to make that pendulum swing less erratic. Instead of the pendulum doing a full 180 degrees, just alter the swing a little, bit by bit. Look at a week chunk, in a week you need 14,000 calories to live on. If I eat 2,500 today then tomorrow I can have 1,500. Bring lots of vegetables into your lives and fruit, you can stack up on that, eat as much as you can take and all it will do you is good (and possibly make you fart a bit!). Imagine yourself at a healthy weight and stabilising there. Imagine how good you will feel if you do it - in your head and in your body, how healthy you will feel. Regular nutritious food is one of the keys to getting well, the binge starve cycle will only maintain the BPD. I don't know if any of this is helping but I used to swing up and down by 2 stones at least every 6 months but I have been the same weight now within a couple of pounds now for 2 years (except when I got a nasty chest infection and dropped 12 pounds but that was not my fault!). You can have nice chocolatey things and you can eat the things that you enjoy eating but you have to eat the good stuff too - you have to eat period! Good luck to you all x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadianbumble Posted June 18, 2010 Report Share Posted June 18, 2010 Hmm, just not hungry I go and look at the food in my fridge and just stare. i say come on what you going to eat? The task just feels too big. I tried to eat some chicken broth and my body was like nooo. At least I have to cook for my kids and I try and eat a little with them because I don't want them to see my eating patterns and adopt it themselves. B x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nina of the Light Posted June 18, 2010 Report Share Posted June 18, 2010 I binge and restrict. right now i'm restricting. sorry you are going through this. it sucks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tray Posted June 19, 2010 Report Share Posted June 19, 2010 me too right now im bingin, cant stop, need to feel full all the while :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigmouth_strikes_again Posted June 19, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 19, 2010 Today for the first time in my life i was actually scared of eating.. How ridiculous does that sound? I was stood in the kitchen with the food cupboard door and fridge door open and i was so scared of eating, i was so scared of losing control and binging again. I managed to make some toast and eat it but i'm still so scared i'm gonna lose control. I don't even feel hungry anymore, it's all just in my head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skp67 Posted June 20, 2010 Report Share Posted June 20, 2010 Whenever i do eat whether it be healthy or not, i feel i have to exercise it off. Its doing my head in right now. I have stopped taking my quetiapine because of the weight gain, not good as its affecting my mh health. But being overweight isnt helping mh either. I have put on 3 stone since i have been on the drug. I hate me, everyone says i look healthier for being the weight i am but to me all i see when i look in the mirror is a blob. Its so dissheartening. I cant remember the last time i ate a full meal, i normally have a bowl of cereal a day and some fruit, but lately i have been living on just an apple and then trying to walk 8 miles daily at 4mph on my treadmill. I have a blood test tomorrow as i am anemic but there is nothing i can do to rectify that while i feel the way i do. Scally xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigmouth_strikes_again Posted June 20, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2010 Awww Scally *hugs*. Is there an alternative medication you could take that won't make you put on weight? Even when i lose weight i still look just as fat in the mirror. I try to walk as far as i can every few days but cos of my social phobia i can't get outside until it's really dark. I nearly fainted so many times today. At the moment i'm eating one item of food every other day. I've almost lost a stone already, just wish i felt thinner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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