Maladaptive Schema's

[littlevic]

The therapy that I've just finished had a lot of schema work in it. I remembered that my primary maladaptive schema was the Defective one however, just looking through the, it appears I have a full house from Disconnection & Rejection, Other Directedness and Over Vigilance and Inhibition. I was wondering which of the schemas you could recognise in yourselves and would you be willing to talk about them and how they affect in the here and now? I have starred the ones that I have and three stars for the hotties! It must be noted that people showing signs of maladaptive schemas from the four areas other than the Impaired Limits tend to go for the Impaired Limits types - speaking from experience I would say that this is sooooo true!

DISCONNECTION & REJECTION

(Expectation that one's needs for security, safety, stability, nurturing, empathy, sharing of feelings, acceptance, and respect will not be met in a predictable manner. Typical family origin is detached, cold, rejecting, withholding, lonely, explosive, unpredictable, or abusive.)

1. ABANDONMENT / INSTABILITY (AB)***

The perceived instability or unreliability of those available for support and connection.

Involves the sense that significant others will not be able to continue providing emotional support, connection, strength, or practical protection because they are emotionally unstable and unpredictable (e.g., angry outbursts), unreliable, or erratically present; because they will die imminently; or because they will abandon the patient in favour of someone better.Angry father, unpredictable father, mother BPD.

2. MISTRUST / ABUSE (MA)***

The expectation that others will hurt, abuse, humiliate, cheat, lie, manipulate, or take advantage. Usually involves the perception that the harm is intentional or the result of unjustified and extreme negligence. May include the sense that one always ends up being cheated relative to others or "getting the short end of the stick." Physically abused by both parents particularly fatrher, mentally abused by mother, sexually abused by uncle, humiliated at school by others.

3. EMOTIONAL DEPRIVATION (ED)***

Expectation that one's desire for a normal degree of emotional support will not be adequately met by others. The three major forms of deprivation are:

A. Deprivation of Nurturance: Absence of attention, affection, warmth, or companionship.

B. Deprivation of Empathy: Absence of understanding, listening, self-disclosure, or mutual sharing of feelings from others.

C. Deprivation of Protection: Absence of strength, direction, or guidance from others.

Mother emotionally unavailable, father punitive, harsh, punishing, unpredictable with violent mood swings. Both parents inconsistent and incompetent.

4. DEFECTIVENESS / SHAME (DS)***

The feeling that one is defective, bad, unwanted, inferior, or invalid in important respects; or that one would be unlovable to significant others if exposed. May involve hypersensitivity to criticism, rejection, and blame; self-consciousness, comparisons, and insecurity around others; or a sense of shame regarding one's perceived flaws. These flaws may be private (e.g., selfishness, angry impulses, unacceptable sexual desires) or public (e.g., undesirable physical appearance, social awkwardness).

It's easier as a child to blame oneself for all the bad things that are happening as one cannot contemplate the alternative - that the all powerful parents are wrong. Ergo, if it is my fault then there must be something wrong with me. I am defective and ashamed of my defectiveness. Shame is brought about when there is a risk that others will find out.

5. SOCIAL ISOLATION / ALIENATION (SI)***

The feeling that one is isolated from the rest of the world, different from other people, and/or not part of any group or community.

Our family was ridiculed when I grew up. my father created enemies out of everybody and made us join his army. Us against the world. We were dressed poorly and the behaviour of my parents brought shame upon us. We were regularly turned away form the houses of other children as undesirable

IMPAIRED AUTONOMY & PERFORMANCE

(Expectations about oneself and the environment that interfere with one's perceived ability to separate, survive, function independently, or perform successfully. Typical family origin is enmeshed, undermining of child's confidence, overprotective, or failing to reinforce child for performing competently outside the family.)

6. DEPENDENCE / INCOMPETENCE (DI)

Belief that one is unable to handle one's everyday responsibilities in a competent manner, without considerable help from others (e.g., take care of oneself, solve daily problems, exercise good judgment, tackle new tasks, make good decisions). Often presents as helplessness.

7. VULNERABILITY TO HARM OR ILLNESS (VH)

Exaggerated fear that imminent catastrophe will strike at any time and that one will be unable to prevent it. Fears focus on one or more of the following: Medical Catastrophes: e.g., heart attacks, AIDS; Emotional Catastrophes: e.g., going crazy; : External Catastrophes: e.g., elevators collapsing, victimized by criminals, airplane crashes, earthquakes.

8. ENMESHMENT / UNDEVELOPED SELF (EM)*

Excessive emotional involvement and closeness with one or more significant others (often parents), at the expense of full individuation or normal social development. Often involves the belief that at least one of the enmeshed individuals cannot survive or be happy without the constant support of the other. May also include feelings of being smothered by, or fused with, others OR insufficient individual identity. Often experienced as a feeling of emptiness and floundering, having no direction, or in extreme cases questioning one's existence.

9. FAILURE (FA)*

The belief that one has failed, will inevitably fail, or is fundamentally inadequate relative to one's peers, in areas of achievement (school, career, sports, etc.). Often involves beliefs that one is stupid, inept, untalented, ignorant, lower in status, less successful than others, etc.

IMPAIRED LIMITS

(Deficiency in internal limits, responsibility to others, or long-term goal-orientation. Leads to difficulty respecting the rights of others, cooperating with others, making commitments, or setting and meeting realistic personal goals. Typical family origin is characterized by permissiveness, overindulgence, lack of direction, or a sense of superiority -- rather than appropriate confrontation, discipline, and limits in relation to taking responsibility, cooperating in a reciprocal manner, and setting goals. In some cases, child may not have been pushed to tolerate normal levels of discomfort, or may not have been given adequate supervision, direction, or guidance.)

10. ENTITLEMENT / GRANDIOSITY (ET)

The belief that one is superior to other people; entitled to special rights and privileges; or not bound by the rules of reciprocity that guide normal social interaction. Often involves insistence that one should be able to do or have whatever one wants, regardless of what is realistic, what others consider reasonable, or the cost to others; OR an exaggerated focus on superiority (e.g., being among the most successful, famous, wealthy) -- in order to achieve power or control (not primarily for attention or approval). Sometimes includes excessive competitiveness toward, or domination of, others: asserting one's power, forcing one's point of view, or controlling the behavior of others in line with one's own desires---without empathy or concern for others' needs or feelings.

11. INSUFFICIENT SELF-CONTROL / SELF-DISCIPLINE (IS)

Pervasive difficulty or refusal to exercise sufficient self-control and frustration tolerance to achieve one's personal goals, or to restrain the excessive expression of one's emotions and impulses. In its milder form, patient presents with an exaggerated emphasis on discomfort-avoidance: avoiding pain, conflict, confrontation, responsibility, or overexertion---at the expense of personal fulfillment, commitment, or integrity.

OTHER-DIRECTEDNESS

(An excessive focus on the desires, feelings, and responses of others, at the expense of one's own needs -- in order to gain love and approval, maintain one's sense of connection, or avoid retaliation. Usually involves suppression and lack of awareness regarding one's own anger and natural inclinations. Typical family origin is based on conditional acceptance: children must suppress important aspects of themselves in order to gain love, attention, and approval. In many such families, the parents' emotional needs and desires -- or social acceptance and status -- are valued more than the unique needs and feelings of each child.)

12. SUBJUGATION (SB)***

Excessive surrendering of control to others because one feels coerced - - usually to avoid anger, retaliation, or abandonment. The two major forms of subjugation are:

A. Subjugation of Needs: Suppression of one's preferences, decisions, and desires.

B. Subjugation of Emotions: Suppression of emotional expression, especially anger.

Usually involves the perception that one's own desires, opinions, and feelings are not valid or important to others. Frequently presents as excessive compliance, combined with hypersensitivity to feeling trapped. Generally leads to a build up of anger, manifested in maladaptive symptoms (e.g., passive-aggressive behaviour, uncontrolled outbursts of temper, psychosomatic symptoms, withdrawal of affection, "acting out", substance abuse).

Basically as a child it was better to be silent and invisible because if you weren't you were noticed. When you were noticed, you were in trouble.

13. SELF-SACRIFICE (SS)***

Excessive focus on voluntarily meeting the needs of others in daily situations, at the expense of one's own gratification. The most common reasons are: to prevent causing pain to others; to avoid guilt from feeling selfish; or to maintain the connection with others perceived as needy . Often results from an acute sensitivity to the pain of others. Sometimes leads to a sense that one's own needs are not being adequately met and to resentment of those who are taken care of. (Overlaps with concept of codependency.)

14. APPROVAL-SEEKING / RECOGNITION-SEEKING (AS)***

Excessive emphasis on gaining approval, recognition, or attention from other people, or fitting in, at the expense of developing a secure and true sense of self. One's sense of esteem is dependent primarily on the reactions of others rather than on one's own natural inclinations. Sometimes includes an overemphasis on status, appearance, social acceptance, money, or achievement -- as means of gaining approval, admiration, or attention (not primarily for power or control). Frequently results in major life decisions that are inauthentic or unsatisfying; or in hypersensitivity to rejection.

Constantly seek approval as this is the opposite of rejection. If you are approved of you have done nothing wrong, you will not be blamed therefore you will not be punished. It's a fear based behaviour. Need recognition to counter the deep seated feelings of defectiveness/badness.

OVERVIGILANCE & INHIBITION

(Excessive emphasis on suppressing one's spontaneous feelings, impulses, and choices OR on meeting rigid, internalized rules and expectations about performance and ethical behavior -- often at the expense of happiness, self-expression, relaxation, close relationships, or health. Typical family origin is grim, demanding, and sometimes punitive: performance, duty, perfectionism, following rules, hiding emotions, and avoiding mistakes predominate over pleasure, joy, and relaxation. There is usually an undercurrent of pessimism and worry---that things could fall apart if one fails to be vigilant and careful at all times.)

15. NEGATIVITY / PESSIMISM (NP)*

A pervasive, lifelong focus on the negative aspects of life (pain, death, loss, disappointment, conflict, guilt, resentment, unsolved problems, potential mistakes, betrayal, things that could go wrong, etc.) while minimizing or neglecting the positive or optimistic aspects. Usually includes an exaggerated expectation-- in a wide range of work, financial, or interpersonal situations -- that things will eventually go seriously wrong, or that aspects of one's life that seem to be going well will ultimately fall apart. Usually involves an inordinate fear of making mistakes that might lead to: financial collapse, loss, humiliation, or being trapped in a bad situation. Because potential negative outcomes are exaggerated, these patients are frequently characterized by chronic worry, vigilance, complaining, or indecision.

16. EMOTIONAL INHIBITION (EI)***

The excessive inhibition of spontaneous action, feeling, or communication -- usually to avoid disapproval by others, feelings of shame, or losing control of one's impulses. The most common areas of inhibition involve: ( a ) inhibition of anger & aggression; ( B ) inhibition of positive impulses (e.g., joy, affection, sexual excitement, play); ( c ) difficulty expressing vulnerability or communicating freely about one's feelings, needs, etc.; or ( d ) excessive emphasis on rationality while disregarding emotions.

17. UNRELENTING STANDARDS / HYPERCRITICALNESS (US)***

The underlying belief that one must strive to meet very high internalized standards of behavior and performance, usually to avoid criticism. Typically results in feelings of pressure or difficulty slowing down; and in hypercriticalness toward oneself and others. Must involve significant impairment in: pleasure, relaxation, health, self-esteem, sense of accomplishment, or satisfying relationships.

Unrelenting standards typically present as: ( a ) perfectionism, inordinate attention to detail, or an underestimate of how good one's own performance is relative to the norm; ( B ) rigid rules and “shoulds” in many areas of life, including unrealistically high moral, ethical, cultural, or religious precepts; or ( c ) preoccupation with time and efficiency, so that more can be accomplished.

Everything has to be perfect all the time. OCD with the housework and other things (now in recovery from!). Inordinate attention d=to detail sometimes at the expense of completing in time. Always thinking I am shit at everything when after canvassing friends think I wear my pants on the outside and get changed in telephone boxes - but I feel it therefore it must be true ! I expect the same from others - perfection. Their low standards coudl reflect on me somehow and then I will be blamed.

18. PUNITIVENESS (PU)*

The belief that people should be harshly punished for making mistakes. Involves the tendency to be angry, intolerant, punitive, and impatient with those people (including oneself) who do not meet one's expectations or standards. Usually includes difficulty forgiving mistakes in oneself or others, because of a reluctance to consider extenuating circumstances, allow for human imperfection, or empathize with feelings.

As a child the punishments very rarely reflected the crime and the adults behaviour was contradictory. I am unforgiving with myself (particularly) and others (depending on how much I like them!). This is getting better though.

[hummm_mabbe]

Lol ummz where to start Im having schema and know I have most of them, my T works with 'modes' with me because working with so many schemas is difficult booooo

I guess my core ones are mistrust, defectiveness, recently realised I have abandonment issues, emotional deprivation and so on and on. My coping style has always been outrageous overcompensation which made it hard to actually feel much of what was going on under the surface, so as Ive opened up more, other issues have come forward.

But tis ok cuz I am now hugging Little Ross a lot more than before

What ya wanna talk about? You got a favey schema you wanna prod lol

What therapy were you having?

Ross

[canadianbumble]

Hmm my focus is not good to intelligently read and understand all that you have written but recognise myself in all of the above. I never had any of this Schema therapy and it sounds so complex i don't think I'd know where to start. Maybe it's just that I'm feeling screwed up today. But wow what a post I am in awe.

[hummm_mabbe]

Hmm my focus is not good to intelligently read and understand all that you have written but recognise myself in all of the above. I never had any of this Schema therapy and it sounds so complex i don't think I'd know where to start. Maybe it's just that I'm feeling screwed up today. But wow what a post I am in awe.

Tis a bit easier when you read the book, they put it in more huggie language

The complexity is a bit difficult, even for therapists, thats why they have two different types of schema - one where they work with each schema, and a second one that sort of combines them together into more workable units. The second one is called the 'mode' approach

Ross

[canadianbumble]

Thanks Ross I may just do that at some point when I can read more than a paragraph without realising 2 hours later that I'm still reading the same paragraph

Oh I just seen you've added bits littlevic,

"Basically as a child it was better to be silent and invisible because if you weren't you were noticed. When you were noticed, you were in trouble."

Yes very true. I still am silent and invisible because I don't want to get in trouble.

Bumble x

[hummm_mabbe]

Thanks Ross I may just do that at some point when I can read more than a paragraph without realising 2 hours later that I'm still reading the same paragraph

Oo lol I do that sometimes too :mellow:

[littlevic]

Lol ummz where to start Im having schema and know I have most of them, my T works with 'modes' with me because working with so many schemas is difficult booooo

I guess my core ones are mistrust, defectiveness, recently realised I have abandonment issues, emotional deprivation and so on and on. My coping style has always been outrageous overcompensation which made it hard to actually feel much of what was going on under the surface, so as Ive opened up more, other issues have come forward.

But tis ok cuz I am now hugging Little Ross a lot more than before

What ya wanna talk about? You got a favey schema you wanna prod lol

What therapy were you having?

Ross

I always thought that my defectiveness/shame was the major player but the more I get to know myself I realise that defectiveness is probably 50/50 with the entire set of schemas where emotional deprivation sits. I know what you mean about hugging the inner child, I see that my emotional responses are stuck sometimes and could be likened to that of a 3 year old - very undeveloped or in other words - un nurtured. I wrote a poem about it it's in creative corner, I left her in her bedroom when she was a little girl and overcompensated just like you to blot her out cover her up. But she is me and I am her

[littlevic]

oops sorry it was CBT with compassion and schema stuff bit of a hybrid and the therapy is a rolling programme which they update as they go along. I'd say it follows the schema therapy model but looks at how to soothe yourself and create those feelings of warmth and safety and how to engage with them when you are on one....

[snowman]

I'm doing schema therapy. My old t was into it and I "get" it more than other things I've tried like cbt etc. My new t is not very "up" on it but is learning all the time!!! I have most schemas (!) which scared me at first nut then I find lots of overlaps so the mode stuff works well for me too. My main ones are defectiveness, emotional inhibition and subjugation. Trying to develop new "positive schemas" at the mo but struggling cos my schemas are cemented to my soul!!! It doesn't matter how much evidence I collect to contradict my schema I still follow my schema - bloody frustrating for me and my t!!!

[hummm_mabbe]

Hi snowman

The aim isnt usually to create new positive schemas, its to heal the maladaptive ones - though she may be talking about strengthening the 'healthy adult mode'. Usually you would have access to a lot more than just cognitive solutions, that is the strength (IMO) of schema - it uses emotions focused and humanistic methods as well as the more well known CBT ones like evidence collection.

If you are finding you are having difficulty making any change using cognitive methods, then ask your T if you can switch to the more emotions focused stuff. Does she do the two chairs / mode dialogues / imagery / limited reparenting bits? Maybe ask her if you can switch up the approach you use - schema shouldnt tie you to just cognitive things, and in fact the CBT parts of it are only one wee little corner.

For me the most important part so far has been the therapy relationship focused elements of schema because without that is difficult for other stuff to work. Do you happen to know if you identify with the 'detached protector' mode? If you have emotional inhibition, its likely you have some form of it as that is the function of the mode - to inhibit emotion and needs. Do you tend to cut off needs and feelings and feel very detached from yourself, and particularly seal away 'difficult' emotions for fear of pushing your therapist away or making her angry? Getting past this, which may have underlying mistrust issues, is a main aim of therapy before anything else can progress, and using cognitive methods if this mode is very strong actually tends to make it worse. The aim should be on getting you to feel and so the imagery, experiential and therapy relationship parts are really important.

If you have emotional inhibition, the cognitive approaches (evidence collection, finding alternatives, cost benefit analyses, socratic questioning, shades of grey, feared fantasy etc) may actually make you worse as they tend to encourage intellectualisation - in short it can become yet another reason to suppress emotion by 'being rational' and essentially convicning yourself why you shouldnt feel as you do. It may be really helpful for you to switch away from cognitive approaches and into emotions and learning to express feeling. This may even be why you are stuck at the mo.

Ross

[littlevic]

I'm doing schema therapy. My old t was into it and I "get" it more than other things I've tried like cbt etc. My new t is not very "up" on it but is learning all the time!!! I have most schemas (!) which scared me at first nut then I find lots of overlaps so the mode stuff works well for me too. My main ones are defectiveness, emotional inhibition and subjugation. Trying to develop new "positive schemas" at the mo but struggling cos my schemas are cemented to my soul!!! It doesn't matter how much evidence I collect to contradict my schema I still follow my schema - bloody frustrating for me and my t!!!

It's helpful for me to be mindful of my feelings and curious about them. When you get a rush of emotion it has come from somewhere, the core beliefs you hold about yourself, others and the world in which we live. Your schemas are cemented to your soul - they are your soul/essence of who you are, how you think and what you are about. Doesn't make them right though and none of this is your fault. For me the evidence collecting of positive experiences and outcomes has been really helpful. I have a positive data log so that I cannot overlook the good things that happen and the positive emotions that I have felt. They are there in black and white. Reading this also helps me to remember that if I am feeling down then it's not forever it's only for a few hours, days or maybe a week, it's a transient experience and it will get better. I wish you all the best with your therapy, I know it's done me the world of good and probably saved my life x

[hummm_mabbe]

Huggles Mc tinkie miffles :)

[snowman]

Sorry littlevic, didn't mean to hijack your thread but don't know many others that have done lots of schema work. I know rossy has done loads and is so good at explaining stuff so I understand it. I am stuck and it is the intellectualising you talk of as it allows me to disengage. My detached protector is very strong. It has protected me all my life - it's dead hard to trust my t even now. I trust no one else. My t is a cbt specialist and feels more comfortable doing the cognitive stuff. I'll copy this thread if that's ok with you both and push us in a different direction..... Thanks guys!

[hummm_mabbe]

Sorry littlevic, didn't mean to hijack your thread but don't know many others that have done lots of schema work. I know rossy has done loads and is so good at explaining stuff so I understand it. I am stuck and it is the intellectualising you talk of as it allows me to disengage. My detached protector is very strong. It has protected me all my life - it's dead hard to trust my t even now. I trust no one else. My t is a cbt specialist and feels more comfortable doing the cognitive stuff. I'll copy this thread if that's ok with you both and push us in a different direction..... Thanks guys!

Hullo

As littlevic said, the mindfulness stuff can be super helpful, especially when it comes to emotional inhibition. The difference between just not expressing emotion, and inhibition, is that you may even try to suppress feeling INSIDE of yourself. The moment a feeling bubbles up as sensation in your body, you may try to lock it down (really common way for me is to hold my breath or tense muscles against the feeling, especially if the feeling is in my diaphragm). For me, I found that using mindfulness of body sensations only for a couple of months really opened me up to feeling - to actually stick with them and allow it to reach its full result inside my body. The mroe you do this, the more 'pressure' seems to build to want to express them. They sort of become self-evident to you and its like you are accepting body sensation. I found it really helpful for breaking out of intellectualisation because you are connecting with raw, body energy which is much harder to deny or explain away.

When I began expressing feelings to my T, I started to say "I can feel a sensation of anger at you" or whatever it was I was feeling. I even read in a book somewhere that "therapy doesnt truly begin until the patient shows anger at the therapist", because their reaction to you is one of the most important ways of establishing trust and intimacy. Of course, the full range of emotion is important, such as sadness or shamefulness. With time, each of these will also become better known to you, more like friends than frightening invaders. Sharing them makes them seem less terrifying, but it means taking that risk.

Ross

[littlevic]

hey don't worry you didn't hijack my thread I am interested in everyone's experience. Suppressing emotions comes from childhood too, if you cried and were ignored or worse punished, if you expressed anger or resentment at the way you were treated and were punished, the caregivers being angry and malevolent, unpredictable. Showing or expressing emotion was a very dangerous thing to do and so you learn not to do it. As an adult when you get the emotion it is very uncomfortable, don't know how to process it, you want it to stop hence all the avoiding and distracting and disassociating yourself from it. Being mindful of the emotion as Ross says and just letting it be without doing any of the behaviour gets easier over time. It just takes lots of practice, its not automatic for me just yet but if I try really hard I can sit with it and tolerate the discomfort. All human emotion is completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of, I try to remember that nobody is going to hurt me anymore. Good luck with your therapy xx