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Can't Work...lost In My Thoughts


michaelkkk

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Hey

I have this awful thoughts all about how helpless I am, how weak I am that noone understands me. I can't work because of it I suppose my BPD and depression is getting worse :( I don't know what to do. I can't sleep, I can't wake up, I can't stop drinking alcohol. Tomorrow I am going to psychiatrist, I am afraid of going to hospital again. I feel like everyone is looking at me and laughing, I can't look into peoples eyes. I don't feel like having sex, I even leave my partner and sleep in other room. I don't want him to look at me. He even said that he can't help me, he doesn't know how.

I wanna run, run as fast as I can so far away. I am afraid of being fired from work because of all these chaos in my head, I do less and I make more mistakes :( I've had self harmed and one girl from my company saw it, and of course I lied that, nothing happened. I feel like I need rehab or something I don't know. I don't know anything.

What to do?

Suppose my medicines don't work. I'm so lost I don't even know what to say to my doctor.

I had to tell that someone or write it somewhere

:(

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