AmyP Posted June 29, 2010 Report Share Posted June 29, 2010 Sorry if you've read like a million posts similar to this, but I really need some advice. I have been refered to a psychologist, but based on twisted truths rather than my real problems. Now I'm doubting whether I have problems, if I'm making it up or exaggerating, or if it really is something I need help for. So because I can't talk to professionals, I figured maybe you could give me some advice. I'm not asking for a diagnosis or any kind of indication as to what it may be, as that's impossible. I just want peoples opinion on whether it is worth seeing the psychologist for, or am I a normal girl who's just going to waste their time. So, here goes. *deep breath*. - My moods change constantly throughout the day from happy to anxious to sad etc - I am down about 80% of the time, which is mixed with feeling anxious and irritable - I experience dissociation a lot and feel like I don't even exist in my own head - My opinion of others rapidly changes from adoring them, to wishing they were dead - I cannot take any form of criticism, I get ridiculously angry or hurt by it, even if it's meant well - I have a huge fear of rejection and abandonment, to the point were my bf cannot go out with friends. If someone cancels on me or cannot make time to see me I have a major panick about what I've done wrong or why they don't like me and get rather upset - I have problems controlling my temper and it gets out of hand quite a lot. I'm rarely violent, but get really verbally abusive - I self harm and have suicidal tendencies, threatening, trying to etc - I used to have an ED which returns when I feel really bad about myself - I may have problems with hallucinations - I get really paranoid about things, thinking people can read my thoughts or are plotting against me etc - I have problems connecting with people in real life, no problem on sites. As a result I have no real friends I feel these are the main problems I experience. So if anyone could give me their opinion on if there may be something and if it's worth going I would really appreciate it. Also if anyone experiences the same things I would really appreciate it if you could tell me what have you been diagnosed with, as it would be nice to have some sort of indication as to what it may be, as I said though don't worry I'm not after a diagnosis. Thank you for reading and sorry if I've bored you :/ Amy xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowman Posted June 29, 2010 Report Share Posted June 29, 2010 I would say its worth seeing the psychologist - the hard thing is opening up and being honest so they can help you properly... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted June 29, 2010 Report Share Posted June 29, 2010 Hi Amy I would say that reading down that list is extremely reminiscent of reading the criteria list for BPD. One of the things that many folks dont focus so much on when they talk to psychs - but which is deeply important - is the effect that these feelings have on relationships, and especially the breadth of things it affects. For example, if you only have trouble with family, but are ok with some friends as well as people at work, then that would be looked on as slightly less 'ill' (for want of a better word) than if all your relationships across the board are impacted. It may be that you have friedns, but feel disconnected from them or 'lonely in a crowd', but especially important is the effects that your mood changes, dissociation and anger has on others. I would definitely present that stuff to them, perhaps even work into it a bit more with examples. They are likely to ask you more questions about that stuff so its good to think ahead of time, especially if you are liable to dissociate in session. I would say you are most certainly not making anything up, and that you are clearly suffering from an awful lot of emotional pain. That you believe there is nothing wrong with you, and feel you are 'making it up' makes BPD all the more likely - it is produced by the 'invalidating environment', and common phrases heard in such an environment is "you're over reacting; dont be so attention seeking; you're making it up; you're being oversensitive". Many familys can be a little like this, but in BPD it is kind of the norm and so the person ends up relating to their own emotions in this way - they feel they are not real, or invented. As a result, they may also feel that they themselves are not real. Well done for putting that together and being so honest, I hope that it helps in conveying your pain to the medics. Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyP Posted June 29, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 29, 2010 Thank you snowman it is the hardest thing for me, talking to people face to face. Ross that's really helped thank you. Everything you've said makes sense, and even explains things a little. I never realised I dissociated during the sessions, but now you've said it I've realised I do and that's why I can't talk about things or remember what I need to tell them. I've never allowed myself to think it may be BPD, even though I can relate to a lot of the symptoms, as I convince myself I'm making it up or attention seeking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigmouth_strikes_again Posted June 30, 2010 Report Share Posted June 30, 2010 I have everything you listed, but with obsessions too. And i often doubt whether i'm ill or making it up. I'm sure i have BPD. *hugs* Hope you get some help x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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