He's Dead To Me

[blacklover]

I don't quitely know if this fits here, but actually i don't care. I have bpd, and i was perfectly fine for a few weeks. It was getting easier to cope with my mood swings. So i decided to take some vacations to 'warm up' my room at home. Actually, to visit my 'home'. Oh, what a big mistake. I'm sixteen years old and even though im pretty strong, it is always hard to watch the things my dad does when he's consuming. I went home looking for peace and all i found was... I dont know how to express it. :/ I spent two complete days watching my dad trying to, on purpose, get an overdose. He spent two days saying he wanted to die. And i was there. Alone, with nowhere to go. Now, im not at home, and yet im still afraid of sleeping. Nightmares hunts me all night long since then. Im s/h again. I close my eyes and see him running all over the house with a knife on his hand. I'm not okay. I'm not. This might sound horrible, but i was wishing with all my strenght ''die, bastard, die.'' its been more than a week since the last time i spoke to him. I don't want to talk to him, 'cause he wanted to die, so be it. He is DEAD to me,