"scars"

[rebeccaborderline]

This is partly in response to Elkes prevoius topic, "what do you want?". Has made me think, and Ive put it here because I think it is a positive thought, if you will bear with me; I have a little tale that is pertinent.

About 2 years ago I read a novel (PD James, The Private Patient)

A woman, aged 47, asked a private cosmetic surgeon to fix a hideously deforming facial scar. He became very curious.

She had been attacked, accidentally or maliciously wasn't clear, as a child by her abusive alcoholic father. He'd messed up her face.

She fought all her life to transcend this; worked ferociously hard, became succesful age 25, world famous age 30. Dropped all her previous family.

The cosmetic surgeon asked her "why now?". It was clear she'd had the money since her mid-twenties; it was clear that she could have changed her appearance so much earlier.

She said, aged 47, of her facial scar;

"I no longer have need of it"

THAT IS WHERE I WOULD LIKE TO BE! I would like to "no longer have need" of my pain; my scars; and I think it's attainable for all of us.

reb xxx

[AmyP]

hmmm i like that. i never really think about it but i do need my scars, they help me in some strange way. thank you for this post rebecca its very interesting. i guess its as much about the action as its about the marks it leaves. a little reminder that youve made it through one more day

[rebeccaborderline]

Thanks amyp; as usual, its as much about me working throught my own stuff, but I think it's relevent to many of us.

I remember my first NHS "counsellor"-dreadfully inept and clumsy person. She said she wanted to strip me back to my skeleton and rebuild me; I remember saying to her, in desperation, that my rotten, infected skeleton was all I had. She didn't get it. I needed my "scar" or "skeleton" at that point because I had nothing else; there was no "me".

reb xxx

....meaning, the baggage doesn't just cling on to me, I cling on to the baggage....I know nothing else, but I would like to let go

[Lily-Bee]

How nicely put!

Wish you strength and wisdom and much good support on your way to that day!

Lilly

[Villan]

oooooo me is liking this thread...

thanks for posting... yes i also hold on to stuff i should let go, i think for me it's cos it is "comfortable and known" and to let go and be free of it is a unknown place where i have never walked and therefore scary...

[zoew]

....meaning, the baggage doesn't just cling on to me, I cling on to the baggage....I know nothing else, but I would like to let go

that speaks volumes to me! I cling on to my baggage for unknown reasons.. but that will give me lots to think about today,

hopefully one day i will "no longer need it"!

Thanks for posting this!

[Narcissa]

thats a very nice way of thinking. and you've got me interested in the book too!

[toaster]

i like this, the honesty i relate to this in many ways, one not having my face fixed either - i need to look ugly and deformed for people to see my pain, so to hear this is refreshing and allows us talk about what might be seen as a controversial subject. Silence and secrets and fear of talking lead to nothing good.

Thank you for posting I am going to look up the book as well :D

[rebeccaborderline]

err, before you all rush out to buy the book, I think I should mention "scar" lady was the murderee and thus only has a bit-part!

But don't let me deter you from PD James; a very underrated writer. She has fantastic ability to see under the skin of human foibles, and express it clearly and succinctly; a great observer of the complexity of homo sapiens. Definately one to put on my fantasy dinner-party list

reb

...and if you want an even better recommendation of another acute reporter of the human psyche (in the fictional genre) read Somerset Maughan, especially the short stories.

[hello]

This is partly in response to Elkes prevoius topic, "what do you want?". Has made me think, and Ive put it here because I think it is a positive thought, if you will bear with me; I have a little tale that is pertinent.

About 2 years ago I read a novel (PD James, The Private Patient)

A woman, aged 47, asked a private cosmetic surgeon to fix a hideously deforming facial scar. He became very curious.

She had been attacked, accidentally or maliciously wasn't clear, as a child by her abusive alcoholic father. He'd messed up her face.

She fought all her life to transcend this; worked ferociously hard, became succesful age 25, world famous age 30. Dropped all her previous family.

The cosmetic surgeon asked her "why now?". It was clear she'd had the money since her mid-twenties; it was clear that she could have changed her appearance so much earlier.

She said, aged 47, of her facial scar;

"I no longer have need of it"

THAT IS WHERE I WOULD LIKE TO BE! I would like to "no longer have need" of my pain; my scars; and I think it's attainable for all of us.

reb xxx

Thanks for this....really inspiring and familiar feeling. It's nice feeling things are attainable

[stardust1982]

i like my scars both physical and emotional as they have made me strong!

my gran used to say something similar to me all the time

WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER

[rebeccaborderline]

...true, I was always told that.

But there is another quote which resonates with me, and was true but I would like to move away from (I would like all of us to move away from!)

"When you are wretched and recover, something inside you dies"

Lets not allow that to be true any more

reb xxx