A Book

[lostsoul]

right.

here is a theory.

it comes from a book i have been reading that i highly recommend you all to read, especially those of you with kids, because it looks at how the patterns of raising kids can be passed on down the generations without you even realising it as much of it is unconscious and 'programmed'. i am sure all of you would hate to pass on your woes to your kids; hey i know i would, if i had any lol

actually i just realised that the theory is multi-faceted and way complicated and that i could not possibly explain it properly here - maybes you shoudl just read the book lol sorry duhhhhh

it is called FAMILIES AND HOW TO SURVIVE THEM, ISBN# 0-7493-1410-9, Robin Skynner and John Cleese

oh yeah, and i think the most brilliant part about this book is this -

you know the running debate about what causes bpd, ie, genetics, abuse, etc, well what this seems to be pointing to is that certain family dynamics are responsible for raising dysfunctional people. abuse may reflect these dynamics, but so could many aspects of family life, so it is not so much the abuse that defines later dysfunction, but the fact that the abuse reflects particular dynamics. this is amazing for me, because parents always turn round and say, well, i dont know what your problem is; we didnt abuse you, starve you, etc. But this book shows how even loving parents can totally screw up because they have poor parenting techniques, which would account for why people develop bpd without necessarily having suffered actual abuse.

might write more about this tomorrow as im dog tired right now.

night night

xx

[janey]

Been meaning to read this book forever!

Perhaps I could borrow it when you've finished. I've been reading a brill book too called "they F*ck you up".... think you would find it very interesting.

[lostsoul]

lol - like the title! yeah i will lend it to ya when im done, which i nearly am (lucky you)

i will find out more about your book later!

xx

[Princess Squeaker]

a couple of other good books are "Lost in the mirror" and "New hope for BPD" i can't remember exactly who wrote them but those are the exact titles so they shouldn't be hard to find.

New hope has a more clinical point of view for those of us who need a little more logical explanation of what is happening to us and the possible explanations as to why. there are also treatment suggestions.

lost in the mirror comes from more of a personal aspect as it is written by a counselor who has been working with bpd's for years.

both have a wonderful way of explaining things and they helped me to understand where i may not be like everyone else there is nothing wrong with the way i am as long as i learn how to cope and control.

:wub: