Kien Posted July 25, 2010 Report Share Posted July 25, 2010 Hi All, I like to introduce myself. I'm 31, for about 8 months I've been struggling with the depression. I'm on meds, tried also psychotherapy but quit it as i found it more stressful than helpful. One year ago my life was almost perfect. I was in long term relationships, we were planning the marriage and buying own flat. Although we emigrated to the different country I was feeling perfect in the new environment. The possibility to meet so many new cultures was very refreshing. I had great job with many career possiblites (something I couldn't dream about in my home country) Then around August I started to change. I perfectly knew who was coming to the light. An old me, very negative, empty, closed, never happy, having no goals, feeling no purpose in life. In few months my relationship was over, work turned into hell, environment changed into alien, scary and lonely planet. For months I've been fighting with the overwhelming feeling that there is no hope for me, any effort of fighting the depression is unnecessary as there is no possibility that I can be happy as whatever I achieve I will destroy later. to cut the long story short. On last Thursday i had very serious breakdown. I run away from work and locked myself in my empty flat since then. Today I feel a bit better, at least i don't have so many dark thoughts. but they are still lurking inside me. I can't sleep but it's even good as I'm scared of my own dreams... and I'm so afraid to leave my flat... And on the same Thursday I did something completely stupid. Just before my brain melted i had serious row with my last friend. Being me I told her that I can't see her again as it would be better for us two. I had no idea why I did something so stupid. Maybe I just wanted to annihilate the last normal part of my life... So here I am now. Completely lonely, in a strange country, with the work that is killing me from stress. and having no hope that anything can change for better. Thanks for reading my confession! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abee.abee1991 Posted July 25, 2010 Report Share Posted July 25, 2010 Hi Kien and welcome to the site, I hope it has some use too you like it has helped me. I am glad you are feeling slightly better and those bad thought are slowly disappearing. I too struggle with bad thoughts on a day to day basis. Have you tried counselling instead of psychotherapy? I can't say if counselling has worked for me as I have my first counselling session tomorrow. Is there any way of contacting your friend and just explain how you have been struggling for the past months? Abigail-Laura Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink stars Posted July 25, 2010 Report Share Posted July 25, 2010 Hello and welcome :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kien Posted July 26, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2010 Thanks for the replies!!!! Well I need to search for a professional help again as after another night lacking of sleep, tortured by my thoughts I feel very broken, Another day outside work again. Well, by now everybody there thinks that I'm weirdo anyway as for my friend - we exchanged a few text messages this weekend. She still wants to be my friend, but said we need a rest from each other. Clearly I hurt her, as the coldness coming from her texts was obvious... I feel so stupid... She is fully aware of my conditions. Having experience with the depression herself, she was always very helpful during numerous crisis situations. Ok, I'm going back to bed. I hope that staring at empty walls will bring some sleep at some point this day... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowman Posted July 26, 2010 Report Share Posted July 26, 2010 Hi and welcome to the site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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