Just Popping In

[fairytales817]

Hey everyone. I'm just checking in for a little while. I'm home for the first time since me last post. Before that it was about 4 days. I dunno. I'm never home. It's a good thing, don't worry. There's just SOOO much going on.

I just think I owe you guys some explaination on why I've been taking off. Trust me, I have reasons. I'm just always so busy. I keep myself like this. I can't stand being home. After my mom stole my journal I hit some sort of breaking point. I figure that distanceing myself from my family may as well be the best thing I can do. Luckily enough, band camp started, so I get to take off early in the morning and then go out with friends. Erik has been driving me around and I've been spending most of my time at Ryan's. I stay with him more than I stay at my house. His mom has pretty much adopted me... I stay there and help take care of things because she's been sick and needs someone to take care of the house and someone to cook and what not. So I've been earning my keep. We've also had a lot of night practices at band camp, so I've been spending evenings there. There's a lot of running around.

The other thing is that I've figured that, not only does distanceing myself from my family help us get along better, but they really don't give a flip. They don't care. Why stay at home with people that don't care when I can get out of here and be with people who do? I see my friends who have parents that care about them and can tolerate them, and I kinda feel jealous... because I never had that. I figure, now, I've been on my own since I was 5 years old and ran away to my grandparents' house for the first time. I've never really had a family in the first place. These are just people I somehow got stuck with 3 years ago. They can't tolerate me and I can't tolerate them. It's almost like a mutual hate for lack of better words. I hope people who have families appreciate them. Not having one myself has made me see them in a different way then most people do.

Don't anybody worry 'bout me though. I'm fine. I'm happy. Even my mother (who I saw for the first time in 5 days) said that I seemed much happier and that something must be wrong with me. Nothing's wrong with me. Something is right with me. I'm happy on my own. I'm happy not trying to please anyone but myself. Surprisingly enough, I've been more up to standards without them pushing me to be. They never straight up pushed me. They always did it in a sly silent way that I hated.... and then they would burst out yelling that I didn't do something right or good enough. It's ok though. I'm fine now. I'm happy now. And I'm pleasing myself. I'm happy with myself... or at least the closest to it that I will ever be.

I love yall so much and don't think I'm leaving for good. I'll still be here, just not as much. Betsy, I guess that means that you get to beat my record of posts. *hugs to all* If you ever need me, send me an email or IM. I'll get it.

I love yall.