Brokenbutterfly Posted September 1, 2010 Report Share Posted September 1, 2010 I am back in the home of my children ex is away with new gf I havnt had a great week as I am so low it was very hard to feel worthy of the good. I came back last week to a number of emails from my now ex not stating anything other than my faults via Internet links. As if I didn't feel completely useless and hopeless enough :,( I have done it again I just can't help myself .. I don't even do it to gain anything it's like I lie, then can't admit the fear just stops me halts me I want to scream please I lied I don't know why. But the words just flow to cover and cover .. Till the spiral grows and yet another walks away. It's suggested although not directly that I'm narcissistic .. But remorse and sorrow and hurt is why I can't think I'm that? I dont fly into rages? I'm so confused so alone .. And I have realised my 9 year marriage was to a Narcassist. He gaslighted me well and truley !! I do wonder if fleas ? Is something added to the way I am ? This added to the "new mix" I can't begin to even know how to cope. I want to change I don't want to be this me.. I want the little girl in me to come out feel safe and loved. Yet bpd girl rains over her ruining everything :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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