Rigger77 Posted September 15, 2010 Report Share Posted September 15, 2010 I have no clue wat is going on with me.. All i know is i hate 99.9 things in this god forsaken prison wich we are all in.. just waking up is a constant struggle.. and i know its only gonna get harder.. i'm sick of being around people who have no clue how to get to the bottom of my problems.. they all want to know my story but not one of them has the answers.. the older i get the more i learn about this so called free world the more i want to throw up over it.. i have problems at home, problems at work, no respect for the police, no respect for the council, no respect for the n h s, no respect for the courts, problems with my freind's, problems with my enimys, but most of all i know wat my biggest problem is.. it's me, i fuking hate me.. i find myself screaming "die you bastard" most of the time.. i been slowly feeling worse for the past 7 years and it is seariosly getting out of hand.. i'm tired.. i'm not suisidal at the moment but things could change in a heart beat.. i'm constantly fighting with my feeling's and mood's.. i could be having a perfect conversation with the local vicar and in my head i'll be imagining myself smacking him in the nose.. imagine that.. i constantly keep myself in check.. although sometimes i find myself to hard to put up with so i go on a bender.. i've not bathed in over a week.. and i dont care.. i palpatate when i breath.. i think something is going to happen at any moment and i'm scared.. i argued with my boss the other day and he gave me a look as if i was backing down.. i did.. but not for his sake.. i've been down the rebel without a cause road and turned my life around.. got a job, held it down, but i'm right in the middle of loosing it. i have myself i girl who stick's by me.. god knows why. i hate money. i hate corporate's.. they have distroyed this planet, and there is nothing we can do about it.. my doctor says i'm depressed and suffering from angsiety.. i say.. no shit sherlock.. she sent me to the local mental health team.. they could'nt help.. they blamed it on the drinking episodes i have every couple of week's.. i need to go off every now and then and get myself of this planet' dont get me wrong i can go month's without a drink, but wen no one can help i use it as a coping tool.. i take myself off and give my everyday side of the brain a brake.. then the cycle starts again. i love my girl, my family and my son whom i have not seen in six years.. my biggest hope is that you turn out to be a better man than i am. thats just a fraction of me and my head is cabbaged now.... peace to you and good luck in life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlylight1 Posted September 15, 2010 Report Share Posted September 15, 2010 hi apollo and welcome i wish i could advise you but i'm not great with advice. a lot of people will understand how you're feeling tho xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rigger77 Posted September 15, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 15, 2010 Hi Vivien. Thank's for the welcome and reply Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted September 16, 2010 Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 Hi there apollo77 and welcome :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bertyswis Posted September 16, 2010 Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 i'm tired.. i'm not suisidal at the moment but things could change in a heart beat.. i'm constantly fighting with my feeling's and mood's.. i could be having a perfect conversation with the local vicar and in my head i'll be imagining myself smacking him in the nose.. imagine that.. i constantly keep myself in check.. although sometimes i find myself to hard to put up with so i go on a bender.. i've not bathed in over a week.. and i dont care.. i palpatate when i breath.. i think something is going to happen at any moment and i'm scared.. I SO Totally understand how you're feeling! B Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Summer* Posted September 16, 2010 Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 Hi to the site.xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rigger77 Posted September 16, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 thank's for the reply's and welcomes everyone.. :grouphug[1]: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted September 16, 2010 Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 My husband uses some of this stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rigger77 Posted September 16, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 is he a musician catsmother?? it was a synthersizer i just bought.. although how it got on here i dont know.. thought i was typing to my brother on m,s,n..hehe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted September 16, 2010 Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 yeah he plays guitar and keyboards (not professionally) and he uses a lot of KORG synthesizer software in conjunction with his instruments oh and he's got an electric violin as well. How are you doing today? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toaster Posted September 16, 2010 Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 :welcomeani: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rigger77 Posted September 16, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 electric violin.. how cool is that!! im still plodding on.. i just bought myself a new synth and mixer to cheer myself up a bit..lol saw my counsilor today and let of a bit of steam. but nothing much changes with me. your well i hope.. thank's toaster.. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted September 16, 2010 Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 My husband has a bipolar disorder and if he can get lost in his music, it really helps him. I hope it helps you x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted September 16, 2010 Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 Do electric violins tune themselves?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted September 16, 2010 Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 Hubby says that you have to tune it and he says it very tricky to tune x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted September 16, 2010 Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 oh dear. Perhaps an electric tuner thingeyme bob will work eaiser than by ear x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted September 16, 2010 Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 He says that the best way for him is to use his keyboard. He has the violin going into a mixer and the keyboard going into a mixer and then he hits a note on the keyboard and then tune it to that note. But you can buy an electric tuner thingeymebob as well. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted September 16, 2010 Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 (((((cat and hubbie)))) xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rigger77 Posted September 17, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2010 do you play the violin roses? my music is my comfort zone catsmother. although my problem does get in the way of it quite often. i lose faith in what i'm doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted September 17, 2010 Report Share Posted September 17, 2010 no but I played piano since I was 7 and always enjoyed music. Aran has drums lessons (10 year old son) and Alora ballet and guitar (6 year old daughter). Mike used to play guitar but he gave up. I'm hoping that listening to her playing might spark the light inside again as it's good for the soul. I was joking with Cat last night about if you were gonna lock her in the cellar it would be fine as long as you stayed with her! LOL the healing power of an attentive husband is something I love xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rigger77 Posted September 17, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2010 I was joking with Cat last night about if you were gonna lock her in the cellar it would be fine as long as you stayed with her! LOL the healing power of an attentive husband is something I love xxx i totally missed that conversation.. lol. i am not cat's fella.. i just been enjoying a convo with her. she seem's verry nice. i playeded piano from an early age too.. lost interest for 8 years. ive always had keyboard's hanging around me but never been inspired.. then i heard this a few months ago and took it back up.. i hope it inspires you. learning how to play it ignited it for me. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted September 17, 2010 Report Share Posted September 17, 2010 LOL I got wrong end of the stick as usual then..... *blushes* That is a beautiful piece thank you for sharing with me. So how many instruments do you play? I'm now getting images of Dick Van Dyke on the pavement in Mary Poppins!:lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rigger77 Posted September 17, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2010 dick van dyke.. lmao. i play a bit of everything but mainly keyboard's and bass. i think mary poppins is a little too prim n propper for my lifestyle. think more john lennon with a skin head and a broad manchester accent..hehe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted September 17, 2010 Report Share Posted September 17, 2010 ok I can go for John Lennon but will you still wear a drum on your back??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rigger77 Posted September 17, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2010 hehe.. only if i can wear clowns shoes.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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