Comfort Eating? Or Old Ways ?

[Jelly-bean]

trigger!!!!!!!! hi i've always said im a comfort eater but im not sure now as if i look back in my past well if i start there maybe someone could have a view on this am i comfort eating or what am i doing?

ok this is hard you may not even beleave me but its true just will sound far fetched i say this cos i have told others and got cold responses

when i were oh i don't know little as far as i can remember i wasn't aloud to eat with my mum and dad they would go off into the frontroom and eat watching telly and left me in the kitchen with the dogs no one taught me how to eat proper ya know with knife and fork even though i had a knife and fork i didn't know how to use them so i eat like a dog scoffing my food down with my hands and my tounge gross i know .............. i was banned from my aunties houses for the fact that i couldn't eat proper and it became a big thing at school to i really did try but its like i were hungry all time and i had to eat it quick i never got sweet stuff either only used to watch my family sit and eat it and i used to drool ....one time my dad let me in to the the frontroom not sure if it was a birthday or something but i was aloud to eat with them i sat in front of them trying to copy what they did eating really slow for me concentrating as not drop it and not to use my hands but my mouth wouldn't close proper when i chewed i got one warning then i panicked and it happened again and the next thing i knew i was running around the house screaming with my dads knife stuck in the top of my head ....

this is hard to type about so anyways i was put in the kitchen only to have jam sandwiches on weekdays when i was at school and then at weekends to eat alone

my craving for sweet stuff got really bad i started stealing ...or just being plain cunning as in i used to get my mums green shield stamps and collect them and then go get loads of sweets from the co-op,

when i got a job later i run a mock with sweets because i could and i find i have been like this all my life now i eat like a pig sometimes even my kids find it hard to watch me sometimes so is this comfort eating or am i stuck in my ways ??

[t5terrier]

Hey Bean,

First off *Big Hug* and try not to feel bad for sharing, you need to be nice to yaself for the rest of the day.

Secondly, I'm not much help with respect to what you;re going through but I can relate my experiences, just in case that helps.

I think they might be both the same thing, comfort eating and being stuck. I comfort eat for two reasons, one of them (massive sugar or carb binges) is because I'm feeling low, empty and unstable. I get a rush (actually not particularly noticeable) of endorphins which kicks off serotonin release (the happy drug), I feel full (bloated) which gets the emptyness out of the way and I feel tired (too much food) which calms the instability. I'm sure that the chemical "reward" you get from eating sweet stuff is what you're craving. This is a long shot but it could be partly because you were left alone to eat, no feedback from ya parents, no "well dun"?

The other reason I comfort eat is boredom. I get very tired often and have zero energy to do anything. So I watch movies and I eat loads, pretty much all day, I think that they are both MO's or habits, ways of feeling better

Whatever it is I reckon you're after some good feelings.

Wish I could help more.

:)

[bena.baby]

aw jelly ((((((jelly))))) that is so sad what your parents did to you. i think it totally makes sense that you would comfort eat cos of that - maybe it's the feeling of control it gives you? like you can eat what you like, so it removes you from the feelings you had as a child, when you couldn't eat nice things.

i have a bit of a thing with eating (got over it a bit now) where i don't really like to eat in front of other people because when i was little i didn't eat much and if i did finish my meal my whole family would comment on it. always made me feel like people were watching every mouthful that passed my lips, which is not that nice.

always here if you want to chat xxxxx

[toaster]

hey jels

((((((((((((((((jelly)))))))))))))))) first of all lemme say well done on this post. was brave of u to post it.

have u spoke to ur support worker about this?

i believe my eating habits stem from my childhood. i was also left alone to eat and made to believe it was a bad thing. i stole food and binged on sweets. i wasn't taught self control. i know have a shame connected with food and eating and its the one thing i struggle with the most.

so i'd say yes, it's all interlinked. the fact u r recognising the patterns of behaviour is good though, that means you can work on them, if you want.

well done again

toastie xx

[Jelly-bean]

thanks guys,

yeah i think your right, i just wish i knew a way out of it cos of being diabetic now ... i have litrally comfort eaten my way into being ill ..... self destruction and i find it impossible to stop these habbits that i have had all my life, your so right with the selfcontrol over food toaster hun that scares me.....i have no control over the feelings and yes i do crave sugar ..... its so so hard not to give into and i usually do give in even though i know im doing myself no good....and basically shortening my life ....and causeing more pain due to exess sugar to come out as absesses on my gums my own worse enemy i want to learn how to stop this and yes i did tell my cc not in detail about alot that went on in my childhood we ain't gone into it as im not good at going there again ......... i do remember the knife in my head though ... i remember running around blindly screaming in pain .... i put my hands to it and felt it stuck in my head ..... with my mum running after me trying to catch me i don't remember how it were taken out but i do know i didn't go to hospital never went to hospital for these injuries i was treated at home by my mother .... and told that is was my fault that he did it i brought it on myself ....

[walker]

(((jelly)))

i am told endlessly by my hub and parents that if i get diabetes or heart disease it will be my own fault

infact

as a child/adult

it has always somehow been 'my fault' when anything was wrong

but the fact is jels

many people live the same way and DONT get ill, so its NOT YOUR FAULT

and even if it is caused by your comfort eating

well

why the hell are you needing to comfort eat in the first place

because you hurt inside

and thats NOT YOUR FAULT either

love you jelly xxxxxxxxxx

[walker]

just re-read toasties reply

made me think

my diet was v v good as a child - BUT - v v controlled too

i was told i had had enough, not allowed more, or too much, and what i could/couldnt eat and when

and now

i crave sweet foods and often when i eat them its like - 'i can do what i like so there' - feeling - yet still feeling afraid and guilty

i didnt learn self control - it was all externally controlled

i was watched ALL the time, if i didnt eat my dinner up then it was assumed i must have eaten something else that i shouldnt have

my dad would watch me and rage if i left anything, him and my bro would be waiting to get it off me

i had a long time when i couldnt chew meat or swallow it - but that was me 'just being silly'

i dont know

its all an issue for me

and yes jelly, i feel its 'my fault' too, knowing my diet/lifestyle is fking up my insides

(sneaks off and eats another whispa secretly)

[Jelly-bean]

hi walker hun ...... its weird how extreems get to us my eating were out of control no control (no one cared if i eat or not)......i had no policeing around me i was left to be the pig i am been thinking of the knock on effects ..... as in my eating the way i were treated and yours and alsorts how parenting and what they did or didn't do for us effects us all today

and oh yeah about your not liking meat its not silly my daughter is sensitive and she hates to eat meat cos of the texture how it feels in her mouth give her a sausage or burger where it has been mashed down for her and she will eat it happily ....she don't like loud noises either ... any way going back to extreems

i think its just like potty training a toddler no praise they can pick up some funny habbits and prolong the training even develope bed wetting this is not all cases ok im talking extreems like shouting at them and stuff for dropping potty and stuff or maybe im wrong sorry xoxox (((((((((((hugs))))))))))

this don't make sense does it ????

[walker]

u always make sense hun

and

omg dont get me started on what potty training may/maynot have done to me

i did like meat

but from about 5 yrs for a year or so, i would just chew and chew and be scared of swallowing and all the time dad there glaring shouting watching

intimidate intimidate

how the hell can you swallow when your scared and trying not to cry

(i think i spent a lot of my time very frightened when i was little)

[Jelly-bean]

i think that is why i was put away from my father when eating cos only the first time i did eat in front of him he lost control and i ended up with a knife stuck in my head ......in that way then im glad i was left to eat in with the dogs can't imagine what would hae happened to me if i were watched by my father full time ......

big (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((huggles))))))))))))))))))))))))))) walker hun i understand that fear hunnie xoxoxo

[walker]

its weird how polar opposites in upbringing can create the same results