Lack Of Confidence

[bena.baby]

I'm having real trouble with my lack of confidence. I seem to have recovered from so many of the things that used to trouble me (and I'm so happy and grateful for that) but lack of confidence just seems to be impossible for me to get over.

It's a weird thing - I know the reason I can't do stuff is because I lack confidence, not because I'm useless. And yet, whenever I go to do something, the voice in the back of my head says "you can't do this" and then I can't.

It is in all situations - at the moment, I'm trying to find a job. With the job market the way it is, and with my spotty work history, it's not easy to find a decent job. I am applying for stuff that I know I am really over-qualified for, and that doesn't feel very nice, especially since most of my friends are doing really well in their careers. I can accept that I might need to take a not-that-great job for a bit til I build up a bit of a work history again, but it makes me feel quite bad about myself. It's strange, as I've always been quite determined not to define myself by my job, but the fact that the only successful interview I've had is to stack supermarket shelves makes me feel so rubbish.

Another area where I have a lot of problems is climbing. I took up climbing a year ago and initially it made me feel great and I loved it. Recently though, it's been causing me a lot of anxiety. I have a fear of heights, and as soon as I get a few feet above the ground, I feel myself starting to get horribly tense. I even burst out crying last week! It's less about the height thing, I think, and more about being so lacking in self-confidence that I don't even trust myself to be able to hold onto the wall even on very easy climbs and where it doesn't matter if I fall because I am tied into the rope. After bursting into tears last week, I then had a break to drink a coffee, and promptly climbed up a wall about 12 feet high without a rope at all, something I had never thought possible. For some reason though, this didn't even make me feel that good, even though it was something I had previously been terrified of.

People always tell me I come across as really confident, and it is true that in certain situations, I do feel ok with myself. But in terms of moving my life forward, I just can't seem to do it. I wonder if I push myself too hard maybe and expect too much. I know that as a child, I would abandon things rather than continue with them if I thought they were less than perfect. I think maybe this has become a habit.

Don't know if anyone else feels the same...

[Jelly-bean]

hiy hun ...this may not be the sam eim not sure but people say i look like i can take anything that im hard looking like its water off a ducks back with me but that isn't the case, im not like that at all....maybe i give of this i don't give a damn thing but i do very much and i lack confidence and if i say i can't i won't try and i will give up real easy .....peoples out look on me is not how i am and i understand when peeps say things like oh your so good at that and really im shit at it......its anatural shut off to say i can't so i won't but maybe ya should ask yourself who said i can't lets see if i can... you were climbing something is giving you a mental block on it right now hun ......don't give it up its to easy to do that it will help you with confidence to see it through hard as it maybe ...... lets see if you can do it hun i'll support you hun holding ya hand (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) xoxox

[starryeyesee]

hi esme

i'm a musician and the last 3 years i have been in hospital and was on loads of drugs. because of my problems i have lost loads of confidence playing on stage and am now working to get it back. i still have a tendance to ask my best friend if i played ok to which the answer is usually "yes". but i think we need to look to ourselves for the answer.

you climbed that wall without ropes! you can do it. every little thing that you do that is positive say a little well done to yourself and soon that confidence will come back. its really important to acknowledge our progress.

it takes time so be patient

love starry x

[Saharah Blue]

I agree with starry, a lot of times we didn't get the encouragement and feedback in life to know we are doing well, learning to pat yourself on the back for the small things, helps to grown your self confidence. I also, think it has to do with not feeling able to trust your own emotions, because they have led us wrong and we stop trusting them altogether.

I am working on this aspect of my recovery right now too. Looking for a job, trying to stick with my swim goals, and other areas of my life. Its baby steps at being nice to ourselves. I see in myself, I do better when in a class, where I can get that external reassurance.

I know its a starting point and it will be great when I can start to do it more for myself. So, I still feel in between, "standing on my own feet" in this realm, and still "needing some hand holding". Acknowleging this to myself makes is easy to not beat myself up for not getting it perfect every single time. I fight the urges to make in black and white. I did great vs. I am lousy at this.

Take a minute to pat yourself on the back for the good choices you are able to make for yourself, and the wisdom you have to continue to keep making good choices for you.

love to you,

Sah

[SusieQ]

Esme - I can totally relate to what you're saying. Being unemployed is really difficult, especially when it feels like everyone around you is getting on with stuff. I've been in the position of taking a job you are over-qualified for and you have to remind yourself that its not because you can't do something better but just that the oppertunity isn't there at the time.

I also relate to the climbing thing. I recently took up surfing recently and loved it at first, but now people keep asking me about how Im doing and I get anxious about how crap I am at it. Then I have to remind myself that I am not doing it for other people. Perhaps you are stretching yourself because you are trying to overcome your fear of heights. Thats not a bad thing and way beats sitting on the couch watching crap on TV in my opinion, though there is always a time and a place for crap TV.

You just need to learn when to give yourself a break and some tlc, and like the others have said, remind yourself of the progress you are making.

:masked:

[carlylight1]

hi esme, yes i'm pretty much the same. even in various social situations which should be easy and at work where i know rationally i am capable of doing it because its not too demanding-i am always anxious and lack confidence. its like that image of a duck gliding on the surface but beneath the water its little feet are frantically paddling!

not got any advice i'm afraid but i'm interested in all the replies xxx

[bena.baby]

Thank you all for your lovely posts. Maybe I need to start noting down stuff I've achieved every day, or things I have achieved when I'm climbing or whatever. It's funny that this has come back now...maybe two years ago, I really stopped beating myself up, but in the last 2 or 3 months, I've really been hating myself again.

Thank you so much for your support xxxx

[hummm_mabbe]

Hi esme

I dont know if you are the same as this, but what you said about not being able to do it perfectly rang a bell with me. I have a very weird motivational problem that I can only describe as a 'pain', and Ive been battling with it for years. Slowly I have come to decipher what is purely a bodily feeling and understand where it comes from, and it has several layers, all of which occur within a split second but feel like 'one' feeling.

I too have that sense that things should be perfect, that I should be able to do things amazingly well the first time I try. But there is also another sense that I cannot come up to this standard - for example I feel I will be too anxious, or it will be too difficult. Then that first sense re-asserts itself, and another part of me digs its heels in, and says "No! Im not doing it! Stop pushing me! Leave me alone!". It doesnt matter what I try to tell myself about it, one part of me always feels coerced and forced, and so this 'pain' comes up that stops me from taking any action at all.

I know where the perfectionism comes from and can trace it back into my very early years, being told from early on that I was 'different', the attitude I was some sort of super human child who was expected to outperform any other child, without even trying. I was made to feel ashamed if I failed to reach this 'minimum', and was meant to be perfect in every way - more mature, never naughty, cleverer, socially adept. If I got something wrong, rather than it being a chance to learn or develop, I was just compared to some other child who could already do it better than me, so I grew up thinking that I should either be excellent at everything right away, or I have failed in some dreadful way.

Its a crippling motivational problem, and is one of the major issues I have with work. The only way I have found to try and change it is by using a "motivated towards" outlook rather than "motivated away from" outlook. People can be motivated by wanting a good feeling (eg a sense of achievement), or motivated to do something in order to avoid a bad feeling (eg being laughed at if you cant do it). So what I mean by this is trying to be motivated by feeling good feelings, such as a sense of having tried, of having done something new and persevered, and then rewarding myself - rather than being motivated AWAY from the fear of not being perfect, or the fear of not coming up to that expected standard (or perhaps a combination of "once I do this perfectly, then others will like me, otherwise they will look down on me"). I have broken it down to the tiniest of things, so to use the climbling example, I would say "I will climb only 1 metre, and thats my aim for today". Even if you cant, you still reward yourself (with a muffin, yum) anyway. You pick something small to achieve, and then reward yourself. I have a little golf-counter wristwatch thing, and whenever I do something small, even if its the washing up, I click a number up on it and record it - again to try and get in the habit of rewarding myself for small things. It can be hard, because that same perfectionistic drive may be in the background saying "well that was pointless", but its one of those things you have to do again and again, to cultivate that tendency to reward yourself rather than just find a new, more distant peak to reach.

I have the same issues with work as well. I was 'meant' to grow up and be something like a particle physicist who invented warp drive and changed the world, and instead I am jobless and on benefits. Once again its that constant drive for perfection and the expectation to be 'better than', which actually prevents me from doing anything at all. I resent the demand so deeply that my body just cannot take action without experiencing this physical pain. Seeing this in action has convinced me that a small-steps, self-rewarding approach, with the modest aim of being happy in a reasonably good job (rather than stressed, harried and terrified of failure in a top-flight one), might lead to my being a happier person. The inner belief / drive I really could be the particle physicist is still there of course, so I have to accept that part of me still exists - but so much of what he wants is based on fear. He feels 'either I achieve that highly, or something terrible will happen". Im hoping he will feel better when he feels happy

I dont know if you read it when you had the book, but the 'Unrelenting Standards' schema in the 'reinventing' book talks a lot about this kind of stuff. I dont know if you have read "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by David Burns, its something of a CBT bible, but it has a really good chapter on "anti-perfectionism" with lots of things to try.

One question - do you feel like the expectations of perfection come from yourself, and are self-imposed, or does it feel like they are imposed from outside, somehow by others? That can affect how you handle it too, something called your 'locus of evaluation'. In the first one its a case of convincing yourself its ok not to meet those standards, but in the second you have the added feeling that others will punish or reject you for not meeting them.

Sorry for long reply.

Ross

[Saharah Blue]

The self inflicted perfectionism is crippling to motivation, confidence, and self esteem.

Ross, I can see what your saying about motivations. Only I think it falls flat as a total answer, sure it can get the ball rolling, but it doesn't sustain the momentumn to build confidence over the long term, in my experience. Eventually, you burn out of running off of fear or anxiety. And feel the exact opposite, like esme was saying about abandoning projects ect..

Personally, I am rarely motivated by treating myself (not because I don't feel like I not deserve treats) but because I find it stressful to acquire objects, I feel like if I were to treat myself all the time I would end up with a lot of crap. So, having more things, even food, feels like pressure.

What I think I am starting to learn around me, is learning when I can really take in that is okay to be human, to make mistakes, I start to show improvement which is really hard. But the be kind and acknowledge your effort is really important. Last night I went to the pool and of the 40 min, I was swimming, there was only one length that felt beautifully perfect, to meet my standard. However, I know that I even getting there today is huge pat on the back for me.

I try to look at these little positive acknowledgments, like planting little seeds of good intentions towards yourself, keep watering them and nurturing them, into greater realms of self compassion, self confidence, and self esteem. Becasue, I know changing myself talk will change my neural pathways, and eventually over time, I will automatically, think these things without so much internal conflict and bad feelings. Perhaps your ctb bible covers that.

But speaking of self-compassion, I have been exploring this on this site. Its a self test, but it goes on to talk about what self-compassion really is, so I'll include it in case.

http://www.self-comp...te_are_you.html

Sorry to hijack your thread here esme, you just started a really good topic. Thank you for posting this.

Sah

[hummm_mabbe]

Hi sah

Im not sure if you read my full reply, but I actually feel like what you have just said there is exactly what i was getting at. Its not that you always buy a muffin - as I said, its cultivating the sense of being moved towards a sense of reward, rather than running on fear. Thats also what I said in the first paragraph - the 'pain' I feel stops me dead.

The reward can be an attitude towards yourself, or for me, its the little click of the counter. I dont need to acquire things to reward myself with. That was the whole point of what I was saying - that running on fear is the opposite of what i want to do. You pick something small and focus on the sense of achievement in process.

To me it still sounds like you value your perfectionism - you still are chasing that one 'perfect length'. This is the one place i think we depart, because i think that as long as you are still secretly harbouring the belief that perfectionism is a good idea, you will still have the same difficulty in developing compassion for yourself. You are almost saying "I will be compassionate towards myself once I am perfect". Almost like you are thinking "well I did one perfect length, and if I am compassionate towards myself, eventually I will do 60 perfect lengths". Its the opposite of compassion and acceptance.

[Saharah Blue]

Ross,

In my above reply I mentioned this area is currently what I am working on, not that, I have it mastered overcoming perfectionism ( I wish).

Since I am learning a new type of swimming is a big personal goal over all, I can see that my typical thinking would say yes this is the perfect technique, I want to cultivate, and leave it there. But, am also able to not get down on myself for that one thing, by acknowledging I am human, learning something new and there is a bigger picture, to both achieving my goal and to changing how I think a feel about the judgment that surround my perfectionist self talk. So, there is a greater acceptance of self involved and a gentler approach to being me.

Perhaps I misunderstood you saying regarding motivation, or the reward system. I do agree with your post, maybe I should have included that in my reply. We likely are saying similar things in different ways. However, I don't want to steal esme's post any further, so I will leave it there.

Sah

[hummm_mabbe]

Hi Sah

TBH I think I was feeling a bit over-sensitive this morning and I reacted to your reply as though it was a criticism, so my reaction wasn't as balanced as it could be and i was being slightly defensive. What you are trying to accomplish is great, and its extremely difficult to cultivate that sense of compassion, especially when it so easy to criticise yourself.

Feeling a bit swirly and odd, just wanted to apologise for reacting defensively.

Rosss

[bena.baby]

Hey, thanks for your replies guys, interesting reading!

Ross - my family is really weird in that they will constantly slag other people off, call them idiots, act like we're the only people who have any sort of intelligence - and yet whenever I demonstrated any ambition or desire to be anything as a child, I was laughed at. To this day, anything I want to do, it's just mocked in my family, or they act like I'm crazy for wanting to do it. It's at the point now where I actually don't tell them anything I'm going to do in advance because I know they'll just take the piss.

I think I'm very motivated by what other people think, which I am quite ashamed of. My biggest thing at the moment is that everyone that knows me is thinking what a huge loser I am for not having a job, let alone a career. And logically I know that like, whatever, it doesn't matter what other people think, even if they do think it, which they probably don't. But the thought won't go away.

I do find the setting of goals makes things easier, but yeah often get that feeling of "so what?" if I do something small. You know, like if I write down 3 good things I did and it's like "made myself a sandwich", sometimes it makes me feel worse. In terms of climbing, yeah, I think I really need to start setting goals there, so I can see that I've progressed or whatever, maybe that will help.

I will read that book again I think, it was really useful. Thanks for reminding me.

Sah - like you, I don't feel rewards help me very much. I don't really know why, I suppose it's that if I buy a bar of chocolate when I do something good, I don't really associate the chocolate with the good thing I've done. I think, like you, the more I try to change the way I talk to myself, the more I will feel better. I hope this is just a low point and not something that will continue forever.

Thanks again for your replies guys, there's really no-one I can talk to about this in real life and it is nice to feel understood. xxx

[Olly_el_nino]

I know these feelings all too well also. I dont think I can remember the last time I had confidence in ANYTHING. I also know I'm capable, just not sure I feel the confidence from others, or think others want me to fail, or take the piss out of the way I do something. Other times I can be fine too, but its usually an act. Interestingly have spoken to friends about my confidence, and alot of them have said at times when they haven't felt it, they have put it on as an act until they did. I'm not even sure I can do the act thing either though, lol.

It is also really demoralising looking for a job at the moment, and I think anyone who has been searching for any amount of time will bee feeling largely similar. I cetainly have been... it is a case of applying to as many jobs as possible, and not being too fussy (ok, I wouldn't stack shelves either, so with you there!), but you are right that the moment you are doing any job (even if it was the shelf stacking) then you are instantly more desirable, because you have shown get up and go and a will to be working. Make use of the job center, can also be demoralising going there too, but they have some good programs you can make use of, I went to 'next step' last week to get my CV looked at, even though I have family working in recruitment and didnt feel I needed it. I thought before I went it would be a waste of time, but actually some of it was useful, and it wasn't all about CV's.

There was something else I wanted to comment on, but going to have to go back and re read the post :P

[Olly_el_nino]

... ah yes, the expecting too much of youself. I have high expectations too, everyone in life always aims higher than they ever actually achieve, it's good to have goals. Likewise this make things difficult for me to get on with my life too. I think it's the fear of failure more than anything, and I think this applies to lots of things with me in terms of confidence (bit like chatting up women, I just have a fear of rejection, so I ust dont do it). My father was depressed years ago as a result of high expectations and turned to drink. Just picture it like this though, if you dont do something pro-active, your life will just stay as it is now. Is that what you want? I doubt it, as I certainly don't! If you have a go at something and fail, what's the worst that can happen? If you succeed, you will be one step futher along the line. Just take one day at a time though, that's what they always say!

Wishing you good luck!

[hummm_mabbe]

Hi esme

The background you describe sounds a lot like one in the book - where you have a family that sees itself as "better than", but at the same time makes you feel useless. Its like you end up taking on both expectations - you 'should' be perfect, 'better than' others, but you also believe you are incapable. Its like a cat trying to escape from its own tail, you are caught in a trap of requiring perfection, but knowing you can never fulfil it.

I think you are probably right that 'something else' needs to change for the rewards to feel right. They never used to work for me either, but I think that so much has changed besides it that somehow, it now makes sense. Something huge that happened was really emotionally connecting with the sense of pressure and driving that I lived my life under. I really felt how it affects everything I do - I am perfectionistic about every conversation, heck even about therapy. I was trying to be perfect for my therapist, which meant I wasnt being genuine. There was a little 'click' moment when it all seemed to come together.

I think what happened was it was like a 'critical mass' effect. It all piled on top of it, and some little part inside just went "enough - Im not doing it your way anymore. Im not being whipped and coerced and demanded through my life anymore. I get far more done when i am nice to myself - your method just makes me want to give up completely". In essence I had just had enough of that driving, expecting. nagging voice inside and something 'clicked'. Now the rewards really seem to mean something, simply because that voice doesnt have the power it used to.

So perhaps reaching that critical mass with that perfectionistic voice is something thats necessary too, otherwise as you say the thought is always there, hanging around. The one thing I found though was that you cant demand yourself into feeling different - thats where the mindfulness really helps. I found I had to just accept that the thought, or the body sensation or whatever form that voice was taking, was still present and still do the other thing anyway. There's a sort of no mans land where it feels mechanical because the old voice is more powerful, but after a while you start to feel a little glow. I think perhaps you have to really be convinced that the perfectionism just does not help you, or perhaps understand emotionally (as opposed to intellectually) why you do it or why it happens. So often perfectionism is about the fear of criticism or rejection, and you try to be perfect so no one will reject you again.

Something else I tried was trying to use mindfulness to focus on the pleasurable part of whatever I was doing. So for example with the washing up, I tried to focus on the feeling of the water, or the satisfaction of putting each clean dish in the drainer. I found it really helped to silence that nagging voice in the background, or the fear of not doing it well enough.

Ross

[bena.baby]

Hi

El Nino - I suppose the problem with trying and failing is that you do lose - for me, it just bolsters my feelings of self-hatred and uselessness. Every job that I apply for and never here back from is another thing I dwell on and wonder why I didn't get. I know I have to keep trying, bloody hard though. I will try the job centre, thanks for the suggestion. It will probably help to get some outside opinions on my CV and stuff.

Ross - Yes, my therapist also used to tell me that I didn't have to try to please her, which was a real lightbulb moment, cos I never realised I ever did that. But I definitely try to convince people I'm perfect somehow...but then realise I never will be so make no effort at all. Very black and white I suppose. I was one of the best students at my primary school (was going to be moved up a year but they decided I was too young and cried all the time too) but when I got to secondary, I don't know, maybe I realised I wouldn't always be the best, so I just didn't try at all. Same at uni. And probably same with everything else since. It didn't help that I was never encouraged at home (one incident that sticks in my mind was when I was sitting doing my homework and my mum asked what I was doing. I said I was going to revise what we'd done in chemistry class every day from now on, cos it was my most difficult subject. She just laughed and said "we'll see how long that lasts".)

You're right, it does feel mechanical when I try mindfulness at the moment (and I also have no support (except my boyfriend)) and I'm finding it hard to keep going and not just slump back into a place of hopelessness. I think trying more mindfulness will help.

Esme x

[SusieQ]

I totally relate to this stuff. Very interesting guys. Thanks for sharing.

In my case I have this deep rooted feeling that people won't accept me for who I am and Im always trying to second guess how to win people's approval, but most of it is just a projection of my own insecurities.

[hummm_mabbe]

Hi there

One thing I have learned from therapy is that those moments that stick out are usualy very important, and it can be helpful to ask yourself what you wanted at that moment, or how you would have wanted it to pan out. It could be that what you wanted was some affirmation - a "well done, thats great!", or it might be that what comes up the most is the anger or hurt you felt. There may even be the barrier of invalidation - even now you may feel the anger, but feel you 'shouldnt' have felt angry, or you were somehow wrong to feel angry. As invalidation is such a BPD thing, that might be a barrier thats still there - getting to the place where you emotionally believe your own story, your own right to actually feel angry. Invalidation can keep that anger buried or stuck. It may be worth thinking about what would happen if you had got angry with your mum at that point - would it have got you anywhere, or made things worse? Would you have become the bad guy, and been made to feel guilty or ashamed?

It can be hard to get past this because deep inside we still want that person to love us or see us in the way we always wanted, and you cant 'just' give that up. You end up having a battle with all the emotions that pull in different directions. Underneath the numbness might still be the need to be loved, and on the other side the powerless anger. So often its this battle that needs to be fought, otherwise that critical, demanding and rejecting part always feels more powerful. It seems to have a presence that goes beyond words - its just something you feel. When you try to reward yourself, you can just feel that sensation of "so what", without even hearing the words. You might even get a mental image of a face showing contempt, or hear a tone of voice. Its this that I found I just had to hold in mindfulness - accept its presence whilst not accepting its 'truth' or as someone once said to me, "accept the feeling, throw the story away".

It is hard to make headway against this part of you without support though, that much is true - and even if you have a therapist you can end up seeing them as an extension of that voice anyway (which is what I did). Its stuff that only seems to change through a glacial process of erosion. For the above reasons, I never really did find the CBT type 'arguing back with the inner voice' stuff helpful, because it always had mroe emotional punch than me. For me what seems to have made space for a slightly more self-compassionate approach has been that mindful acceptance of the hateful voice, whilst leaving the door open for other possibilities. Perhaps that and hearing my therapist telling me that voice is wrong, all added to that little critical mass thing, Im not sure.

Ross

[Saharah Blue]

Hi Sah

TBH I think I was feeling a bit over-sensitive this morning and I reacted to your reply as though it was a criticism, so my reaction wasn't as balanced as it could be and i was being slightly defensive. What you are trying to accomplish is great, and its extremely difficult to cultivate that sense of compassion, especially when it so easy to criticise yourself.

Feeling a bit swirly and odd, just wanted to apologise for reacting defensively.

Rosss

Ross,

I wasn't at my all time alert either, I hadn't been to bed all night, I am sure that my concentration was waning and I misread parts of your post. No, worries, think we get it ironed out in the end.

tc,

Sah

[Miko]

When I was young people kept saying, "Have some confidence" as if it were like the rochers on the silver tray at the Ambassador's Reception. That was no help!

Nowadays I need to not only measure progress but check where it is safe to go backwards (not many areas though probably)

[maria123]

I guess by changing the inner negative voice to a positive one,one that is unconditional and constantly encourages.

One must have the courage to face life and its difficulties.

It is easy to hide in some small corner,difficult to put oneself out there and be the topic of judgement and in some cases the jury can be harsh.

You've got to make urself feel wanted and loved even if u receive negative messages from others.

Practice,practice practice it gets easier.

Turn ur thoughts to other things(hobbies,books,material things ),dont focus too much on people,dont care too much.....

[hummm_mabbe]

Hi esme

I just had an interesting experience that made me think of this thread, and thought it might be helpful.

I have always had MAJOR motivational poblems. For me its a case that when i try to do something, I feel an actual physical pain in my body. When you are trying to focus on something, and you are in pain, its very hard - and usually I find myself running for some chocolate or just the desire to avoid the task completely.

I just tried something, and it really seemed to help. I have been trying to go back to my maths books, because I have forgotten so much of my degree. Sure enough, whenever I pick up the books, I get that same 'pain' (an emotional pain but it feels physical). Up til now, I hadnt thought to use mindfulness with it and accept it - it was more of a case of trying to 'grin and bear it' and power through, which didnt work.

Well I just picked up the books, started reading, and along came the pain. I took my focus off of what i was reading, and brought the pain into awareness. I tried to accept it and observe it, rather than trying to get rid of it or control it. What I noticed was that the pain subsided! I could go back to reading, and then of course a few minutes later, it came up again. This time it was a sense of fear, because (without realising) i was 'fast forwarding' to the fear of not being able to do the questions on it. In fact this pain I experience is some expression of that same perfectionism - that I should do it right straight away, and the fear of not being able to do it.

Rationalising or looking for 'alternatives' would never have helped, but just simply holding those painful feelings in mindful awareness allowed me to read 2 pages that I had already run away from this evening So in a way, it seems to be something of a 'distress tolerance' issue. I wonderd if maybe you could try this with your climbing? As you start up the wall, be mindfully accepting of any sensations of fear, maybe of failure, or of being seen to be afraid, or whatever is going on. Pause to let the awareness sink in, and then try the next hand hold? That would sort of mix together "little steps" with mindfulness. It really seemed to help me just now, so maybe worth a try? It might depend on how strong your mindfulness practice is though, so maybe something to build on...

Ross