Russell Posted October 6, 2010 Report Share Posted October 6, 2010 I had an appointment with the Pdoc this morning and it would appear that I am setting off alarm bells...... apparently there are concerns over my health!? (whatever that actually means at the end of the day) I didnt know until this morning that Im officially diagnosed with anorexia. The label doesnt really change anything but I guess it makes it feel a bit more 'real' and maybe a bit more serious. So heres the sucky bit..........I now have to go for weekly weigh ins (I cant see that happening) any form of weighing in is sooooo triggering, even blind weight.....its crazy. When you think youre fat the last thing you want to do is have someone else weigh you!!! They also want me to go for fortnightly blood tests(aarrggghhhh) Hate hospitals and Dr surgeries. Im now stuck, feeling ever so slightly trapped and not knowing what to do :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yasontheborder Posted October 6, 2010 Report Share Posted October 6, 2010 Hugs Hun. I know how hard it can be. I struggle with ED too. But hopefully you can get better, however hard it may be xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrippleAndStarfish Posted October 6, 2010 Report Share Posted October 6, 2010 (((((((((((((((((((Russ))))))))))))))))))) xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaska_Grown Posted October 6, 2010 Report Share Posted October 6, 2010 (((RUSS))) I'm so sorry honey... I wish I could help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toaster Posted October 6, 2010 Report Share Posted October 6, 2010 weigh ins are awful they make me cry ((((((((russell)))))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted October 6, 2010 Report Share Posted October 6, 2010 sorry i dont understand ed's as such - but i do understand mental pain and anx and all that, so i guess sending you a hug and some support wont hurt ((((((((((((russell))))))))))))) xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donnam Posted October 6, 2010 Report Share Posted October 6, 2010 sending you hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinkerbell. Posted October 6, 2010 Report Share Posted October 6, 2010 ((((((((((((((Russell)))))))))))))))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Russell Posted October 6, 2010 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2010 Thank you for your support everyone. This whole thing is messing with my head so badly. I always end up doing what my pdoc suggests because I respect him and at the end of the day he knows his stuff ......BUT......I just cant see this one working My first weigh in isnt until next week but already Im on edge. I was tense already, before all of this, now my teeth and jaw are killing me (I bite my teeth together when Im anxious) My head is pounding and I have so many thoughts flying in that I cant concentrate or think straight......its taken me somewhere between 30-40 minutes just to type this! Im only getting about 4-5 hours sleep a night as it is and I cant imagine this is going to help any. I really feel like Im losing it Big Time. Sorry to rant on and on but I think Im almost at crisis point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverwolf Posted October 7, 2010 Report Share Posted October 7, 2010 ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Russ)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Sending you v big hugs. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted October 9, 2010 Report Share Posted October 9, 2010 Russell, I can empathize with your fear, I too would be horrified and heading toward crisis, if I had to do something like that. I can see why you say, you can't see this one working. For myself, I know it is because, all though I don't mind occasional tips on how to cope, deep inside I am not prepared to give up the control and the coping mechanisms that holding on to my food issues offer me. It sounds like your ED distresses you and you want free from it though? Or is so out of control, you are running out of options? Just try and take it as slow. take care, Sah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Russell Posted October 10, 2010 Author Report Share Posted October 10, 2010 Russell, I can empathize with your fear, I too would be horrified and heading toward crisis, if I had to do something like that. I can see why you say, you can't see this one working. For myself, I know it is because, all though I don't mind occasional tips on how to cope, deep inside I am not prepared to give up the control and the coping mechanisms that holding on to my food issues offer me. It sounds like your ED distresses you and you want free from it though? Or is so out of control, you are running out of options? Just try and take it as slow. take care, Sah Hi Saharah Blue, Im very similar to you in that I dont want to give up the control and the coping mechs. My ed definitely causes me a lot of distress but I think that comes from the confusion of the two-minded thinking and the constant battle. example of two minded thinking would be..... I know my weight on the scales is to low, I can see it, I can equate that to low BMI and I know the last time I weighed this much I was 15(ish) The flip-side is I feel fat and heavy but if I look in a mirror I 'see fat' I compare everyone to myself and believe I am bigger than them even though I know (logically) that they weigh significantly more than me. I would love to sit down and have a coffee with someone/anyone that has anorexia/ed just so I can feel normal...not from a weight point of view but just knowing someone else understands me and is going through something similar. We are told in the media that lots of males have eds......REALLY, I have never met a single one! The isolation and stigma is a killer. The following stereotypes p*** me off..... Guy + Eating disorder = Gay (clearly Im the exception to the rule.... or unaware of my gay status) Eating disorders = weak (I would like to see them restrict/fast and see how they get on!) Its all such a mindjob....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted October 10, 2010 Report Share Posted October 10, 2010 My ed definitely causes me a lot of distress but I think that comes from the confusion of the two-minded thinking and the constant battle. I would love to sit down and have a coffee with someone/anyone that has anorexia/ed just so I can feel normal...not from a weight point of view but just knowing someone else understands me and is going through something similar. We are told in the media that lots of males have eds......REALLY, I have never met a single one! The isolation and stigma is a killer. The following stereotypes p*** me off..... Guy + Eating disorder = Gay (clearly Im the exception to the rule.... or unaware of my gay status) Eating disorders = weak (I would like to see them restrict/fast and see how they get on!) Its all such a mindjob....... Russell, I am sure they would be moody as hell not eating, lol. However, when I was about 14 I think I just wanted to be invisible, just disappear. And adopted some extreme dieting practices that involved things like not being able to attend social functions due to whether or not the function fell on a day I was allowing solid food to touch my lips etc.... It was all very elaborate. Eventually, I just couldn't function without drawing so much attention to myself, which was the opposite of what I wanted and I started getting stuck in that battle of a dual agenda. This is about as close I experienced anorexic practices. It did start to get too out of control feeling. It later it morphed more solidly into bulimia, which suited me better since being perfect was somehow much easier than being invisible, yeah sound thinking I know, lol. But it is isolating, I never really talked about it to anyone, and people to this day call me a fussy eater, which is fine because I don't know how to talk about my relationship to food. I have never met anyone in RL who has BPD and here I spend many hours a day interacting with my peers who do. I am interested in hearing how you will feel after going to the docs, because it sounds very scary. Sometimes of the time I just out and out deny to myself that I have an ED at all, it feels easier that way, like it is choice, like being vegan or something, that way mentally I can remain in control. Sah p.s. I have known 2 males with ED's in real life, neither of them were gay either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.