angel tears Posted October 10, 2010 Report Share Posted October 10, 2010 Hi People around me recently keep telling me that i dont seem well and some of my friends are worried about me because they say i look increasingly worse like crying more, feeling more hopeless, taking longer for me to respond to people and just not feeling happy at all, even my smiles look fake! I am having trouble in trying to decide how depressed i really feel as my depression sometimes has a tempory lift around certain people whose company i enjoy and who make me feel validated. Its just that i know that i am finding things harder. I keep getting feelings of not wanting to be here, i struggle to go to bed and then dont wanna get up, it is taking me longer to do simple tasks and i feel so tired all of the time. I feel like everything is a chore, its my birthday tomoz and i dont give a damn, wish it wasnt happening and when i express that to people they cant understand how i feel at the mo . I know that i am prone to depression, am dx with it plus BPD, but i dont know how much longer i can cope. I do therapy twice a week with no medication, i have never found an anti-d that works, i hate the numb feelings from them but at the same time i cant cope with how low i am feeling. Would a course of meds be good for me in combo with therapy?. I know they cant cure me or be a magic pill but i am finding my feelings increasingly hard to cope with. I have had sooo much stress for nearly 3 years and its crashing down on me. The anxiety that i have doesnt help either because my brain wont let me rest. I feel stuck as to what to do and my pride makes me feel weak for needing medication. Any advice please? xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wynter Grace Posted October 10, 2010 Report Share Posted October 10, 2010 Hi Don't know how much advice I can give, but I understand how you are feeling. I haven't found an anti-depressant that really works for me, and I suffer from anxiety. I am going to go back to the docs to see if there is anything he can give me to ease the anxiety because I think that will help a bit with my depression. Have you spoken about this is therapy? Wynter xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starryeyesee Posted October 10, 2010 Report Share Posted October 10, 2010 hi angel taking meds doesn't mean you are weak. It just means you need a helping hand at the moment. I'm trying to cut down on the meds that i've been on for 3 years but my pdoc doesn't think i am stable enough yet. i was disappointed when she said that but i can see also that i wouldn't have made the progress i have without being on medication. you can alwys ask for a low dose and i am on an anti-depressant that actually gives me more motivation (seroplex-although this may be only available in France) thinking of you love starry x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
majorgoo Posted October 12, 2010 Report Share Posted October 12, 2010 Hey up! Just about everybody on here takes meds in some form or other. Look at it like this, if you had an infection, you'd take antibiotics; if you had swine flu, you'd take Tamiflu; if you have a headache you take pain killers and if you have depression, you should take SSRI's (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) to balance out the serotonin in your brain and make you feel better. Do what you need to do so you can lead a normal life - it applies to everybody. Cheers, Jim. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisb57 Posted October 12, 2010 Report Share Posted October 12, 2010 Hi, how long did you take your AD's for as they need time to work. I was one of the lucky ones: I started on Citalopram 20 mg only 5 days go and they began to work almost immediately. Not a placebo effect no. Talk therapy is only one way, so try other ways as well such as SSRI's. They will alter your brain chemistry for the better given time. Talk about it with your Doctor I'm sure you will benefit enormously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel tears Posted October 20, 2010 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2010 Hi The longest i have taken meds for was 11 months i think and i hate the side effects as every tablet that i have tried has given me them. I am looking into finding something if its possible without my whole body feeling numb and thats even on low doses. The last i tried was venlafaxine and boy did that numb EVERYTHING :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted October 20, 2010 Report Share Posted October 20, 2010 Hi Angel I wondered, is it possible that therapy is making you more aware of things, such as the difference between validating and invalidating people, and the feelings that you have generally? I know sometimes I have been through phases where my depression or anxiety seemed to go way up, and this especially happened when I felt heard in therapy, and then compared that with what the people in my life made me feel. I couldnt understand why they were so instantly dismissive and invalidating, and that in itself was depressing and painful because I felt even more like I had to 'change' them. I dont know if its the same for you, but I feel like maybe I am edging towards a place where I kind of accept that certain people are just like that, and I have to separate my sense of my self from their behaviour towards me. I cant reall explain it very well because its a 'felt' thing, sorry to be vague. I have also read that if a person is angry with someone, but cannot express that anger or perhaps doesnt even realise they are angry (maybe they are really good at stuffing anger away), this can come out as increased anxiety or depression. Maybe have a think if there is a situation in your life that is making you angry, but you dont feel able to speak out against it? I know that question for mebrings up several answers, so maybe thats not too helpful either .. I am taking 30mg of mirtazapine, and whilst it doesnt seem to have changed anything emotionally, it does seem to have helped my sleep. Have you tried Effexor? Its meant to be one of the more powerful ones. Some get on with it well, others not so much. It does have the usual SSRI side effects though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel tears Posted October 21, 2010 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2010 Hi ross Yes i do feel that i am noticing a difference with people in and outside of therapy and i do find it so hard to understand why some people are so invalidating, i wonder "why wont he just listen to me without judging me", just to accept thats how i feel and that its my opinion. I am so much more aware of my feelings now and they feel like my feelings for the first time in my life and i hate it when i am told that i shouldn't feel how i am feeling because thats how i react to a given situation. My t keeps reminding me to seperate myself from somebody elses behaviour and i am starting to do this but man has it been hard and i feel so sad all of the time, i have even felt suicidal. Maybe its because there is a dramatic change going on inside of me emotionally?...... There is currently a situation in my life where i feel like i have to shout to be heard, it even drives me into rage but i am learning not to react to the rage, just to to accept that its there and count from 100 lol. I am starting to accept how people are and how they behave and some of that includes my family. I realise that i am powerless to change them, though i admit, sometimes i still try!. I am currently on 50mg sertraline, i have only had 2 tablets and it has made me abit hyper so far but i think that it will calm down. I already have side effects from it but i shall have to give it some more time. The problem comes when you cant feel anything anymore. I tend to go numb which isn't good for therapy but my brain needs a break. I feel run down and my body is physically showing this. Maybe afew months of meds will help me to even out a little?. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel tears Posted October 21, 2010 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2010 I did try effexor at quite a low dose. It again made me high as a kite for afew days then it settled down. I felt so numb and i gave up with it after 3 weeks, i tend to be too impatient! xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel tears Posted October 22, 2010 Author Report Share Posted October 22, 2010 Well the high didnt last long, feel like plop again now....... I am soooo fed up of this!!!! :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pepsimeg Posted October 22, 2010 Report Share Posted October 22, 2010 hey angel sorry you feeling worse, my dr put me on sertraline recently and i felt rubbish for a few days, i started on 5omg i was doing ok but now my anxiety is high again so hes upped it to 100mg......give it a few more days, it takes a while to get in your system..... hope you feel better soon xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel tears Posted October 22, 2010 Author Report Share Posted October 22, 2010 thanks emo (((hugz))) xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
majorgoo Posted October 22, 2010 Report Share Posted October 22, 2010 Yeah, it can take a couple of weeks to start feeling anything like steady - SSRI's need time to stabilise in your system and once they're in and doing their job, you can start trying to get everything together. I used 4 different meds over 18 months, and sertraline was the one that worked best for me. Get well! James. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel tears Posted October 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2010 Thankyou James, i will hold on to that thought :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
megamoogled Posted October 23, 2010 Report Share Posted October 23, 2010 am new here joined yesterday. so am unsure if i can give advice. have suffered from depression for many years. some days just want to cry and hide away from the others. i love the good days when i can smile, but they are few and far away. i live foor the good days. Angel Tears am sorry ... have problems expressing myself. so do not think am of much help here. but it helps me to talk tho. I think i understand if only a little bit how you feel. I love to laugh that makes me feel good inside if only for a while. take care ok :unsure: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel tears Posted October 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2010 ((((moogled)))), i am thinking of getting some comedy films, see if i can put a smile on my face. I am sorry that you are feeling so low hun xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
megamoogled Posted October 24, 2010 Report Share Posted October 24, 2010 i used to like the old carry on films. used to put a smile on my face. ty for comment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel tears Posted October 24, 2010 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2010 Jim carey always brings a smile to my face :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
megamoogled Posted October 26, 2010 Report Share Posted October 26, 2010 yeah he did some good movies. i liked the mask. tc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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