Katherine Posted May 1, 2005 Report Share Posted May 1, 2005 this will probably be deleted, but I am just saying that I won't be around here for about a week.... I can be 'banned' for a week if that helps. Need to 'cool down' and find my feet. I may visit the Abuse forums if that's ok, as I need to talk about the emotional traumas of my past, which are all too real in my life now. But if not, ok, I will seek other support. Just needed to say SOMETHING. Katie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janey Posted May 1, 2005 Report Share Posted May 1, 2005 (((((((((Katie)))))))) I hear you... take good care. love janey x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire Posted May 2, 2005 Report Share Posted May 2, 2005 Take Care and see you soon (in the cyber sense of the word anyway!) :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted May 2, 2005 Report Share Posted May 2, 2005 (((Katie)))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted May 2, 2005 Report Share Posted May 2, 2005 (((karie))) i hear ya too. please take care. i need to find my feet too. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted May 2, 2005 Author Report Share Posted May 2, 2005 thank you... (((((((hugs)))))) I've been suspended from the abuse forums until the 9th. It would probably be easier for the same here too. I hope this isn't seen as a punishment. I need to do this---to be fair on you all--and me... I'm sorry. I'll be ok. I hope to be back at least to 'visit' next week... Take care all, Katie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted May 2, 2005 Author Report Share Posted May 2, 2005 PLEASE PLEASE suspend me from this forum too, until the 9th, same as the Abuse Forums. Not sure why I can still be here and not there. It all hurts...just too much..... To not belong here any more, and because of my pain.. And please know that I DO care, about everyone here.. I simply need safe clear secure boundaries. I 'simply', like most of us, have BPD, which is not so simple... And it is none of ours' fault. Until a year or so ago, I was absolutely 'Miss Quiet'!!!!! Thinking of you all with compassionate acceptance. Katie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted May 2, 2005 Author Report Share Posted May 2, 2005 I understand that I acted inappropriately with little self control. I am apologising again, and finally going, and will only come here again to check that my request in my post above this one has been actioned. Thank you. I am only sorry that I cannot give what is wanted here. Following my own path, Katie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mitchy Posted May 2, 2005 Report Share Posted May 2, 2005 i've seen you around this forum a lot. and you do give what is wanted as far as i can see. don't put yourself down so much. i know how you feel and how much you're hurting. (not just saying that - i really do know) give yourself some space and time to heal. are you getting therapy to talk about your past? if not i'd seriously consider it. it's not pleasant, but it gets it out of your system. why should we continue to hurt for what others did? you don't deserve to suffer. why are you still punishing yourself? *hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted May 2, 2005 Author Report Share Posted May 2, 2005 thanks ((((((Mitchy)))))) you know, its good to know someone really does understand and care... its REALLY hard at the moment, really hard. I am in therapy, 3x a week, working relationally and analytically, its good and helpful and I am just at a crucial point...where I happen to be really vulnerable and at core points of my distress, my core distress. I am punishing myself because (I always do)I feel that I am BAD all over again...and every time I see how out of control and 'unwell' I am (my GP reminding me each visit that I can go to A and E and talk to a psych if it gets really bad, crying all through therapy, at home, at work...its all part of my growth (I guess I could blame The Angry Heart lol--that's pretty neutral, its a book....)but omg, I don't know who I am anymore... Its hard....like, why won't they delete me.....don't they want to get rid of me? I don't understand..... I have no right to take when I cannot give....even though in my therapy I am having to learn to take, to learn to receive..... Katie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mitchy Posted May 2, 2005 Report Share Posted May 2, 2005 what you must learn is not to punish yourself. why would you want to be deleted/banned from here? if you can't give right now, then do some taking. i know it's hard, but people are here to support everyone else, you included. i've reached that crucial point also in my therapy. and i'll keep on getting to the crisis point. i haven't been for about 7 weeks through various circumstances. and i've never felt better! but i know i've got to go back and face it and bring myself back down again. but it's all about facing the pain and then dealing with it. but we can't deal with it until we voice it and get it out. and that's scary. we don't want to face that pain. we've kept it locked inside for so long. now we have to deal with it. but - it should (hopefully) be better once it's out. that's all we can cling on to. let's hang on to that. just be here to receive support whilst you're going through this time. i know what you're going through. and i haven't even hit the worst of my therapy yet. there's some things i'm still holding on to cos i know they're too painful to talk about. i know i'm going to go through hell soon when i do spill it out. i know you're hurting bad. it's bound to hurt. but always remember, it's past and gone. yes it hurts. but use the therapy to get it out of your system. get through that pain. get yourself to the place you deserve to be. you do not deserve to be punished. i have to keep reminding myself of this all the time. every day. but you did no wrong. they told us we are bad. they made us feel that way. but we have to let it go. and it's going to be so hard. let us support you through this. i'm going to need that same support myself soon when i open up about the most painful stuff. will you be there for me? i bet you will. so let us be here for you now. ok? no need to banish yourself. stay around and let us hold you up. yes, you're unwell. me too. all the more reason to stay around. you will need extra support. i've gone through so many crises. and i wish i'd found this site earlier. cos i know here i would have got the support i needed. i speak from experience as i've been to other sites. and been let down. but that's not how it is here. just because you can't give doesn't give a valid reason why you have to shut yourself away. do some taking and accept our support. yeah? don't go through this alone. please. i understand. and i'll be here to support you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted May 2, 2005 Report Share Posted May 2, 2005 ((((Katie)))) What would being banned acheive? Ecxept to make you feel punished? Hun, If you want to leave then do so (though I really do hope that you drop in every now and then) Finding and then using your own boundries are a key issue in this. By asking to be banned you are allowing your own personal choice to be taken away. I really do understand how you feel. I felt much the same as how I imagine you are feeling right now when I resigned as staff here. But I know that I give just as much support to other members as I did then. And that is all that really matters. That you know what you are giving. Sure,appreciation and certainly acknowledgement is nice but that is not why why we care and try to help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted May 3, 2005 Report Share Posted May 3, 2005 Katie, I agree with Lorna...what would getting yourself banned achieve? It will only make you feel punished. If you do not feel comfortable here anymore then you can just leave but I do not understand why you don't fee comfortable here anymore. When you are in distress you seek support and you receive it from people. There is no one here who dislikes you for is intentionally making you feel bad. Lorna brings up a good point about her resigning from staff which must have been difficult to do but she is giving just as much support to other members and she is respected the same. I am sure every member here has felt like this at one time in their live but this is life and we cannot run from it. This is imagined abandonment its not happening. Maybe you are feeling rejected and you are trying to push us away before anyone can push you away. Josh does not just ban members for no valid reason...its your choice whether you want to leave or not. I respect your decision but you have to ask yourself if you are entirely happy to leave your outside support system who are here pretty much around the clock. I doubt there is any other place where you could find such fast and wonderful support from members who care about you. You wull be missed if you leave...I would take some time and think about it and if so be it I wish you all the happiness in life and I hope you find your comfortable niche. Emma. xxx ps...listen to Mitchy she brings up some great points Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted May 3, 2005 Author Report Share Posted May 3, 2005 (((((Emma)))))) ((((((Lorna)))))) (((((Mitchy)))))) Mitchy...you are so right....you so touch THAT spot.....that is SO where I am....that is the conflict inside of me... Emma, thank you.... This is sooo hard, but am slowly getting through it. Yes, I abandon people before they do it to me----less painful that way, sometimes.... I am trying to find my boundaries..... I will be around....but treading cautiously.... hugs, Katie P.S. Zopiclone is magic!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CathE Posted May 3, 2005 Report Share Posted May 3, 2005 ((((((((((((Katie)))))))))))) that's all I have to say Cath. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted May 3, 2005 Author Report Share Posted May 3, 2005 thanks Cath ------->mequiet,me<------ Katie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.