Response To People's Replies On My Recent Topics

[Data]

As many of you will be aware, I was very upset recently and I started a number of topics on the forum in a short period of time. Some of those topics turned quite argumentative and thus I decided to back off them for a while. Now, I am feeling a little better so I am revisiting these topics to see if I can come to a more objective view on what people are saying about me. I have decided to do this as a new topic and to group the responses into themes since this will probably be a more efficient and productive way of dealing with it all.

This is a very very long topic. My apologies, but the 5 topics that I am referring to (see below) have 111 posts between them!

* Go Fuck Yourself in Bad Day/Night

http://www.mentalhealth-world.org.uk/forums/index.php?/topic/59108-go-fuck-yourself

* Sarcasm Is My Only Way To Deal in Bad Day/Night

http://www.mentalhealth-world.org.uk/forums/index.php?/topic/59099-sarcasm-is-my-only-way-to-deal

* An Account Of A Dwp Medical in Other Mental Health Issues

http://www.mentalhealth-world.org.uk/forums/index.php?/topic/59098-an-account-of-a-dwp-medical

* Temorary Insanity in Bad Day/Night

http://www.mentalhealth-world.org.uk/forums/index.php?/topic/59109-temporary-insanity

*Feeling Terrible in Bad Day/Night

http://www.mentalhealth-world.org.uk/forums/index.php?/topic/59118-feeling-terrible

Thanks for Support

I would like to thank apollo77, cadance, kalico, littleflower, Miko, Penny74, Peregrine, roxy222, Scallywag, Silverwolf, superwoman, vivien and Willtolive for their kind words of support. It means a lot just to know that someone who cares has taken the trouble to read my topic. Roxy222 has been particularly kind, as usual.

[Data]

Attention Seeker/Forum Dominator/Manipulative

It does hurt to be called an attention seeker (Slit). I suppose it is probably true, in that when I am upset I do want attention. But the type of attention I am seeking is from people who will listen to me and people who care. Unfortunately, a lot of the responses that I get here are not as supportive as I would like, but that's the internet for you! I am honest in my posts and when I seek attention, I'm saying "I feel shit, please listen to me". I don't know why this is such a bad thing.

It was also said that I was 'dominating the forum', or seeking too much attention. That was probably true, for a period of time. But then again I put a lot into this forum. I help people as a peer supporter, and I try to be supportive to people on the forums. So I can't see what is wrong with me wanting lots of help when I am in a real crisis. I have no crisis team, no friends in the "real world" to go to, so this place is my lifeline, and I'm gonna use it!

I don't want pity (guntarded). What I want is friendship and compassion, there is a difference. If I "play the sympathy tune" its because I feel that I am justified in doing so… I tell people the truth about some of the things that go on here, which I often feel are very wrong.

Ignoring Advice

I have been accused of ignoring advice (Beautiful Liar). I disagree with this. I read advice, but unfortunately most of the time its not appropriate or its things that I've tried before and failed at.

It partially correct that I sometimes want compassion rather than advice (roxy222). I am open to advice, but people have to realise that putting it into practice is often not as easy as it sounds.

I am fully aware that my actions affect the children (Roses). I do many more things that are positive than are negative. I don't often post about the cuddles, the laughter, the conversations, playing games together, family outings, the jobs I do, the ferrying them around in the car etc. This site sometimes acts as a useful purpose in that it underlines how important good parenting is, so I think I probably do learn some things here. I don't know what people except from me, I am not superhuman! If anyone finds my posts too triggering then I am quite happy for them to stop reading or stop replying to them. They have to put their own mental health first, that is fine. But I don't think its fine to post unsupportive responses to my topics. Lots of people here have the same recurring problems, often people tell me about these in 1-2-1's in the chat… these people tell me that they are afraid to post about them for fear of people's judgement.

I know that people try to offer genuine advice on the topics (Arrakis), and their intentions are appreciated. Its good that people care about my children. However, advice isn't always easy to put into practice.

I think its wrong to say that I am in denial and that this community offers a broad perspective (Sanctuary). A lot of people here have quite a narrow and negative perspective, which I think comes from the cognitive distortions that stem from their mental health problems. And I'm not in denial at all, I am very open about things, and I always listen. Its just that I don't always agree with people, that's all.

I need to talk more to my wife or to get friends or family involved

I have talked to my wife again and again and I'm afraid I've reached the conclusion that I can't help her. She needs professional help. The problems that she is talking about, i.e. my son going to a special school, are not the real problems. The real problems are the emotional difficulties that are in her head, which she refuses to acknowledge. I have tried all sorts of approaches with her, but when we try and talk about difficult stuff it just turns into an argument. That doesn't mean I don't talk to my wife. We have regular moments of tenderness and kindness. Its important not to forget those. Its just I don't post about them much.

So thanks for your suggestion that I explain my fears go my wife (Willtolive), but it's a road that I've been down in the past many times, unsuccessfully. My wife needs to get some help - from friends/family, professionals, teachers social services, or a forum. We have no friends or family that can offer help, as I explained our family tend to cause more problems than they solve. You are correct when you say she needs help (Willtolive), but I've tried to persuade her dozens of times, and she just won't go. If she does go, it will only be for my sake and she won't "open up", so it would be pointless.

Social services got involved (Jessicarabbit), because I asked them to. They didn't achieve anything, they upset my wife and just made things worse.

My wife would not join an internet forum (Dustbinbabe). She is a very bad speller due to dyslexia and that puts her off. She just doesn't like internet forums, she has some groups in "real life" that she goes to.

I need to leave/take the kids away

I don't think I would be a good single dad. My wife is actually more patient with the children than I am. So, at the moment I am not going to be leaving or taking the kids with me (Jessicarabbit). I am going to keep on making sure I have regular, quality family time. And I need to work on strategies for when I get these crisis situations.

My therapist doesn't think my wife could cope as a single mum, and I am inclined to agree. Also, I love her and things are probably not as bad as I made them out to be. We have some terrible moments, but we have regular moments of love, laughter and fun time together, its just I don't often post about those.

"I wonder why people have children"

When people say "I wonder why people have children" (Jessicarabbit, Slit and Roses), it makes me think they are judging me as a bad dad, which offends me. It would be a very foolish thing to do just from reading my posts on the internet. I appreciate that people are interested in my children's welfare, but I can assure you that I am REALLY interested in that as well.

You may be partially correct that I don't give my children stability (Jessicarabbit). I don't expose them to my deepest darkest fears and worries, since that would be wrong, so I do try, but I can't help that I have emotional instability and that it's a stressful atmosphere here. To suggest that I don't love my children is completely out-of-line, and you are very wrong!!!

I don't care about my wife or children

It is very wrong to suggest that I am too narcissistic to care about my children (guntarded). That is deeply offensive to me, I care for them deeply. I am not going to try and "prove" that here, if you think I don't care about my children then you don't understand me and you are no use to me.

We need to get someone in to do a clean-up

It's a good idea (Jessicarabbit), but my wife is very disorganised and things just revert back to their present state very quickly. It has been tried several times before and the cleanups turn out to be a really stressful time of conflict and argument, and after a few weeks I just end up feeling worse since it goes back to normal again.

My wife is more capable than I am suggesting

Yes you are correct that my wife is capable of a 12 hour shift (Guntarded), and this is quite impressive, because she does an incredibly difficult job. I think the difference is that there are clear rules and boundaries in place at work, and there are not at home. But I've tried to put rules in place and she just argues and resists….

I need to take some (more) responsibility, e.g. about stopping drinking

You are right that it is my job to make decisions when my wife cannot (Roses). And I do care for them, and I do make those decisions, since I realise how important this is. However, its perfectly reasonable of me not to like this situation. I'd prefer to have a more rational and reasonable spouse who can take an equal share of responsibilities. I am aware that I have to do more if she does less, but the reason why I come to this site is to vent about it, and I think I have every right to do this.

You are correct that my drinking may have an effect on the children (guntarded). They almost never see me drunk, since I don't normally start until they go to bed. However, the hangovers can make me more irritable so sometimes this can have an effect, and I take full responsibility for this. However, this effect is quite minor I think, I am aware that I am still responsible for what I do and say around the children, even if I have a hangover. The biggest negative effect of my drinking is on my health. I am 37 now and stand a real chance of dying, through my drinking binges, whilst the kids are still young. That would be devastating for them and that's the main reason why I need to try to stop the drinking binges.

You are correct that the home environment is chaotic (guntarded). However, lets not forget that I have to work, and that I have mental health problems myself. I can't MAKE my wife do things. I can have an input, but realistically I am not capable of removing all the chaos here. I do have an impact, but what I do is to restrict myself to certain really important jobs: make sure bills are paid, rotting food is not in fridge, etc.

I try to push myself that extra mile each day (Arrakis). I have many successes as a parent. The arguments are negative, yes, and I take responsibility for what I say as an adult. But do you really think its realistic that we can just stop arguing? Or confine or arguments to when the children are in bed? We do relegate some serious discussions to nighttimes, but the little tit-for-tat arguing that we have tends to occur in the day. Its just not realistic to expect us to put on a front of harmony in front of the kids all the time. I'd like to, but unfortunately I'm not superman and I have feelings and emotions.

You are correct that I should stop drinking (superwoman). I had nothing last night and I am not planning to have alcohol this evening either. The problem is that I am in an 'ok' mood at the moment. I have never found an effective alternative to alcohol, on an evening, to coping with a crisis or really bad day.

I am not physically addicted to drinking (jessicarabbit), although unfortunately it seems I am getting dangerously close to that. I have tried AA, but unfortunately it wasn't for me. It doesn't suit everyone. I have a psychotherapist instead.

I don't blame everything on my wife (Dustbinbabe). I know that some things are my responsibility. It might not come across like that sometimes, since I am more likely to post when I am angry with my wife. I do reflect on my own behaviour. For example, I have not used physical punishment on my children for a long time, since I found that some of the 'smacks' were over-the-top. I accept responsibility, but realistically life sometimes feels like I have ton on my shoulders….

I make my wife worse

I am sorry if it comes across as a blame game (Sanctuary). Yes it is true that my wife has a weight problem and I sometimes buy her chocolate. However, sometimes I don't, when she asks me not to, sometimes I buy fruit and healthy food for the family, sometimes I do things for my wife that are positive to her mental health such as spending time together.

It might look like I am putting all the blame on my wife. I am not. I don't always deal with situations well. The thing is, I am willing to try to change those, whilst my wife does not appear to be willing to change anything, that's the frustrating thing. And you can't expect me to like that, so I'm gonna come here and moan about it!!!

I perceive attacks when none are there

It has been said that I perceive attacks when none are there (Arrakis, Beautiful Liar). I dispute this and I feel that a lot of the responses to my topics are malicious. People know that overt attacks are not tolerated so they are more subtle. There is black-and-white thinking here, there is psychological projection.

I think I am very much under attack (Dustbinbabe). I agree that Kudos is due to my wife for managing everything she does. She is a kind person and she really tries. She could achieve so much more if she could overcome these fears about getting help. Your virtual hug for my wife is a kind thought. I will be giving her a real hug later (and I've already given her several real hugs today).

You are right that some people are scared/upset for my children (wonderstar). However, I have found a lot of these responses deeply upsetting and its not in my childrens best interest for their dad to be upset, when its not justified/fair.

I also think that there is an element of sexism here (roxy222), a woman with comparable worries would get a better response I believe.

I don't think I am "mass insulting people who help me everyday" (Slit). I try to remain objective and to refrain from personal insults on the site. If I don't like what someone has posted, I will say so, but I generally avoid personal insults.

DWP Medical posts

I accept that there are probably good and bad experiences with the DWP. Also I think it is right that this bloke is very mistrustful (hummm_mabbe).

The reason for my interest in this, aka a 'fixation' (Sanctuary) is that I think its very unfair that disadvantaged people seem to be suffering at the moment, and I am scared that I may be in the benefits system soon, and that I will not be treated fairly. If you think that it is too negative, you could post some positive stuff yourself.

I think going in well prepared and with an open-minded attitude is good (hummm_mabbe).

Thanks for explaining that my post is within the terms (Joshua).

Wanting to kill people

My 'temporary insanity' post was over-the-top, and I apologise for this. I don't actually want to kill people (wonderstar), its just that I sometimes get intrusive/violent/unpleasant thoughts when I am very upset. And I've been told I am a very good peer supporter!!!

I agree that overuse of embedded videos is probably undesirable (Miko). I wasn't suggesting you were a patronising bitch. What makes me angry is that people with mental health problems seem to be dismissed too often, and supported not enough… and I'm talking about the "real world" here, not this forum.

Special schools are ok

You are right that special schools can sometimes be helpful or beneficial (Wynter and Arrakis). I would particularly like to thank Arrakis for her account of her cousin, which is very positive. Unfortunately, this means NOTHING to my wife. It does not matter what I say to her, she will have a counter-argument. And she does not argue from ignorance: she has qualifications and experience in special needs and has been to the special school several times. Indeed, her dad is a retired special school head teacher. The real problem is my wife's deep-seated psychological issues, which she is too afraid to confront. Trying to argue with her about special schools achieves NOTHING, I've done it time and time again to no avail.

My wife has access to plenty of information (Miko), it makes no difference, the more she reads, the worse she feels.

Validating my wife's feelings

You are right that it would be better if I could offer my wife validation (sanctuary). This is what I ask for myself, so perhaps I ought to focus more than that in my discussions with her. I think a lot of her fears are unrealistic and biased, but I still need to validate her, you are right.

You are wrong to suggest that I don't care about how she feels, but maybe I just need to show that a little more in some of the discussions. The thing that makes that difficult is that I also have my own feelings (anger, anxiety, guilt…) to deal with. Ideally we'd be going through this with a couples therapist, but that's not going to happen. But I still have to continue to try my best, as I am doing.

OK so I've spent an hour trawling through all this and I need to go now to spend quality family/wife time. There are a few gems in here but its mostly a load of negativity. And for a mental health forum, which is supposed to be supportive, thats very disappointing.

[piuma]

how does this post help data? not bein funny just wondering if your not looking for people to get defensive an all....? just wondering. xx

[mjk]

how does this post help data? not bein funny just wondering if your not looking for people to get defensive an all....? just wondering. xx

Maybe it helps Data get things off his chest? I know I do that an awful lot, as do others. xxxx

[canadianbumble]

Hope writing it out has helped give you some perspective and clarity in your mind.

[BimoUK]

I've never had any real interactions with you Data, I do read your posts but, in most cases, I don't have the experience or the knowledge to offer any sort of support or advice.

I would like to make a comment here though, and that is, I don't believe it's entirely necessary to advertise your views on other members comments to your posts quite so openly. If you have issues with other members of the forum take it up with them personally rather than airing it publically.

The following is no form of accusation but, from an entirely objective point of view, it looks as though you are trying to get people to take sides which is not fair on those of us who are not involved.

None of what I have said here is intended to cause offense, I am simply telling it as I see it.

[Wynter Grace]

I've never had any real interactions with you Data, I do read your posts but, in most cases, I don't have the experience or the knowledge to offer any sort of support or advice.

I would like to make a comment here though, and that is, I don't believe it's entirely necessary to advertise your views on other members comments to your posts quite so openly. If you have issues with other members of the forum take it up with them personally rather than airing it publically.

The following is no form of accusation but, from an entirely objective point of view, it looks as though you are trying to get people to take sides which is not fair on those of us who are not involved.

None of what I have said here is intended to cause offense, I am simply telling it as I see it.

I agree with you Bimo xx

[Corpsewithpulse]

I've never had any real interactions with you Data, I do read your posts but, in most cases, I don't have the experience or the knowledge to offer any sort of support or advice.

I would like to make a comment here though, and that is, I don't believe it's entirely necessary to advertise your views on other members comments to your posts quite so openly. If you have issues with other members of the forum take it up with them personally rather than airing it publically.

The following is no form of accusation but, from an entirely objective point of view, it looks as though you are trying to get people to take sides which is not fair on those of us who are not involved.

None of what I have said here is intended to cause offense, I am simply telling it as I see it.

I would say that if views towards data are aired publically then he has every right to respond in kind. Just a shame he's had to resort to this measure in the first place.

[Data]

Hope writing it out has helped give you some perspective and clarity in your mind.

Thats exacrtly why I did it. I have my therapy tomorrow and I wanted to think again about what has gone on here.

I would say that if views towards data are aired publically then he has every right to respond in kind.

Thank you,. thats exactly how I feel.

I am tired now, think it won't be long before I am in my bed. Second night with no alcohol .

[Slit]

nothing

[guntarded]

Readh through other responses to make a final point

We all on this forum (mental health forum) are here with our difficulties because of some event/events or choatic crap in our own upbringing. I am lucky that the class I teach are great kids, but I have seen other classrooms, observed them and noticed some children who are disruptive, unruly and lash out at their teachers, and fellow pupils in the playground. We read our teaching theory on the importance of the home environment and the effects this has on the childs wellbeing and their ability to learn and integrate in a school environment.

I am past caring for data or his wife at this stage. Its a roundabout circle. We all are on these forums because of some neglect or abuse. We sit and rightly shout at and vent our anger at our parents/carers'/friends or whoever it was that has turned us into these defective people that can't seem to be connected emotionally, physically in relationships. Yet you do it, post about it continually, and have a crowd of people who defend your actions. It sickens me as the biggest hypocrisy of this forum, we would never defend our own parents bringing us up to hurt us in this environment and yet data's actions are patted in the back and treated with the awe of empathy. Hypocrisy.

I wrote replies to your thread data for the sake of your child; not for you or your wife. I am near certain that the people involved already in your child's education (social worker included) do not know the half of what we know on here because you are smart enough to know that if you told them everything then you would lose that kid or that a serious amount of involvement would happen to both you and your wife from outsiders.

The environment that your kid grows up in is exactly that type of environment that will one day lead him to forums like this, lead him to have bad relationships - how do I know this, because kids learn from their adult carers. Already your kid is acting out, behaviourly and if anyone really cares enough for him to talk to you about it, you run away, hide under comment after comment. I've gone past caring what happens to you or your wife but I do give a shit about that kid of yours.

As for all your remarks here and on other forums, I am placing you back on the ignore list, no longer care what you write or say, but I feel so sorry for your kids, I really really do.

Goodbye data.

[Slit]

nothing

[Slit]

nothing

[Rigger77]

Data

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Posted 12 October 2010 - 10:59 PM

View PostSlit, on 12 October 2010 - 10:55 PM, said:

just being heard eases my pain.

Thats the way I feel.

Posted Image

slit.. this is my shody atempt at a multi quote from your post you labelled "triggered..

in whichn the guy is offering you support and help..

if you have a look at the post's you notice that not once does he say what do you think or can you help... he's just in crisis and getting it off his chest.. i e using this forum to help him cope.. please step back outside the box and look again.. it was everyone els's responses that have got it to were it is now.. he just ended up cornered and defended himself.. even now he has spent an hour trying to answer your concern's and you go strate back at him with those derogative remark's (he's lying about his missus and kid) and your still having a go.. im not taking no sides.. i'm just pointing out the fact that a lot of those responses caused more agro and stress than they solved.. and nobody on this forum deserve's bad vibe's.. if i read a post and i havent got nothing productive to say on the matted i dont bother and so should you or anyone who want's to hold a kangeroo court over someones troubles.. i hope you know were i'm coming from anyway. :-)

[Slit]

Yes I do that is why I deleted my replies. You are right I don't have it in me to offer anything helpful so I should back off.

[wonderstar]

peer support should not be posting about wanting to kill people. this really scares me.

[Warrior Princess]

I don't think he actually wants to kill people, just that he is dealing with thoughts. Thoughts are just that... thoughts. Doesn't mean that anyone has to act on them or will act on them. I have thoughts to kill myself, self harm etc. and when i'm really angry at someone I may say "I could just kill them!" this does not mean I'm going after them with a knife... just that I'm frustrated, angry and having some irrational thoughts that I have to fight.

Which is exactly what one does with such thoughts. You fight them. Dr Brian Neale taught me that. Fight the black wolf and feed the white wolf. We will always have these two natures, but it's the one we feed most that will prevail.

WP

[Penny74]

When you feel so angry and frustrated it's sometimes posting on here that prevents those things going round in your mind....and this is the place where we're supposed to post our feelings unconditionally, and I see nothing wrong in doing so, Data posting the things he has is only the same as those who post about wanting to harm themselves is it not?.I think support is needed here in a big way, I myself have been in the position where the only way to help is to drink....and I used to drink 2 ltrs of vodca a night, and you know what.....even though i had kids they never once saw the afects of it because my body was so used to it I might as well have been drinking water, but the guilt, worry wether i would be here in 5 yrs time... the pain....i had to go it all alone because i never had support groups like this.....and you know what else...I wouldnt wish that upon anyone...The problems suffered in situations like this is mainly suffered by the parent because despite what happens the kids are protected....and that's why non judgemental unconditional support is neded by each and every one of us towards everyone.

Penny xx

[Data]

peer support should not be posting about wanting to kill people. this really scares me.

I have apologised for this, wonderstar. I am sorry that you feel scared. I'm not going to kill anyone .

[lucy]

Second night with no alcohol

well done

Lucy

[roxy222]

intrusive thoughts and feelings are just that, very very rarely do they ever become actions (speaking as someone working in mh, who supports many people with these problems who have never acted on them) and the most effective way of stopping them becoming reality is to be honest and open about them, once people share them they rarely hold the same power over people. perhaps if people understood this more they may not feel as threatened when people have such strong and irrational feelings.

i think its seriously lacking in insight to suggest that supporting someone and offering empathy for them is hypocrytical. if people can not understand this that shows their lack of emotional understanding, as well as showing poor perseption of what actually helps people change negative patterns and therefor do the right thing by their children. it is true that some people here will have children who end up with some mh problems because of their own problems, and its probably already true of some parents here with gronw up children. people do not need to be judged for this, im quite sure they are judging themselves harshly enough, and it would be far more benefical for any children in question to have parents who are supported to change not encouraged to condemn themselves. the most significant factor in whether or not a child will develope mh problems similar to their parents is whether or not the parents try to address how their problems effect their children, and if parents value their childs experience and hear their worries they are doing alot to help them develope positive self worth and resilance. parents who are supported are much more likely to beable to do this.

i am quite sure that there will be very few if any parents here who can claim there mh problems have not negatively efefcted their children at some point, because there are very few 'mentally healthy' people who can say that their own bad days, stressed out moments etc do not sometimes negatively effect their children, as wp said thats not a reason to not have or love children. im quite sure most people here have also tried v hard to adress the more negative effects their mh has on their children, maybe with alot of sucess that may be of help to data. maybe people who are parents cd reflect on times when they have been in crisis, sh, ods, inhospital away from their kids etc and imagine how they would feel if people responded the same way they have responded to data.

id compleately believe that many more people are afraid to post about similar problems, because of fear of teh judgement they see here. i think v few people actively attack data, although there are some, but i see much more judgement than anything else. it is ofcourse datas responsibility to walk away from unhelpful responses, its is his responsibility to manage his feelings in response, but how incredibley sad for so many people who must see all this and be too afraid to speak up and find the support they are needing because of fear of the same judgemnet. this issue is not just about data but how people behave in the forum in general, and as this is a support forum maybe people cd try and think if their response if suportive or not, and if not dont post it, not just for data but for everyone who is effected by this atmosphere.

[Joshua]

Readh through other responses to make a final point

We all on this forum (mental health forum) are here with our difficulties because of some event/events or choatic crap in our own upbringing. I am lucky that the class I teach are great kids, but I have seen other classrooms, observed them and noticed some children who are disruptive, unruly and lash out at their teachers, and fellow pupils in the playground. We read our teaching theory on the importance of the home environment and the effects this has on the childs wellbeing and their ability to learn and integrate in a school environment.

I am past caring for data or his wife at this stage. Its a roundabout circle. We all are on these forums because of some neglect or abuse. We sit and rightly shout at and vent our anger at our parents/carers'/friends or whoever it was that has turned us into these defective people that can't seem to be connected emotionally, physically in relationships. Yet you do it, post about it continually, and have a crowd of people who defend your actions. It sickens me as the biggest hypocrisy of this forum, we would never defend our own parents bringing us up to hurt us in this environment and yet data's actions are patted in the back and treated with the awe of empathy. Hypocrisy.

I wrote replies to your thread data for the sake of your child; not for you or your wife. I am near certain that the people involved already in your child's education (social worker included) do not know the half of what we know on here because you are smart enough to know that if you told them everything then you would lose that kid or that a serious amount of involvement would happen to both you and your wife from outsiders.

The environment that your kid grows up in is exactly that type of environment that will one day lead him to forums like this, lead him to have bad relationships - how do I know this, because kids learn from their adult carers. Already your kid is acting out, behaviourly and if anyone really cares enough for him to talk to you about it, you run away, hide under comment after comment. I've gone past caring what happens to you or your wife but I do give a shit about that kid of yours.

As for all your remarks here and on other forums, I am placing you back on the ignore list, no longer care what you write or say, but I feel so sorry for your kids, I really really do.

Goodbye data.

I think to say this and give no right to reply is distressing for the reader never mind for the member himself. Im hurt that this could be said to someone in this way with the right to reply taken from them.

[BimoUK]

I would say that if views towards data are aired publically then he has every right to respond in kind. Just a shame he's had to resort to this measure in the first place.

No one should be airing their views of other members publically. There are enough methods in place for grievances to be taken care of away from the main forum........responding in kind only serves to escalate the situation.

[Data]

I think to say this and give no right to reply is distressing for the reader never mind for the member himself. Im hurt that this could be said to someone in this way with the right to reply taken from them.

Responded privately.

I would say that if views towards data are aired publically then he has every right to respond in kind. Just a shame he's had to resort to this measure in the first place.

No one should be airing their views of other members publically. There are enough methods in place for grievances to be taken care of away from the main forum........responding in kind only serves to escalate the situation.

But the thing is I don't generally air my views about other members. You won't normally see me post "_____ is a wanker" or "I like _____ but _____ is an arse". My views are a response to their comments about my situation, I try to refrain from being personal. Which is why I feel I have every right to say the things I have said on this topic.

[Corpsewithpulse]

I would roughly echo what data has just said.

So long as he doesn't resort to personal insults and name calling, he has the right to reply here just as everybody else does.