superwoman Posted November 28, 2010 Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 Im scared about tomorrow and the following days. I start my new job. Im scared of the following things: -I crack down under pressure and start crying -I dont fit it and people wont like me -I get complaints from customers and I start crying -I might just start crying for no apparent reason because of the state I am at the moment -I have to do sales and Im terrible with figures, I panic with numbers when customer waits impatiently -I get in contact with men, things get out of hand and I get a reputation -I keep forgetting what Ive done and what Im suppose to do (Im very forgetful and do things while my mind is elsewhere) -I appear distant and depressed -Im unable to keep up the happy confident appearance needed on my role Im mainly worried about starting crying. If I concentrate real hard I should be able to focus on jobs and also keep smiling and yep I can also keep my pants on (they wont just fall off!) when I see a man and also avoid being alone with a man. Luckily on business building days 2 weeks ago I met my collegue and I really hope he will be doing same shifts at least for the first week. I would just latch onto him . He is really sweet, only 19 I think, and been working for the company for quite a few months already so whilst this role is new to him as well, he is in the familiar surroundings. Id definitely keep my pants on with him, he is more like a little brother. Im worried about all these things but at the same time it all feels unreal and irrelevant and I only worry half heartedlt. I think of things that could go wrong but does it really matter! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted November 28, 2010 Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 good luck in new job Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peregrine Posted November 28, 2010 Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 Hey you, try and take the other half of the half-hearted worry and relax a little. You're allowed to be worried, you're allowed to feel nervous. Everybody would be, starting a new job. It's a new thing - place, people, new you included. It's good you know someone who works there also, so you've already got a bit of a settler in the works. I'll be thinking of you...try and remember how it felt when you were told you got the job. You were so pleased. Be brave, I believe in you, Pere x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wynter Grace Posted November 28, 2010 Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 Good Luck hun Sending you lots of strength for tomorrow xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted November 28, 2010 Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 good luck hun, try to think of all the things that will go right, cos i am sure you will do well, the fears can be sometimes self full filling, dont give them a chance let us know how you got on xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink stars Posted November 28, 2010 Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 All the best for tomorrow hun xx It's good you already know some one, that's always nice. Try to focus and hold onto the positives. Good luck and let us know how you get on x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superwoman Posted November 28, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 Thanks guys! You are right peregrine, I was sooo excited then and actually start getting excited again The more I think about my new job the less worried I get about crying etc issues because I feel really good at the moment, not at all emotionally unstable. Instead I get more worried about me with men in that job. I'm very flirty with men. My job consist of coaching clients to better health, and includes getting to know them very well (lifestyle etc), even touching their bodies as part of professional assessments and getting physical with them, and although that is just a part of the job, it's the part that pays me the best and I enjoy the most so it's what I want to do more and more. I have each client for regular basis until they are no longer willing to use my services for whatever reason. I could have one client for years. I'm not shy with men. Its very important I keep myself professional but I know I'm never gonna be far off crossing the line when I'm mixed up the way I am atm and I know some guys won't be either because of the way I am. I've always been flirty, but before I'd never have any temptation because I was happy at home, I did a similar job years ago and successfully managed my behaviour when guys were about to cross the line, at the moment I don't have any limits a lot of the time... I can't mess this up! This is my future, this is my ideal job, don't wanna get a reputation! I'm worried about temptations! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peregrine Posted November 28, 2010 Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 Thanks guys! You are right peregrine, I was sooo excited then and actually start getting excited again The more I think about my new job the less worried I get about crying etc issues because I feel really good at the moment, not at all emotionally unstable. Instead I get more worried about me with men in that job. I'm very flirty with men. My job consist of coaching clients to better health, and includes getting to know them very well (lifestyle etc), even touching their bodies as part of professional assessments and getting physical with them, and although that is just a part of the job, it's the part that pays me the best and I enjoy the most so it's what I want to do more and more. I have each client for regular basis until they are no longer willing to use my services for whatever reason. I could have one client for years. I'm not shy with men. Its very important I keep myself professional but I know I'm never gonna be far off crossing the line when I'm mixed up the way I am atm and I know some guys won't be either because of the way I am. I've always been flirty, but before I'd never have any temptation because I was happy at home, I did a similar job years ago and successfully managed my behaviour when guys were about to cross the line, at the moment I don't have any limits a lot of the time... I can't mess this up! This is my future, this is my ideal job, don't wanna get a reputation! I'm worried about temptations! I know so much what it's like to run into any open arms that are happy to have you - I'll throw myself into exactly the same situation when I head up to Islay. But at least we are aware of this now and not oblivious to it, or denying it. This is already a step we have mastered. You're such a lovely person, so honest with yourself which is admirable and I hope that you can keep your heart open but safe...I think this is what's important. Loving selflessly without giving ourselves up - we are heading that way. The road's long, we'll get distracted with sideturns which we might follow up, make a mistake, but we mustn't forget that we're still walking!!! Lots of love to you :bigarmhug[1]: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jessicarabbit Posted November 28, 2010 Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 good luck xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beyonce Posted November 28, 2010 Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 good luck honey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superwoman Posted November 29, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 29, 2010 Thanks everyone for wishing me luck! It must have worked because I had a fab day... I loved my first day, my collegues, boss and clients are lovely. I actually cant wait to go to work tomorrow despite the painfully early start Sooooo Excited!!!! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spends Posted November 29, 2010 Report Share Posted November 29, 2010 I'm really glad that you enjoyed your first day! It is so much easier to work when you enjoy the job. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 i'm so glad it went well, it sounds like everyone really made you feel welcome and was really helpful, that must have made you feel so much better they are lucky to have you, i bet not all of them look forward to getting up early and going to work. I hope tomorrow is great too xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dibley Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 How did your first day go? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peregrine Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 Hey, hope the second day was just as good - did you go to work today? Or is it not full time? Really hope you're well. Sorry have not been in touch much, but still thinking of you. Best wishes xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superwoman Posted November 30, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 How did your first day go? hi headhurts, my first day was good and I loved it but afterwards things didnt go well at home we are at break point for various reasons, because of the way my moods shift. That made today at work really difficult, Im rubbish at work if Ive had arguements at home, I cant separate my moods between locations. My bpd is ruining everything. I got citalopram from doc today, I havent been on tablets since I was 18. So overall things are rubbish :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dibley Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 I'm really sorry about that. Do you think he is causing problems so it will affect your work? He could be scared you might meet someone else. It is hard to seperate feelings in different locations, it's hard to just forget. So sorry. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superwoman Posted November 30, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 Hey, hope the second day was just as good - did you go to work today? Or is it not full time? Really hope you're well. Sorry have not been in touch much, but still thinking of you. Best wishes xxx Hi peregrine, I do 20hr shift work and 20hr (recommended amount) freelance (come and go when I like, when Ive got clients), Im building the business up so not much freelance work yet. hope you are well xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donnam Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 sorry today didnt go well, hope tomorrow is a beta day for u cad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superwoman Posted November 30, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 I'm really sorry about that. Do you think he is causing problems so it will affect your work? He could be scared you might meet someone else. It is hard to seperate feelings in different locations, it's hard to just forget. So sorry. xx Yeah he is definately worried about me meeting someone. We argued about a lot of things last night. I agreed (and paid for it) to go to for the work xmas dinner and drinks event, and husband was not happy because I didnt ask his permission, and he gave me loadsa negatives to any idea I had about making my freelance business working which made me really angry because he is putting the breaks down trying to keep his control over my job (I could analyse it that he is afraid that if I succeed in my job he loses his control and I dont need him anymore and he ends up being left). Also he got fed up with me talking too much about my job (I was so excited I talked like my mouth had changed into a machine gun). He says he doesnt want things to get ott (I get obsessive with work and I admit home becomes 2nd at least at the beginning) and he is worried at xmas due I drink too much and start acting like a sex maniac, it has known to happen, Im not good with drink if my head is mixed up already when Im sober. I literally have no limits or shame and with drink everything is million times worse. Its very embarrasing afterwards of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6of9 Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 Hello, How are things going? I know the feeling regarding alcohol. Easy to say "avoid it" but much harder in reality. Drink distorts your sense of reality and your reasoning and judgement. This often exhibits itself in over-sexualised behaviour...and wanting to feel wanted. There isn't really anything any of us on here can do except keep checking in on you and support you. Have you sought any outside help? It may be wise because you are putting yourself at risk of lots of things if you are 'giving' yourself too easily. I'm only saying this because I want you to be safe...and perhaps you are leaving yourself in a vulnerable position when you drink and get too 'flirty.' Please take care and let us know how things are going. Just stay safe, be careful and take care of YOU. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superwoman Posted November 30, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 Hello, How are things going? I know the feeling regarding alcohol. Easy to say "avoid it" but much harder in reality. Drink distorts your sense of reality and your reasoning and judgement. This often exhibits itself in over-sexualised behaviour...and wanting to feel wanted. There isn't really anything any of us on here can do except keep checking in on you and support you. Have you sought any outside help? It may be wise because you are putting yourself at risk of lots of things if you are 'giving' yourself too easily. I'm only saying this because I want you to be safe...and perhaps you are leaving yourself in a vulnerable position when you drink and get too 'flirty.' Please take care and let us know how things are going. Just stay safe, be careful and take care of YOU. x Thank you 6of9, I dont actually drink that often anyway so I dont have a drink problem. I dont go out much for leisure, Im not a party girl. Ive decided not to drink on that xmas due and thats why I got upet with my hubby, he knows I can resist alcohol because its not a temptation for me, I can say no and stick to it, Ive been out in pubs whilst being sober far more times than been drinking there because I dont have that urge to drink very often. The times I have drank have been VERY BAD and Ive been so promiscious anything goes, but I can control my drinking as long as I care about the consequences enough to deside beforehand I wont drink or drink just a certain amount. Thats why I feel my hubby is start being controllive over it, making a problem of something that is not really a problem. He is (and should be too) worried about me meeting someone at work, possibly a client, and its more probable at the moment than not to be honest. Ive sought outside help as in starting psychotherapy. I know my behaviour is very bpd like right now in many ways inc my sexuality so gonna attempt getting myself fixed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6of9 Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 Hello, How are things going? I know the feeling regarding alcohol. Easy to say "avoid it" but much harder in reality. Drink distorts your sense of reality and your reasoning and judgement. This often exhibits itself in over-sexualised behaviour...and wanting to feel wanted. There isn't really anything any of us on here can do except keep checking in on you and support you. Have you sought any outside help? It may be wise because you are putting yourself at risk of lots of things if you are 'giving' yourself too easily. I'm only saying this because I want you to be safe...and perhaps you are leaving yourself in a vulnerable position when you drink and get too 'flirty.' Please take care and let us know how things are going. Just stay safe, be careful and take care of YOU. x Thank you 6of9, I dont actually drink that often anyway so I dont have a drink problem. I dont go out much for leisure, Im not a party girl. Ive decided not to drink on that xmas due and thats why I got upet with my hubby, he knows I can resist alcohol because its not a temptation for me, I can say no and stick to it, Ive been out in pubs whilst being sober far more times than been drinking there because I dont have that urge to drink very often. The times I have drank have been VERY BAD and Ive been so promiscious anything goes, but I can control my drinking as long as I care about the consequences enough to deside beforehand I wont drink or drink just a certain amount. Thats why I feel my hubby is start being controllive over it, making a problem of something that is not really a problem. He is (and should be too) worried about me meeting someone at work, possibly a client, and its more probable at the moment than not to be honest. Ive sought outside help as in starting psychotherapy. I know my behaviour is very bpd like right now in many ways inc my sexuality so gonna attempt getting myself fixed! It really isnt a good idea to get involved with clients...please take care hun x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superwoman Posted November 30, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 Hello, How are things going? I know the feeling regarding alcohol. Easy to say "avoid it" but much harder in reality. Drink distorts your sense of reality and your reasoning and judgement. This often exhibits itself in over-sexualised behaviour...and wanting to feel wanted. There isn't really anything any of us on here can do except keep checking in on you and support you. Have you sought any outside help? It may be wise because you are putting yourself at risk of lots of things if you are 'giving' yourself too easily. I'm only saying this because I want you to be safe...and perhaps you are leaving yourself in a vulnerable position when you drink and get too 'flirty.' Please take care and let us know how things are going. Just stay safe, be careful and take care of YOU. x Thank you 6of9, I dont actually drink that often anyway so I dont have a drink problem. I dont go out much for leisure, Im not a party girl. Ive decided not to drink on that xmas due and thats why I got upet with my hubby, he knows I can resist alcohol because its not a temptation for me, I can say no and stick to it, Ive been out in pubs whilst being sober far more times than been drinking there because I dont have that urge to drink very often. The times I have drank have been VERY BAD and Ive been so promiscious anything goes, but I can control my drinking as long as I care about the consequences enough to deside beforehand I wont drink or drink just a certain amount. Thats why I feel my hubby is start being controllive over it, making a problem of something that is not really a problem. He is (and should be too) worried about me meeting someone at work, possibly a client, and its more probable at the moment than not to be honest. Ive sought outside help as in starting psychotherapy. I know my behaviour is very bpd like right now in many ways inc my sexuality so gonna attempt getting myself fixed! It really isnt a good idea to get involved with clients...please take care hun x Better clients than colleagues or mh site members as some suggest......................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 ((((((soph)))))) I hope the tablets help, it must be kind of depressing getting them again after so long but most people need extra help when things are bad at home or when they are starting something new. it doesnt mean you'll have to take them forever xxxx i wish i knew what to say with not seperating your moods, i cant do that either and I dont have BPD. i think maybe some people who arent depressed have trouble with it too but you still managed to go I think its good your going to the work thing and it is your choice, you know its better not to drink and you can resist it so youll probably be ok. it will be good to see your workmates in a social setting, you can make friends with them as well as working with them and they wont wonder why youre not there xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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