Pink stars Posted November 28, 2010 Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 Hi (((everyone))) I hope your ok xx I have been giving this some thought for a couple of weeks now, I'm not good with words so I hope this all comes out ok I'm sorry if this sounds silly but I have been thinking about depression and do I have it? Some times I'm ok, I can get up alright, do my beauty routine and put on my make-up. I go to work alright and do my best while at work and chat with people. I put lots of effort into the dinner, I get excited and dress up if hubby and I are going out, I whiz round the house cleaning, accept invites for things.... But then there are times (and these are becoming more frequent) where I feel really low, have no energy, want to stay in bed all day, don't want to wash or put nice clothes on, I literally have to force myself to go to work and while there I am completely un-motivated and hardly do anything, I avoid people, feel very emotional and close to tears a lot and just want to get home and shut the front door. It feels like I'm on a roller coaster, one second I have no energy and am so low, then the next I can be bouncing about to some music. I hate this up and down. And nothing in particular even has to happen, I just go up and down. I got in such a state with it all at work this week I tried calling my GP but the surgery was shut. I can feel it now, yesterday my mood was quite good but since this morning it's been going down again and I can't stop it. Thanks for reading, take care x x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beyonce Posted November 28, 2010 Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 hi pink stars depression is exactly the way you have described it here,One minute you can feel ok the next you can feel yuk i know i am like that and it can be really awful at times,I sit and cry sometimes and i don't even know why i am crying,My hubby will ask what is wrong and i don't know lol. Please if you ever need to talk then you can PM me. Take Care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink stars Posted November 28, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 Thank you hun, for taking the time to read and reply it means alot to me x Of course I wish you didn't feel this way too but in another way it's also nice to know that I am not alone. And thank you for the offer, I would very much like to chat sometime x I'm having more and more 'down' and 'low' days, I don't know how to stop it! Yesterday I was full if energy and accomplished loads then today I feel low, have been sleeping on and off... I don't know how to put this, I've not said it before as I don't know how it will be seen and taken...but I don't know if I should be in my job anymore? I don't want people to think I'm lazy and that I don't want to work but my feelings are so low, I don't do my job properly when at work, which I'm sure I will get pulled up about sooner or later. I'm close to tears all day most days, don't want to be around people, can't wait to get home - it's so exhausting trying to keep my 'mask' on all day. Sorry got carried away! x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted November 28, 2010 Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 Hi there sweets This does sound like depression and when the docs opens again, I would make an appt to have a good chat about everything and see what they can do to help you. I think you have a lot going on with at the moment with dealing with your Mum and her bf and trying to sort out what you are going to do for christmas. I managed to function for a long time like you have said with going to work and looking after myself and my home but sometimes things build up and build up from the past and it starts to show itself as depression. How's your sleep? In the meantime, here's some hugs to keep you going til you can get to the docs :bigarmhug[1]: xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink stars Posted November 28, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 ((catsmother)) thanks honey x What you said I can relate to alot and makes alot of sense to me. I'm going to give the doctors another call tomorrow. I'm a-bit worried that she will think I am wasting her time or that she won't be able to do anything for me. My sleep....I can't get through a whole night. Some times I can't get to sleep, other nights I'm awake on and off or awake early. I also find that on the odd occasions when I sleep maybe 9 or 10 hours I am still tired at work the next day. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted November 28, 2010 Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 Hi From what you have said here, I don't think you will be wasting the docs time at all and I'm sure that they won't think that either. I know when I got to appts, I try to make some notes of how I am feeling, what I want to say and any questions that I want to ask so that I don't forget anything and my doc always appreciates it because the more that she knows about what's going on for me, the more she can help me. The sleep patterns that you describe are also indicative of depression. It may also be the case that you're doc might sign you off work for a while but that is something that you need to discuss with them and whether that would help you or not. Let me know how you get on. Love and hugs xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lyndseyb2009 Posted November 28, 2010 Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 Hey hun, How you described your feelings above explains how I feel to a T! I feel like one seccond I'm on top of the world and the next the entire world is against me! I literally feel like my emotions are on a rollercoaster and I dread waking up every day because I can predict how I'll feel that day. I have days where I wake up fine, early as normal , go for a swim , shower , wear something nice, do my hair and make up, cook dinner for my boyfriend , hoover the entire house and change the bed etc and then there are days when I wake up and just want to climb back under the duvet and never come out. I was just wondering how does you depressive moods affect your relationship with others? I understand from your other posts your under a great deal of stress - I sympathise because I've just moved in with my boyfriends family and I'm having "mother in law" issues as you would call them so I feel quite stressed all of the time. But I find that when I'm in a good "normal" mood, Im a sociable little monkey (= I go and talk to his family more,I go out more and will happily smile at strangers in the street, everything just seems easier. But when I'm having a down day I literally cannot stand to be around people. I just want to stay in bed , watch tv and speak to no one until my boyfriend comes home from work which I know isnt healthy but I literally CANNOT help it. I just feel if im around people I'm gonna end up wound up and I'll snap at them. So I guess I distance myself from those situations. I was just wondering if you find the dynamics of your relationships change depending on your mood/feeling? Big hugs, I know how hard it is to feel trapped on a rollercoaster with no exit signs )= xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink stars Posted November 28, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 Hi Green eyed girl, thanks very much for you reply x I'm sorry that you also feel this way hun, please know that you can always talk with me x The way you described how your feelings make you act/behave around others or you just stay away from them is Exactly the same for me!! With my hubby I can be the same but with the other people around me - friends, people at work, people in the street I am exactly how you described. I cannot stand to be around people, everything will upset/annoy me and I feel like I'll either burst into tears or snap at them. But then when I'm feeling alright I chat away, smile and chat with strangers in the street......even though I know all this I can't stop myself and can't drag myself out of these low moods, I just have to wait for them to pass, but they are coming more frequently now X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lyndseyb2009 Posted November 28, 2010 Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 aww thank you thats very kind! Yeah I get what you mean . I always put my mood swings down to just the usual hormones that women have, and being on the pill but they have become so much more frequent now that I know theres more to it. Its starting to affect my relationship too because my boyfriend really wants me to connect with his family but I just cant get past that feeling of wanting to be alone and I guess unless he's in my head he cant really understand. I think the wanting to be isolated is a side affect of depression , I just wish there was an easy way to avoid it or counteract those feelings. I hate to be so clingy with my boyfriend but his literally the only family or friends I have in London so its scary. I think everythings just making me more homesick )= I think we both should go to the doctor to be honest. I know its easier said than done - well for me anyways I dont even have a doctor here yet! But I guess they might be able to help. I just hate the idea of needing medication to be "fixed". I guess I feel that I should be strong enough to overcome it on my own but I'm starting to see it might not be that easy )= xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magic Posted November 28, 2010 Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 Pink stars - it does sound like depression or something related, especially seeing that these mood changes are becoming more frequent. Have you seen your GP yet? Discuss what's going with him/her as soon as you can. I know *exactly* what you're going through. My inbox is open. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lollypops22 Posted November 28, 2010 Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 Pink stars ( baby girl!!!.. Im no doctor, but i do unfortunatly think you have this.. EVERYTHING u describe is me!! Its everything i go through. I was diagnosed with Depression a few weeks ago and now im on Fluoxetine (prozac).. I know ive had it a lot longer and i know it was likely triggered by my Post natal depression.. but yeah, it sounds the double of depression! I hope you get it sorted soon my lovely. Big Huge Snuggles!!! (((((HUGSSSS)))) .. im ALWAYS here to talk!! x x x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted November 29, 2010 Report Share Posted November 29, 2010 (((((((pink stars)))))) It sounds like you might have depression. thats what its like, some days it just isn't there and it's just amazing but then other days it completely takes you over and you can't do anything. lazy? the people who say that don't know how hard it can be just to sit up never mind get out of bed idk about your job. some people can have depression and carry on working, some dont. everyone is different and just coz someone can manage to work it doesnt mean they are managing better than people who don't coz there are lots of differnt parts of life. If you can't work anymore you're not the only one. I think it is amazing you are managing as much as you are. maybe you could talk to your doctor about work if your not sure? you're not wasting her time, thats why doctors are there, to help people with all sorts of illnesses. your doctor might be able to help with sleep too, I can't get to sleep without my anti depressants or you could have sleeping tablets to take when you cant sleep. being with people is so hard for me too. the other people at hairdressing are nice to me but its like I'm some little kid who is there as a special treat coz thats how i act like. They are so nice but until i got my learning support tutor i was just so stressed the whole time and it bothered me having people near and when they did try to talk my mind just froze. I think for lots of people socialising is hard sometimes but its like the more depressed you are the less mental energy you have to focus on it I hope you can get a doctors appointment soon xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink stars Posted November 29, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 29, 2010 Thank you All so so much for replying, I really truly appreciate it xx Of course I wish that none of us felt like this but it's also nice to know I am not alone and that other people know what I am going on about. I have been so worried that this is just happening to me and that maybe I have totally lost it. To hear I am describing exactly how some one else feels is kind of a relief! I thought I was alone. I tried opening up to a friend from work last week, told her how I feel and that I am really struggling at work and in general, that it can be the hardest thing to get out of bed - and her response was that I was being lazy and if I stopped working I would use it to "sit on my arse all day at home" as she put it! That couldn't be further from the truth, as if I want to feel this way! I've had a job since I was 16, done college while working full time ect....it's nothing to do with me not wanting to work, it's just lately I am finding work and life incredibly hard. Going to give the doctor a call when they open Thank you (((everyone))) your friendship and support means alot to me x x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lyndseyb2009 Posted November 29, 2010 Report Share Posted November 29, 2010 Your very welcome.... good luck sweetie xoxox Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted November 29, 2010 Report Share Posted November 29, 2010 There are some 'official' tests for depression, the ones I can think of are the Hamilton rating scale for depression and the BECK Depression Inventory. I think you can find the Hamilton test online by typing in HAD test or HAM-D test, or maybe HRSD test for depression. These are the types of questionnaire your GP or psychiatrist is likely to give you. Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lollypops22 Posted November 29, 2010 Report Share Posted November 29, 2010 I hope you get sorted and soon. What your friend at work said to you is wrong wrong wrong.. i keep saying to my husband, crying to him really, that im NOT being lazy.. that i hate sitting around.. i physically cant do it.. sometimes i do not have an ounce of energy.. im not lazy, believe me.. on those days id much rather be getting up dressed tidy up go for a walk come back make tea etc.. its not physically possibly some of the time.. but anti depressants could very well work.. the ones im on have starting giving me my energy back.. i hope the doctor gets you sorted and soon.. but they will probably listen to you today, give you some websites to go on, then tell you to go back in about 2 weeks.. my advice, if your feeling the same way.. go back.. and just tell them straight, u still feel the same.. i did.. i cried my eyes out.. then they done a test where i had to mark things from 0 to 3.. 3 being the worst.. my score was really high so she gave me anti depressants straight away.. let us know how u get on hunni pie please x x x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 Your friend is totally wrong, she probably didn't mean to be horrible i think depression is so hard to understand when you don't have it. Some people can understand it but a lot of people just don't and its so difficult to put into words anyway. and i think lots of people don't really know what depression is, they wouldn't know it from you describing how you feel. i'm sorry she reacted like that hun, i bet it hurt so much i hope it went ok with the doctor xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink stars Posted November 30, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 Thanks so much every one for your wonderful support, it really does mean alot to me and I no longer feel so alone x Having trouble getting an appointment with my doctor but will keep trying, things can't continue like this. Thank you Ross, I hadn't heard of the on line thingys, I took one and it came back saying I have Clinical Depression. Of course still going to go to my doctor but thank you it was really helpful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donnam Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 hey hun sorry just saw this post, i think it may be depression hun, can u try and get a telephone apt? pretty much as same as going in for mh as they dont need to examine u. i had one today, at their request, asked same questions etc just didnt need to leave house, work. they could then send script to pharmacy for you. maybe an idea hun, if not good on phone like me, write down main points u have to say. worth a try love and hugs cad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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