Binge Eating :(

[Heffalump]

Hey,

Sorry in advance for this message, especially as i havent been here very long - just honestly feeling so so lost and at the end of what i can take! After 6 years of people saying its going to get better - it never seems to. After being underweight, i ballooned when i was 17 due to binge eating and coe... took me four years of hard work to loose the weight i had put on - and now its all coming back!

Recently its been 2 weeks solid of binge eating, I can litterally feel the fat growing on my legs and hips - pushing against my skin - its discusting! Have been eating so much stuff that i dont even like, (including fruit past well past its edibleness and a whole box of iceing sugar powder ) Ugh - why?! im so gross and horrible! My pscy just doesnt seem to be helping me at all - he says its not the binging we need to adress, but the reasons - which i understand - but need help with the binging - because getting thorugh the next minute is hard enough, let alone weeks of this! :'( Just want it to end, and the weight to go away!

anyone else going through something similiar? or got any advice? so fed up of trying to overcome this and coming up with nothing: other then more fat on me!

sorry again for the pooy message!

love

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[donnam]

hi

i binge (but dont purge, not sure if you do or not), i find i do it more when i am have a really bad day, but struggle daily.

my therapist just told me to do a chain analysis, to see what triggered it and try to break the chain.

cad

[Heffalump]

Hi Cadance

Yeah, I do the same, binge but don't purge so it all stays inside of me blah! - We've been trying to find the triggers; but really not getting anywhere - getting so fed up of the physical consequences - hate feeling bigger

Have you found that the chain analysis works at all? Or have they litterally just suggested it?

Sorry again - and thankyou for your reply - helps knowing you not alone

xxxxxxx

[choochoomama]

Hi Heffalump

I Binge too, but I'm, really just admitting it to myself I think, so not got any advice I am planning on mentioning it to my counsellor tomorrow so hopefully he might have some suggestions. I think I tend to do it more when I'm having a bad day too, but its been about 4-5 days this time and I just can't stop

hugs to you xxx

[donnam]

tbh she only suggested it last week, i know things trigger me like ESA forms to refill in, kids getting on top of me and then it is made worse, but its almost like the kitchen is a trigger if u get what i mean, i go in there and i want chocolate, anything sweet, will skip lunch for choc, cant help it. i am trying to substitute jogurts instead, but sometimes they end up as well as

i tried putting a note on the cupbord saying NO that helped a little til hubby took it down

cad

[bereft]

I binge, and it makes me fat and very unhappy. I wonder if it's part of the impulsivity of BPD.

[Heffalump]

I binge, and it makes me fat and very unhappy. I wonder if it's part of the impulsivity of BPD.

(((bereft)))

how do you cope? or deal with it? i'm at such a lose as to how to stop this! xxxxxxx

[bereft]

Well, I'm not doing too good, either. For one thing, I don't keep stuff in the house that I'm likely to binge on. But the only way I've been able to stop it completely is when I'm on a diet program. In the U.S. and New Zealand there is a program called Jenny Craig, and when I'm on that, I don't binge, I stick to it perfectly. The problem is, it's not cheap. There is one other thing - it's a 12 step group called Overeater's Anonymous. It's just like Alcoholics Anonymous, only it's for people who cannot control their eating. I only went to one of their meetings, but it looked promising.

I haven't fixed myself, though, I'm still struggling.

[Heffalump]

Aw thankyou so much for your suggestions! ... deffinatly going to look into it!

I'm so sorry to hear that your struggling! is it getting any better? I do hope so!! - if you ever want to talk about it please dont hesitiate to message me! even if its just for a rant! much love!! xxxxxxxx

[boobsticle]

Heya Heffalump

I have the exact same problem as you, I binge eat and I just keep going, I find it really difficult to moderate my eating on a daily basis, but when I get into one of my moods, all thought of moderation goes straight out the window and it's just FOOOOD. Since I started uni last year I've gained 3 stone because of my bingeing, it's a horrible problem to have because I've found a lot of people just think I'm fat and greedy etc.

The only thing I've been able to come up with that's worked for me in any way is to put myself on a specialist diet. For a while I forced myself to eat only one portion of carbs a day, but I could binge on anything else, I'm currently only eating vegan food. I find restricting myself in this way helps me find the motivation to make sure I don't binge too much. Don't get me wrong, I still binge, but bingeing while knowing I haven't broken my diet makes me feel a lot less useless and fat and ugly, etc, like I've almost achieved something. Perhaps you might be the same? It's just a suggestion and it's not exactly a cure, but it's the best thing I've been able to find so far.

Hope I helped, in solidarity if not advice

[Heffalump]

Hi Arrakis,

Aw, thankyou so much for the lovely message - just knowing other people are going through this does help in some weird way!... Why do we act in such a way around food? its so confussing! its just food at the end of the day! Aw, so sorry to hear how your struggling! People that think that are not people worth knowing and they do not deserve you (although i do understand that doesnt help you, or how you feel about yourself! - just helps sometimes thinking - 'well i wouldnt want to be your friend if that the way you treat other people' - are you still at uni now?

Your idea of a specialised diet sounds really good actually! ... do you try to stick to 3 meals or 3 meals and snacks? or just when your hungry?... wouldnt it be lovely if it would all just stop at the flick of a switch and we would have the control!?

Hope your ok, as always, right here if you ever need to talk about it

love xxxxxxxxxxxx

[boobsticle]

Yeah I'm still at uni, somehow managed to scrape into second year I try to have a really strict routine, I find it helps with my sleep and agoraphobia too as well as my eating. I get up before 11am and have breakfast, lunch at 2 and dinner about 6, then a snack in the evening if I'm hungry and sometimes one mid-afternoon, then I try to be in bed before 2am. It's far from cured it but it definitely helps me, I haven't lost weight because I don't go outside much so I don't get much exercise and because I'm still bingeing on occasion, but at least I've stopped piling it on in the way I was before.

My vegan diet has been great for me because I'm really strict with it, so I'm very careful about what I eat so there's very little for me to binge on. Peanut butter out of the jar is about the height of it really, and since the food is mostly veg and nuts, it's pretty healthy binge-food. If you can manage to do it, I'd recommend giving it a shot but it might be difficult just to launch into the deep end with vegan straight away :P

[Heffalump]

Well done hun! thats amazing that you've achieved so much while going through all of this!

Your plan sounds amazing - think i may take inspiration from it... may have to slowly work up to the vegan diet though hehe thank you so so much for your replies! really lovely of you. Well done as well for the positive steps you're making!!! much love xxxxxxxxx

[Eveleigh]

Well, I'm not doing too good, either. For one thing, I don't keep stuff in the house that I'm likely to binge on. But the only way I've been able to stop it completely is when I'm on a diet program. In the U.S. and New Zealand there is a program called Jenny Craig, and when I'm on that, I don't binge, I stick to it perfectly. The problem is, it's not cheap. There is one other thing - it's a 12 step group called Overeater's Anonymous. It's just like Alcoholics Anonymous, only it's for people who cannot control their eating. I only went to one of their meetings, but it looked promising.

I haven't fixed myself, though, I'm still struggling.

I binge eat and the only time I dont is also when I am on a diet programme. I've recently lost 3 stone but I've gone back to the bingeing and just seem to have lost all control over my eating. When I'm on a diet I really get obsessed by it and stick to it ridgidly and can lose weight fairly easily but when I'm not I just cant control it. Its kind of an all or nothing type of thing!

[Anonym9]

I am totally struggling with binge eating suddenly the last few weeks. I've been bulimic for about 12 years but I'm not always binging and purging, sometimes I'm restricting or leaning more towards orthorexia (an obsession with healthy eating). The only time my eating has been "normal" was when I was actively participating and putting a lot of work into this program called normal eating. You can google it. It's based around being mindful which means dealing with emotions and whatever stress is going on in your life instead of comforting yourself with food. It works but you have to stick with it, something I have a problem doing because I can't ever seem to follow through on anything (a BPD trait?).

I really feel you with the binging though and the feelings of disgust with yourself as you eat more and more and seem to get bigger and bigger. I had finally gotten down to a really nice size and now I've gained weight and it's so frustrating. I hate myself for it.

I hope you find a solution to your problem.

[Heffalump]

Aw thanks guys for all your help ... Still not gotten any better - the last week has been a solid binge... so low

But this is it! Tomorrow things change! ... YES! they must. Its only food for goodness sake - why do i do this? oh dear

xxxxxxxxx

[marty1970]

Being on this site has really helped me with my abandonment issues and other issues that I have...

I am slowly realising that I have issues with food too.

It is probably rarer for men than woman?? .

I don't buy food and have it in the house because I would eat it all in one go ! I buy just enough food for the day, If I have a packet of sausages then I daren't cook them all even if they are about to go out of date as I would eat them all ...

And would never buy biscuits or tins of chocolates as again I would binge on them, I dont appear to have the mechanism that makes you stop!

I have never had set meal times and wouldn't like to arrange to have meals with my sister or other people, My sis would often say to me in jest, that I could take it and eat in the other room if I proffered, I just thought that maybe i was a little strange!

Recently I have gone the other way, not eating for days, then only having something small, I have lost 2 stone in a month... not good I'm sure! I seem be starting to crave food again now.

The way that I can help control my food cravings is to drink plenty of water, I think that my brain gets confused to if I am hungry or thirsty... by drinking water the craving goes away for a while.

Good luck tomorrow Heffalump, dont be too hard on yourself hun xx

[Heffalump]

((((Icarus))))Oh my lovely - thankyou for replying and I'm so sorry you are struggling with food aswell! (really strange isnt it how intense things can get around it)

Have you talked to anyone about it? Do you think trying to start a structured meal plan would work for you? My Psyc gave me on, and too be honest I'm terrified - i get that if i starve myself, I will then binge, but just shoving the plan infrount on me is really not helpful - esp. as you have to do it alone - if that makes sense? Oh dear - rambling - im sorry!!

Thanks for the luck Hope you have a good Sunday

Much love, luck and cuddles sent your way

xxxxxxxx

[Heffalump]

Oh My Gosh!

This ED is ruining my life! Have no idea what to do anymore Cannot seem to get a grip and snap out of this. At the momant it is either binging or restricting - I cannot eat a normal meal... so I'm starving for as long as I can, be it a month, a week or a few hours - then binge binge binge. Currently on the longest binge of my life - shoved on 2 stone :'( After going through this a few years ago and working so hard to eat sensibly nd exercise to loose all the weight - so upset and angry at my self!!

Not only is the weight gain a major issue, which i know is silly, I also know that if i eat 3 meals a day - i will be fine, but i just CANT do it. I stand there staring at teh fridge trying to work myself up to make lunchm or get breakfast. Lie awake at night planning a sensible eating plan for the next day - to the point where i am crying and shaking but i can never do it :'( and i know if i dont eat i will binge. I tell this to my psyc but all he did was give me a eating plan - something i really could do in my sleep, with all the cals etc... he thinkgs its emotional and related to parents and thus by addressing the issues I'll get better (Not happening) I think he thinks im not trying or exagerating

I know im inpatient - but while im suppost to be giving it time im getting fatter and fatter, and i cannot work with food in me, or after a binge - which means no uni work has been done for a month! which wouldnt be so bad - but i have an exam in 3 days! which im going to fail, going to fail uni and i have told everyone at uni - councillors mentors etc, but they arent being terribly helpful :'(

WJust have no idea what to do - I KNOW what i should do, I know how to eat well and healthy - i just cannot put it into practice - and now im failing uni again (leaving is not an option - ive taken 2 years out already because of this illness) ohhh im in so much trouble :'( so so lost

Sorry for the rant

love xxxxxxxxxxx

[unlucky]

OMG I know exactly how you feel. I am the same, I can either starve or binge but I cannot follow a normal meal pattern, no matter how many calories it has or what.

I know what the answer is, the healthy way to do it, to get out of this, but I can't. It's like my mind doesn't believe it.

I'm around 17st at the moment, and I used to be 9st. I couldn't even sort myself out and lose weight for my wedding day.

It's so depressing it makes me want to kill myself. I can't stand it when my husband touches me. I can't stand it when he looks at me when I'm getting changed.

Every day I wake up with the intention of starving myself, and every day the pain of life is just too much and I end up stuffing myself trying to get rid of the feelings.

I wish I knew what to say, how to do this, I really do.

I've been seeing a psychiatrist and a dietitian for 6 years, and it has made things worse. I used to be underweight and now look at me.

It hurts so much just typing this message, but I wanted you to know that there are people who feel the same way.

I would rather die than carry on like this, but at the same time, I don't have the energy to change.

[Heffalump]

((((unlucky)))) Thankyou so much for replying! actually made me cry. I'm so sorry you are struggling too

This is so stupid! Hate brains, really do! and you would think that getting support and help would make things better - and it just removes all hope doesnt it when the professionals dont make a difference either :'(

Totally get what you mean about people touching you. Hate my friends trying to cuddle me, and i used to be all about the cuddles, now its just 'what if they feel how much weight ive gained or how squishy i am' - which is aweful if they are upset oh bum it! why wont it just go away :'(

love to you hunny - and seriously, if you ever want to PM about it, or what ever, right here!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx