The Most Interesting Post Of All Time

[Twistedmister]

Day 3 Complete

My run today was good. It was raining quite badly.....i think i may have run past the girl i'm obsessed with, i couldn't really tell as my glasses were fogged up. I think it was her, she's a running fanatic and it was right by her house.

She wasn't at the park again. Like 4 days in a row now. It's super clear she doesn't really care that much about me.

I mean, why should she really? I've got a load of flaws. And 6 months ago i stopped talking to her for seemingly no reason.

I guess i just thought, after our little reconnection....that maybe we'd just slide back into.............oh well.

Oh, and she's moving far away. WHenever her house sells. That kind of sucks....maybe it's good.

I mean, i imagine us being friends again and then it sucks.

But it really doesn't look like we're going to be close again, so maybe it's better i don't have to always hope to run into her in the park or at the store.

I don't know. She seems to think her house will be on the market for awhile....so i guess we'll see what happens in the months it might take.

Maybe we'll become better friends and our friendship will survive this.....but i doubt.

Work went smoothly. yay.....

Just got to meditate and go to bed.

Day 3.....i still feel so motivated. Like, i just know i'm actually going to do this.

If i quit......i'm seriously going to have to evaluate whether or not i can function in society. I mean, clearly i can't if i can't make it work this time.

I'm seeing an old friend tomorrow. Actually, she's the previous target of my obsessional ways....

It's kind of funny....it's weird, talking to her and not caring nearly as much now.

Like before i hung on her every word, and now i almost feel like saying "shut the f up" half the time.

ANd yeah, i mean....i barely remembered i am seeing her tomorrow.

Before, i'd be counting the seconds, thinking about what i was going to say.....or i'd be obsessing about, well you get the picture.

Now it's like......i seriously barely care. I'm more concerned about the hour or 2 i'm losing......

I mean, it's great that she still wants to be friends. Something i'm only willing to do, because i'm trying hard these days not to judge people.

I don't think she was a very good friend.....but i guess since i have none, i might not be the best judge of that. Since well, i've yet to have a good one.

I think this is the worst post i've ever written.

I feel no emotional connection to it whatsoever.

I'm just tired and feel like i have miles and miles and miles to go before i can feel, at ease. I really can't stop.....i'm so scared next week, i won't care.

No excuses.

No rationalisations..

117 more days.

1/40 th done.