sanctuary Posted January 6, 2011 Report Share Posted January 6, 2011 Children Learn What They Live By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D. If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn. If children live with hostility, they learn to fight. If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive. If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves. If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy. If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy. If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty. If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence. If children live with tolerance, they learn patience. If children live with praise, they learn appreciation. If children live with acceptance, they learn to love. If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves. If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal. If children live with sharing, they learn generosity. If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness. If children live with fairness, they learn justice. If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect. If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them. If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live. Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bereft Posted January 6, 2011 Report Share Posted January 6, 2011 That should be required reading for every parent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted January 6, 2011 Report Share Posted January 6, 2011 I've read that poem many years ago, Its good to be reminded of it. Is it a favorite of yours? J. xx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted January 6, 2011 Report Share Posted January 6, 2011 That is so so true - thanks for sharing xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted January 6, 2011 Report Share Posted January 6, 2011 What a period piece, I don't quite know that I can abide it as truism. It does remind me of the kind of thinking I grew up around though. Sah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted January 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2011 My sister showed it to me when I was very very very young and told me my mother was evil..... hows that for a reminder of my shit childhood... the same sister that told me when I was 12 that my mum and dad had tried to have an abortion and get rid of me but that the doctor didnt give consent (thought it would save their marriage) So use me abuse me its what i am used to Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted January 6, 2011 Report Share Posted January 6, 2011 My sister showed it to me when I was very very very young and told me my mother was evil..... hows that for a reminder of my shit childhood... the same sister that told me when I was 12 that my mum and dad had tried to have an abortion and get rid of me but that the doctor didnt give consent (thought it would save their marriage) So use me abuse me its what i am used to Im sorry you feel that way, in all honesty I know so little about you to comment either way. As for myself I believe that although time heals all wounds, time also deals them (yes it is from a song). I can only say that there is still some good in this world though at times it is impossible to see. It is a beautiful poem though! Jamie. xx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted January 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2011 im ok was violining myself for a minute... still clearly i am angry to all the adults that hurt me when i was young.... the worst thing is my sister told me far too much because she was told far too much but she offloaded on me and she was 8 years older than me. I know she didnt deserve a mum like the one she had but I was a confused fucking mess at 8 years old watching my sister screaming at the door, everyone screaming, 'pikeys at the door' according to my mum, people, people adults loads of them all fighting.... my sister leaving home at 16 and me watching her go.....she abandoned me.... she did the very worst thing she could have done ALL IN THE BEST OF INTENTIONS NO DOUBT but what do I do with tht anger....... I'm still 8 years old screaming please stop please stop please stop!!!!!! *goes to listen to dark rap* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 6, 2011 Report Share Posted January 6, 2011 I'm so sorry for everyone's pain. As a child I learnt to shut the fuck up and hide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverwolf Posted January 7, 2011 Report Share Posted January 7, 2011 As a child I learnt to shut the fuck up and hide. same here hun x ((((Sant)))) x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dibley Posted January 7, 2011 Report Share Posted January 7, 2011 As a child I learnt to keep my mouth shut and only speak when spoken to. Tis has made me very shy in real life. Probably why I have no friends. I also learnt that if you are in a relationship you need to be aggresive and beat them, that is love. It took me until I was 28 to realise that is not love, and that that is wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 7, 2011 Report Share Posted January 7, 2011 ((((((((Sanctuary))))))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stormchaser Posted January 7, 2011 Report Share Posted January 7, 2011 That should be required reading for every parent. I agree with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maize Posted January 8, 2011 Report Share Posted January 8, 2011 I only got the bad stuff, but it didn't make me like them. They couldn't change who I am, or change me into what they were, no matter how much pain and insult they inflicted on my mind and body. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted January 8, 2011 Report Share Posted January 8, 2011 THIS IS SO TRUTH. THIS IS VERY POWERFUL WORDS. ALL OF PEOPLE NEED LEARN THIS FOR OUR POSTERITY. I REALLY HOPE THAT ALL OF KIDS ARE HAVING TRUE LOVE AND CARE EVEN THEY ARE POOR IF THEY COULD HAVE IT THEIR FUTURE WILL BE BRIGHT. BECAUE THEY COULD LEARN TO FEEL IT WHEN THEY ARE KIDS. SOMEONE SAID CHILDREN'S 1 YEARS IS NOT SAME AS ADULT'S 1 YEAR. THEIR 1 YEAR IS MORE THAN ADULTS. IF WE START NOW FOR NEXT GENERATION, THIS WORLD WILL BE BETTER IN THE FUTURE AFTER LONG TIME. I WANNA BELIEVE THAT. THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS SANCTUARY XXX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maize Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 That is a great message of truth, Maki. Bless your heart and spirit always. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted January 9, 2011 Report Share Posted January 9, 2011 im ok was violining myself for a minute... still clearly i am angry to all the adults that hurt me when i was young.... the worst thing is my sister told me far too much because she was told far too much but she offloaded on me and she was 8 years older than me. I know she didnt deserve a mum like the one she had but I was a confused fucking mess at 8 years old watching my sister screaming at the door, everyone screaming, 'pikeys at the door' according to my mum, people, people adults loads of them all fighting.... my sister leaving home at 16 and me watching her go.....she abandoned me.... she did the very worst thing she could have done ALL IN THE BEST OF INTENTIONS NO DOUBT but what do I do with tht anger....... I'm still 8 years old screaming please stop please stop please stop!!!!!! *goes to listen to dark rap* Thank you for sharing, It must be so hard when the ones you love most use you in such a manner. Although my experiences are very different i know how deep the pain of being abandoned goes, I never screamed and wish now I had, unfortunuately over 25 years too late. Will there be a happy ending? (misty eye). You're very brave XX. J. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apollo 13 Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 I'm so sorry for everyone's pain. As a child I learnt to shut the fuck up and hide. ..............and here we are, all those years' later, still trying to find the darkest corner of the room!!?? Txx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted January 16, 2011 Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 im ok was violining myself for a minute... still clearly i am angry to all the adults that hurt me when i was young.... the worst thing is my sister told me far too much because she was told far too much but she offloaded on me and she was 8 years older than me. I know she didnt deserve a mum like the one she had but I was a confused fucking mess at 8 years old watching my sister screaming at the door, everyone screaming, 'pikeys at the door' according to my mum, people, people adults loads of them all fighting.... my sister leaving home at 16 and me watching her go.....she abandoned me.... she did the very worst thing she could have done ALL IN THE BEST OF INTENTIONS NO DOUBT but what do I do with tht anger....... I'm still 8 years old screaming please stop please stop please stop!!!!!! *goes to listen to dark rap* Hi (((((sanctuary)))))) I am same. Little me is still screaming inside me. She is very angry. She is very scared. for a long time... Little me's body is still shaking. I am waiting the day that Little me can feel free and safe someday. That day I can sleep and live with peace I think... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chorse_70 Posted January 17, 2011 Report Share Posted January 17, 2011 I was told I was worthless,stupid,clumsy,never amount to anything and beat to go along with it. I became shy,scared,no confidence in myself,low tolerance towards others and myself,seek perfection in myself and won't settle for less,hatred towards myself and others and I feel like I'm a waste of space in this world. I know for a fact all of these feelings I have are because of the way I was treated as a child. This is one of the biggest reasons I become enraged when I see a parent belittle their child. No child should be told "Shut the fuck up" or called stupid or hit just because the parent is upset and doesn't know how to handle the situation. Some people should not be allowed to pro-create because all they do is mess up a poor innocent child's life with the way they treat them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted January 17, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2011 my 'friend' called her 18month old daughter stupid, many times. I tried to make up for the poor little girls face crying to her mum, tears down her face and her calling her a stupid twat. I tried to read her stories, talk to my 'friend', even telling her that kicking the dog and showing physical violence in front of her little daughter was a sign of having a massive anger problem. But my heart went out to her too.... All I saw was a repeat f her dads behaviour with her.... never good enough, stupid etc,... I couldn't bear to be around it. I waited for an opportunity then did a huge BPD split on her.... I think my hypersensitivity to this kind of thing is a massive problem for me. After all, what can we do when generations just keep multiplying and no one without kids is allowed to say anything here... its like it's taboo and I can understand why. But it's clear, even now, that children are suffering the same fate as we once did only a whole lot worse. Only some of us now are parents and that is bound to ingrain certain patterns whether we like to or not. We are not entirely masters of our universes, we are all fallable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted January 17, 2011 Report Share Posted January 17, 2011 my 'friend' called her 18month old daughter stupid, many times. I tried to make up for the poor little girls face crying to her mum, tears down her face and her calling her a stupid twat. I tried to read her stories, talk to my 'friend', even telling her that kicking the dog and showing physical violence in front of her little daughter was a sign of having a massive anger problem. But my heart went out to her too.... All I saw was a repeat f her dads behaviour with her.... never good enough, stupid etc,... I couldn't bear to be around it. I waited for an opportunity then did a huge BPD split on her.... I think my hypersensitivity to this kind of thing is a massive problem for me. After all, what can we do when generations just keep multiplying and no one without kids is allowed to say anything here... its like it's taboo and I can understand why. But it's clear, even now, that children are suffering the same fate as we once did only a whole lot worse. Only some of us now are parents and that is bound to ingrain certain patterns whether we like to or not. We are not entirely masters of our universes, we are all fallable. All I can do is cry when I am reading this. I wanna be better. I wanna improve myself. and I wanna do something nice for kids. Lovexx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bereft Posted January 17, 2011 Report Share Posted January 17, 2011 I learned that my thoughts were stupid, and to suppress my personality. I died a thousand deaths. I got angry and started resisting on the inside, but then for some reason I joined in the destruction of me. At 52 I am still trying to heal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted January 21, 2011 Report Share Posted January 21, 2011 im ok was violining myself for a minute... still clearly i am angry to all the adults that hurt me when i was young.... the worst thing is my sister told me far too much because she was told far too much but she offloaded on me and she was 8 years older than me. I know she didnt deserve a mum like the one she had but I was a confused fucking mess at 8 years old watching my sister screaming at the door, everyone screaming, 'pikeys at the door' according to my mum, people, people adults loads of them all fighting.... my sister leaving home at 16 and me watching her go.....she abandoned me.... she did the very worst thing she could have done ALL IN THE BEST OF INTENTIONS NO DOUBT but what do I do with tht anger....... I'm still 8 years old screaming please stop please stop please stop!!!!!! *goes to listen to dark rap* I know that feeling of abandoment all too well beceause of my father???. It is hardest to forgive and not forget, I hope you find peace. As for anger I have decided that i would rather direct it in the form of impassion and empassion as they are far less self-destructive and suit my purpose. Anger in my experience is all to often linked to fear and that to me shows a lack of control I don't want anymore. As for your sister it was her choice at a time when you didn't have one. Does she know how you feel? I find it hard to look deeper in this place so if I have crossed a boundary that is not my intention. I hope tht soon you can be the person YOU want and not feel trapped by a past you cannot change. I don't recieve notifications of posts so please let me know if you need to. Thank you for your time reading this and If only 1 Word helps then it is worth it, because you are too!! Jamie p.s. Is there such a thing as dark rap???? :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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