Psychologist Oliver James

[Swan]

In today's Observer Magazine Oliver James writes that Borderlines are angry and manipulative, can't sustain relationships and will deceive themselves and others without guilt. He speaks of omnipotent and narcissistic fantasies without explaining in layman's language what this means and says that psychoanalysis is the best treatment for BPD (he doesn't mention any of the others) because 'childhood maltreatment is the main cause'

Any views?

I'm going to write a reply - either as an article or at least a letter.

[Lauren]

To be honest he isnt far of the mark. As much as I hate to see bad 'press' there is a lot of truth in his words. Though of course he is casting us all in the same net, but sadly thats what sells papers.

[Swan]

He may be right to an extent but it is not the whole truth and it can only make the people who most need to know - ie borderlines and their families and partners - feel worse.

It may be journalism, but he is a professional and highly thought of psychologist, which means he has a duty to be accurate and he's been thoroughly negative. And he hasn't even bothered to check out some sources of support. Perhaps he's trying to get himself some new clients

[Lauren]

Would be interested to read the whole article actually.

Shop had sold out though by the time I got there.

Will have a look on there web site and see if it is there.

[Lauren]

found it:

Manipulative, explosive, punitive ... Those with Borderline Personality Disorder torture themselves - as well as the people around them, says Oliver James

Sunday May 15, 2005

The Observer

Borderline Personality Disorder (or BPD) became a common appellation among the university educated, often as a term of abuse, in the Eighties. Such casual misuse ignores the misery of the sufferer - I doubt the same name-callers would attack someone for being depressed.

Originally devised as a diagnosis by psychoanalysts (followers of the Freudian Tradition), it was colonised by psychiatrists (medical doctors), especially American ones. The 'borderline' in psychoanalytic diagnosis is that between madness (psychotic loss of identity, delusions) and neurosis (obsessions, hysteria). BPDs have a pervasive instability and ambivalence in their lives (see pp194-208 of my book They F*** You Up). Erratic, impulsive and often explosive, they make for awkward, manipulative companions, perhaps explaining why BPD is a term of abuse. Other people are put on edge by their sullen displays and hurt looks or by their obstinate nastiness, eliciting rejection.

BPDs shift between extended periods of dejection and apathy, and frantic spells of anger, anxiety or excitement. Angered by the failure of others to be nurturant, they use moods and threats to 'get back' and 'teach a lesson'. By exaggerating their plight and by moping about, they avoid responsibilities. Silences are punitive blackmail, a menace of trouble. Offended by trifles, they're readily provoked to contrariness.

Unsurprisingly, sustaining a stable personal relationship is tricky. A study comparing BPD women seen in a marriage-guidance clinic with non-BPDs found the BPDs to be filled with self-deceit. They had greater sexual dissatisfaction yet thought of themselves as highly desirable. They reported more problems in their relationships, greater sexual boredom, difficulties in achieving orgasm and proneness to affairs, yet they invariably identified their partner as the one with the sexual problem.

BPDs (and the Personality Disordered in general) are more likely to have a ludic love style, in which love is seen as a game, something done to rather than with another person. They believe that what their lover does not know about cannot hurt them. When deceiving partners, they gain more pleasure from the playing of roles than from intimacy or sex.

Intimate contact leaves BPDs feeling battered because their omnipotent and narcissistic fantasies are constantly banging against the ceiling of reality. It also leaves them feeling drained, increasing their loneliness and dependence on others and need for company, yet seeking it out only sets off the same vicious cycle. They are at risk of filling the emptiness with manic addiction to sex, drugs, alcohol, gambling or work.

Several studies suggest that the 'lie on the couch and tell me all about it' psychoanalytic monty is the best treatment for BPD. It's expensive and hard to obtain, but if you've got BPD, well worth the effort. Since childhood maltreatment is the main cause, methods which ignore this are less likely to succeed.

[lostsoul]

i dont really care so much - people who know me know i am not like that. i wish people would stop trying to sum up people's problems with this stupid diagnosis. every borderline i have met is so different to the next one - the only common thing for sure as far as i can see is that we are all very unhappy

x

[Lauren]

Several studies suggest that the 'lie on the couch and tell me all about it' psychoanalytic monty is the best treatment for BPD. It's expensive and hard to obtain, but if you've got BPD, well worth the effort. Since childhood maltreatment is the main cause, methods which ignore this are less likely to succeed.

The above is what I like about it!

He has not even mentioned cbt/dbt style therapys. He has recognised the need to work through the past before you can start to change the present and the future.

Just for holding my view on that I could kiss him! :lol:

[lostsoul]

and anyway - it is a human characteristic to deceive others without guilt, more than it is a bpd characteristic

and everyone has the capacity to be manipulative

[LadyMacbeth]

James does not seem to be judging every borderline the same he states borderlines "often"etc...He only seems to be explaining the characteristics. Every borderline is different and do not share the exact same traits as eachother. However, I do not think that his points are unjustified.

[LadyMacbeth]

From my point of view just drudging up the past with a psychotherapist will not change the behaviors that borderlines have adapted. We cannot change the past we can only work on fixing ourselves in the present.

[Lauren]

Think you have to be able to accept the past before you can change much in the present

[LadyMacbeth]

Will you ever be able to accept the past? How will you do that? You can't unless you learn how to accept who you are today.

[Lauren]

Yes,

I think that you can learn to accept it. You wont ever like it but I think you can find a level of acceptance that allows you to lay it to rest.

Healing is a process,it makes sense to start at the begining.

Em,

You know im never going to be an advocate for cbt and the likes

xxxx

[Swan]

For myself, at present at least, it really is about changing destructive behaviour before it wrecks more relationships. I can identify things in the past which may have given rise to my problems, but changing my life is definitely about the here and now.

My concern is that to anyone not reading the article properly (ie most people) BPD will be associated with all the negative labels that have been piled onto us already.

It's just too simplistic unless you read it carefully and with extrinsic knowledge of the disorder.

[LadyMacbeth]

I have been in years of psychotherapy and never helped changed my behavioirs just resulted in bring up what I already knew about myself. Never went anywhere. You may not be an advocate of CBT but you work with the present by helping you cope with the past. Why are you so against CBT? Haven't you said something in a previous post which stated that therapy would not help you? I could be wrong but I remember something about that.

[LadyMacbeth]

Who is not reading this article properly? It seems pretty self explanatory to me. Who is he conveying this information to? He is writing this article to the general public who do not know much about the disorder. It does not matter whether or not you are an expert on BPD its how you take in the imformation not how you think its supposed to be.

[Lauren]

No,

I dont THINK I have ever said that therapy cant help me.Though it is possible if I was in a bad momment.

From my experience of CBT I feel that it lays a layer of soil over the problems, but that never stopped weeds from coming through....

But if you place something solid at the bottom,before you lay the soil the weeds dont happen.

I think that CBT can be usefull for dealing with things that dont have past or present issues that effect them, or possibly later on in recovery.

I found that telling me that my thinking was 'wrong' when I was in a bad way was really bad.

No acknowledgement as to why you are the way you are, just bang in there with you need to change......

CBT is incredibly simple. I have self taught myself a hell of a lot. But as we where saying in the therapist thread you can learn all the coping skills you like but it still doesnt take away the pain.

[LadyMacbeth]

I think you just had a bad CBT therapist. My T has always justified my "twisted thinking" where as I am putting myself down. Anyways, there are techniques that CB therapists use to help you cope with the past.. I know its hard because when your coping mecanisms are taken away such as drinking and self-harming but those intense feelings are still there it makes you want to revert back to your old ways.

I do not remember much of my past and I would like to uncover the details but my T does not believe this will help. I am not sure if she is wrong or right because I don't know if it will make me feel worse. However, more than anything I would like to learn how to cope with these intense feelings I get that make me want to SI.

As long as you have a good therapist and the two of you can be open and honest with eachother either of the three treatments can be effective. I think psychotherapy just takes longer for you to heal.

[Claire]

Ouch!! What an article ?!!

Read it just now....hmmmmm.

I don't know what to think about it, not really sure what the point of the article was.

:)

[Swan]

Claire

I'm so glad you agree with me - it's made me feel totally miserable. Taken me back to my days of 'there isn't enough space for me on the planet because I'm totally bad and destructive'

Since I'm in the middle of trying to deal with some really nasty behaviour that I doled out to my ex-T's secretary last year (phoning her in the middle of an OD and demanding to speak to him and threatening to take the rest unless she put me onto him immediately), when she had only ever worked really hard for me and been a fantastic friend, I'm feeling pretty shit after what he has said.

That's the kind of behaviour I'm trying to change :(

[tigha]

Who is not reading this article properly? It seems pretty self explanatory to me. Who is he conveying this information to? He is writing this article to the general public who do not know much about the disorder.

exactly and as if there isn't enough of a stigma about people with bpd already,even around health profeesionals.

people will read that we are "manipulative.punitive,explosive,others are put on edge by their sullen displays,or by their obstinate nastyness..................

And so it goes on.I have just got the article and I am raging,it is totally irresponsible to paint such a black picture amd narrow picture for people who are already so misunderstood.

the medical proffession is trying to raise people,s awareness (including other health proffessionals) about the disorder so we get proper treatment.I know their is a lot of work being done at the mo,so articles like this just trash all that

i am definitely going to email him but more importantly I am going to send the article to anyone I know who may have bit more weight including my consultant who is very prominent in the field

At least doing something makes me feel better

How can people be so so ignorant to write stuff like thAT

[Swan]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((tigha))))))))))))))))))))

[Lauren]

So you feel that there is no truth in it?

Please dont get me wrong, I do hear that you angry and hurt by this.

No one ever said that BPD was a good thing.

Prehaps before emailing him you could give him some better suggestions as to what he could put in future articles? That way you are giving something positive back.

If you shoot from the hip...... well its fairly obvious as to what people will think.

[Lauren]

I think his opening line was a bit much. I do agree with that. I can see why it has got some peoples backs up.

But in the main body of the article there is a lot of truth in it. I can see myself in it in a lot of ways.

[Lauren]

This strikes me as being very true for a start :

BPDs (and the Personality Disordered in general) are more likely to have a ludic love style, in which love is seen as a game, something done to rather than with another person. They believe that what their lover does not know about cannot hurt them. When deceiving partners, they gain more pleasure from the playing of roles than from intimacy or sex.