Psychologist Oliver James

[flippy]

This article has been on my mind all day, my post last night was born out of anger, i tried writing 4 times but it wouldnt make sense.

i spoke to my best friend today and asked her to read the article and if this was how she saw me, she was horrified by the tone and brutality of the language used she reassured me i am not a monster.

i am having big problem with shame at the moment and i think this is how the article made me feel, ashamed to have bpd ashamed to be me.

[Swan]

I emailed him a reply this evening and would like to post it here but don't know how to transfer it from hotmail (if someone can tell me I'll do so)

[kazzapants]

"""""BPDs shift between extended periods of dejection and apathy, and frantic spells of anger, anxiety or excitement. Angered by the failure of others to be nurturant, they use moods and threats to 'get back' and 'teach a lesson'. By exaggerating their plight and by moping about, they avoid responsibilities. Silences are punitive blackmail, a menace of trouble. Offended by trifles, they're readily provoked to contrariness."""

I think he does seem to have a fairly good grasp of the actual symptoms, but the thing that pisses me off most is above, where he has explicitly stated that borderlines "use moods and threats to get back and teach a lesson" and that "silences are punitive blackmail"

I can only speak for myself, but if I was that in control of my emotions that I could use them for any purpose, good or bad......well wouldn't I, by definition, NOT be borderline??????

I will readily admit that the net effect may well be perceived as threats, or retribution, or even blackmail to those around me, especially Dee, but to simply sweep this massive part of the problem under the table by saying that it is deliberate I object to wholeheartedly.

Also the thing about guilt - I like a lot of you guys have said, am more often crippled by my feelings of guilt, crippled into a silence that appears to be viewed as blackmail. Well if blackmail is dying inside because there are no words or actions that can ever atone for what you have done, if blackmail is when the world stands still and you look around and see the destruction and chaos and heartbreak, and you know that you will do it again, when everything goes upside down and starts spinning out of control it will happen again, then I stand guilty as charged.

Swan.....if you want to post your email the easiest way I think would be to simply copy the text and paste onto your post.

Kazza