jam-parker Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 Maki I am late arriving can you tell me how you are at the moment? Please Jamie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted February 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 for about a couple years I was everyday sleeping with big knife. coz even if I can't stand this agony I can stab myself in the bed in the dark I thought. so I was sleeping with a knife instead of teddy bear for a couple years. I could graduate from this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dibley Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 How about your Auntie or your friend? Someone to at least sit with you a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted February 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 I always here my parents voice in my head when I am washing dished or sometimes taking a bath. My dad was screaming to little kid "ALL OF DISABLE PEOPLE HAVE TO BE KILLED COZ THEY WASTE TAX" I was shaking I remember I think I was 7 or 8 or 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted February 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 Finally this flash back almost made me crazy then I called my Auntie but unfortunately she was busy and she said she doesn't have any time today but she said you can go lunch tomorrow :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heffalump Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 Im really so sorry that you had to go through that hunny... But please remember you are not your parents - you are your own person, and we have all seen here just how wonderful you are... loads of people really care and love you ... is there any freinds? or a crisis line maybe you could ring? where are you now? could you get to somewhere that is safe? love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heffalump Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 Finally this flash back almost made me crazy then I called my Auntie but unfortunately she was busy and she said she doesn't have any time today but she said you can go lunch tomorrow Could you maybe ring her and say you REALLY need to talk? that it is an emergancy? xxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 I always here my parents voice in my head when I am washing dished or sometimes taking a bath. My dad was screaming to little kid "ALL OF DISABLE PEOPLE HAVE TO BE KILLED COZ THEY WASTE TAX" I was shaking I remember I think I was 7 or 8 or 9 Maki Can you tell me more about the differences in Japan? Jamie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted February 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 when I was very sick I couldn't even go to doc to get meds so asked my mom to come with me. My feeling was so bad wanted to throw up. I was walking very slowly. but my mom never wait and never walk with me. I asked her to wait for me what she said was if she walked slowly like me with me, many others pppl think we are very misrable and shamed thats why she saied she doesn't wanna walk beside me even I fall down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heffalump Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 when I was very sick I couldn't even go to doc to get meds so asked my mom to come with me. My feeling was so bad wanted to throw up. I was walking very slowly. but my mom never wait and never walk with me. I asked her to wait for me what she said was if she walked slowly like me with me, many others pppl think we are very misrable and shamed thats why she saied she doesn't wanna walk beside me even I fall down. Oh hun - im so sorry, thats a really really horrible thing to say to anyone, let alone your own daughter. Did the doctor talk to her at all about it? How was she after it? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted February 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 I always here my parents voice in my head when I am washing dished or sometimes taking a bath. My dad was screaming to little kid "ALL OF DISABLE PEOPLE HAVE TO BE KILLED COZ THEY WASTE TAX" I was shaking I remember I think I was 7 or 8 or 9 Maki Can you tell me more about the differences in Japan? Jamie My university... My dad hated my university. He so angry at me and shout in the restaurant. many people were there around us. He said " If you go to this low level loser university, you never ever be normal person forever" I was scrying and crying in the restaurant couldn't sleep Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted February 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 when I was very sick I couldn't even go to doc to get meds so asked my mom to come with me. My feeling was so bad wanted to throw up. I was walking very slowly. but my mom never wait and never walk with me. I asked her to wait for me what she said was if she walked slowly like me with me, many others pppl think we are very misrable and shamed thats why she saied she doesn't wanna walk beside me even I fall down. Oh hun - im so sorry, thats a really really horrible thing to say to anyone, let alone your own daughter. Did the doctor talk to her at all about it? How was she after it? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Thats why I am dreaming to meet someone nice and wanna make a family. wanna have peaceful family time. But no one. where is my dream. so scary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heffalump Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 I always here my parents voice in my head when I am washing dished or sometimes taking a bath. My dad was screaming to little kid "ALL OF DISABLE PEOPLE HAVE TO BE KILLED COZ THEY WASTE TAX" I was shaking I remember I think I was 7 or 8 or 9 Maki Can you tell me more about the differences in Japan? Jamie My university... My dad hated my university. He so angry at me and shout in the restaurant. many people were there around us. He said " If you go to this low level loser university, you never ever be normal person forever" I was scrying and crying in the restaurant couldn't sleep Is university not something to be proud of? ... Here to go to uni is a really good thing! Whats wrong with getting an education? ... If it is something that you want to do - then dont let anyone else tell you not to do it, or let them turn you against it - stay true to what YOU want - its your life hunny - not theirs love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted February 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 I was very scared till I became 18 to left my parents. my dad was everyday drank I even couldn't go to the toilet hight school girl did pee in the plastic bag to not see my dad in the house. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heffalump Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 :hug2: You're are still so young - i know people who have found the love of their life at 80... think its learning to love yourself more than anything ... which i know seems impossible - but you will find someone - prince charming is out there for you... xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted February 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 so now I am very scared to go to bed. he was watching me if I am studying so hard in my desk. even if I was very sleepy I coudnt sleep before than him. I hold my head sat down was sleeping or crying. everyday.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted February 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 drank dad was screaming like "KILL" or " DEATH" one night my friend was in my room she asked me to let her hide under the my desk. I thought this is everyday I can't hide like you everyday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted February 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 You're are still so young - i know people who have found the love of their life at 80... think its learning to love yourself more than anything ... which i know seems impossible - but you will find someone - prince charming is out there for you... xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I am too lonely and this loneliness kill me like sometimes I really can't breath coz of this feeling. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heffalump Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 Oh hunny - so so sorry you went through so much, and it isnt fair - but the brightside is that you have survived it... Look how strong you are - just keep breathing, one day at a time... Have you though about ringing your aunt again? love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted February 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 Oh hunny - so so sorry you went through so much, and it isnt fair - but the brightside is that you have survived it... Look how strong you are - just keep breathing, one day at a time... Have you though about ringing your aunt again? love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx we plans to eat lunch tomorrow. But this must be hard to myself and my aunt. She is understanding person but she is also part of my family my dad's sis. She has to face up what she doesn't want to... She is 58 and no married single woman. she said she couldn't marry coz all guys look very stupid. doing job is much better.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted February 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 I am 30. I wanna have stable faithful relationship and wanna get marry. This is my dream for a loong time but doesn't come. Where is my peaceful family life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heffalump Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 would you consider maybe ringing her again, just to ask her to come sit with you maybe? ... If not - is there anyone else that could come and be with you? Things will get better... nothing lasts forever... and you have this forum here to support you we all care for you so much hunny! you are truely wonderful xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted February 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 my mom broke dishes in the kitchen. parents broke windows. they use knife for fight in front of us. dad kicked flower planters manytimes when I went to school I felt empty. no one say bye when I go to school. my mom too upset can't wake up one day she correct all of muds from the garden and threw into my dad's bed when he was sleeping. dad invited woman midnight into his room, my mom met the woman in the bathroom morning time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heffalump Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 I am 30. I wanna have stable faithful relationship and wanna get marry. This is my dream for a loong time but doesn't come. Where is my peaceful family life Seriously - 30 is still so young ... you're still learning about yourself.. think society places so much pressure on this ideal life style - that we have to be married by such an age, and have a house and a good job. Who says thats really right? Or that people are happier if they are married? ... what do you think? the right person is out there for you... who knows what is around the next courner xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted February 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 my 24 colors pen set my mom broke for fight with dad. she never say sorry. I liked the pen sets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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