Maki Posted February 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 I am 30. I wanna have stable faithful relationship and wanna get marry. This is my dream for a loong time but doesn't come. Where is my peaceful family life Seriously - 30 is still so young ... you're still learning about yourself.. think society places so much pressure on this ideal life style - that we have to be married by such an age, and have a house and a good job. Who says thats really right? Or that people are happier if they are married? ... what do you think? the right person is out there for you... who knows what is around the next courner xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I know hun But I need peaceful sleep with safe. when I was living with guy he was feeding baby bottle milk till I feel safe in the midnight otherwise I have panic. very scary. we bought baby bottle and diaper to make me feel calm down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted February 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 I am 30. I wanna have stable faithful relationship and wanna get marry. This is my dream for a loong time but doesn't come. Where is my peaceful family life Seriously - 30 is still so young ... you're still learning about yourself.. think society places so much pressure on this ideal life style - that we have to be married by such an age, and have a house and a good job. Who says thats really right? Or that people are happier if they are married? ... what do you think? the right person is out there for you... who knows what is around the next courner xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I know hun But I need peaceful sleep with safe. when I was living with guy he was feeding baby bottle milk till I feel safe in the midnight otherwise I have panic. very scary. we bought baby bottle and diaper to make me feel calm down. What I am doing is very strange, not normal. But, I can't calm down, I can't breath. what to do what to do... of course I talked this to my counselor and doc x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heffalump Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 Can I ask if you are getting any help, from like threapy or something? Someone you can talk too, to help you go through it all maybe? awww, hunny - Was this the guy you loved hun? Sorry to ask, but what happened? dont worry if you dont want to talk about it... understand completely Love and cuddles xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted February 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 I always here my parents voice in my head when I am washing dished or sometimes taking a bath. My dad was screaming to little kid "ALL OF DISABLE PEOPLE HAVE TO BE KILLED COZ THEY WASTE TAX" I was shaking I remember I think I was 7 or 8 or 9 Maki Can you tell me more about the differences in Japan? Jamie moon J http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgsbIfI0uIg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heffalump Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 oh hehe - answered my question before i asked - did they help you? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted February 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 I always here my parents voice in my head when I am washing dished or sometimes taking a bath. My dad was screaming to little kid "ALL OF DISABLE PEOPLE HAVE TO BE KILLED COZ THEY WASTE TAX" I was shaking I remember I think I was 7 or 8 or 9 Maki Can you tell me more about the differences in Japan? Jamie and suicide late http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_suicide_rate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted February 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 would you consider maybe ringing her again, just to ask her to come sit with you maybe? ... If not - is there anyone else that could come and be with you? Things will get better... nothing lasts forever... and you have this forum here to support you we all care for you so much hunny! you are truely wonderful xxxxxxxxxxxxxx she is sleeping and she doesn't come only for these reason. If police called her yes she will come. but not for this situation. coz midnight I am alone x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted February 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 oh hehe - answered my question before i asked - did they help you? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx My parents are really useless. My doc and counselor know it. Why in Japan always hierarchy so hard to live here with this condition. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted February 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 NOW ALL I WANT IS BOTTLE WINE AND A LOTS OF TABLET TO MAKE MY BRAIN CALMER AND MAKE MY BODY RELAX..... I DON'T WANNA DIE...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted February 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 I EVEN DON'T HAVE POWER TO GO STORE TO BUY WINE BUT I HAVE MEDS. HOW CAN I GET THROUGH TONIGHT MAKI MAKI MAKI MAKI MAKI ?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heffalump Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 i promise - you are not alone here - there are so many people that care about you... and we are all here to help and support you Im so sorry, it must be so hard for you darling - but again it shows just how strong you are... you are your own person hunny - and an amazing one at that xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heffalump Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 Hunny - please, so worried about you... one breath at a time, please plase stay safe... Is there a crisis line you can phone? Your doctor or councillor? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 NOW ALL I WANT IS BOTTLE WINE AND A LOTS OF TABLET TO MAKE MY BRAIN CALMER AND MAKE MY BODY RELAX..... I DON'T WANNA DIE...... Maki I have been here the whole time with you and I can see how much you don't want to die. You can see that you are stuck with the past still, Maybe it is time to see that there is a future for you. Jamie xx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 oh hehe - answered my question before i asked - did they help you? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx My parents are really useless. My doc and counselor know it. Why in Japan always hierarchy so hard to live here with this condition. Maki You know I enjoy culture and Japan is a culture that is very different from ours. I would enjoy talking with you about it more wheen you are feeling better. I hope you are going to stay safe and if you need me I will be here for you. I know you have been through so much in the past. I hope that with the help of your doctor and counsellor you will be able to see that you have got a future ahead of you. Hugs Makis. Jamie xxx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maki Posted February 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 Thank you lovely people. I am so sorry yesterday I was too crazy and I almost don't remember what I said... Now I am surprised when I read my post. today I went to lunch with aunty( dad's sis) then we have talked how hard childhood I had. she has known it and agree with me. She is always busy coz of job but she is helping me a lot like money for counselor( sadly here in Japan normally its not free) mine is $75 for 45min. today we didn't have much time coz she needed go back to work but we could talk. after that I went shopping but I have dissociation so I almost felt down I cried when I got home. now I am thinking if I can take a bath. I can't breath now Hope I am ok and thank you so much lovely people. Love you xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleweed71 Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 love you too (((maki))) keep safe hun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heffalump Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 :hug2: I'm glad you got to talk to her hunny and that you are getting some help. Massive cuddle - bath sounds good loud happy music? Deep breaths sweetypie - here if you need to talk! love and cuddles xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 I'm glad you got to talk to her hunny and that you are getting some help. Massive cuddle - bath sounds good loud happy music? Deep breaths sweetypie - here if you need to talk! love and cuddles xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Maki I am so happy that you made it back into the light, and I agree with heffalump. Take good care of yourself, maki Lots of hugs Jamie xx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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