Little Mouse Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 :trigger: As the title says are we selfish or the people that have comitted suicide selfish?The reason why i ask this is....I have often been accused that i am selfish for taking OD's,TBH i don't think of other people at the time when i do it until afterwards and then i think of the affects it could of had on them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mentary Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 NO! People don't know what they're talking about. It's mostly about they're own self indulgence and self satisfaction. Always nice to have a some group of people you can look down on together with others, eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadianbumble Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 I think the answer is in intention and if we intended it to hurt others then it would be selfish but I have rarely met people for who that would be the case infact I think for 99% of people it is pain that is greater than people can bear and cope with or not being at all in ones right mind being so delusional that it seems right not wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjk Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 My hubby has told me he thinks it's selfish, but I've never tried it to hurt others. I've tried it to escape the dire pain that I feel no longer strong enough to face, and if me wanting to not hurt any more is counted as 'selfish', then so be it. I've spent my life trying to put others first. Hope you're as ok as you can be. xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narcissa Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 I can't judge others. I don't think it's selfish or unselfish in regards to others. For me, personally i think i have been selfish. I can only go on myself. My family are important to me and i don't want to lose them and i don't want them to be in pain. I've tried to kill myself on a few occasions but i don't think i would do it again. I'll deal with my pain if i have to. I don't want my family to deal with it for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyP Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 Thats a difficult one. i would never accuse anyone else of being selfish, but i myself when i do it feel incredibly selfish. i guess its the reasons you do it. i always accuse myself of doing it for attention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warrior Princess Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 I sometimes feel selfish for having attempted. I think that's part of the whole guilt thing. The thing you have to remember is that at those times you were in immense pain that just took over. You weren't able to think rationally about the distress your decision would leave behind. For me, I'm often in a dissociative state where everything feels surreal. In order to have a selfish thought you really have to be able to think rationally. Emotional mind isn't selfish. It doesn't think it just reacts in a fight flight way! People who say things like "It was selfish" have never been through that kind of experience. They say these things out of ignorance in an attempt to justify their own feelings about it. It's actually their issues. Not yours. Leave it all with them and try not to take it on board. I know it's hard... I take things like that very much to heart and I stew on it for weeks. Keep coming here when the comments worry you. We are like minded people and we will understand things from your perspective. wP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 idont think selfishness is a relevant concept when it comes to sui obviously it plays some role, in the same sence all of our actions are in some part selfish or self motivated as it is us choosing them, but i think thats only a tiny part and not an intentional one. i think when others term sui selfish its mostly judgemnetal, and that never helps anyone. however i do feel any child whose parent commits sui has a right to feel its selfish if thats what they feel, they have a right to have that validated. almost all actions of any sort have many motivations, and have many complicated complex emotions behind them. suming up something as individual and complex as sui as selfish is a sign of nievity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kelbo Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 Yes. Technically I do think it is selfish. (Though I generally hate the word selfish...it is used in a really horrible way as an insult.) self·ish –adjective 1. devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. 2.characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself: selfish motives. Definition taken from dictionary.com Usually when people commit suicide they are thinking of themselves and their pain...which fits in with the definition of selfish above. I really dislike the Word English dictionary definition for selfish though, it sounds too mean and judgemental: World English Dictionary selfish — adj 1. chiefly concerned with one's own interest, advantage, etc, esp to the total exclusion of the interests of others 2. relating to or characterized by self-interest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TizzyGirl Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 Yes and no. No, because if you're hurting you do what you can to make it go away. If someone was to break a bone, and drop all that they were doing to make it get better/make the pain going away then that wouldn't be considered selfish. But because its mental health everyone assumes it is. Yes, because the action isn't thinking about anyone other than yourself. But again, because its mental health everyone reckons its selfish. Some try to ask for help but don't recieve it. So they feel they need to do something drastic... but I don't think its selfish when you have asked for help and no one has listened.. I don't know, my opinion is mixed on this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 I think that when someone commits suicide their mind is too foggy and confused to be thinking about what it does to the people that they leave behind. I have attempted in the past and come very close on two occasions but at the time I was so ill and wasn't capable of thinking about other people. So in some ways because I wasn't thinking about other people - you could say that was selfish by definition. I think it is your life and it is your decision what you want to do with it but, on the other hand, my fiance committed suicide nearly 11 years ago now and the devastation that that left behind for me and his family and friends was totally unbearable and it left a lot of people including me with huge feelings of guilt - why didn't I see it coming, why didn't I get him some help and so on and so on. He had beaten me up in public for the first time, before that it was always at home and because no-one ever saw him to do it, he justified it in his own mind that I deserved it. However, when he did it in public for no real reason and he knew that people had seen him do it and he couldn't justify it - I don't think he could see any other way out than suicide. Obviously, I don't know what was really going on in his head at the time, this is just my interpretation. I wouldn't like to judge anybody for what they do with their own life especially when someone commits suicide because their mind must be so blown apart and they can only see one way out. This is difficult for me to write about and I hope it makes sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warrior Princess Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 In order for it to be selfish you would have to be in a fit mind state and capable of considering other people, or yourself over other people. In the case of most suicide attempts, the person suffering is NOT capable of weighing it up or putting their own interests over other peoples so by definition, they are not knowingly being selfish or even capable of being selfish. Hope that made sense. WP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toaster Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 i think it is selfish yes - so selfish that we don't usually think of it as selfish... i've done some pretty insane things...been in intensive care a few times...and what i must have put my sister through fills me a cringing, horrible guilt. she travelled for 2 hours in the snow and sat with me all night holding my hand, was told i may not make it. and she was all alone with me. she didnt have anyone there to support her. yet it was me who got all the help when i came round. and the fact i was willing to leave my son behind is a different story...the guilt i feel now is what will keep me alive... so terrified of abandonment that i'm prepared to abandon those around me. not giving a toss about anyone except myself and my feelings and my needs - even thinking that everyone else would be better of without me is selfish because i'm not even giving people the chance to tell me what they think. i understand it is part of my 'illness'. but i also understand that i have a choice whether to act on certain thoughts and feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mentary Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 Screw all the philosophical considerations ... NO! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mentary Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 Screw all the philosophical considerations ... NO! What I mean is there is more to this. I've found sound therapeutic work (that I mean was work) that I learned this really wasn't true. But it's where your're at. I'm just hoping you can find a better place. They really are there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjk Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 When I consider suicide I convince myself that I am thinking of my family's welfare as well as my own, ie. I can't keep putting them through the stuff I put them through. It may be illogical in that I 'forget' how my suicide would affect them, but I just wanted to say I'm not just thinking of myself. I'm thinking of them too, even if it might not be rational/logical. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rmorgan_uk Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 i would say its yes and no for me personally the times ive tried it when i actually wanted it to end then no as i felt the world would be better off if i was gone. but on the flip side of that there have been times when i have taken od's more on the grounds of getting attention because i couldnt communicate that i needed help any other way. after these occasions i felt incredibly selfish and probably was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tieeree Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 Both. In my attempts have I been considiring the effects it will have on the people around me? I might like to say that I did, but in the end, looking back I was so full of my own pain that I had no real thought of anyone but me. So both; I was selfish in trying to eacape without any reaction to the pain and suffering I would leave behind me and No, in the sense that I was not in a state where my mind could comprehend that anyone even would care. Making sense? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benway Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 I think about my 2 sons and how i would feel if one of them attempted sui. I would be 'devastated'- to put it mildly. Can't believe the mad stuff i have done in the past - its shameful- but i couldn't 'see' then as i can see now. Feel bad for the 'mad ' years, 02-07. Feel I was pretty immature & selfish. But thats just me, we all have opinions... xxx kitteh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starryeyesee Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 I contemplated suicide last night and was not in anyway thinking about those i would leave behind. I guess in hindsight that was selfish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BimoUK Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 I've never made any attempts but I've seriously wanted to at times. For me I believe that by being here I am causing pain and hurt to other people in my life who I love very much so the way I see it, if I killed myself then yes, they would hurt again, but over time the hurt would fade and I would never be able to hurt anyone again. So, in short, the way I see it, I'm being selfish by being alive. XX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dib4uk Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 When your in that tunnel of depression suicide looks like the only release from a painful existence... is it selfish, i cant really anserw that because i dont walk in that persons shoes to understand their difficulities.... Personally for me i dont know either way.... :huh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dibley Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 I definitely wouldn't say it's selfish. It's selfish for others, others that don't feel the pain, others that don't have to live with it, to say it selfish. If only they could swap and feel what it's like. It would be different then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 trigger stuff in this like littleflower says i convince myself my family is better off without me, when it gets to that point its not rational of course but thats what happens, the guilt of leaving family is only thing that keeps me here, not a very happy way to live though. something else going off post a little but suicide attempts are a big trauma but never been able to talk about it with anyone and so have some post trauma stuff around the attempts too.which aint nice either. because i dont want to live but cant die becuse of concern for kids, more likely to do something on impulse when pain gets better of me, not sure if this is rational as try to get as drunk as possible and go with bad feelings to get to impulsive state. guess I do know what I am doing to begin with at least so maybe is selfish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TizzyGirl Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 I still have mixed feelings about this subject... will think about it some more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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