Narcissa Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 it's hard for me to want to get better. Most of the time i don't think there's anything wrong with me. Can these type of narcissistic thoughts change? The insincerity, the abusive, vindictive treatment of loved ones etc. Is it possible to change thought processes? I have bpd also. They say it's a personality disorder. But can you change your personality? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narcissa Posted February 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 Just to add, i think being on this messageboard has helped me empathize alot more than i could ever before i was on here. So i suppose in a way you can change Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 well for a start I never see you respond to any post in anything other than an understanding way so that is a good start. also knowing what you can do and are capabale of doing, like you seem to understand suggests that you can learn to stop before reacting. but as I also have problems doing and behaving before realising I have just done the same as I always do or even now know I am doing it but feel safe in doing this ( say rejecting others by being nasty before they reject me, one of mine) all I can say it takes a lot of hard work to change habits of a lifetime but is possible if you want it. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narcissa Posted February 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 thanks christine, Yeah i think knowing what you do is the first big step. I've changed a bit and it was harder than it should've been. I used to do horrible things. I don't know whether it's because i'm getting older, Or whether it's because i've forced myself away from being to close to someone. But it feels a little easier. I don't feel like such a monster. It's just keeping it up. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 personally think u are doing great xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narcissa Posted February 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 thanks hun, that means alot xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cloud12 Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 U are doin very well Narcissa sweetie .........I don't like to say anything but I know I have been the drivin force.....No, no, don't thank me please.....I don't want no praise.....Maybe money but not praise..... I just can't resist these jokes! Help me!...*Gets down on knees* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narcissa Posted February 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 Thankyou cloud. Yes i owe it all to you. So if things go tits up i know i can blame it on you :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cloud12 Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 Im sorry but u won't be blamin me sweetie....I got a team of lawyers who will sue ur ass if u try it.....Im sure u won't be like the last 20 people I helped....They tried to blame me and I had to get my heavies to rough them up.......Im sure u won't make that mistake now will u? *Looks menacing*.....Good girl......;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warrior Princess Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 I think anyone can change if they really want to. WP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narcissa Posted February 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 Im sorry but u won't be blamin me sweetie....I got a team of lawyers who will sue ur ass if u try it.....Im sure u won't be like the last 20 people I helped....They tried to blame me and I had to get my heavies to rough them up.......Im sure u won't make that mistake now will u? *Looks menacing*.....Good girl...... it's not gonna work on me sunny jim! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narcissa Posted February 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 I think anyone can change if they really want to. WP Yeah, i agree. I think it's both want and need. I need to more than i want to. Which is my downfall i think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warrior Princess Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 I get you Narcissa. I need to not be DID but I don't want to! So I stay the same as I am. I actually quite like who you are just as you are. Is it you who feels you need to change or is it others around you? WP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narcissa Posted February 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 I get you Narcissa. I need to not be DID but I don't want to! So I stay the same as I am. I actually quite like who you are just as you are. Is it you who feels you need to change or is it others around you? WP Thanks WP, It started with others around me. My mother tells me all the time that i don't care about others and that I have no sincerity. Which hurts. I've done nasty things to people. But if i know i've done wrong i think that's a start at getting better. I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TizzyGirl Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 I'm agreeing with WP on this one. And it certainly is a huge start if you know you've done wrong! Most people refuse to acknowledge it. Its a sign of moving on and a sign of maturity If someone self harms or tries to commit suicide, other people will tell you that you don't think of others. Well hell when you're that low you don't. But that doesn't mean you're selfish.. it just means you're hurting and mentally unwell. Be kind to yourself! You're doing great :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warrior Princess Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 Yes agreed! Always with change you have to do it for yourself and not for others. Otherwise it just won't last. Incidently, I've seen you be very sincere on these forums and show that you care. I have one alter with narcissitic personality disorder, and although I don't claim to understand her or the disorder, I get to have an inside look at it from the side lines. I could be wrong, but to me it's your defense mechanism. If you don't care what others think of you, and you keep everyone at a safe distance from you then you can't get hurt. So with Dragon, she tends to put up huge walls around herself that no one can penetrate. She pushes everyone away and accepts no sympathy or love at all! (not saying you are like her though. That's just how I see Dragon) To me, the fact that you are hurt by what your mother says tells me that you do care, and are sincere. Blah I think I'm going in circles. WP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TizzyGirl Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 I get what you mean WP, it makes perfect sense xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warrior Princess Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 I get what you mean WP, it makes perfect sense xx I'm glad something does because my mind is just spinning today! WP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 There is a variant of schema therapy specifically designed to work with Narcissistic PD. You can learn a little about it by going to the Schema Therapy Guide preview HERE . If you scroll down to the contents page, click the blue link for "Schema Therapy for Narcissistic Personality Disorder" and maybe have a read. Probably not all the pages are there, but it might give you an idea. I like the schema approach fpr NPD as its very destigmatising. So often with NPD the label itself can be something the person is offended or afraid to have placed on them for fear of others reactions. Taking some of that stigma out of it is very helpful. EDIT: Just looked at it and you only get one page, Sorry not very helpful. Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narcissa Posted February 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 Thanks hidden angel and WP I understand what you mean With me, in the past, and i'm not proud of it, but i've gotten close to people, well not really. More of a pretense, and i gather information on them incase they hurt me so i have something to fight back with. I hope you don't hate me for this. I'd like to think i've grown since then. Of course i haven't been close with anyone for a long time so whether or not i can keep myself from doing it again, i don't know. For me, i still bathe in my family and friends sympathy and attention. I can't function unless my family aren't thinking about me all the time and not doing anything for me. I'm a horrible person. Not as much as i was but it's still there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narcissa Posted February 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 There is a variant of schema therapy specifically designed to work with Narcissistic PD. You can learn a little about it by going to the Schema Therapy Guide preview HERE . If you scroll down to the contents page, click the blue link for "Schema Therapy for Narcissistic Personality Disorder" and maybe have a read. Probably not all the pages are there, but it might give you an idea. I like the schema approach fpr NPD as its very destigmatising. So often with NPD the label itself can be something the person is offended or afraid to have placed on them for fear of others reactions. Taking some of that stigma out of it is very helpful. EDIT: Just looked at it and you only get one page, Sorry not very helpful. Ross Thanks ross, i'll check it out now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warrior Princess Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 With me, in the past, and i'm not proud of it, but i've gotten close to people, well not really. More of a pretense, and i gather information on them incase they hurt me so i have something to fight back with. Wow Narcissa thanks so much for sharing that! I now know that I am not the only one who does this! I don't think you are a horrid person for doing this. Just self protective. With me, I gathered all the dirt but never used it even when the person did let me down. I think I just needed it for safe keeping but did not act on it. Something you can guarentee in this world and it's that people will let you down! I've been told by my counsellor to lower my expectations of people, even lower it down to zero expecations. I find it extremely hard to do that though. WP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narcissa Posted February 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 With me, in the past, and i'm not proud of it, but i've gotten close to people, well not really. More of a pretense, and i gather information on them incase they hurt me so i have something to fight back with. Wow Narcissa thanks so much for sharing that! I now know that I am not the only one who does this! I don't think you are a horrid person for doing this. Just self protective. With me, I gathered all the dirt but never used it even when the person did let me down. I think I just needed it for safe keeping but did not act on it. Something you can guarentee in this world and it's that people will let you down! I've been told by my counsellor to lower my expectations of people, even lower it down to zero expecations. I find it extremely hard to do that though. WP I actually thought i was the only one! Thanks, yeah my psych said i was very self preserving. I suppose that comes in handy sometimes. Yes people do let you down. I've noticed this pattern. I don't tend to have expectations of people anymore. It's like i've learnt my lesson. And now i have to be in control of everything. It's very frustrating Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maize Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 My best friend has this disorder and she's both the best of friends ever and the very worst, depending. She has definitely come a long way and is a lot less black and white now. I think there's always hope no matter what our problems are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 I think you are doing better too over time. I know it is this place that is giving me a place to dip my toes in, test the waters and learn how to connect and empathize with others better, I still have a ways to go, but I feel I am starting to get it. I feel more connected, less afraid to post or respond to posts. I still struggle with my memory and often forget people's names things I may have said, which probably looks like I don't care but truly I do my best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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