Can Narcissists Get Better?

[Warrior Princess]

Im the opposite Sah.

WP

[Narcissa]

My best friend has this disorder and she's both the best of friends ever and the very worst, depending. She has definitely come a long way and is a lot less black and white now. I think there's always hope no matter what our problems are.

Thanks Maize, i'm the same in a sense. I can be the best or the worst. Depending on how i percieve a person.

[Narcissa]

I think you are doing better too over time. I know it is this place that is giving me a place to dip my toes in, test the waters and learn how to connect and empathize with others better, I still have a ways to go, but I feel I am starting to get it. I feel more connected, less afraid to post or respond to posts. I still struggle with my memory and often forget people's names things I may have said, which probably looks like I don't care but truly I do my best.

Thanks Saharah. I feel like this too. And it has gotten easier to post. But i still worry that i'm not seeming to be sincere. And sometimes I have to stop myself going off on a tangent, not at anyone in particular. It's hard to explain.

You always seem like you care from what i've seen so i wouldn't worry about it. :)

[hummm_mabbe]

I don't know if this will help, but they key thrust of schema's approach for NPD presumes that underneath the surface compensations (success or recognition seeking, control of others / aggression, focus on surface qualities and so on) lies a core of defectiveness, that is very often almost unconscious. In NPD the compensations tend to be so powerful and well entrenched that often the person won't be aware of the painful or sad undercurrents that exist.

If they do have some kind of fall, and depression breaks through, they are more likely to seek therapy to 'get rid' of the depression or anxiety so they can return to the compensations. An example would be someone who uses power and success at work as their compensation, who suddenly finds they can't function due to depression. Rather than see that its an undercurrent thats always been there, they are more likely to want to remove the depression so they can go back to being successful. For this reason people with NPD can end up in therapy numerous times without ever actually addressing the real core of it all, something that may only occasionally make its full force known.

So the aim of therapy is to get past the barriers, protections and compensations to that part of the person that carries the pain, and for this reason can take a very long time. It depends if the person has reached a stage where they are able to open up to a possibility that doesn't include the compensation, of opening up to the possibility that the pain underneath is important, rather than an annoying obstacle. That will often mean the person being willing and able to actually get in touch with a lot of sadness, loneliness and sense of defectiveness that they may have spent their life fighting away, intellectually, emotionally and physically. But it tends to be the connection with, and very conscious experiencing of those feelings of real sadness that lead to a realisation that the pain is very real and important. It enables them to see (directly and experientially, as opposed to intellectually) how the 'surface symptoms' of NPD flow directly from the avoidance of that pain. Finding out its tolerable and even coming to value it can remove the need for those other coping strategies and its this that is meant to lead to personality change.

Ross

[Narcissa]

I don't know if this will help, but they key thrust of schema's approach for NPD presumes that underneath the surface compensations (success or recognition seeking, control of others / aggression, focus on surface qualities and so on) lies a core of defectiveness, that is very often almost unconscious. In NPD the compensations tend to be so powerful and well entrenched that often the person won't be aware of the painful or sad undercurrents that exist.

If they do have some kind of fall, and depression breaks through, they are more likely to seek therapy to 'get rid' of the depression or anxiety so they can return to the compensations. An example would be someone who uses power and success at work as their compensation, who suddenly finds they can't function due to depression. Rather than see that its an undercurrent thats always been there, they are more likely to want to remove the depression so they can go back to being successful. For this reason people with NPD can end up in therapy numerous times without ever actually addressing the real core of it all, something that may only occasionally make its full force known.

So the aim of therapy is to get past the barriers, protections and compensations to that part of the person that carries the pain, and for this reason can take a very long time. It depends if the person has reached a stage where they are able to open up to a possibility that doesn't include the compensation, of opening up to the possibility that the pain underneath is important, rather than an annoying obstacle. That will often mean the person being willing and able to actually get in touch with a lot of sadness, loneliness and sense of defectiveness that they may have spent their life fighting away, intellectually, emotionally and physically. But it tends to be the connection with, and very conscious experiencing of those feelings of real sadness that lead to a realisation that the pain is very real and important. It enables them to see (directly and experientially, as opposed to intellectually) how the 'surface symptoms' of NPD flow directly from the avoidance of that pain. Finding out its tolerable and even coming to value it can remove the need for those other coping strategies and its this that is meant to lead to personality change.

Ross

Thanks ross, yeah i read that bit that you advised me of. I'm not sure if i understood it correctly but i could identify with what i understood.

I've been avoiding therapy for years now, since being in an adolescent unit. well i've been seeing a therapist this last 8 months. I've always been very difficult to treat. I can't say i've felt depressed. It's more frustration, anger and lonliness. Whether or not that is depression i'm not sure. I think we are very difficult to treat. I know i am. I was reading something a while ago about a woman who was married to someone with npd. And a therapist had told her to file for divorce. That he can't change. But apparently did, i'll have to find that website again. So i suppose it does happen but i think a therapist has to be willing to treat them also. I don't think it can work otherwise. In the past year i've seen my therapists roll their eyes at me. It's like they don't want to be bothered.

[hummm_mabbe]

It can get really frustrating to go through so many therapists, I know the feeling as I have had 7! I have never really been properly diagnosed, but it seemed like my current therapist and the last psych to see me thought me some sort of weird not-quite-BPD, not-quite-NPD hybrid. Something I have found helpful is letting go of the idea of being a pure type. My T also works 'diagnosisless' and has mentioned how in NHS settings, there can be a lot of DX stereotyping and institutionalisation, which can lead to cynicism. It may be that is what you have experienced.

Another therapy that tries very hard to see the person, not the dx, is Client Centred Counselling, so that may be one to check out perhaps in a private setting, but as you say you do need someone who is willing and able to to take on the specific challenges of working with NPD type behaviours. To put it bluntly, the therapist needs to have their shit together emotionally - which sometimes is not always the case. Client can trigger therapist and create this feedback loop which is hard to break, so I think you are right to notice that some therapists don't seem up to the task. It requires them to have an ability to have empathy, whilst also being able to be firm and have broad shoulders. The first is something most therapists have naturally, the second less so - and thats where defensiveness or cynicism can creep in on their side.

I really think you can get better, and you certainly have an openess to the idea that things can or need to change. You aren't saying no to the possibility of ever taking more steps towards change, but at the same time I think you have good reasons to feel apprehensive. You have no certainty that there is an end in sight, and the experiences you have had sound like they may have left a bitter taste in your mouth. I hope that you can find the right combination of therapist and therapy, and from experience I can say that any therapy that moves you more towards feeling - as opposed to analysis or behavioural approaches, goes a long way to cracking this thing open.

Also, whilst you are aware of how your actions may impact others, and a focus on changing that is going to be helpful for future relationships, do not buy into the idea that you are a 'bad person'. There's a difference between 'bad people' and unhelpful or painful action - what you are vs what you do. So often the bad things people do come right from the fact that something inside hurts, or they are afraid of something, and when that changes, so do the actions. Loneliness, anger, frustration may be the most surface feelings and you may rarely feel the other ones. They are probably all in there, but this is what they mean when they say unconscious - you may never experience them despite them being just behind the scenes. With time, they emerge and often surprise you. For two years I never felt any sadness, only pressure, anger and frustration - but one day I started to. Its like discovering a part of yourself you had been alienated from, and it changes your attitude towards yourself and life.

Maybe start with the anger and frustration, when you feel them, and ask them why they are there for you. Anger implies protection from something, or a sense of being denied something owed you. What might you be angry about, especially an anger thats been around a long time? Frustration implies feeling blocked in your actions or efforts, either by yourself or someone else. What do you feel blocked from, and by? What would it be like to explore loneliness? Is there anything else lying just around the edges when you feel that feeling? How do all these feelings link together, flow into one another, feed off one another? This is what is most helpful for me - direct exploring of feeling as it arises, even painful ones.

[Narcissa]

It can get really frustrating to go through so many therapists, I know the feeling as I have had 7! I have never really been properly diagnosed, but it seemed like my current therapist and the last psych to see me thought me some sort of weird not-quite-BPD, not-quite-NPD hybrid. Something I have found helpful is letting go of the idea of being a pure type. My T also works 'diagnosisless' and has mentioned how in NHS settings, there can be a lot of DX stereotyping and institutionalisation, which can lead to cynicism. It may be that is what you have experienced.

Another therapy that tries very hard to see the person, not the dx, is Client Centred Counselling, so that may be one to check out perhaps in a private setting, but as you say you do need someone who is willing and able to to take on the specific challenges of working with NPD type behaviours. To put it bluntly, the therapist needs to have their shit together emotionally - which sometimes is not always the case. Client can trigger therapist and create this feedback loop which is hard to break, so I think you are right to notice that some therapists don't seem up to the task. It requires them to have an ability to have empathy, whilst also being able to be firm and have broad shoulders. The first is something most therapists have naturally, the second less so - and thats where defensiveness or cynicism can creep in on their side.

I really think you can get better, and you certainly have an openess to the idea that things can or need to change. You aren't saying no to the possibility of ever taking more steps towards change, but at the same time I think you have good reasons to feel apprehensive. You have no certainty that there is an end in sight, and the experiences you have had sound like they may have left a bitter taste in your mouth. I hope that you can find the right combination of therapist and therapy, and from experience I can say that any therapy that moves you more towards feeling - as opposed to analysis or behavioural approaches, goes a long way to cracking this thing open.

Also, whilst you are aware of how your actions may impact others, and a focus on changing that is going to be helpful for future relationships, do not buy into the idea that you are a 'bad person'. There's a difference between 'bad people' and unhelpful or painful action - what you are vs what you do. So often the bad things people do come right from the fact that something inside hurts, or they are afraid of something, and when that changes, so do the actions. Loneliness, anger, frustration may be the most surface feelings and you may rarely feel the other ones. They are probably all in there, but this is what they mean when they say unconscious - you may never experience them despite them being just behind the scenes. With time, they emerge and often surprise you. For two years I never felt any sadness, only pressure, anger and frustration - but one day I started to. Its like discovering a part of yourself you had been alienated from, and it changes your attitude towards yourself and life.

Maybe start with the anger and frustration, when you feel them, and ask them why they are there for you. Anger implies protection from something, or a sense of being denied something owed you. What might you be angry about, especially an anger thats been around a long time? Frustration implies feeling blocked in your actions or efforts, either by yourself or someone else. What do you feel blocked from, and by? What would it be like to explore loneliness? Is there anything else lying just around the edges when you feel that feeling? How do all these feelings link together, flow into one another, feed off one another? This is what is most helpful for me - direct exploring of feeling as it arises, even painful ones.

Yeah i've had about 12 from the time i was a child. It does get frustrating, being sent from pillar to post. I definately think being diagnosed puts you in a box and you are open to judgement. I was diagnosed first with bpd by one psychiatrist and then another psych dx me with npd. What i don't get is how you can have both. Also i have self injured in the past. And i know people with npd don't really do that. They usually abuse drink or drugs but i suppose it's all a form of self harm. The problem with me is that i only feel emotions for myself.

I wouldn't go private. I don't believe in private healthcare. Private anything. But there's only so much you can get from the nhs now. It's taken a huge blow due to cuts and privatisation. So it's difficult to get what you want from it. It's suprising how weak some therapists are. You think they should be strong and be there for you but you can see in there eyes they can't handle it. I've been known to take advantage of this situation.

I think the main step is realising there's a problem. I've listened to other people saying how horrible i've been and i've never cared and never wanted to change. But there's only so much you can take from hearing this. I wonder why they don't like me, why they aren't giving me the attention i think i deserve. There must be something wrong with what i'm doing. Maybe i can do things better.

I think i've heard everyone say i'm a bad person, i can't help but think that's true. I don't feel much about it, from others. But i understand it. I know that there must be an underlying problem to what i do.

I've been angry for a very long time. And frustrated. I was a very lonely child. My siblings never liked me. My parents adored me. My dad especially. I was his only biological child. I could sense favouritism. I was manipulative and vindictive from the start. Before i was hurt when i was 10. The other children were my puppets. I could control them and make them do what i wanted. I used to make them throw flowers at me and chant my name during breaktimes. I stole, lied and hurt people. I used to steal toys from children and sell it back to them. I was always planning on how i could make money for sweets. How can someone so young do that?

Sometimes i think i might be more disturbed than the dx of bpd and npd. Maybe it's worse than that.

Just to add, my psychologist said i showed high sign of an antisocial personality. Maybe that's it. I'm a fucking psychopath

[hummm_mabbe]

Its a difficult one. I think with a lot of these things, we can get caught in a strange relationship between pain, pleasure and happiness. Pleasure can be confused with happiness, or even taken as a substitute, and its certainly true that power feels good. Approval and adoration feel good, and especially if you are used to being able to easily get that adoration, anger is an understandable reaction to being denied something you feel entitled to. This is, so I have read, often part of the conundrum with approval / recognition / status / power seeking patterns. They feel awesome, and if there in an absence of other, deeper things, then the person will understandably be drawn to what feels good. If other people complain, or someone suggests they stop, it feels like being denied something to which you have a right.

In true psychopathy, I have read there is usually a numbing of all feelings except the rush of power. They tend to feel very little, but know how to emulate emotion for the purpose of convincing others. You appear to be feeling quite a range of sensations, but tellingly its more when you are trying to gain some form of power or something from others, that the capacity for empathy may be blocked in some way. That could stem more from the sense of entitlement blocking that empathy, more than simply having none. Psychopaths (apparently) have no capacity to feel empathy at all. When they see someone showing emotion, they can identify it, but they do not feel that emotion. So for example in seeing someone get physically hurt, most people will experience some sense of that same pain, or maybe even wince slightly. If you can watch someone get badly hurt without feeling a flicker, then maybe this is an issue for you, but even then there are some psychologists who believe psychopathy is rooted in some overwhelming emotional experience, and not necessarily hard wired or neurologically based.

To be rejected by your siblings may on some level have hurt you, though when you think about it, it may be more anger that you feel, or maybe a resentment that they did not treat you with the same adoration your parents did. This is where things can get emotionally muddy. There may be some deeper part of you that longed for a real connection with your siblings and possibly parents, and was sad not to have it, but instead settled for admiration or the seeking of admiration from those who wouldn't give it to you (but who you could get revenge on by exercising power over them). It may be thats what you are still doing now, and it may be very difficult to separate out the warm glow of approval from the peace of honest, open and vulnerable relationships. The stereotype of NPD is someone who instead of real connection, seeks out someone who will reflect back that admiration. That could be where the loneliness stems from, because you may not feel free to be honest about all of you (or even have an awareness of such a need) - only the parts you want to show . Its being able to put on show the parts of us that repel us that paradoxically, allow us to feel real acceptance. Otherwise everyone is just a fairweather friend.

That relationship between happiness, pleasure and pain seems really important - seeing what you are running from, and what you are chasing, and for a time suspending the idea that you actually know what you want or need. In the middle of all this, I think we are usually blind and instead follow impulse. There may have been times when all of that coping was overwhelmed, maybe been times when you broke down, or became extremely upset without really knowing why. As you say, loneliness is a feeling you have been wrestling with, and it may be this is the way its surfacing for you. However, you may be responding to that pain with increased admiration seeking or the need for satisfaction, when something deeper inside may be wanting someone to actually see something more. It may be that there is a fear of exposing what disgusts you about yourself preventing that something deeper from taking place.

Ross

[Narcissa]

Its a difficult one. I think with a lot of these things, we can get caught in a strange relationship between pain, pleasure and happiness. Pleasure can be confused with happiness, or even taken as a substitute, and its certainly true that power feels good. Approval and adoration feel good, and especially if you are used to being able to easily get that adoration, anger is an understandable reaction to being denied something you feel entitled to. This is, so I have read, often part of the conundrum with approval / recognition / status / power seeking patterns. They feel awesome, and if there in an absence of other, deeper things, then the person will understandably be drawn to what feels good. If other people complain, or someone suggests they stop, it feels like being denied something to which you have a right.

In true psychopathy, I have read there is usually a numbing of all feelings except the rush of power. They tend to feel very little, but know how to emulate emotion for the purpose of convincing others. You appear to be feeling quite a range of sensations, but tellingly its more when you are trying to gain some form of power or something from others, that the capacity for empathy may be blocked in some way. That could stem more from the sense of entitlement blocking that empathy, more than simply having none. Psychopaths (apparently) have no capacity to feel empathy at all. When they see someone showing emotion, they can identify it, but they do not feel that emotion. So for example in seeing someone get physically hurt, most people will experience some sense of that same pain, or maybe even wince slightly. If you can watch someone get badly hurt without feeling a flicker, then maybe this is an issue for you, but even then there are some psychologists who believe psychopathy is rooted in some overwhelming emotional experience, and not necessarily hard wired or neurologically based.

To be rejected by your siblings may on some level have hurt you, though when you think about it, it may be more anger that you feel, or maybe a resentment that they did not treat you with the same adoration your parents did. This is where things can get emotionally muddy. There may be some deeper part of you that longed for a real connection with your siblings and possibly parents, and was sad not to have it, but instead settled for admiration or the seeking of admiration from those who wouldn't give it to you (but who you could get revenge on by exercising power over them). It may be thats what you are still doing now, and it may be very difficult to separate out the warm glow of approval from the peace of honest, open and vulnerable relationships. The stereotype of NPD is someone who instead of real connection, seeks out someone who will reflect back that admiration. That could be where the loneliness stems from, because you may not feel free to be honest about all of you (or even have an awareness of such a need) - only the parts you want to show . Its being able to put on show the parts of us that repel us that paradoxically, allow us to feel real acceptance. Otherwise everyone is just a fairweather friend.

That relationship between happiness, pleasure and pain seems really important - seeing what you are running from, and what you are chasing, and for a time suspending the idea that you actually know what you want or need. In the middle of all this, I think we are usually blind and instead follow impulse. There may have been times when all of that coping was overwhelmed, maybe been times when you broke down, or became extremely upset without really knowing why. As you say, loneliness is a feeling you have been wrestling with, and it may be this is the way its surfacing for you. However, you may be responding to that pain with increased admiration seeking or the need for satisfaction, when something deeper inside may be wanting someone to actually see something more. It may be that there is a fear of exposing what disgusts you about yourself preventing that something deeper from taking place.

Ross

I understand i think. I need to be in control, i need to feel that i'm the one with the power. I get angry at people who deny it to me but i also feel angry at people who do give it to me. I see them as being weak for giving into me. It's a bit of a circle.

Well for me, i'm aware of my emotions and i recognise other people's too. But i don't know if i feel anything. What are you supposed to feel? A knot in your stomach? Sadness? I feel like i'm empty. like i've played the empathizer without empathising. I've come on here and also i've started a counselling course to try and learn it. I think i understand what your saying. I feel like my needs come first and so i can't have the ability to feel others emotions. Yes i've seen people being physically injured and not felt a thing. I always thought it was because i was sort of desensitized to it.

Yes that's exactly how it is. I couldn't have a connection with them so i settled with the revenge and control. It's been a running pattern.It must be a defense mechanism.

Hapiness, pleasure and pain, for me, seems to be all the same thing. hapiness is pleasure and pain, maybe. I can't really diferrentiate between them. Lonliness for me is due to the fact that I haven't really been around anyone for a long time.

I wonder, when i say things like i'm a bad person or i'm disgusting or i am a monster, whether i actually mean it or it's because it's just reflecting back on what other people say. Because my behaviour in the past isn't socially exceptable, most of my behaviour now isn't either. Maybe i'm saying it because it's what people want to hear. But then again i do want to change certain aspects of my life. I think i'm worried about getting walked over.

[hummm_mabbe]

Hmm I don't know. The thing that helped me the most with actually understanding feeling was meditation, particularly on my body and the sensations there. I realised that much of the time, there was 'information' coming from it that at best I could categorise as good or bad, but any clarity beyond that was hard. I could make out the broad strokes of anger or anxiety, but the subtle shades inbetween were seemingly a foreign language. There is a condition that can accompany numbing and emptiness called "alexithymia", which means an inability to name emotion as it arises, though its really about not having a comprehension of certain feeling states. It can lead to someone who feels like they don't feel anything, because when someone says for example "do you feel sad" or some other feeling, they may not have a 'felt' reference for what that means. They may indeed be feeling sadness, but not know they are. Alexithymics are likely to interpret emotions as bodily complications or illnesses, because there is a pain but they dont know what it is. This is what they call 'somatisation' of feelings, and can lead to seeking paracetamol when its a hug they need (to use a silly example).

Do you ever listen to music, or watch a film, and find yourself inexplicably crying or saddened by it? Sometimes things like like these can open up feelings that are buried away, and in people that suffer emotional blunting or numbing, using music or film as feeling practice can often be helpful in getting emotions flowing. It may take a specific trigger or type of emotional message or situation to set the feeling off. If you are desensitised, this can be a way of opening it up, should you want to.

[Narcissa]

Hmm I don't know. The thing that helped me the most with actually understanding feeling was meditation, particularly on my body and the sensations there. I realised that much of the time, there was 'information' coming from it that at best I could categorise as good or bad, but any clarity beyond that was hard. I could make out the broad strokes of anger or anxiety, but the subtle shades inbetween were seemingly a foreign language. There is a condition that can accompany numbing and emptiness called "alexithymia", which means an inability to name emotion as it arises, though its really about not having a comprehension of certain feeling states. It can lead to someone who feels like they don't feel anything, because when someone says for example "do you feel sad" or some other feeling, they may not have a 'felt' reference for what that means. They may indeed be feeling sadness, but not know they are. Alexithymics are likely to interpret emotions as bodily complications or illnesses, because there is a pain but they dont know what it is. This is what they call 'somatisation' of feelings, and can lead to seeking paracetamol when its a hug they need (to use a silly example).

Do you ever listen to music, or watch a film, and find yourself inexplicably crying or saddened by it? Sometimes things like like these can open up feelings that are buried away, and in people that suffer emotional blunting or numbing, using music or film as feeling practice can often be helpful in getting emotions flowing. It may take a specific trigger or type of emotional message or situation to set the feeling off. If you are desensitised, this can be a way of opening it up, should you want to.

I've tried meditation before. I wish i didn't get so fed up so easily. I never gave it a chance really.

I've never heard of alexithymia. I suppose i should speak to my psych about this. Or try to at least. Maybe that is what i have. I don't know many emotions, or the names to them at least.

No not really sad or crying. I laugh usually. Sometimes inappropriately. There are a couple of films that make me sad but i know the reason for that. those films were childhood films that i saw with my dad when my parents split. I think it's just me still reacting to that time in childhood. I'll pay attention to what i feel when i watch or listen. i might learn something from it

[Tash SA]

i feel like you wrote what has been in my head for years. We are not monsters... The fact that you can identify the things you do means that you have started dealing with your behaviour. I have never conformed to what society deemed to be acceptable, who cares - I am me.

[Narcissa]

i feel like you wrote what has been in my head for years. We are not monsters... The fact that you can identify the things you do means that you have started dealing with your behaviour. I have never conformed to what society deemed to be acceptable, who cares - I am me.

Do you have NPD too? yes, I have always been that way. I always thought that I was me and that was enough. I know right from wrong but that never stops me.

[Tash SA]

i feel like you wrote what has been in my head for years. We are not monsters... The fact that you can identify the things you do means that you have started dealing with your behaviour. I have never conformed to what society deemed to be acceptable, who cares - I am me.

Do you have NPD too? yes, I have always been that way. I always thought that I was me and that was enough. I know right from wrong but that never stops me.

I didnt even know there was a disoder for feeling like that. Today is the first time I heard of it. i have however, always been like this I am going to start looking like a doctor with all my accronyms after my name soon :P

[Narcissa]

i feel like you wrote what has been in my head for years. We are not monsters... The fact that you can identify the things you do means that you have started dealing with your behaviour. I have never conformed to what society deemed to be acceptable, who cares - I am me.

Do you have NPD too? yes, I have always been that way. I always thought that I was me and that was enough. I know right from wrong but that never stops me.

I didnt even know there was a disoder for feeling like that. Today is the first time I heard of it. i have however, always been like this I am going to start looking like a doctor with all my accronyms after my name soon

There's a disorder for everything nowadays! I'm diagnosed bpd and npd, with antisocial, paranoid and schizotypal traits.

haha! yeah, I should start putting acronyms after my name too! It might increas my chances of becoming a psychologist!

[Tash SA]

Do you ever listen to music, or watch a film, and find yourself inexplicably crying or saddened by it? Sometimes things like like these can open up feelings that are buried away, and in people that suffer emotional blunting or numbing, using music or film as feeling practice can often be helpful in getting emotions flowing. It may take a specific trigger or type of emotional message or situation to set the feeling off. If you are desensitised, this can be a way of opening it up, should you want to.

This rings so true for me. I struggle to cry without the aid of music or some movies. I feel separated from emotion sometimes. My husband can hurt himself or be ill and all I want to do is turn the other way so I dont have to 'feel sorry for him' when I really dont. And this is how I treat the man I love?

I have had to force myself to show my kids sympathy/empathy when something happens - scraped knee or ill. I really struggle with it. I mean if I dont show emotion as to how I feel why cant others just keep it to themselves.

This is so unlike me as I am by nature a loving, caring person who would give a beggar the clothes off my back if they asked me to. I cannot see an animal hurt without wanting to take it home and fix it.

I guess I only feel when it suits me - not when others need it.