addy2 Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 I really don't want to hurt or offend anyone so i am sorry if i do. I read all these posts about people who think they are fat and ugly but really they are thin and beautiful, what about those like myself who really are fat and ugly, does anyone care how i feel. I look at thin attractive people who are complaining and they don't know how lucky they are. I am probably wrong for writing this but i'm just angry and in one of those moods and i am upset, so sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heffalump Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 :hug2: Hey lovely - I guess it all really depends on the way we all feel inside - so it doesnt matter what people actually look like, if you feel fat and ugly then thats all that matters... I bet to our eyes, you are beautiful - but you cannot see it that way... Does that make sense? Guess its about self acceptance at the end of the day... Massive cuddle hunny Love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 You probably are right i just get upset when i can see people as beautiful and i wish i was and they can't see it, does that make sense. I totally hate myself and everything about me, so its hard to accept me when there is so much wrong with me. Thanks for the hug.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
autism-bpd Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 i know im overweight my bmi puts it at that weight.... thhere is alot of issues that could be causing why slim complain the way they look maybe they have an ED they may have sme underlying problems that we dont know about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sean-Ormonde Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 You know, being overweight and being beautiful are actually NOT mutually exclusive, at all, whatsoever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jelly-bean Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 hey addy hun, i feel sometimes i am fat and ugly my kids say im not but then they look at someone they don't know and say wow look at her or him they are so big i look and all i see is that im bigger, that hurts i tell them so as well how it hurts me and i don't like them calling other people big either, not that big is unattractive at all, i have never been slim really only as a child then i became less active i spose and hay pressto i put weight on, i have a skin thing too which don't help and i have white patches all over me spesh my face i do feel ugly at times but if people can't take me as i am then they don't deserve me or you or anyone hun..... rambleing now we all have something we are not happy about in ourselfs fat thin pretty, ugly erm its what is inside i think or am i just trying to convince myself that but it does work for me i see people as they are people we all are and its hard in this day and age to see that as tv and mags make it out that its not attractive but we are all in our own way attractive gosh i am going on one now lol anyways hun from what i have seen in your posts you are to me a very nice person and to me that is all that counts .....and as for all other people who say about themselfs we all have issues huns (((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) to you all xoxoxo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 Thanks jellybean, i just hate feeling this way, my partner says i am not ugly he said yeah i could lose weight i have put on about 2 stone since our last child was born 2yrs ago but he said its not an issue for him and it shouldn't be for me but it is. I can't eat in public i feel people are looking at me saying you are too fat you shouldn't be eating, or when i am talking to my therapist or social worker i feel so horrible. I think its good you have the attitude that if people don't like you thats their problem i wish i could. Maybe we are all attractive in our own way i would just love to feel it, then i feel like doing stupid things like sleeping with other men to get that feel good feeling but that is part of bpd and a whole other story. Thanks for your kind words, you are also a very nice person.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 You know, being overweight and being beautiful are actually NOT mutually exclusive, at all, whatsoever. I wish everyone thought like that, thanks sean.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sean-Ormonde Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 Tis true, society and its stupid glossy mags put this horrific amount of emphasis on losing weight and being thin, it's fiercely annoying to me. I see girls who are stunningly beautiful and wont believe they are all because they're overweight somewhat. The only thing wrong is if it's bad enough to be affecting your physical health, like if your doc has told you you're headed for a heart-attack / stroke but it's NEVER cause to put your physical appearance down. My last girlfriend wasn't what you would ever call thin but I didn't care, quite the opposite, I liked her that way more than I would've if she'd been thin. So yeah like I said, overweight and beautiful are absolutely not mutually exclusive whatsoever. Go back a couple hundred years and being thin like those super-models are was seen as undesirable because it was considered a sign of poverty i.e. you were thin because you couldn't afford food xD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 I have never been told by my doctor to lose weight i am overweight but not massively but i am still too heavy though and it depresses me, i used to go to the gym a lot but lately i have been so depressed i haven't bothered which makes me feel worse. I guess some men do like the larger woman or so they tell me lol. Thanx for your reply.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sean-Ormonde Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 Well then screw it in my humble opinion if it's not actually unhealthy then you are fine just as you are if you ask me. I haven't seen you but I just bet you're gorgoeus ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 Thanx sean, you made me smile.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sean-Ormonde Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 TOP-SCORE! xD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unlucky Posted February 15, 2011 Report Share Posted February 15, 2011 I used to be one of those people. I was underweight and diagnosed with bulimia, but I was convinced I was fat. I used to get hysterical if I had to go out and I thought I looked too fat that day. I was referred to a dietitian who told me I was underweight and I sat there and argued with her that it was SO obvious I was fat how could she possibly say otherwise? I was completely deluded. I used to tell people who wore bigger sized clothes than me that they were wearing the wrong size because if I was wearing a smaler sizer and was fatter than them, they need to buy new clothes! Now I am obese. I knocked the vomiting on the head but couldn't stop the binges. So now I really am fat. And I am still seeing the dietitian (not the same one), who keeps telling me to lose weight, and I just can't do it. I still hate myself just as much, only now I don't have anyone telling me I am actually thin and beautiful. And I would give anything to look like I used to, even if it makes no difference whatsoever to what I see in the mirror. What I have realised is that these people aren't rying to upset you by saying they are fat when really they aren't, they genuinley believe that you are thinner than they are, or that was the case with me. I know it's upsetting, it upsets me now when people say they need to lose weight and I think, well what are you trying to say about me then? Our feelings and our weight are like a deep-fried salad; totally f*cked up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2011 Hi, unlucky, i know they weren't trying to upset me, it just did upset me i just wondered did they know how lucky they really are but as you say they probably don't know that. I think like that too if they are saying they are fat well then what would they say about me. Maybe now you are healthier that you are overweight instead of anorexic although i suppose being either is not ideal. I need to lose weight but untili am prepared to move my lazy ass and do something about it i am stuck like this. Thanks for the reply.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narcissa Posted February 15, 2011 Report Share Posted February 15, 2011 I spent the first few years of my teenage life surrounded by anorexics and bulimics in a psych unit. I don't think i ever was as self consious as i was during that time. And it's stayed with me since then. I always feel hideous. I mean i don't blame them at all. But it still affects me, if you know what i mean? I'd love to be able to be happy with myself.No amount of men or women who say i'm gorgeous or sexy or beautiful can get rid of the feeling of inadequacy. I suppose it's a long road to feeling self confident and happy about ourselves. But i'm sure it can be done. I look back at photo's of myself and think 'what the hell was i complaining about?!' I'd love to look at photo's of myself as i am now and think 'yeah i don't look too bad' I think that goes to show that it's never as bad as what we think ourselves. It's only us that see's the bad things. I'm sure things will get better x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2011 Thanks, i look at photos too and think i looked better then, i know i am overweight but my partner points out my good points but on those days where i really hate myself i don't see any good at all. Guess we probably have good and bad points in all of us.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mentary Posted February 15, 2011 Report Share Posted February 15, 2011 Guess we probably have good and bad points in all of us.xx Oh! A dialectic. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narcissa Posted February 15, 2011 Report Share Posted February 15, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadianbumble Posted February 15, 2011 Report Share Posted February 15, 2011 Well I struggle with this then and now . Then I was tiny and still thought I was large even when I was pregnant I was not as big as I am now. With the lovely addition of anti psychotics to my life I ended up a bloated mess. I managed to get of them and pinged back to shape admitted never ate more that a rabbit and whenevr H said careful you'll put on weight again I was distaught and ate nothing. I never let anyone know. Then back on anti psychotics, back on being large. Learned how to puke, did that to the extreme got by, got a grip. Now larger than I've ever. Been On tablets that are supposed to help It's all bull. Everytime I see myself I am just disappointed there is nothing about me anymore that is pretty it's all gone and that's not just because of the weight. I've always had control I hatwe that I don't have the control I want over this. But I have a plan regardless whether it's good for me or not I'm tired of being told how I must do things because that doesn't work I know the way we get results and It's going to have to be that way. Sorry I wsa really writing t say I sympathise with all who have weight issues wheher it's a percieved overweightness or a real overweightness the body sucks big time I wish I didn't have one and I wish food never existed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2011 Can i be stupid and ask what is a dialetic? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mentary Posted February 15, 2011 Report Share Posted February 15, 2011 Can i be stupid and ask what is a dialetic? I was just making a reference to DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy). It originally referred to "splitting" that people with BPD can do, seeing things only in black or white, or I love you/I hate you. A dialectic is where you take the two extremes and realize there are elements of truth to both sides. So someone can have good qualities and bad qualities, and understand that it's just the reality of things and be able to accept it. Some of us have a hard time looking at the world that way, and I certainly don't do myself any favours when I get stuck in black and white thinking. Oh, in DBT you'd have gotten a bell rung for judging yourself in the way you asked the question. Non-judging is another of the tenets in DBT. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2011 Ok yeah i understand now, i usually do only see in black and white but in that case i haven't, thats good right, am making progress somewhere. I have never had dbt so i had never heard of it, thanks for letting me know.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mentary Posted February 15, 2011 Report Share Posted February 15, 2011 No problem. Maybe ask your therapist or doctor for more information about it. It really helps some people. Me, I understand it but I'm working on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted February 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 They don't do DBT where i live they don't even have anyone who specializes in BPD i have my therapist who is mazing and helps all he can but i wonder is it enough but there is nothing i can do about it, i have to take what i am given for now.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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