Victoriaa Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Sexually abused at the age of 9 - 14 ..I am now 20 and I need help. I guess I want to talk to people who have also been abused. I want to know the effects it has caused you, and how you are coping with them? I want to talk to people who understand what I am going through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol-E Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Sexually Abused 9 - 17 by a relative. I am now 45. It has messed up my ability to relate to men, ever since. I am now slowly working on making it better. Good luck. Keep Safe ((((hugs)))) Carol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victoriaa Posted February 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Sexually Abused 9 - 17 by a relative. I am now 45. It has messed up my ability to relate to men, ever since. I am now slowly working on making it better. Good luck. Keep Safe ((((hugs)))) Carol Thank you for the reply I was abused by a relative too. How are you working on making it better? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheezal Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Sexually abused at the age of 9 - 14 ..I am now 20 and I need help. I guess I want to talk to people who have also been abused. I want to know the effects it has caused you, and how you are coping with them? I want to talk to people who understand what I am going through. Hi Victoriaa, I was abused from the age of 4-8. I am now 32. I believe that it's the reason that I suffer fom Generalised Anxiety Disorder and have panic attacks. It used to affect my physical relationships too but I then worked through a lot of stuff with a counsellor and that helped loads. It made me realise that there was nothing wrong with me, nothin to be ashamed of and nothing to feel guilty about. It was also a family member for me. I am currently going through the courts with it. I hope you can find an outlet (such as counselling to help you too). You're on here looking for help which is amazing so you're already doing so well. Take Care. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narcissa Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 I was 10. But i was messed up before then. I suppose after this, I became quite violent. I had a history of conduct disorder which lead me to having a risk assessment at a secure psych hospital for young criminals. But I passed it and was sent to an adolescent unit for a few years. Since then, it's eased off but I haven't been able to have real emotions for other people. Never trusting. Always on my guard. I don't know whether i was born the way i was. Or maybe I wouldn't have turned out the way i have if the abuse hadn't happened. I don't know. I'm a diagnosed bpd and npd. Amongst other undiagnosed personality disorders according to my therapist. I don't really feel anything. But i suppose lots of people cope in lots of different ways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victoriaa Posted February 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Hey Smiles, Thank you for your comment. I am currently seeking counselling, it is helping me realise certain things, but I end up feeling worse when I leave. You have all these memories back on the surface and you don't know what to do with them, and your couselling time is up. I have never spoken to anyone who has also been abused. It's crazy how so many people have or are going through this. Did you tell your parents? x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maize Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 I was sexaully abused at 4 and 8-14 years of age. Haven't really been able to work though any of it and still rather afraid of men. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victoriaa Posted February 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 I was 10. But i was messed up before then. I suppose after this, I became quite violent. I had a history of conduct disorder which lead me to having a risk assessment at a secure psych hospital for young criminals. But I passed it and was sent to an adolescent unit for a few years. Since then, it's eased off but I haven't been able to have real emotions for other people. Never trusting. Always on my guard. I don't know whether i was born the way i was. Or maybe I wouldn't have turned out the way i have if the abuse hadn't happened. I don't know. I'm a diagnosed bpd and npd. Amongst other undiagnosed personality disorders according to my therapist. I don't really feel anything. But i suppose lots of people cope in lots of different ways. Hey Narcissa, Thanks for the reply. Why do you think you were messed you up before you were abused? I don't know if you can be born that way, but I'm guessing it triggered you when the abuse happened. It's good that you are seeing a therapist. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victoriaa Posted February 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 I was sexaully abused at 4 and 8-14 years of age. Haven't really been able to work though any of it and still rather afraid of men. Hi Maize, That's a really long time that you were abused. Have you ever spoken to anyone about it, or seeked couselling? x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victoriaa Posted February 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 How do you all feel about the abuser? I'm scared to talk to him about this, He's probably forgotton about it. It's not right what he did, but I keep trying to find an excuse for why he did it. He's my brother and I love him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maize Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 I was sexaully abused at 4 and 8-14 years of age. Haven't really been able to work though any of it and still rather afraid of men. Hi Maize, That's a really long time that you were abused. Have you ever spoken to anyone about it, or seeked couselling? x I have sought counseling many times. It's tough work to do in the first place and I also had neurological damage that challenges my verbal communication as well and long since given it up after too many bad experiences trying to get help. It was a relative at four and my mother's men the rest of the time. She gave me to one of them for a night and the others she looked the other way and pretended not to know when it was being made blatantaly obvious and everyone in the family knew. Overwhelming amount of physical abuse as well. I don't know how we or anyone is supposed to heal from these things. I consider my mother the main abuser and I no longer have contact with her or anyone in my family because they're all abusers to this day. Sorry, mine is a bit on the extreme end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TizzyGirl Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Heya, We was sexually abused from the age of 8 and it ended at 15. We told some one we thought we was pregnant, they kept asking questions and we cracked. The day after the police told mum, he killed himself. We split into multiple personalities because we couldn't handle it. We was already "damaged" due to other methods of abuse. We still struggle... its very hard to say how to move on from it. We did start having trauma therapy but the T got cancer and had to stop seeing us. No one ever has the right to hurt you, even if they are a close relative who you trusted. Its not right. I think we try to make exuses to try and find a way to self-soothe... if it was right then it was ok and everything is fine, Its a normal thought pattern.. but no one had the right to hurt you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narcissa Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 I was 10. But i was messed up before then. I suppose after this, I became quite violent. I had a history of conduct disorder which lead me to having a risk assessment at a secure psych hospital for young criminals. But I passed it and was sent to an adolescent unit for a few years. Since then, it's eased off but I haven't been able to have real emotions for other people. Never trusting. Always on my guard. I don't know whether i was born the way i was. Or maybe I wouldn't have turned out the way i have if the abuse hadn't happened. I don't know. I'm a diagnosed bpd and npd. Amongst other undiagnosed personality disorders according to my therapist. I don't really feel anything. But i suppose lots of people cope in lots of different ways. Hey Narcissa, Thanks for the reply. Why do you think you were messed you up before you were abused? I don't know if you can be born that way, but I'm guessing it triggered you when the abuse happened. It's good that you are seeing a therapist. x Well I don't think I was anywhere near normal like the other kids. I used to steal and cause arguments and manipulate. Things definately took a turn for the worse i think, after that. Cheers hun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toaster Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 MAY TRIGGER hi not sure when it started...when i was young. i remember the first time i think. i wouold have been about 3-4. well that is my first memory. i do not remeber before that. till i was 14. well other men did stuff to me after i was 14 but dunno if that was consentual? i never said no...even though i was 14, i still consented...anyway... im now having sexual abuse counselling and i have to be totally honest there. i believe honesty is the key to emotional freedom. its hard to be honest though when ur perception of reality is distorted, when u believe different to other people because u have been forced to believed these things. i tend to view the world as an evil place, full of predators just waiting to pounce. for a long time i was too terrified to say no to men when they asked for sex. so that means ive slept around. if ive had sexual feelings ive felt guilty, like that means i musta wanted the abuse. ive self harmed afta sex. i hope one day i can move on. i hope i can view my memories in a different way. i hope i can forgive myself. *hugs all* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 I was 9 or 10 and i have no idea how long it lasted i just know i knew how to have sex from i was 10 as a result from i was 13 i had sex with everyone and anyone maybe 2 people a night. I got pregnant at 16 which calmed me down a bit but after my child was born i went back to my old ways. I have lost count of many times i have been raped as a teenager and an adult the most recent being a year ago. It definetly messed me up instead of turning me against sex it had the opposite effect and even though i am in a relationship now i still get intrusive thoughts about wanting to have sex with other men even my therapist so i am a freak. I have never been able to talk in therapy about it, i have blocked all memories of it, i get intense periods of fear when i cry and panic my therapist said i am reliving the trauma through fear without the memories.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
autism-bpd Posted February 17, 2011 Report Share Posted February 17, 2011 i dont know if you were referring to child but i have twice in my life as an adult. ' 18' and '20' the recent one 3 months ago is still affecting me i had flashbacks every day, which makes me panick and overbreath. then i feel dizzy, shaky and sick. i feel spaced out a lot and feel confused. heart races, chest feels tight and feeling tired body aches feeling low cry every day i blame myself sleep probblems try and avoid places tv keeps triggering me so i dont watch it. i also feel like im being watched and i hear noises and feel like people are after me especially by men. like a man eying me up and i recognised him he were in the paper for s.a also i feel suicidal and selfharm to cope with how im feeling Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boobsticle Posted February 17, 2011 Report Share Posted February 17, 2011 4-13/14, not sure which. It was two relatives, separate recurring incidents. Even still the thought and action of anything sexual terrifies me, I have a lot of 'issues' regarding it and I have to take a softly, softly approach when I get intimate with someone or else I freak out a bit and dissociate. I also have huge trust problems in relationships and severe social anxiety. You're not alone in suffering with the memory of this and you always have someone to talk to here. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sean-Ormonde Posted February 17, 2011 Report Share Posted February 17, 2011 Was abused twice by two different people as a child. Once by my uncle when I was 3 years old ***potential trigger here*** which prompted my sister to kill herself a couple of years later when the police were told she was a pathological liar and she was the only material witness. The 2nd time was serial abuse during I don't remember what ages, still very young by a relative I'm not comfortable identifying. My uncle got away with it and will continue to do so since the only witness to my abuse is dead now. The other while he has never gone to jail for it has gone to counselling and has always told me he'd plead guilty if I ever decided I wanted him to go to jail. I've punished him in other ways over the years even though part of me feels guilty about that. I know he'd never do it again to anyone else either, if I ever thought he was doing it / had done it / will do it to someone else I'd probably kill him, or at the very least take him up on his offer of a guilty plea. It's affected me by causing me to suffer from bpd. I could never sit in on those classes in school where you're warned about where it is and isn't appropriate for someone to touch you coz I'd get really upset and also I was protecting that one relative and didn't want to have to lie to my class about it. To this day it still manifest in anger problems / trust issues. I deal with it by willpower on its own. I went to some counselling as a child but it sorta went right over my head. Good friends have helped me deal with it, I've only told two people about that other relative and they've been so supportive it's unreal. So I guess it's good people helped me get through it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fireflies Posted February 17, 2011 Report Share Posted February 17, 2011 :trigger: We were sexually and ritually abused from ages 2 - 8 by neighbours and "baby sitters" which was instigated by their kids who were just a lil bit older than us! this included being used for child porn photography as well as mild torture to shut us up (Eg. being locked in small dark places, pushed under water etc.) and deliberately split us into different personalites so they could keep control over us for their sick ritual abuse. Then raped at age 10 by a stranger on the beach, date raped at age 16 and molested again at age 16. Also constant verbal and emotional abuse via kids at school being bullies cuz they could tell we were different. So result of all this shit is we now have 43 different personalities. (Multiple personality disorder, now known as Dissociative Identity disorder) I'm one of those persoinalities. Also have complex Post treaumantic disorder and the primary personality suffers from Bi Polar affective disorder. the bodies age is now 43 and the body is female but not all of the alters are. Some are male and some have no gender at all and are abstract in nature. So that is all teh bad news........ the good news is that since all that crap, we have had 8 years of trauma abuse therapy with three different T's and have found a way to be co consious with each other (Each personality knowing each one and being able to communicate with each other). We've also been able to accept not only each other, but others outside us no matter what their diff beliefs, sexualities, race, colur or religion (With in reason, like hard to accept the same religion that hurt us). This may not have been possbiel other wise so it's an asset. Trauma and abuse is crap and nothing can take away from that, but sometimes good stuff do come out of it. Not always easy to find those things but we have been able to find frienships with other abuse victims that we may never have met. We';ve also connected with peeps on here we would never have known plus been avble to help others through who have been abused and mistreated in life. We have also learnt to know our inside world better and our host has gained deeper insight into others. I think they call it empathy Anyways, Hope you find the answers you need in life and come out of it all a much stroner and wiser person. Hope the forums helps you come to a better place in life. etc. K enough of the serious stuff from me. check ya later Michael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madambutterfly Posted February 17, 2011 Report Share Posted February 17, 2011 Hi Victoriaa I was abused by my brother from a very young age, not too sure when it started as i have lost a lot of my memories before the age of 7. He continued to abuse me til i became pregnant at 13. I coped through all of it by dissociating until i was 12 then i started self harming. I have been involved on and off with mental health teams since i was 12 and i was in a psych unit for 4 months at 17. I have also had 2 years of psychotherapy and 3 months of group therapy. I dont seem to be getting any better at communicating with people but i refuse to give up on therapy all together. I dont like associating with people but when i do i usually end up in bed with someone at the end of the night. I hate the thought of sex when i am 'myself' but when i am out i put on a mask and pretend to be someone else and let men take advantage of me just like i let my brother but it doesnt bother me as i just dissociate anyway, sometimes it feels like i am only good for sex and nobody wants me for anything else so i let them have what they want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dib4uk Posted February 20, 2011 Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 Sexually abused at the age of 9 - 14 ..I am now 20 and I need help. I guess I want to talk to people who have also been abused. I want to know the effects it has caused you, and how you are coping with them? I want to talk to people who understand what I am going through. hi there hon i was abused when i was a young child, and it has left me feeling vunreable and unable to trust men and myself with my feelings and emotions. I can gaurantee that my personality disorder began because of the abuse that and being bullied in my childhood has caused my trauma and associated conditions. I dont cope, thats the problem i dissaosicate big time which leads me to being multiple personallity disorder.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBear Posted March 16, 2011 Report Share Posted March 16, 2011 My grandfather sa me when i was 3/4 he abused many girls before me and all my female cousins, but no one knows about me was in denial for years, split myself from the reality where it happened i told my boyfriend of 3 years, and my best friend of 19 years recently, dont know if it was the best thing... in the past year it's all crumbled around me and i've been struck by flashbacks and nightmares, dissociative episodes, suicidal thoughts, self destruction, and relationship problems. you ever ever want to chat, pm me, I'm happy to do that, you seem like you need somebody to hear you. sorry for what youve been through support is here in abundance and good people Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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