Lauren Posted May 19, 2005 Report Share Posted May 19, 2005 ugh! The humiliation,the acceptance, the facing its 'you' that you have to do every time.Allways hits when you are still feeling very fragile. Ashamed that I made it so very public, yet trying to feel ok with myself that I dealt with it and did my best to limit the damage. I wont get Jake back now at home till next wednesday. That is really killing me. I can not help the obsessive thoughts about his welfare. I have some 'stuff' that I have written over the last two weeks, ever since this episode started. Most likely be more to add yet. I want to do something with it though.I am still kind of obsessive,dogmatic right now. Still very paranoid but with that I also have acceptance again. Acceptance towards the role that I play in all this. (shit that sucks) Today at work was hard. I managed until around 3pm when I lost track of things and cut myself fairly badly making duck cushions. But at that point I managed to make my excuses without it sounding to bad. (I hope) I have a lot of acceptance to do right now. I dont know how that will pan out. I am very scared. I feel like that here I have showed a part to me that I am so very ashamed of. I feel dirty and crazy, truly crazy. Anyway I feel the need to talk through this with you all. I dont fully know why yet. When I do know, when I am fully past this, when im not as I am right now.... (heh, see shit acceptance) then I will talk more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swan Posted May 19, 2005 Report Share Posted May 19, 2005 (((((((((((((((((((((Lorna))))))))))))))))))) You are very very special, and very brave. You've had a really hard struggle and fought it heroically. Mostly you've seemed okay, just up until the last couple of days - however it seems to you, nothing that you've posted has indicated that things were really bad for you. And I'm sure that I speak for everyone if I say that no-one here judges you, just that we feel the pain you are going through and wish so badly that we could help or make it better. With love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CathE Posted May 19, 2005 Report Share Posted May 19, 2005 Hey Lorna, you still here? You've been putting up a great fight mate, I'm so proud of you for going to work and doing your best. I know you must be exhausted so please try to rest, take care of you and keep working through it a day, an hour or a minute at a time. Cath. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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