My Boss Is Making Me Ill

[Data]

I started a new job on the 1st of this month. I have posted before to say I am struggling in the new job. However, I was kinda hoping things would get better with time, but they are NOT getting better. I am coming home with my shirt damp with sweat. My jaw is starting to ache all the time. And when I come in, I am rude to my family and in a mood all evening, often jabbering about work for a long time. My family have noticed the change in me, and they don't like it.

I am basically a helpdesk person but the job has a VERY wide skillset. You have to understand the software our company sells, which is very complex. You need to have a in-depth understanding of databases and Crystal Reports. You need to be able to take phone calls and fix problems over the phone. You need to know about Windows 2000, XP, Vista, 7, and how the different versions of office work. You need to know about MS-DOS, installations and batch files. I am clearly struggling at work, and a few times my manager has said things like "but don't you have difficult problems to solve at your uni?". At the moment I am a part-time student, which is why the helpdesk job that I do is part-time. The implication behind his question is... how come you can solve problems as a student, but you can't solve them here? But there are three issues here... firstly I am NEW, and my knowledge is rusty, I will take time to get into the job. Secondly, by uni supervisor does not constantly stress me like he does. And thirdly, the uni stuff is incredibly specialist (I am doing a PhD), and I am inside my comfort zone with it.

This is what he does to stress me out:

• Being given a time to do jobs "you should be able to do that in an hour", especially when the job isn't that urgent, i.e. isn't actually needed in an hour.

• Being criticised for not completing a job in an hour ("Your hour's up!"). This is particularly so when all sorts of unexpected complications have occurred in the job, e.g. it has become reliant on other people completing tasks before I can complete it.

• Being regularly criticised, and my professionalism being questioned. For example, he said that virtually all of the customers who I implemented have discontinued the system.

• Having him sit next to me and hold his head in his hands when he says I don't understand something (he only did this once).

• When he explains things too quickly, gets frustrated if I say I don't understand, and say "LISTEN" to stop me interrupting.

• Micromanaging. I work much better when I am set objectives and left to get on with them. But this does not happen, he is constantly on my back, questioning how I do things. Often I am not allowed to work in the way that I feel comfortable, I have to do things HIS way.

• An atmosphere of stress has developed in the office, its an atmosphere in which I feel I am not believed.

A couple of times I have lost my temper and we have had a few arguments, which I regret. I am really worried that one day I will TOTALLY lose it and just walk out. And that could be the end of my job!

I have done this job before, from 2002-2006, for the same company. The man who is now my manager was my colleague then, in fact I trained him when he started. But since I have left, I have been doing different things, and a lot of my knowledge is rusty. I used to have a reputation for being very careful and methodical and documenting everything. It is no longer possible to do that, because the office is much busier than it used to be. I think thats why my manager is on my case so much, he doesn't trust me and thinks I will do things too slowly and carefully. I hate the way they work now, to me its like cutting corners, but I CAN adapt to that, and I can make changes to my working practices to fit in with what they want... as long as haven't got someone constantly on my back.

The MD (my boss's boss) has said he is going to review my employment after 3 months, to see if they can keep me on. I've not told my boss that I have mental health problems. My therapist advises against it. He says "my worry is that it will be another reason why I can't do the job".

The work environment in the office is awful, which I HATE. However, I am really scared of losing this job, because if I am unemployed my wife will be worried sick.

The company has had a high turnover of staff, and the MD cites the difficulty of the job as being the reason. It is a very difficult job. However, I wonder if the attitude of my manager has something to do with it!

My therapist says I should talk to my boss about these things. However, I am really scared of the idea of asking my line manager for a meeting, to tell him how much his management style is upsetting me. I am worried that if I have the meeting, it will be rocking the boat. But then again, if I don't have a meeting, then my productivity is being badly affected by the stress in the office, and I could get the sack because of this.

I don't really want to have this meeting because I am afraid my boss won't listen to me and will argue with me and then I'll have to refer it to the MD, and the MD will side with him since he has been there for years. They would rather lose me than lose my boss, my boss is more important. But I have noticed a job in the paper and I fancy applying for something different; if I start applying for jobs they will find out when they get the reference requests and they will know something is up anyway!

[drybones]

Sorry to here your having these problems. I have had similar problems in the past which went on for about 12 months till eventually I was fired.

The best advice I can give is to look for another job and get out before things get worse, sorry its not much help.

With references I didn't think they are allowed to give you a bad reference as such and they wouldn't get requests for a reference till you accept a new job either? Not 100% sure though

[Data]

Sorry to here your having these problems. I have had similar problems in the past which went on for about 12 months till eventually I was fired.

That's awful! Did they give you a reason for firing you?

The best advice I can give is to look for another job and get out before things get worse, sorry its not much help.

I am starting to come around to that way of thinking. However:

• I am unlikely to find another part-time job that pays as well as this one.

• Getting time off for interviews is sometimes a problem.

• What do I tell them when they are asking why I am leaving my current job, after a short period of time?

I have seen a job locally, to be a receptionist. It would be a 35-40% pay cut. However, I want to apply for it. The problem is... interviews are Thursday 17 March, which is a work day for me.

With references I didn't think they are allowed to give you a bad reference as such and they wouldn't get requests for a reference till you accept a new job either? Not 100% sure though

I think this is one of those 'urban legends'. Employers are allowed to give a bad reference, if they have evidence to back it up. But I don't think they'd give you a bad reference unless you were really bad, e.g. you stole.

[rmorgan_uk]

Sry to hear you are having problems at work Data. I can relate walked out of my last job because had trouble with boss. It sounds like your boss has a similar problem to my last one. As you said it is far busier than b4. My last place had same problem b4 I started there he only had a few members of staff too deal with, but when business picked up staff increased and he was basically found out. What I mean is when business was slow he had no worries with deadlines and such. Also the few staff he had had been there for years and basically where covering his failings up probably without realising it. As soon as he had inexperienced staff who quite rightly couldn't cover his failings (and shouldn't be expected too as they are learning themselves). He started to get on peoples backs why are you doing this or that. Your not doing it my way. (Even when his way was clearly not very efficient and only served to piss people off). Needless to say the high turnover of staff occurred as you would expect.

Long and short of it is, yes I know its shit at mo but try to remain strong in your resolve. Do your job to the best of your own ability. If you dissagre with the boss (this is the hard bit). Try to explain calmly why he may not agree with you but at least you will know in your mind that you have done your best. And to be honest that's all we can do. None of us are perfect or ever will be. So just be the best we can.

P.s The boss at my place was demoted shortly after I left, and is now just a worker like everyone else. so he got found out. :rolleyes:

[mentary]

Honestly, some places are damned.

And looking back, it was the sick fucks that enjoyed making the place that way. It wasn't me.

[Data]

Long and short of it is, yes I know its shit at mo but try to remain strong in your resolve. Do your job to the best of your own ability. If you dissagre with the boss (this is the hard bit). Try to explain calmly why he may not agree with you but at least you will know in your mind that you have done your best. And to be honest that's all we can do. None of us are perfect or ever will be. So just be the best we can.

I can try and explain, and I do. However, thats not the hard bit. The hard bit is the constant feeling of anxiety that is making me feel sick, whether I am at work or not. If I still feel bad on Monday, I am going to see my GP about increasing my medication.

[autism-bpd]

With references I didn't think they are allowed to give you a bad reference as such and they wouldn't get requests for a reference till you accept a new job either? Not 100% sure though

i totally agree with drybones.

I used to do my work experience in a ' recruitment, agency Adecco', they help you find jobs. And i had to file everything, answer phone one time i made a mistake and said hello and it were the branch managers manager who i answered woops..... i were supposed to say ' good afternoon, adecco speaking how may i help' any way with the filing i had to check the cv's, passports etc. then the branch manager told me that ' no one is allowed to give you a bad reference, it is against the rules'

so it is against the rules to give you a bad referrence.

[rmorgan_uk]

With references I didn't think they are allowed to give you a bad reference as such and they wouldn't get requests for a reference till you accept a new job either? Not 100% sure though

i totally agree with drybones.

I used to do my work experience in a ' recruitment, agency Adecco', they help you find jobs. And i had to file everything, answer phone one time i made a mistake and said hello and it were the branch managers manager who i answered woops..... i were supposed to say ' good afternoon, adecco speaking how may i help' any way with the filing i had to check the cv's, passports etc. then the branch manager told me that ' no one is allowed to give you a bad reference, it is against the rules'

so it is against the rules to give you a bad referrence.

this is true a person can refuse to give a refference but not give a bad one.

[Data]

this is true a person can refuse to give a refference but not give a bad one.

This is completely wrong. A previous employer is obliged to give a fair reference, however it can be a bad one, as long as they can justify why it is bad.

"Your obligation is to provide a true, accurate and fair reference. The reference must not give a misleading impression" - see http://news.bbc.co.u...ess/3065319.stm.

"References must be accurate and shouldn't mislead the employer asking for them. This means that if, for example, you were disciplined when you worked for the employer who's giving you a reference, this may form part of the reference. However, unless you agree, information like your medical record or any spent criminal convictions shouldn't normally be included (as it will not be relevant).If a reference you have been given isn't accurate or is deliberately misleading it may amount to defamation, in which case, you could claim for libel." http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Employees/Startinganewjob/DG_10026703

[rmorgan_uk]

this is true a person can refuse to give a refference but not give a bad one.

This is completely wrong. A previous employer is obliged to give a fair reference, however it can be a bad one, as long as they can justify why it is bad.

"Your obligation is to provide a true, accurate and fair reference. The reference must not give a misleading impression" - see http://news.bbc.co.u...ess/3065319.stm.

"References must be accurate and shouldn't mislead the employer asking for them. This means that if, for example, you were disciplined when you worked for the employer who's giving you a reference, this may form part of the reference. However, unless you agree, information like your medical record or any spent criminal convictions shouldn't normally be included (as it will not be relevant).If a reference you have been given isn't accurate or is deliberately misleading it may amount to defamation, in which case, you could claim for libel." http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Employees/Startinganewjob/DG_10026703

fair enough i stand corrected. that was just what i had allways been told. :rolleyes:

[rmorgan_uk]

this is true a person can refuse to give a refference but not give a bad one.

This is completely wrong. A previous employer is obliged to give a fair reference, however it can be a bad one, as long as they can justify why it is bad.

"Your obligation is to provide a true, accurate and fair reference. The reference must not give a misleading impression" - see http://news.bbc.co.u...ess/3065319.stm.

"References must be accurate and shouldn't mislead the employer asking for them. This means that if, for example, you were disciplined when you worked for the employer who's giving you a reference, this may form part of the reference. However, unless you agree, information like your medical record or any spent criminal convictions shouldn't normally be included (as it will not be relevant).If a reference you have been given isn't accurate or is deliberately misleading it may amount to defamation, in which case, you could claim for libel." http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Employees/Startinganewjob/DG_10026703

fair enough i stand corrected. that was just what i had allways been told.

however i am not completley wrong an employer has no legal obligation to actually provide a reference. unless there was a special contractual agreement to do so.

[Data]

however i am not completley wrong an employer has no legal obligation to actually provide a reference. unless there was a special contractual agreement to do so.

The MD of my company is quite fair, and even if it does not work out, I doubt he will give me a bad reference.

[rmorgan_uk]

however i am not completley wrong an employer has no legal obligation to actually provide a reference. unless there was a special contractual agreement to do so.

The MD of my company is quite fair, and even if it does not work out, I doubt he will give me a bad reference.

thats a good thing then i hope things improve for you. i cant imagine how hard it is considering you have kids. i only have myself to deal with and dont have to consider others as much.

[autism-bpd]

Data, i know the rules as i had work experience in a recruitment agency helps u find work; so rules arent allowed to write a bad reference the branch manager and i had discussion about it

[Data]

Data, i know the rules as i had work experience in a recruitment agency helps u find work; so rules arent allowed to write a bad reference the branch manager and i had discussion about it

The agency might have a rule that says that its branch managers are not allowed to give a bad reference. However, its not generally the case, employers are allowed to give bad references.

For example, a nice person gets a job as a plumber. He or she isn't a very good plumber. They don't finish off their work properly and have been warned several times by their boss, three times the warnings have been official (verbal then written then final). Finally, they don't do a joint properly and a whole house gets flooded. They are dismissed as they are incapable of doing the job. The reference might say something like "X had good timekeeping, good conduct, got on with his/her colleagues, was good with the clients, but was dismissed as they lacked competence in plumbing". The employer would be able to write such a reference, since they can show objectively that the performance was bad, and they have gone through the proper disciplinary procedures. The person would struggle to sue their former employer for libel, even if they found out the reference was bad, because the employer would be able to produce written evidence that they had followed the procedures, and probably affidavits from supervisors/clients who could attest to the bad performance.

On the other hand, if they gave a good reference, then the former employer could be sued by the new employer. If they suggested that X was a competent plumber, and X got a new job as a plumber on the strength of that good reference, and went on to do all sorts of damage, then I believe they would have grounds to sue the former employer as the reference was inaccurate. I would guess that, a lot of the time, the employer would just not give a reference at all for that person.

But there is no law that says they can't give a bad reference. If I am wrong, prove it....

And thats all I have to say on this since its getting well off the topic.

[autism-bpd]

now your twisting my words. that were not said to me

[bibiddi]

Data, how does it feel to go back to a job you used to do, and seeing it has changed to a way that you hate?

[Data]

Data, how does it feel to go back to a job you used to do, and seeing it has changed to a way that you hate?

I don't like it. To me, they cut corners too much and I think in the long run quality will suffer. But the most infuriating aspect is, nothing is properly documented. Most things are not written down, and if they are then the document is often out of date. Its incredibly hard for a new starter to get going, when you just have to figure everything out...... there is no instruction manual or training course. Having said that, I won't change the company policy so its up to me to adapt to them, rather than the other way around. That means there will be more emphasis on just getting things done rather than documenting them for other people. I can live with that. What I can't live with is the attitude of my manager.

What is your reason for asking the question?

[bibiddi]

lol Data you know me!

I wanted to know how you felt returning to a job you once liked, and returning to find that its standards are now lower, and with different priorities - so although you excel in the old ways, you arent good enough in the new ways, and how that conflict feels.

It was also a half thought, about other peoples lower standards, and different priorities, and how difficult they can be to accept, and whether it happens elsewhere in your life.

[lucyloo]

i think, I would approach the line manger from the angle of, you know I trained this guy, you know I know this job well, problem is, my methods of working are different to his, the system has changed slightly, all of which I need to adapt to. On top of this, I have adjusted to working in an academic field and need to readjust to a commercial workplace.

Then go on to say, clearly as you pay my wage, you want to get the best possible value for money from my time and energy, so would it possible for me to be given my work and given a deadline, perhaps 24hours, or what ever suits in your enviroment, My managers style, is micro management, which works for some people, but the regular interuptions, affect my concentration, would work better if I reported back to him at lunch time and just before I leave.

As I don't know your exact work routine, its difficult to give individual suggestions, but if approached in such a way that is seems you are trying to benefit the company, you may be able to get this guy off your back.

I would spend a couple of days looking at your time management, you can then put something on paper to show how you could use your time more constructively if left alone. Perhaps it would be worth showing this to your manager, in a non confrontational way, as if you perform better, he will get some credit for that.

I know my style of thought and writing jumps around, but hopefully can take something from this that will be beneficial to you. I think you need to manipulate the situation in a positive way :-)

L x

[Data]

lol Data you know me!

I wanted to know how you felt returning to a job you once liked, and returning to find that its standards are now lower, and with different priorities - so although you excel in the old ways, you arent good enough in the new ways, and how that conflict feels.

I am not sure how much its about new/old ways as just being rusty at that sort of job in general. I've spent 4 years doing something very specialised that has very little to do with software helpdesk at all.

It was also a half thought, about other peoples lower standards, and different priorities, and how difficult they can be to accept, and whether it happens elsewhere in your life.

No comment!

[drybones]

Sorry to here your having these problems. I have had similar problems in the past which went on for about 12 months till eventually I was fired.

That's awful! Did they give you a reason for firing you?

I was struggling to cope with the work load and learn everything and when I messed up he would go mad at me. Eventually he had pinned enough blame on me to say I was unfit for the job, so he fired me. The boss was just a very nasty person, a bully. I was signed off work for a period for my anxiety and depression and he was a total bastard, accused me of making it up to get time off work

[lonelyheartemma]

Could you maybe apply for the job you want to apply for but say it would be really difficult for you to come for an interview that day as its a work day? they might be happy to interview you on a different day if its more convenient for you. or maybe could you ask to take some time off work for an appointment? its not lying totally coz an interview is an appointment in a way?

[unlucky]

Apply for the other job and worry about getting time off or whatever later. It's a few weeks away, things might be completely different by then.

Your mental health has nothing to do with it, this sounds like bullying and you should not have to put up with it.

I think you need to be brave and talk to your boss's boss about all this. At least if he does side with your boss, you have applied for the other job and they will know why you are leaving. Although it will make it hard for them to side with your boss when you decide to leave because of this.

Do not question your ability to do the job, you obviously have the skills and have done it before. The problem here is your boss. And I'm afraid the only way to sort this out properly is to go to somebody who can do something about this.

Good luck xxx

[Data]

I have chatted to my dad about this and made my decision. I am going to apply for the other office job and I'll have a little look around the internet and see what other part-time vacancies they have around here.

My boss's boss has some personal problems at the moment, he has family members seriously ill. So I will try and stick my job out next week, and try not to lose my temper. Maybe also, I will stand up to my boss a little more, in a calm manner, if I can.

In March, the boss's boss will be back. Then (week after next) is the time to say something.