Pink stars Posted March 10, 2011 Report Share Posted March 10, 2011 Hi (((everyone))) x I'm worried I'm going to sound silly...I'm so bad at trying to explain things. I don't know how to go about making new friends.... I know I'm in a bad place at the moment but every now and then when the darkness lifts I think how the changes I want/need to make in my life... I've discovered over the past 18 months that I had some bad friends, ones who used me, let me down ect...and since being diagnosed with depression I have found that I know longer have any friends in RL at all. When I'm in that place, when the time is right I know that I want to make friends, and I want to make friends with people who aren't going to treat me badly or use me, I'd like a true friend. Sorry I'm waffling and I know this is in the future as I'm not far in my recovery yet, I've just been giving it some thought... Thanks for reading, love and hugs, Pink Stars x x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted March 10, 2011 Report Share Posted March 10, 2011 I'm your friend pink darling...... but true friends are very very hard to find..... alot of so called friends beat me up and spiked me with drugs, laughed at me, humilated me, left me alone in places and drive off, sometimes literally running off and leaving me. I had 'friends' write me letters of abuse and hand them to me in the playground. Therefore, I see no value in friendship really..... afterall, the people that hurt me most were the snide ones pretending to be the one's who would be there for me. As I have aged and matured, I begin to realise that the cruelty of those kids was because in some way they had to keep others down to be able to climb their own social ladder of success....... unfortunately, the very deep problems I 'learnt' from these 'teachers of friendship' was to precisely follow their die hard strategy..... I began to use people like they were objects for me to be able to get the attention of the 'cool kids' who had once kicked and punched me.... even now, I think looking back I had no choice but to start standing up for myself by any means necessary. I'm not the monster I am making out but teenage years have lingered on with me and I have been having terrible nightmares of people laughing at me and I am waking up in hot sweats with the bed soaked.... I really do not yet know the value of real, true friendship but I am starting to see also, that it is not in the places I feel inclined to look...... If I come up with any hot off the press ideas about how to ensure friendships are made in trust from now on, and are not misplaced trust, I will write a book and give you the honours of the profits..... xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink stars Posted March 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2011 ((((sanctuary)))) Your always so lovely and supportive to me thank you x I'm sorry for what you went through hun, it sounds really tough and hurtful. I think your a lovely person and I'm glad we are friends Yes true friendship is hard to find, I kept thinking I had found it then would get smacked in the face when realising actually I was being treated badly again. I do think it's out there though....I hope we both find it. Hugs honey, x x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donnam Posted March 10, 2011 Report Share Posted March 10, 2011 hi hun, i know its not the same but u always have me. i guess may be do something u enjoy be a course, scrap booking course etc? and then u will find ppl who have something in common with u. i now tell ppl i have mh probs fairly soon on, so if they have a problem with it, they can back off before i get attached etc, but this is each to their own, but ex friends couldnt cope when i was poorly. Ppl i am slowly getting to know are thru the kids, S's best friends mum, helps as kids friends, so have something in common with the boys, and the same with K's friends. they both know i have mh probs but they dont ask about it now (which is fine) they treat me as normal, but i am not at the point where i would tell them if i was ill, dont think i ever would to be honest, but at least they know i have probs and will not always be 100%. i have to say i dont get too attached to my rl friends any more, tbh the "new ones" i am taking slowly, i still consider my real friends to be the wonderful ppl i have meet on here like u hunni cad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evade Posted March 10, 2011 Report Share Posted March 10, 2011 I currently have zero real life friends and have not had for at least 3 years. I don't have any online friends either apart from the friendly lot here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink stars Posted March 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2011 ((((Cadance)))) Thank you so much hun that's lovely x I'm so glad we are friends, it really does mean alot to me x I admire you that your honest with new people about your MH, it's horrible isn't it when a person you thought was a friend vanishes as soon as things get tough - I think your doing the right thing hun Thanks for being such a great friend x x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink stars Posted March 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2011 Hi Evade, thank you for your reply. I'm glad you've found people here to be friendly, I've found lots of lovely people here x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maize Posted March 10, 2011 Report Share Posted March 10, 2011 Is there a manual on how to make friends? Not everyone inherits that skill from birth. I have one true friend but she's a decade older and I'm at risk of becoming friendless and it does seriously concern me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donnam Posted March 10, 2011 Report Share Posted March 10, 2011 hi pink stars i am so glad u are one of my friends, u know i consider u one of my best friends. tbh i told them early on cos if they were scared of ppl with mh, had prejudice etc, then i would rather know straight off, t in her jacket was good way of ppl finding out. to those i told i had bpd, and explaining its a personality disorder i did find myself saying but im not dangerous etc! they didnt ask that but felt had to say it dunno y. i dont want ppl in my life with prejudice so ruled out mh prejudice asap, doesnt make me a diff person, but some ppl seem to think it does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evade Posted March 10, 2011 Report Share Posted March 10, 2011 There are quite a few books on finding friends and keeping them - no idea if they are any good. I don't have problems speaking to people in real life - I just don't often end up friends with them or if I do I don't stay attached. Have any of the forum member met and become friends in real ife? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maize Posted March 10, 2011 Report Share Posted March 10, 2011 I don't have any trouble finding friends, they usually find me but I don't really know how to reciprocate in friendship and tend to run away from it because I simply don't know how. There should be a how-to on friend making and maintaining friendships. See, I don't even know how to talk about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink stars Posted March 11, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 11, 2011 Yes I agreed Cadance hun, and T must be a big help in talking about it The only people I told about my mh issues were 2 people who I had been friends with for years and years and they both couldn't have got away quick enough. Evade, yes several people from here have met up before and are now friends in real life Maize, hugs hun, perhaps there will be a how-to on friends and maintaing them one day. If I find one I'll let you no x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dibley Posted March 11, 2011 Report Share Posted March 11, 2011 I don't have friends in real life, only here, and that's exactly how I prefer it. Plus, I care about people here a lot more than I ever did to real life friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink stars Posted March 11, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 11, 2011 Yes I care alot more about the people here than I do in real life (bar my husband, mum and nan) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UKwomen29 Posted March 11, 2011 Report Share Posted March 11, 2011 Hi Pink, I'm new as you know and i'll be your friend, I've been very lucky with my friendships I really do have some amazing friends, i'm not just saying it we're truthful to each other there for each other, When my partner died 7 yrs ago they were there for me but it was me not accepting what had happened and just tried carrying on as normal. We've grown up together known each other since we were 9 yrs of age 5 of us. I am blessed I truly am they know i suffer from bouts of depression but they don't know how bad it gets or the way I feel and I guess if i told them they would be very supportive to me. But they wouldn't understand what it's like to just shut urself away even from the greatest of mates and just want to me left alone and the worse thing is I know they wouldn't think it but i still think they would think less of me. When I start feeling abit more together I will tell them but I feel i need to get rid of my own issues 1st and start trying to build myself back up before I can deal with questions why didn't u tell us we would have been there etc... It's nice to have the support and talk....but it having someone who actually understands how u feel when ur soo low Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowman Posted March 11, 2011 Report Share Posted March 11, 2011 Its odd cos i was going to do a similar post. My T today has asked me to think about getting some friends. But I dont know where to start or how to. I dont have any friends atm in RL........I joined a writing group but that finishes next week and I dont think Ill keep in touch with any of them. No idea...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dibley Posted March 11, 2011 Report Share Posted March 11, 2011 Its odd cos i was going to do a similar post. My T today has asked me to think about getting some friends. But I dont know where to start or how to. I dont have any friends atm in RL........I joined a writing group but that finishes next week and I dont think Ill keep in touch with any of them. No idea...... Do you actually want friends though, or are going to try and see how you get on? x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowman Posted March 11, 2011 Report Share Posted March 11, 2011 Do you actually want friends though, or are going to try and see how you get on? x Hmmm thats interesting..... Actually I think Id love to have friends but I am not very good at making friends. I would love to have someone to chat to, laugh with, go out with...........actually that sounds nice...... I have been really trying for a while now, since I stopped work and lost that "contact" you have with colleagues, but I attract other depressives, who just bring me down cos they talk about being miserable lots, whereas I hide it..........a nice, normal person would do me!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dibley Posted March 11, 2011 Report Share Posted March 11, 2011 I think that you can do it then. It's just finding the person you want to be friends with. But from what you have just said, you do want friends, and you'd make a good friend. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowman Posted March 11, 2011 Report Share Posted March 11, 2011 ty HH and apologies pink stars for a mini hijack of your thread there!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eternal Posted March 11, 2011 Report Share Posted March 11, 2011 I have friends but i won't get too close to them for the fear of the hurt.Also i have this awful habit of pushing everyone away i don't know why i do this. ((((pink stars))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted March 11, 2011 Report Share Posted March 11, 2011 Hi (((everyone))) x I'm worried I'm going to sound silly...I'm so bad at trying to explain things. I don't know how to go about making new friends.... I know I'm in a bad place at the moment but every now and then when the darkness lifts I think how the changes I want/need to make in my life... I've discovered over the past 18 months that I had some bad friends, ones who used me, let me down ect...and since being diagnosed with depression I have found that I know longer have any friends in RL at all. When I'm in that place, when the time is right I know that I want to make friends, and I want to make friends with people who aren't going to treat me badly or use me, I'd like a true friend. Sorry I'm waffling and I know this is in the future as I'm not far in my recovery yet, I've just been giving it some thought... Thanks for reading, love and hugs, Pink Stars x x I find that you never waffle pinkstars. I too have no friends here in my world. I do this as at this time I am relearning to be someone. I have had many friends all of whom i have fallen out of touch with throughout the years. In modern day life it is a known fact that more people are alone than ever before. It seems to be a part of modern living and current social and cultural trends which you would think in the modern world would not be allowed. For me I know that when someone is my friend I tend to trust them implicitly and this has always left me open to being used and in the past abused. I don't know if you can draw any comparison I only know that in this world to be loved and to give love in return is key to being whole. ( slightly moulin rougey I know ) I hope you have managed to return to the good days you had at the start of the week. Jamie xxx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink stars Posted March 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 12, 2011 Thank you so much (((everyone))) for you replies, they mean a great deal to me ((snowman)) no worries honey I didn't think you were hijacking at all, I'm glad you were able to get your feelings out x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted March 13, 2011 Report Share Posted March 13, 2011 I have had to let go of friends I have outgrown too, mostly because they are people that knew the old me and expected me to behave like the old me, so it was really too much work to push new boundaries be accepted and maintain those friendships, in the end I realized what I wanted from my friendships had changed as I had become more self aware and grown up some. I think it can be really good t make new starts with your social circles. I know next to no one that has maintained the same circle their whole lives and when they do it just doesn't seem healthy from what I observe. It can be nice to have a fresh start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fedup! Posted March 13, 2011 Report Share Posted March 13, 2011 Sorry for the bump-age, I just spotted and read this, sorry Ms Stars! xxxxxxxxx I think Sah has just put it wonderfully well - sorry for lack of quotes, everyone knows how thick I am when trying to use this site properly! - "people knew the old me and expected me to behave like the old me". Can really relate to this! I found that when I was really ill, depressed, crying, scared etc etc, many of my 'friends' simply couldn't deal with it. Awful at the time - but am seriously, I promise, glad that they are no longer around. Would MUCH rather have a few close friends than a circle of fickle ones. Life is simply far bigger than clothes, boys, drinking and gossip. I love ALL of those things, but came to realise that some of my 'friends' were ONLY concerned with these things.Depression, MH etc was NOTHING to do with them. Now, if they are happy with that, then good enough - whatever makes your world go round. But I need something else too. Last June (on my birthday!!) my so-called best mate decided we no longer should be friends (long story). it made me reaise that our friendship had actually run it's course - kind of like when a marriage breaks down, I think? All I know is that I actually feel the right decision was made there and I do feel a bit better with him out of my life. I realise how that sounds - awful - but it's the right decision for both of us. I have about three good close friends who mostly know the 'real me' and others who I work and socialise with who probably don't really know me at all. But at the moment - it's working for me. Finding friends who share similar interests to you is always a good place to start as your enthusiasm will come through and you have a common interest to discuss. Ms Stars there is no way your lovely nature will be masked - it will shine through! Maybe you are at a crossroads at the mo, finding out new things about yourself - when you are a little closer to knowing, you will find the friends you so deserve. Look how you pull folk together here - even in cyber land your friendly nature brings out the best in people. I feel proud to be your friend missis xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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