"not Suitable For Dbt"

[ILostHer]

My cpn seems have to given up on me, last time we spoke I asked about DBT as that is why they originally sent me to her but she simply said "We can't do DBT because you are not suitable for it"

What does that mean?

The latest they've tried which I think is just laughable was some woman coming round to my house for an hour and a half each week just to tell me to do a crossword or try and walk outside alone for ten minutes. I cancelled the last appointment with her and told my CPN that I don't need someone to tell me to walk outside alone, I know I should be able to go out alone but I can't.

I feel bad for being on benefits, I want to go out to work, but every job I get I leave after a few months. I have been in the MH system since I was 19 (I am 35 now) and I am getting nowhere.

Why would I not be suitable for DBT?

Thanks xx

[beckitty24]

I am unsure as to why you would be unsuitable for DBT as I am not a MH practitioner, however, I am very surprised that they are not trying a more therapy based approach.

Have you asked about different types of therapy that you would be suitable for sweet?

xx

[ILostHer]

I am unsure as to why you would be unsuitable for DBT as I am not a MH practitioner, however, I am very surprised that they are not trying a more therapy based approach.

Have you asked about different types of therapy that you would be suitable for sweet?

xx

Hi bec,

My gp has been trying to get me psychotherapy for two years, but no one seems to listen to her. I am not sure why they always give up on me, I know I am awkward sometimes, but it's all connected to my bad MH, like with the medication, it makes me put on weight and with an eating disorder that's not good so I take myself off it. Her last words were "I could come and sit with you for an hour a week and we could talk but it's not going to do anything" They have diagnosed me with so many things, put me on medication and then act completely surprised when I don't suddenly become 'normal'

I don't understand them.

They promised me DBT but now have said no.

Do you have DBT?

xx

[donnam]

i am not sure hun, but my dbt group is there to teach u skills to reduce destructive behaviour, maybe if u dont self harm/od etc (i dont know if u do or not) then it may rule u out.

hugs

cad

[ILostHer]

i am not sure hun, but my dbt group is there to teach u skills to reduce destructive behaviour, maybe if u dont self harm/od etc (i dont know if u do or not) then it may rule u out.

hugs

cad

Hiya,

Yeah I am a self harmer, cutting and starvation. I think I need to ask her what she meant when she calls again. I wonder if she just means I am too stubborn and awkward and it wouldn't work.

She usually just sends me back to my psych but to be honest I am a bit scared of him! He's not scary in the slightest, so I am not sure why. I think it really may be because I am a difficult patient.

xx

[beckitty24]

Oh hun it sounds like you're having a really naff time with it all, I'm really sorry to hear that. I'm not sure why they give up on people either, I feel exactly the same - like they don't know what to do to help so they just put you on the backburner.

It is hard though, I kind of understand that it must be difficult for them. As everyone is different we can't all assume everyone needs to same treatment, but they could atleast try us with it eh?

I haven't had dbt, but I'm going for cbt and I have a "sensory therapy" session soon, whatever that is.

Just keep pestering them about it and you will get somewhere I promise.

We are all here don't forget

xxxxx

[ILostHer]

Ooh sensory therapy sounds interesting! Not heard of that one...I hope it helps you, and the cbt, I had cbt years ago for the self harming and it worked for a few years, was probably the most successful therapy I have had, so fingers crossed for you.

It's true, they seem to run out of ideas and then just kind of come to a dead end.

I am waiting for the day that I can move to Scotland and hide away in a crofters cottage, that'll be all the therapy I need

Thanks for the friend add btw. xxx

[donnam]

hope u get it sorted hun

[toocrazy]

aww ((you)) aren't too awkward, that's awful you feel like that

I would give it another go. This is 'her' opinion and it is wrong. I'm guessing she is thinking you won't take her suggestions so you aren't suitable. Some of those people just don't know what to do. I think their reactions are due to you won't cooperate with her, instead of what is best. If I were you I'd at least pretend to be open, hide a little of the stubborn and say you want to get better. You are ready to get better and from what you've read DBT might work since you are willing. And it is the truth, you are willing.

xo

[Peregrine]

Hi, do you think you could ask for CBT again because it helped you last time. I know it's the same sort of therapy you already had but circumstances have changed, you've got new challenges, you've changed as well, so maybe it could be worth considering? From my personal knowledge there are more people doing CBT than DBT - dunno why but I think DBT was developed after CBT, slightly different approach but similar principles. I haven't had DBT myself but have read some articles about it. I am starting on CBT again (my 2nd therapy with CBT). I hope there will be someone there for you - some CPNs are CBT-trained, too. xxx

[toaster]

i am not sure hun, but my dbt group is there to teach u skills to reduce destructive behaviour, maybe if u dont self harm/od etc (i dont know if u do or not) then it may rule u out.

hugs

cad

Hiya,

Yeah I am a self harmer, cutting and starvation. I think I need to ask her what she meant when she calls again. I wonder if she just means I am too stubborn and awkward and it wouldn't work.

xx

hey charlotte

maybe they think you are too high risk - therapy brings out the most destructive beahviours in us, we have to reach the bottom before we can build ourselves back up again and if u are already in a stage of being totally self destructive they might be thinking it is too risky to put u into therapy? just an idea

ask ur cpn for an explanation hun, its ur life an u deserve an explanation

((((charlotte))))

[beckitty24]

Ooh sensory therapy sounds interesting! Not heard of that one...I hope it helps you, and the cbt, I had cbt years ago for the self harming and it worked for a few years, was probably the most successful therapy I have had, so fingers crossed for you.

It's true, they seem to run out of ideas and then just kind of come to a dead end.

I am waiting for the day that I can move to Scotland and hide away in a crofters cottage, that'll be all the therapy I need

Thanks for the friend add btw. xxx

Yeah me either. I'm thinking ink tests and putting hands in boxes with my eyes closed to guess what they are aha.

Thank you for the hope, it means a lot. No worries about the friend add

Tell me about your plan to move to scotland xx

[Elke]

I know I should be able to go out alone but I can't.

Sorry if I am riding on this one point. I have a horrible time going out alone, I only feel "well" when someone is with me. But since I live alone theres is seldom anyone available, so I have to go out alone.

Just wondering: do you have a partner who goes out with you and if not, you have to go shopping for food, what do you do then if you cant go out alone? May stupid question, I dont know you much and am curious.

Elke

[toaster]

sorry also...they may be worried of ur attendance if u cant go out alone...we had someone come to r group for a selection meeting an they said they didnt go out alone an sed if there was noone to accompany them to group then they wouldnt attend...this person didnt get in. sounds harsh, i know but attendance is paramount for an y therapy, sure u know. sorry xx

[souxie]

Hey, sorry to hear you're having a shit time with it all.

CBT was for me a no because of SH, apparently you have to be clean for 6 months.

DBT I have just started and atm it's shit.

Don't know why they would say you are not suitable, sounds like you definately need to speak to your GP, to put your mind at rest and answer your questions.

I am starting an IPT course - Intensive psychotherapy course, maybe this is something you could enquire about as there doesn't seem to be any restrictions or selection process.

Hugs for you in the meantime (((ILostCharlotte)))

[sanctuary]

an explanation is truly worth asking for..... i was refused dbt originally because I wasn't a regular 'cutter' but thankfully I was accepted and I have to say, it is harder and more difficult than any thing I could have imagined. I was in therapy before DBT for 2 years and I have to say if I had gone straight into DBT first I probably wouldnt have made it. It most definately would have been too hard. .

DBT can be seen to 'take away' your destructive coping mechanisms which leaves us open to a big empty void space that self harm used to fill.. That can feel like someone is trying to seriously push you over the edge. For example.... I have recently become really angry because I NEEDED to self harm or escape on drugs but actually, when I signed up, I WANTED TO STOP all that..... so when you go week after week and have to keep trying something else instead of self harm it can very much feel like they take away your ability to express emotion (and that's what we've had to deal with all our lives) but DBT philosophy tries to replace the self harm with self love. Absolutely near on impossible feeling for mst of us with BPD. Self love we say? What's that? meanwhile leaving you exposed to the truth that we have created really really really unhealthy coping strategies.

Do not underestimate the impact DBT has on your life. It is intense and full on, no let up....I cannot emphasize enough how fucking difficult it is. Bt whatever I think, doesnt matter, ask for a reason and get the truth from them. Then you may be able to open discussions about a time when you WILL be ready. Good luck xxxx

[Elke]

My (ex)therapist gave me the DBT Skills Training Manual to keep. It is actually the manual for the therapists. And I read the rules they have and yes as sanctuary said - they ask a LOT of you. But all the handouts they have for the patients are also in the manual and I have (unfortunately not enough) been using some of them. So maybe getting the manual if all strings rip can be an alternative. You can work on it at home.

Just an idea.

Elke

[toocrazy]

Wow this is a great thread. I know you feel your cpn has given up on you but maybe she knows how much work it takes. I had no idea it was two solid years of work. Sanctuary's explanation is about the best I've ever seen of dbt. All the concrete advise here is great stuff. Sounds like you guys were extra brave even if you only tried it. I'm always impressed how much work people do on here to get better...Elke doing it at home..((Elke))

:excl:

[ILostHer]

Hi Elke, I only go out with my partner, mum or daughter. I think the last time I went out alone it was a five minute walk to the chemist. Mum takes me food shopping, and to appointments etc, if my daughter has an appointment mum takes us there too unless it's walking distance and I can go alone with just my daughter. I just can't do it, I have an intense fear of outside, not the world but the people in it. I hate the way I look and get so paranoid that people are staring at me.

Umm, trying to remember some of the other questions now...Toaster, they said at the beginning that they have to be careful with therapy as they may push me over the edge, sometimes I am calm and rational and sometimes I feel like I am standing on the edge of a cliff ready to jump, the psychosis comes and goes and if I speak about the past (childhood) then I can't seem to carry on. It's all too much. But I am desperate to get help working out (MAY TRIGGER) what my daughters dad did to us and for the rape that happened 5 years ago. They don't talk about anything that happened to me. But I know why I am like I am, I was bullied at school, they tried to set fire to my hair and made my school life hell, I was glassed in the face by a stranger whilst walking my dog when I was about 22, I had the violence and rape and the abduction of my child from him, sexually abused by female staff in the refuge we were in, the list goes on and on, not that I feel sorry for myself I absolutley don't. I am just too scared to step outside. But my cpn and others involved NEVER ever ask me to speak about anything that happened.

It feels like they don't give a s*** sometimes and expect me to just step outside on my own and that will cure all of my fears. They have no clue. I'm just too scared and they aren't getting that. I have no trust for the people in this world and believe something bad will happen when I go out alone.

They don't care that I starve myself, they just send me for blood tests, they haven't tried to work out my fear of food.

Sorry really gone on now. I just wish one of them would sit me down and let me get it all out, to cry and fall apart to them so that I can stop falling apart in my head.

But all they do is get my hopes up and then let me down again.

I thought DBT was the answer, Pere, I could ask for cbt again, and would be willing to do as they ask me to do but they stopped it when I was having it last year with my lovely therapist, they stopped me seeing her and said I was not suitable for cbt. I am so stupid and never ask why. I begged them to let me stay with her but she said she couldn't bear the responsibility and felt unqualified to help me. She said she was thinking too much about me and couldn't cope with not being able to help. She is the only one I ever opened up to. She genuinely seemed to care. God, I miss her

Sorry for going on so much. I go through each day ignoring the horror in my head, and pretend I am ok but every six months or so I break down and feel so, so hopeless and unable to carry on and then they pump me full of drugs or send me to hospital and then leave me. It's hopeless.

Thanks for all your replies and I am so sorry for off loading always to you lovely people on here. xxx

[Dizgirl2010]

Hey Hun,

there must be a reason that the person who conducts the CBT has decided you would not be suitable or maybe a better way of thinking of it is that it is not suitable to help you. I have been told this in the past with a few things too and it can be very annoying.

When your CPN said that she could come out once a week for an hour to have a chat, how did you feel about that? I know she thinks it may not help but what is most important is if you feel it would help? Sometimes at least having that 1 hour a week to talk about how your feeling can help.

It's possible that to join the group the person must be relatively stable and agree to stay on their meds or something but again that is just a guess and it is probably best that you ask your CPN for the actual reason.

all the best

x

[toaster]

. But my cpn and others involved NEVER ever ask me to speak about anything that happened.

hey charlotte

do they know u wanna speak about these things? maybe they want u to instigate the conversation, they may not wanna upset u?

((((charlotte))))