What About Our Opinions?

[Narcissa]

It was only a couple of days ago members were complaining about the status bar, wanting it to remain hidden because of some status updates. Members were banding together to make mass statements about how they shouldn't be used to speak of anything triggering, yet they were still being posted. And now that the bar is gone, members are complaining about that. How can someone with so much responsibility be held to account, something that was started by the members in the first place? Neg me all you want, shout at me all you want, I think people are being incredibly self involved. All these posts are taking away attention from people who are suffering. And they call me the narcissist.

[Lily-Bee]

You cant always have what you want,life sucks that way. We feel its silly to have the shoutbox AND that staus updates when they prety much the same.

Lilly

[sanctuary]

THERE IS NO BOARD!!!! That is exactly why you are barking up the totally wrong tree here and getting me tied up in knots...... all of the decisions are made by one man.... ONE MAN lily......... who does not and cannot let go of all that power.

[cw590]

fuck the money... my money i mean... i give more out on a daily basis than most.... of my own money.. yes I am generous to a fault.... makes me easy to manipulate. I will never own 'stocks' because I tend to GIVE it away..... charity my arse.... this is joshua's magazine. That's it! Well, I am no longer subscribing. There, consumer power at it's best.

Me neither! so how much money is that that he's just lost? My membership was up for renewal soon but he can forget it.

[bundy117]

Very sad day in this site today. What once felt like a site for US its members. Is now just Josh's and Lily's site who we are very lucky to pay to enter and use. The change was a surprise. Just not a very nice one. Many hate it. BUT dont seem to be allowed to express that as we are only visitors.

[Joshua]

It was only a couple of days ago members were complaining about the status bar, wanting it to remain hidden because of some status updates. Members were banding together to make mass statements about how they shouldn't be used to speak of anything triggering, yet they were still being posted. And now that the bar is gone, members are complaining about that. How can someone with so much responsibility be held to account, something that was started by the members in the first place? Neg me all you want, shout at me all you want, I think people are being incredibly self involved. All these posts are taking away attention from people who are suffering. And they call me the narcissist.

That is the best thing ive heard all day. Complaints were made when the status update thing was brought in to start with too.

[aurorablues]

It was only a couple of days ago members were complaining about the status bar, wanting it to remain hidden because of some status updates. Members were banding together to make mass statements about how they shouldn't be used to speak of anything triggering, yet they were still being posted. And now that the bar is gone, members are complaining about that. How can someone with so much responsibility be held to account, something that was started by the members in the first place? Neg me all you want, shout at me all you want, I think people are being incredibly self involved. All these posts are taking away attention from people who are suffering. And they call me the narcissist.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't :)

[cw590]

the status update and the shout box are not the same AT All! its more like a chat! its not even similar! it moves WAY too fast, you miss what everyone is saying, theres no direct link to peoples profiles. how is this the same???????????

[fedup!]

Good God what is going on here??

YES of course I would like to have a say in what is in my grocery store and what is on my TV!! And I do - I give feedback to TV channels, I write letters of complaint, where possible I have my say in my the things that affect my lefe! Whereas my grocery store may not listen to me, I though a MH forum would go the extra mile to listen to and value the opinions of its users - I was wrong, clearly.

"Where does this idea come from that if you pay you have a say? You pay for a membership to use our facilities,youre not on the board of the organisation"

This response is shocking!! Is this forum only for people who created it?

OK then. I have been wrong since 14/02/2010. So sorry. I thought it was for people to share and to support each other during times of MH issues and also to have a laugh and to offer friendship.

I apologise profusely - seems I am only here to feel the privilege of someone else's invention. And no, I'm not being sarcastic - this is how I feel.

[cw590]

It was only a couple of days ago members were complaining about the status bar, wanting it to remain hidden because of some status updates. Members were banding together to make mass statements about how they shouldn't be used to speak of anything triggering, yet they were still being posted. And now that the bar is gone, members are complaining about that. How can someone with so much responsibility be held to account, something that was started by the members in the first place? Neg me all you want, shout at me all you want, I think people are being incredibly self involved. All these posts are taking away attention from people who are suffering. And they call me the narcissist.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't

The people that dont like it could use the little - button to hide it if they didnt want it on the screen. For those of us who did use it could have it on the screen using the + button . This way everyone is happy? why cant we have this back?

[Lily-Bee]

We do listen,its hard to listen though when is being brought to you in such a nasty way but in the end someone has to make end descisions and has Josh in his case.

Its impossible to keep everyone happy.

Lilly

[sanctuary]

the only damned people here are the ones who's voices were not even given an opportunity to be heard before sudden and impactful changes were made with no prior warning. You opinion is valid though.... and something I think a pros and cons on would go down very well indeed..... to continue to speak up for changes which affect me directly or to silence myself and let go..... hrmmm..... something just doesn't sit right with me now, like a lump in my throat for all the people who have actually cried and been sick over this.

I remember a time I tried to log on and the whole website had gone down... that has happened a good few times... not something you regularly see on the internet for a start.... most of my other sites are stable in the extreme.... and I remember thinking... is this it? Has josh finally pulled the plug?

The impact of his actions is profoundly tied in with the very trust and support people put into this place. If he cannot see this now, then his future here really is uncertain. This site is losing credibility. The credibility is a result of the people here working hard to make it work.

We work hard. Some of us work extremely hard.

To be laughed at, humuliated, scorned and ultimately told to jog on.... is the reason this site is not what it could be. And never will be, until that attitude seriously changes or is made diplomatic enough not to actually hurt personally.

This is a mess. But not of the members doing.

[cw590]

Good God what is going on here??

YES of course I would like to have a say in what is in my grocery store and what is on my TV!! And I do - I give feedback to TV channels, I write letters of complaint, where possible I have my say in my the things that affect my lefe! Whereas my grocery store may not listen to me, I though a MH forum would go the extra mile to listen to and value the opinions of its users - I was wrong, clearly.

"Where does this idea come from that if you pay you have a say? You pay for a membership to use our facilities,youre not on the board of the organisation"

This response is shocking!! Is this forum only for people who created it?

OK then. I have been wrong since 14/02/2010. So sorry. I thought it was for people to share and to support each other during times of MH issues and also to have a laugh and to offer friendship.

I apologise profusely - seems I am only here to feel the privilege of someone else's invention. And no, I'm not being sarcastic - this is how I feel.

I totally agree! lilly's response is shocking! it just shows how the members of this forum are not valued at all!

Its discusting.

[aurorablues]

It was only a couple of days ago members were complaining about the status bar, wanting it to remain hidden because of some status updates. Members were banding together to make mass statements about how they shouldn't be used to speak of anything triggering, yet they were still being posted. And now that the bar is gone, members are complaining about that. How can someone with so much responsibility be held to account, something that was started by the members in the first place? Neg me all you want, shout at me all you want, I think people are being incredibly self involved. All these posts are taking away attention from people who are suffering. And they call me the narcissist.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't

The people that dont like it could use the little - button to hide it if they didnt want it on the screen. For those of us who did use it could have it on the screen using the + button . This way everyone is happy? why cant we have this back?

Why are you asking me?

[AndyL]

Man, I love that exploding guy. It's mesmerizing.

There is a skill one learns in DBT, called "benign interpretation." Basically, the skill involves analyzing a given situation and interpreting it so that it doesn't become about you. You're asked to step back and see what other angles or viewpoints or possibilities might be influencing what's going on. This case is a perfect example for the use of this skill. Instead blasting Josh about his carelessness, etc., it might be more useful to ask yourself, why did he do this, and keep yourself out of the story. Some scenarios—you decide which makes the most sense:

1. He did it expressly to piss you off and drive forum members away;

2. He did it because he's a terrible person and doesn't care about you or your feelings;

3. There's a financial issue involved and he can't afford the feature;

4. There's a legal issue involved and his lawyer or a a friend, or whoever suggested he get rid of the feature and he agreed;

5. There's a technical issue involved and he can't support the feature;

6. Something else that's completely set apart from you or your feelings.

In the interests of full disclosure, I was a moderator here for a while and I had the opportunity as such to have a few heartfelt discussions with Josh about the membership here, his role as administrator, and how to react to stuff like this. Based on my take on the man I will state unequivocally that neither numbers one or two figure into this at all. At all.

This is a great opportunity to understand that if you're feeling this strongly about a feature on an internet forum, then perhaps this is a BPD behavior that needs examining. Step back, press the pause button if you have one, and ask yourself why you're so very, very upset. I guarantee you it's not about the feature, it's about something else and that should be the focus of your energy.

[cw590]

It was only a couple of days ago members were complaining about the status bar, wanting it to remain hidden because of some status updates. Members were banding together to make mass statements about how they shouldn't be used to speak of anything triggering, yet they were still being posted. And now that the bar is gone, members are complaining about that. How can someone with so much responsibility be held to account, something that was started by the members in the first place? Neg me all you want, shout at me all you want, I think people are being incredibly self involved. All these posts are taking away attention from people who are suffering. And they call me the narcissist.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't

The people that dont like it could use the little - button to hide it if they didnt want it on the screen. For those of us who did use it could have it on the screen using the + button . This way everyone is happy? why cant we have this back?

Why are you asking me?

sorry aurora the question wasn't aimed at you, you were just caught up in the quote.

the question is for Joshua.

[Joshua]

Man, I love that exploding guy. It's mesmerizing.

There is a skill one learns in DBT, called "benign interpretation." Basically, the skill involves analyzing a given situation and interpreting it so that it doesn't become about you. You're asked to step back and see what other angles or viewpoints or possibilities might be influencing what's going on. This case is a perfect example for the use of this skill. Instead blasting Josh about his carelessness, etc., it might be more useful to ask yourself, why did he do this, and keep yourself out of the story. Some scenarios—you decide which makes the most sense:

1. He did it expressly to piss you off and drive forum members away;

2. He did it because he's a terrible person and doesn't care about you or your feelings;

3. There's a financial issue involved and he can't afford the feature;

4. There's a legal issue involved and his lawyer or a a friend, or whoever suggested he get rid of the feature and he agreed;

5. There's a technical issue involved and he can't support the feature;

6. Something else that's completely set apart from you or your feelings.

In the interests of full disclosure, I was a moderator here for a while and I had the opportunity as such to have a few heartfelt discussions with him about the membership here, his role as administrator, and how to react to stuff like this. Based on my take on the man I will state unequivocally that neither numbers one or two figure into this at all. At all.

This is a great opportunity to understand that if you're feeling this strongly about a feature on an internet forum, then perhaps this is a BPD behavior that needs examining. Step back, press the pause button if you have one, and ask yourself why you're so very, very upset. I guarantee you it's not about the feature, it's about something else and that should be the focus of your energy.

An excellent response

[Lily-Bee]

May I sincerely ask why I do all this work if I dont care about the members,wha would be my agenda here?

Lilly

[fedup!]

VERY wise words from Josh back in November:

"Many people believe this is a support forum and those of you that do would be partly right but its much more than that.

This place is about laughter, sharing, support, relationships, interactions, conflicts, fights and making up, learning, hurting, happiness, togetherness the list could go on forever and a day but most of all this place is about inclusion.

Many people who join this site do so as they feel utterly alone and as if no one could possibly understand the chaos which is life to most of you, they join for understanding.

Please be kind to each other but also recognise that being a member of this community will not always involve a smooth ride. People hurt and when people hurt they sometimes lash out at others, others that care..."

From fedup!: Can we get back to this, folks? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[cw590]

Man, I love that exploding guy. It's mesmerizing.

There is a skill one learns in DBT, called "benign interpretation." Basically, the skill involves analyzing a given situation and interpreting it so that it doesn't become about you. You're asked to step back and see what other angles or viewpoints or possibilities might be influencing what's going on. This case is a perfect example for the use of this skill. Instead blasting Josh about his carelessness, etc., it might be more useful to ask yourself, why did he do this, and keep yourself out of the story. Some scenarios—you decide which makes the most sense:

1. He did it expressly to piss you off and drive forum members away;

2. He did it because he's a terrible person and doesn't care about you or your feelings;

3. There's a financial issue involved and he can't afford the feature;

4. There's a legal issue involved and his lawyer or a a friend, or whoever suggested he get rid of the feature and he agreed;

5. There's a technical issue involved and he can't support the feature;

6. Something else that's completely set apart from you or your feelings.

In the interests of full disclosure, I was a moderator here for a while and I had the opportunity as such to have a few heartfelt discussions with him about the membership here, his role as administrator, and how to react to stuff like this. Based on my take on the man I will state unequivocally that neither numbers one or two figure into this at all. At all.

This is a great opportunity to understand that if you're feeling this strongly about a feature on an internet forum, then perhaps this is a BPD behavior that needs examining. Step back, press the pause button if you have one, and ask yourself why you're so very, very upset. I guarantee you it's not about the feature, it's about something else and that should be the focus of your energy.

we are annoyed because Joshua deleted a feature that is used very much by many members of the site. and he did not once consider our feelings about it been deleted.

This is where i am 'focusing my energy'

[sanctuary]

but allowing mistakes to continue is not what everyones role is..... look at chitmas very valid points... and hear through the melee the logical and rational principles we ask in being informed of change.

sticking point - serious breakdown of trusted communication.

[Joshua]

we are annoyed because Joshua deleted a feature that is used very much by many members of the site. and he did not once consider our feelings about it been deleted.

The system was abused and now has been lost. A new system exists which allows development to stop the same happening again.

[cw590]

what do you mean when you say it was abused?

[Joshua]

It was being misused. Many people were stating they were gonna harm themselves.

[aurorablues]

It is of my understanding that Josh and Lilly (although i can't speak for them personally) put a thread up in the Notice Board about this new Support System so they can get opinions and feedback on it.

Now instead of getting feedback, it has turned into an all out personal attack on thier persons, on the thread they made for feedback and also all over the board.

Josh and Lilly are now being forced to defend themselves with the barrage of insults being flung around. So they are now missing feedback from members who genuinely want to know how this new system will work.

Instead of attacking them, why not ask valid questions, in an appropriate manner?