sophiaruins Posted March 27, 2011 Report Share Posted March 27, 2011 i'm still struggling with food, i don't know what's wrong with me. all i want is to be perfect, is that so much to ask for? i woke up this morning, ran down stairs to sunbathe - pulled up my top and laid in my garden and called my friends to go chill in the beer gardens. my mum looks at me and says your looking thinner. how much do you weigh? 9st i replied. she looked at me funny and said ''hmmm ok'' went to the pub, sat in the garden with my friends, drank some drinks - got to 4pm and i still hadn't eaten. everyone wanted McDonalds, someone drove their and I decided not to get anything. me and a few girls went back to mine, about 6pm i was a bit drunk and starving, i decided to get a McDonalds. I ordered way too much. Cheeseburger, 4 nuggets, chips, deli sandwich. I literally inhaled the LOT, i planned to throw it all back up right away. but my mum and dad were home, my friends were round. my stomach hurt, i felt sick. my mum said 'dont you feel sick? you ate so much' erm, yeah thanks for pointing that out :S one of my friends said i dont know how you do it, eat so much. i said i like being chubby. everyone stopped and looked at me. my bad, shoulda thought before i spoke. my friend said your so thin, blah blah blah - like how much do you even weigh? my mum jumped on the bandwaggon, and was like 'I asked her that this morning.' i ignored them all, and between my mum and two of my friends they all tried guessing my weight. i laughed and said 18 stone joking around then my friends were like, 8 stone? i just ignored them, i didnt want to talk about it my mum was like erm, you told me 9 this morning? were you lieing so i don't worry about you? NO. I was telling the truth. FUCK OFF - of course i replied. 'nah, i am 9 ish. between 8st 1o and 9st. ' all i wanted to do was throw up. i know i'm not ''fat'' but i'm not the way i want to be. i just like purging sometimes, and i need to lose weight for the summer. is it bad that all i wanted was for my friends to fuck off home so i could get in the shower and get the fucking mcdonalds out of my body? they didn't leave for over 2 hours after, i knew it was too late. the food was already seeping into my body. ugh. fuck sake. i want to take some laxies and diet pills, but i'm trying hard to resist the urge to. such a high price we pay for beauty ay, if only everyone knew...theres nothing beautiful about what we do to look the way they want us too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyxx Posted March 27, 2011 Report Share Posted March 27, 2011 Hii, your post reminded me so much of myself whenn my problems started, i know its hard but be careful you may think its okay just to lose some weight for the summer but trust me its never enough andd please take my advice and dont start usingg laxitivess take my advice their horrible and cause so much damage xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophiaruins Posted March 30, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 i've been fighting it on an off for a long time - the last year it's been the worst. ugh. i don't know what to do any more - sometimes i'm not even convinced i have a problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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