poppycat Posted April 4, 2011 Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 Hi I don't really know where to start, I have felt really low for over two years now, it's just getting worse, I have been on anti depressants for over six month, but like I say I just feel worse, I have no emotions, all I do is shout and scream at people, the thing that has made me realise I need help, I found out my husband has been having an affair, he said I have made his life hell for the last year and half and he couldn't take it any more, anyway as usuall when I found out I shouted, screamed and throw him out, after beating him too, which I've done on a number of occasions, thing is I have no idea what started all this, or how I got to this point Bev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted April 4, 2011 Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 so sorry sweetheart about what you are going through, cant be much help my self at moment but its a good place to get support and talk xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted April 4, 2011 Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 Hi there poppycat and welcome I am sorry to hear about what you are going through and like Christine says this is a very good place for support and to be able to talk and get your feelings out. I really hope it helps you being here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppycat Posted April 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 thanks so do I, I really don't know what else to do, I'm back at the docs today, but I'm one of those people who doesn't discuss y feeling, but to be honest I have no emotions at present, only anger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted April 4, 2011 Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 Be as honest as you can with the doc and write things down for him/her if that makes it easier for you. I hope it goes OK and that you get the help and support that you need and let us know how you get on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppycat Posted April 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 thanks I have started to write things down, I think the thing that also hurts is the fact that at this time i really need my husbands support, but I have drove him away, I never showed him any love or affection and I feel so lost now he has gone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlej Posted April 4, 2011 Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 I hope the doctors goes ok and that they help in some way. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted April 4, 2011 Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 It must be really hard not having your husband there but I think at the moment that you need to concentrate on you - get yourself some support and start the journey to feeling better. I feel for you I really do xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppycat Posted April 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 thats I feel better just knowing I'm not alone, I tried to explain to my mum and best friend, but they just see the old person, the happy person I used to be, they don't see behind the fake smile, and I'm just no good at telling people how I really feel, ,I thought it would pass, but it's just got so bad, I don't blame my hubby, in some ways I understand, he felt unloved, to be honest I behaved more like I hated the site of him, he tried to tell me how he felt, but I didn't listen, I just thought he was being selfish, he should have thought about me, but how could he, when I never told he how I was feeling, now I've lost the person I love with all my heart Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlej Posted April 4, 2011 Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 maybe after you get yourself better you could work on the relationship? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted April 4, 2011 Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 Hi How did you get on at the docs? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppycat Posted April 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 Hi not been yet, I'm there at 5pm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted April 4, 2011 Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 Oooops sorry - hope it goes well xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppycat Posted April 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 just back from the doctors, managed to explain how I feel without feeling like a total nut case for once, doctor sat and listened, seems to think it may stem from when I had my little boy, he's just over two now, but says depression is depression no matter when it starts, she has increased my tablets to 2 a day and is referring me to councillor, she says she will also contact the local heath visitor for extra support, as I explain I often screen and shout at my little boy, which makes me feel such a bad mother. I also managed to admit I also have an addiction to pain killers, which I am now going to try and stop taking, although she has said to do this slowly, she has also signed me of work for two weeks, doesn't think me going to work is a good idea, and wants to see me again in two weeks, my mum came with me as I asked her too, although I don't think she really understands what I'm going through or how I really feel, maybe when I start to feel better, I let her read everything I've wrote, she understand a bit more then I do feel light a small weight has been lifted, but I know I still have a long way to go Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlej Posted April 4, 2011 Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 well done, sounds like great progress x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppycat Posted April 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 I've also set myself small goals, like shower every day haha dirty cow I am but I just really couldn't be bothered berfore, and for the first time in months I am cooking tea, nothing major, but a big step for me, I really hope I'm on the road to recovery Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlej Posted April 4, 2011 Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 I am trying to do the same- small steps! Still not dressed or washed tho! x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppycat Posted April 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 I'm still dressed today, usually if I'mm not at work I dont bother, and when I am at work as soon as I get home I'm in my PJs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlej Posted April 4, 2011 Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 Thank goodness for PJ's eh, the best invention ever! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppycat Posted April 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 day one over, feel like there's light at the end of the tunnel after finally telling how I really and truly feel, lets see how I feel in the morning, one day at a time I think Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted April 5, 2011 Report Share Posted April 5, 2011 I'm so pleased that your doc listened and has put some extra support in place for you. I think that sometimes just knowing that you've been listened to and taken seriously can really help. Like you say just take small steps and take your time. I was addicted to codeine after taking them for years for arthritis then I had my hip replaced and I didn't actually need them for pain anymore but still took them and misused them - I was taking 20+ a day. I confessed to my GP and I am now off them. My GP was very good and let me do it very slowly and if I wasn't so good mentally he would stop the decreasing of the dose until I felt strong enough to go back to decreasing it. How are you feeling today - did you sleep well? xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppycat Posted April 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2011 Hi no I didn't sleep good at all, was still awake at 4am, no idea what time I fell asleep, but was awake again at 7.30am, things in my head all the time, yeah my doc, says to do it slowly with the codeine, only had one this morning would have had about 4 by now, I'm more positive as there's light at the end of the tunnel, but I know it's going to be a long road, but hopefully I'll get there, this sire has helped so much, just know people are feeling the same as me, and I'm not on my own Bev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted April 5, 2011 Report Share Posted April 5, 2011 When I started to decrease the codeine, I lost my sleep for about a week or so but that did settle down again. I hope the extra medication will start working for you soon as well xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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