hummm_mabbe Posted April 6, 2011 Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 Hello Yeah thats kind of it really, just having a horrid low today. Been working through a lot of anger stuff lately, been feeling like have made a small amount of progress, but its very wearing. And today I just feel really .. urm well am struggling to find the words for it. I guess really wretched, like there's no hope and things, like something - me, the world, whatever it is, is irreparably broken. Logically I know its not, but it feels like such an emotional gulf between really feeling that and just thinking it. Today at least. Was already feeling a bit low, then I watched "Rollerball" (the original 70's one) which I have on DVD. Its one of those future dystopias, and I can't for the life of me understand why I thought it would be a good idea to watch it. I knew it would be depressing, but something in me seemed to need that. So maybe these depressed feelings want me to feel them, I dunno. Sort of a loneliness in there too, possibly. Found myself looking at videos of bun buns just to try and get that cuddly feeling a bit, cheered me up for a while. Urgh. I hate this, its like I dont really fully understand why I am feling like this, or what I am needing or wanting to make me feel better, or how I would even go about getting it if I knew what it was. Sorry, I hate being all mopey, but needed to put this into words today. Going to have choccie ice cream now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrippleAndStarfish Posted April 6, 2011 Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 No words Ross, I'm sorry, but have lots of hugs for you ((((((((((((((((Ross)))))))))))))))) Enjoy your choccie ice cream! yum! xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted April 6, 2011 Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 ((((ross)))) irreparably broken yes understand that feelings Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyP Posted April 6, 2011 Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 (((((ross))))) sorry your feeling low today hun, know the feeling of being broken. Sorry not much help xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted April 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 No words Ross, I'm sorry, but have lots of hugs for you ((((((((((((((((Ross)))))))))))))))) Enjoy your choccie ice cream! yum! xxx Hi Crippie Tinkles Yeah I had mackies choc ice cream and sprinkled M&S oaty nobbly with choc cereal thing on it. Listening to some mooosics now, feel an ickle bit better, got ma folkies on here and stuffz ((folkies)) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadianbumble Posted April 6, 2011 Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 Hi Ross. I often wonder why we gets ourselves into that situations as you said with 1970's dystopia or could be in my case listening to some really down music. But was just thinking as you pointed out you've been dealing with some tough stuff. maybe your choice of movie was kind of subconscious giving you a platform and allowance to fel all the shitty things and whilts unpleasant and ughhhhhh may be really necessary for Ross right now. I notice you spend a real big effort in staying in upbeat sweet as anything fluffy Ross world, I guess the darkside has to be there too. Whilst I don't wish it on you whatsoever. Any hoo If offering you a place in my amazingly comfy newly re-furbished rainbow painted padded cell should you need a good kick and scream, . Hope you feel better soon (((Ross))). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted April 6, 2011 Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 Do you feel like the things that you use to normally look forward to are absent? I know when I start getting depressed it is because my life in general doesn't have a good future outlook that I want to be any part of and that gets me down. It helps me to: Try and build on the good things I do haveRe framing my thoughtsGetting outs - hiking, swim, walking etc... (raising my heart rate)Living in the moment and pulling the future and past out of the equationMeditate with loving kindnessGo out with a friend, even it is hard to doTalk to someone that will listen and let just get it outHave a good cryNurture myself It doesn't help me to:Ruminate about what my lifestyle should have been like given my education and talent.Ruminate about what my career should be likeRuminate about what my relationships should be likeCatastrophize and imagine my life being bleak, empty, meaningless, and destitute. I am in the depression cauldron too, I just realized yesterday that under my numbness is depression. My avoidant behavior has a crack and I can feel depression oozing through. I know I need to start taking some preventative care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted April 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 Walker and Pandora Thx guys Nice words and understanding are appreciated :hug2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted April 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 Hi Ross. I often wonder why we gets ourselves into that situations as you said with 1970's dystopia or could be in my case listening to some really down music. But was just thinking as you pointed out you've been dealing with some tough stuff. maybe your choice of movie was kind of subconscious giving you a platform and allowance to fel all the shitty things and whilts unpleasant and ughhhhhh may be really necessary for Ross right now. I notice you spend a real big effort in staying in upbeat sweet as anything fluffy Ross world, I guess the darkside has to be there too. Whilst I don't wish it on you whatsoever. Any hoo If offering you a place in my amazingly comfy newly re-furbished rainbow painted padded cell should you need a good kick and scream, . Hope you feel better soon (((Ross))). Yeah i think it was kind of that. I sort of felt almost compelled to watch it, strange huh? You are right about fluffy bun world, I have always had a bit of trouble expressing the 'bad' side, I just feel like people wont want to hear it. I feel like I need to make it soft and palatable, if you know what I mean. Yeah, the bun buns are kind of in there nudged up againt the dark bits I suppose. Rainbow padded cell sounds lovely I really wanted a punch bag yesterday for getting all my cross out. I have only pillows and forbidding walls here :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted April 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 Do you feel like the things that you use to normally look forward to are absent? I know when I start getting depressed it is because my life in general doesn't have a good future outlook that I want to be any part of and that gets me down. It helps me to: Try and build on the good things I do haveRe framing my thoughtsGetting outs - hiking, swim, walking etc... (raising my heart rate)Living in the moment and pulling the future and past out of the equationMeditate with loving kindnessGo out with a friend, even it is hard to doTalk to someone that will listen and let just get it outHave a good cryNurture myself It doesn't help me to:Ruminate about what my lifestyle should have been like given my education and talent.Ruminate about what my career should be likeRuminate about what my relationships should be likeCatastrophize and imagine my life being bleak, empty, meaningless, and destitute. I am in the depression cauldron too, I just realized yesterday that under my numbness is depression. My avoidant behavior has a crack and I can feel depression oozing through. I know I need to start taking some preventative care. Hullo I did try to have a think about what I felt depressed about, but I think it was just one of those times when a feeling just seems to need to come through. Not really any one thing thats making me depressed, more just like a big container of it that decided now was the time to rupture, if that makes sense? I think sometimes I just have to let things in, or they impose themselves on me. Yeah that cracked cauldron thing. Have been working through feelings too, finding feelings underneath feelings as well. Yesterday was all GWARRRR and angry, today is more low. Feel a bit better for chatting, choccie and music though. The hefty wopping depression has lifted a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted April 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 Also I have run out of me green things, wanted to give you all a nice morsel of green wub, but I ran out :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bibiddi Posted April 6, 2011 Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 Ross, I never know whether to mention it or not, but this kinda gives me the opportunity. I have noticed recently that you have wandered into the conflict threads, and posted. Big steps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted April 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 Ross, I never know whether to mention it or not, but this kinda gives me the opportunity. I have noticed recently that you have wandered into the conflict threads, and posted. Big steps. I may have had one or two mini-braves I'm still more about bunnies, but now maybe one of those bun buns is the Rabbit of Caerbannog (from Monty Python's The Holy Grail) I am feeling much cheerier now, thank you folks Just been doing silly iffity things on the web and listening to music. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fedup! Posted April 6, 2011 Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 Big hugs, the squeezey type ones, Ross xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted April 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 Big hugs, the squeezey type ones, Ross xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx lol taaaa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleweed71 Posted April 6, 2011 Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 a little fluff for you ross got a robin nesting outside my kitchen window, (would love to post pics but got no camera cable0. they have 6 babies in a nest the size of a teacup lol hugs nic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted April 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 a little fluff for you ross got a robin nesting outside my kitchen window, (would love to post pics but got no camera cable0. they have 6 babies in a nest the size of a teacup lol hugs nic Awww robins are always so chubbie and cute :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted April 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 Hmm this interesting, the depression has come back, and i think i know what it is. I know it soudns silly, but I am a member on some computer gaming sites, and I often make little comment posts or forum posts. I have made a few today, and well - no one has replied to them. I noticed when I went to check to see if anyone had, then saw they hadn't, the depression came back. I think its loneliness and feeling like people dont like me. In fact I was checking those sites earlier too. Hmm. Maybe thats what it is then. Feels silly, but I guess if thats whats making me depressed, then thats what it is. Would explain why I was looking for bun buns to cheer me up (to get cuddly feeling), and why having folks respond to this cheered me up as well. I think I just need hooman contact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlylight1 Posted April 6, 2011 Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 (((((ross))))) hope tomorrow is better for you xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted April 6, 2011 Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 I think your bots avatar might say it all then . I think it is disappointing when the reply doesn't come through. Waiting for something that might not happen when you really want it to is a vulnerable feeling. I suppose this is really at the heart of why the status update mania took off at full speed. I have also noted in myself that I have spring fever and really want to be around other people but them not being available (at work or otherwise) leaves me feeling empty and disconnected. I need a lot external reassurance too, Sah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted April 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2011 (((((ross))))) hope tomorrow is better for you xxxxx :hug2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyP Posted April 7, 2011 Report Share Posted April 7, 2011 Hope your feeling a little better today hun xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted April 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2011 I think your bots avatar might say it all then . I think it is disappointing when the reply doesn't come through. Waiting for something that might not happen when you really want it to is a vulnerable feeling. I suppose this is really at the heart of why the status update mania took off at full speed. I have also noted in myself that I have spring fever and really want to be around other people but them not being available (at work or otherwise) leaves me feeling empty and disconnected. I need a lot external reassurance too, Sah Lol yeah I thought that yesterday too about the robot avatars Its like my wub sponge is dry and wants to suck up as much wub as possible, and I've only just realised that lol Yeah i think thats why I liked the status bar too, that quick feeling of awww someone likes me yayyyyy :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted April 8, 2011 Report Share Posted April 8, 2011 found this 2 cheer u up a special chair for lil rossy . hope this shows up im no good at computer stuff. :wub: sulk a bit then rock it out luv xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted April 8, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 8, 2011 found this 2 cheer u up a special chair for lil rossy . hope this shows up im no good at computer stuff. :wub: sulk a bit then rock it out luv xxx Lol it shall be my moping chair :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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