Whats Going Wrong?

[stxo]

sorry if this turns out to be a bit long, just got so much going on in my head right now.

well, lets start with the good stuff...

i am in a relationship with an amazing girl, and have been for 5 1/2 months

i have a beautiful niece and nephew

my best friend is so supportive and is there whenever i need her, even in the early hours!

and the other things...

my girlfriend, i love her so much, but she suffers with mental illness, but hasn't been diagnosed with anything yet. she is awaiting an assessment for the mh team. she is quite low and irritable at the moment, which has caused some strain on us, as i am also heading down.

i live in mh supported accommodation, but the staff don't seem trained in mh... i dont like living here, but dont really have anywhere else to go.

i had to leave college (for the second time) due to illness both mental and physical, and have just applied for a course at a different college, but don't think i will get on it.

with leaving college, i find it hard to fill my day with constructive stuff, so end up dwelling on things.

i also find it hard to keep my flat tidy and clean, especially as i get ill, it becomes harder.

my sleep pattern is all over the place, sometimes i can be awake for 3 days with no sleep, other times i can sleep for 18 hours.

i am getting more anxious with going out, even to the shop, but also at home when nothing is really happening.

and i "used" to sh, went 6 1/2 months without, then in the past month have done it twice. (i could sh several times a day in the past)

my girlfriend means everything to me, but at times i feel like i take everything she says the wrong way, or that maybe i say things that i could have put differently. i also feel like i might be pushing thing ie i want to move in together, but she says she couldnt cope with the mess and how we have different opinions on money.

i just dont know what to do. i have recently got a new cpn, and am finding it hard to talk to her about some of these things, as i have a massive issue with trust, but am trying to open up to her. i also find it hard that i only see her once a fortnight, as i used to see my old cpn every week. i also haven't seen my psychiatrist for nearly a year, but she is trying to sort that out for me.

when i feel ok, i end up stopping my AD's, but when i feel like this i want to go back on them. i know i shouldn't just stop taking them, i really know thats not how it works, but i just think "well, i'm doing ok, i dont need them". i dont think what im on is the right meds, but they're scared to try anything different, as a couple have set my diabetes into mayhem, and my psychiatrist doesnt seem to think i should be on meds.

sorry for the rant

xx