A Rant About People Theat Care Or Don't Or Whatever

[Jay111]

You think you have a good strong friend, you finally feel safe enough to tell them how f##king hard the emotional overdrive is. They witness a public breakdown or two and are flummoxed. "No ones hurt, no ones dead" they say. Doesn't matter I say it all feels the same to me. Their eyes glaze over and stop listening. Just because they feel fine over, whatever just happened doesn't mean I do. They refuse to talk about it or listen to what I have to say. Then it hit me. No one is interested in how I feel. Everyone and I mean everyone focuses on the incident and doesn't get it, doesn't want to get it. I find it a bit hard to deal with. I guess I feel, if they could empathise and understand the intense emotions I feel everytime something happens they might be sympathetic and cut me some slack. I know i can't make people listen, but it would be nice.

Then you finally tell someone close that you have BPD, and they say "is that all, no big deal". No not at all, the cuts and suicide attempts, were just...for fun? Everyone feels like they're going to die, every single day of the year. But whatever.

You know sometimes in my weaker moments I think I don't have a mental illness, but everyone else does. Or they're atleast in denial. I wish I could be in denial, pretend everything is all right. I wish I didn't need anyone. I do fine until I have to deal with other people. While I am by myself I am fine, so how can it be me? It's only when I interact with people that the trouble starts. Is it possible that everyone else is a jerk?

I'm getting kicked out of my house. The house I thought was mine, but not. The household I thought was mine for 11 years. The people that didn't care, but I put up with it anyway. I tried so hard to be nice and helpful and I did everything I could to the best of my ability so they'd like me. I even supported them for 6 months through a life-threatening illness. I have no choice but to remove this person from my life. What a c***

I'm going to live in the country, I'm going to be a farmer, I wish I didn't need to interect with people to do that, but i'll find a way.

I hate people. They're so self-absorbed and why is everyone so anti mental illness. LALALALALALALA I pretend there is no such thing. Physical illness are the only important ones, only those that can be seen. LALALA.

Well screw them.

I cut off all my hair it feels good.

Aghhhh

All this crap, this turmoil because I wasn't validated. Am I validating my child enough? It's bloody scary.

I'm going to have a great life when I get out of this crap heap I'm being kicked out of. A great life in the country for me and my daughter. I wish I could skip the sorting out all my crap bit and selling everything and didn't have to live with in the mean time with the bitch thats kicking me out.

DEAR *** I HATE YOU!

And therapists, don't get me started on therapists. SHEESH. Ms therapist *** is kicking me out, that's a fact. OK. Stop chastising me, stop correcting my use of words. Stop being a goddam bitch. PS I have relieved you of your duty. You're full of crap. I don't think I can have a therapist, they all seem so lame, and condescending, and talk to me like i'm retarded. Honestly, the bullcrap they come up with,

Sooooo the only thing I can do, is do it myself. And i can't do it with all you PITA hassling me everyday.

PS. Dear everybody. I have this illness every minute of everyday, just sometimes I manage to hide it better than others. I put on a brave face. For YOUR benefit, it doesn't make me feel one bit better.

[DaisyChain]

Sorry I couldnt read it all, having a bit of an off day.

I hope it felt better to just get it down in writing, to put it out there.

Your final statement really resonates with me, you are right it is for THEIR benefit, and it would be good if the realised that too.

Take care of yourself, your feelings and emotions are valid, they are a part of you.

With love x

[FuzzyWasHe]

Your post reminds me of a feeling I get all the time. It's as if I'm trapped in a small closet with no way out. I keep searching and hoping but I'm trapped. Everone thinks I'm weird or rude, I can't breathe, I look weird today, why is noone my friend? Try to smile as authentically as possible, maybe they won't notice I have a problem. Nothing I do helps me feel better...I'm trapped.

It's only the thought, "ride it out, it'll get better eventually" that keeps me going. The weight is so much to carry around. It hurts.

[Tabby.]

We see this in every detail

They see this with no detail