*sigh*

[Roses]

well I was not really sure where to put this but it seems my run of feeling a bit brighter is slowly starting to slip away. Partly I think due to some sort of natural cycle but not at all helped by my parents and their "kind of" separation thing and our niece being a little bitch again. This time she has upset me and Mike too much and we have agreed that is is very sadly, finally, time to give up on her and just let her contact us as and when to see the children. I don't understand how I go from being everything lovely in her eyes to being the devil the minute she is around her mother. She has just gone 20 for christ's sake a little old for us to be letting her off lightly saying "oh it's her mother's influence". So, another family member bites the dust. I am not too ill to go the respite place as you can't go there if you are in crisis or at high risk of going into crisis so *sigh* Aran has been ill these past few weeks and it cumlminated in a very long night in A&E on Sunday night but he is much better now, it was just doctor's panicking un-nesecarrily and scaring the shit out of everyone including Aran. I have so much positive stuff going on right now but it is like I am in a bubble watching it all happen and wondering why I am here at all really. *sigh again*

[fedup!]

Sorry you're going through this, Rosie Posie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Glad Aran is OK - horrible night to go through, so glad you have all come out the other side and he is feeling better.

And re: your niece - at the very least, that issue has at least illustrated how kind, patient, tolerant and forgiving you and Mike are. As you point out - she is old enough to be making her own path. When she comes to her senses, I have no doubt she will see you and mike for the good role models you are xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[toaster]

((((((((rose))))))))

[Benway]

Hi ((roses))

Sorry to here you're a bit down Roses. All that 'family' stuff does sound a bit intense. And a sick child is so wearing, sounds like a nightmare in hossy last sunday.

Maybe its not the depression coming back, it could be a particularly bad mood flip that is lasting longer than usual, whatever it is, hope it eff's off soon.

Hope tommorrow is brigher for you,

Night night, xxx a.m

[Roses]

Thanks for the support guys, I was already sinking this was just like a lead weight. Your support means so much, thank you.

Carlton, why neg my post? That's really hurtful.

[Saharah Blue]

I don't know if it is the same, but I keep having these mini wobbles, and what is helping me most is to talk about to someone that is willing to listen and also is able to reassure me until I can steady myself, the last like a day at a go.

I thought of this when you were talking about feeling like you were in a bubble. I am glad to see you posting about stuff again, I agree it really does make a difference to know that support is here.

xoxo,

Sah

*family stuff almost always triggers me too.

[Dani]

sending you hugs xx

[hummm_mabbe]

Hi Rose

CarltonWO is a spambot with the ability to use the rep system.

I did however think it had been banned, so am a bit surprised to see it back. I was chatting to Lily about it before, maybe its re-registered.

[Silverwolf]

(((((((((Roses))))))))))

x

[Roses]

Thank you all so much for your support and thanks for letting me know what was going on Ross xxxxx You are all so amazing and really do keep me going.

Today has been another hard day's work in the garden and painting outside wood work and shopping and the such so I've not had much time to stop, but unfortunately I have SH again and I'm really disappointed in myself about now and trying to keep it hidden from hubbie for as long as possible as I just can't handle it right now. I just feel like I don't want to be cared for or have any emotional or physical connection in real right now. I know that is wrong but I'm just so upset and desperately trying to hang on.

But I do feel a sense of achievement for the work done today and it means that tomorrow we can make our garden path down to the concrete base we built so when the shed comes in a few weeks it's all hard work done for us. So good and bad today I guess but thanks again and I think you are spot on Sah. xxxxxxxxx

[lonelyheartemma]

it sounds like you have done really well to get so much done. sometimes it can be hard to do that much even when you are not fighting so many negative feelings. Its really good you are feeling a sense of achievement, its hard to feel that when you are sad.

(((((Roses))))) thats so sad you SHed, sometimes the urge is too much but there must have been so many times when you wanted to and didnt, you can still feel proud of all those times

I don't think you are wrong, you have to take care of yourself at the moment and if that means distancing yourself from ppl thats what you have to do