CrippleAndStarfish Posted April 28, 2011 Report Share Posted April 28, 2011 Okay, this is positive for me, but I think it belongs here as am still aware that there's some unhealthy habits still present, but wanted to share anyway. A lot of you are aware of my struggles with eating. I have body dysmorphia too, so I returned to live at my nana's last monday (most of you know the story behind that) with the mirror in the bathroom still covered, the mirror in my bedroom taken down and propped facing the wall. I uncovered the bathroom one and hung my bedroom one up today, and took a shower and dared to look at my reflection in the mirror as was getting ready for bed. I didn't like what I saw, at all. But neither did I feel like I was going to puke, which is usually how I feel when faced with my reflection. I've struggled a bit with eating for the past month or so, and since being back i've not been brilliant with it - not by a long stretch - but I think the more used to being back here i'm getting, i'm able to eat more and more regularly. I really struggle with eating regularly, that's my main thing. I restrict a lot, and also just plain don't bother to eat, sometimes for days on end. I then start picking, and the next thing I know i'm at the other end of the scale and binging. It will be a month this friday since I last purged, and i've not even had any strong urges to do so, which i'm really pleased with. Today, I've managed to have breakfast, lunch, and tea. Wasn't a huge breakfast, was a light lunch too, but it was something. Have drank 8 glasses of water (yay!), had a few cups of tea, and drank some juice too. I had a big tea tonight, and am not feeling too great about it - i feel like a bit of a piggy, to be honest - but i'm finding it a bit easier at the moment to realise that they are just thoughts and feelings, that I don't need to act on them. I've also managed to have my 5 fruit and veg for today, so i'm pleased with myself for that. I've noticed, that when I don't eat, I get this strange buzzy energy, and although i get lightheaded, I quite like it. But when I do eat, I find that I feel energetic, but in a different way.... I don't get a rush, it's more a slow burn, and it's much more enjoyable. My tummy still hurts if I eat a lot, as it is repairing itself from the damage i've done by restricting as it had shrank, but i'm able to eat a decent adult-sized portion of food now with only mild physical discomfort. I know I'll still struggle to find the motivation to cook and prepare food, and then to eat it too, but i'm really trying. I'm planning on making a casserole for tea tomorrow night too, which i'm sure will be lovely. I'm making some for my nana, and also making some for my mum and steve too, so it should be a bit easier for me to do it as it's not just me that i'm cooking for. Anyway, just wanted to share that with you, as I think i'm feeling a little pleased, but also a little cautious, as am aware that i could slip very easily. But, today HAS been a good day as far as food is concerned. Todays scores are Jai - 1. ED - 0. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flygirl38 Posted April 28, 2011 Report Share Posted April 28, 2011 Great news Hun I am really proud of you xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted April 28, 2011 Report Share Posted April 28, 2011 wow..... yuo have done well... not a small thing at all - water, 5 portion f&v, 3 meals and also recognising that yuo are NOT your thoughts and feelings - that is a biggie in my book and a great step to recovery... and uncovering the mirrors too... and being maybe a lil more accepting what you saw without the need to purge... hope the casserole goes well... so proud of you xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrippleAndStarfish Posted April 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 28, 2011 Great news Hun I am really proud of you xx thankyouuuu xXxXx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrippleAndStarfish Posted April 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 28, 2011 wow..... yuo have done well... not a small thing at all - water, 5 portion f&v, 3 meals and also recognising that yuo are NOT your thoughts and feelings - that is a biggie in my book and a great step to recovery... and uncovering the mirrors too... and being maybe a lil more accepting what you saw without the need to purge... hope the casserole goes well... so proud of you xxx thankyou!! It seems like i've done much more when you condense it as you have, wow. Am actually a little taken aback by it lol I guess when I write, i blather on and hide all the stuff in a load of words that don't really say anything haha. thankyou so much hunni. I'm still feeling really low, mood hasn't improved at all, but there's this quiet voice in my head that's starting to say "come on, you can do this Jai", and it's good. Weird, as am used to telling myself that I can't do something, but good. I do feel capable, it's just a case of taking it day by day/hour by hour. But I have some goals to work towards, and I'm determined to get there, which really helps. xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted April 28, 2011 Report Share Posted April 28, 2011 *nominates self as Jai's translator* yeah - remember it is usually the lil quiet voice that speaks the truth... baby steps do get you to the goals quicker cos smaller changes are easier maintained goals are good... just also remember that as long as the general trend is up, the path can waver slightly and cause no real harm... (if u understand me) xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted April 28, 2011 Report Share Posted April 28, 2011 Crippie, Well done with ED's there is little anyone else can do to break the cycle. it all comes down to you and your willpower and mindset, so I say well done again, its a monumental leap forward. You really do deserve the praise for fighting this. I add my voice to yours "come on Cripster you can do this" Jamie xxx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrippleAndStarfish Posted April 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 28, 2011 :') Love you guys so much. xxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauraw2693 Posted April 28, 2011 Report Share Posted April 28, 2011 Can't seem to find words tonight but just wanted to say I'm proud of you too hun xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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